Taylor @ MindSay

Dixie currently feels:
Neutral

Blog #194
BITCH STOLE MAH SHOVEL!

Kitsune no Tora

Drinking: Coca Cola/water
Thinking about: My fanfics
Watching: FullMetal Alchemist: Brotherhood
Reading: fanfiction, thinking about finishing HP6
Annoyed with: My mother and the dog and the cat

Kitsune no Tora is feeling: a little out of it, neutral

Hello hello~ It has been a while. D: I even got bitched at for not updating this, who would've thunk it? XD

Lesse... um, nothing really of importance HAPPENED in the past... however many weeks, as it is summer and I don't have much to do.

Well, I did get married. Sorta. XDDD

I am now Taylor's Tuesday wife~ Happened Monday. XD Let's see if I can find the convo... Here it is:

thoughtless77: LISA
Lisa: WUT
thoughtless77: I am getting enough spouses for each day of the week
thoughtless77: so
thoughtless77: *gets on one knee* Would you be my Tuesday?
thoughtless77: *shot*
Lisa: 8D
Lisa: OF COURSE I WILL BE YOUR TUESDAY <3
thoughtless77: 8D I'll make sure you won't regret it! *blomps(
thoughtless77: **
Lisa: I won't~ *blomps back* <3

"Blomp" was a typo for glomp that I made a while back, by the way. We tend to use it anyway. XD I decided we needed to have names for each other, like how Mima calls Taylor waifu and vice versa, so since Tuesday is "kayoubi" in Japanese we decided on kaifu. :3 Is cute~

...Otherwise, I can't really think of anything monumental or anything. XD;

I opened my own checking account about a week ago, so now I has a debit card. With that debit card, I opened a Paypal account, so I can shop online and stuffs. :3 But I didn't have a whole lot of money in the account since my old savings account is under my mother's name and I can't remove the money and close the account without her prescence (sucks majorly), I couldn't do much with it. But I got my last check from work recently, so I went and deposited that and put the money in the Paypal, aiming to go scour Ebay or something and buy myself a little something something. Unfortunately it seems it takes 3-5 days for the transfer to go through, so I have to wait now. ;_; I wanted to get FF7~ And mebbeh FF8, if I can afford that as well. I WANT MY CLOUD AND LEON FUFFF. 8D I'll have to look again when the transfer goes through. :/

When I went to deposit my check, I headed to Borders as well, looking for the 19th volume of FullMetal Alchemist. But they didn't have it. D8 It was supposed to be out already! Lazy bums. DX But it wasn't a total loss - I decided to get the seventh Harry Potter book, since they had it in paperback. (I avoided buying it when it first came out since the hardcover was like, $35. D: Rip off.) I figured I would finish/re-read the sixth one (I never finished it because I hated the book, but now that I've seen the movie I might as well just read it and get it over with) and finish the series. We have all the other books, might as well finish the collection. XP I'll get to reading that eventually.

Most of my days this summer consist of sleeping, reading fanfiction, talking to Taylor, talking on the forum, and writing. Or attempting to write. :P I have about... I dunno 4 ideas going? They're all Rune Factory 2 fanfiction too, haha. XD It's kinda surprising - I haven't touched the game in about a month, yet I'm coming up with a bunch of ideas. It seems to be my ongoing fandom as of now, not even Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann managed to push it away for long. (Which is EPIC WIN by the way. KAMINA. LEERON. I LOVE THEM. <3 Simon is pretty epic too, especially when he gets older.)  I'll list them~

Duplicity: Longfic that I'm currently posting as I write it. There are currently 2 chapters up, and I'm slowly working on the third. Pairing is Max/Ray~ <3 I'm a little stuck, though, but the idea just WOULDN'T LEAVE ME ALONE so I skipped past it and wrote a different scene. It includes a little plot twist for added fluff and angst. 8D I had to do a little bit of research (and no Taylor, the drink name is not a major part, although it is something I would like to have), which got me SUPER EXTRA EXCITED, so hopefully later tonight-ish or tomorrow morning/afternoon I'll manage to work out the rest in my head and write it down. What I wrote this morning when I first got up (putting a notebook and pen near my bed was a VERY GOOD IDEA) needs a lot of tweaking and adding to now that I've done my research, but I'm happy with what I got down overall.
So far it's not garnering as much interest as my Barrett/Kyle or Jake oneshots, but that's to be expected - Barrett and Jake are the top popular bachelors. There's like, NOTHING on Max at all, and... I think two fanfics (one of which is dedicated to me, lol) involving Ray that I know of. So sad, they're awesome characters. D:

Lifeless: Longfic that I got the idea for A LONG TIME AGO, and started writing A LONG TIME AGO, but it got pushed to the side by little oneshot ideas and Duplicity, which is a lot less involved than this will be. It will be an extremely long fic (at least by my standards, which is somewhere around 30 chapters), with the pairing being Jake/Kyle. I plan on writing the ENTIRE THING (or at least 80% of it) before I begin posting, so it got pushed to the side when Duplicity came along. But I really love the pairing, so it WILL GET DONE. Eventually. <3 It's a lot more difficult of a pair to put together than pretty much any other one, because of Jake's inherent hate of humans, so it's going to be more work. But I don't mind~ I already have a rough outline and a lot of things going, it's juet GETTING IT GOING that is the hard part. the first chapter is written (took me 3 different starts to get one I liked) and the second chapter is started (but I started over at over 1,000 words because I didn't like it, so it's down to like, 300). I've got a starting block, it seems, which probably means that until my oneshot ideas get pushed away/written and Duplicity is finished, it won't get done. My original ETA was late August, but even that is looking a little too soon. XD;;

Sweet Thing: Oneshot, Barrett/Kyle. Pretty much going to be PWP yaoi lemon, but it's not totally hopeless - it takes a long time before getting to the sex. XP As for the premise, just imagine a hot day and melty ice cream. ;3 *shot* I got it JUST STARTED on either Monday or Tuesday (can't remember lol), so that might be a little while, since Duplicity keeps SCREAMING AT ME "GET ME DONE GET ME DONE WRITE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE." XD;;

Untitled: Undefinte length, college AU. Yaoi lemon, of course~ Everyone will be involved at some point, but it'll center around Kyle, Barrett, Jake, Max, Ray, Rosalind, and mebbeh one other bachelorette, I dunno. XD I love the RF2 bachelors a LOT, it seems. XP Main pair will be Barrett/Kyle, and side pairs will probably arise, along with some love triangles. :3 And probably some kink. XD; I still haven't completely developed the idea or written anything - it will probably end up as one fic, but each chapter could stand on its own and doesn't follow a specific defined plot overall - basically a series of oneshots, all with the same premise and setting. We'll see how it goes.

Untitled: For some reason, I REALLY WANT TO torture myself and attempt a 100 themes. I DUNNO WHY, but I do. XD So I've been looking for lists that would fit the series (although I could do AUs for the ones that don't fit into the premise of the game). I found one that I like and bookmarked it, but I haven't fully decided to do it yet. I'll do it when the urge gets too great or I finish Duplicity/Lifeless, we'll see. It depends on if I want to distract myself because I get stuck or something, that seems to be helping moderately with Dupliciity right now.

....That's all I can think of right now. XD There's some old half-baked oneshots saved on my computer as well - almost all abandonded ideas for The Village Square's contest - so if I feel the need I might try and fix/finish those eventually as well.

At this rate, I'm going to have a loooooot of RF fanfics.... XD;; With RF3 coming out either at the end of the year or beginning of next year, that'll probably grow even more. XD ARGH ILU RUNE FACTORY <3

...That's all I can think of to talk about for right now, so goodnight, digital abyss. <3

Kitsune no Tora

Drinking: Water
Watching: Spongebob Squarepants
Body: Stomach hurts
Wants to play: Guitar Hero - bought it last week, but I forgot to grab my guitar from my dad's house. :/
Should play: Kingdom Hearts - but I can't because my mom is watching the tv the PS2 plugs into
Has to do: Finish chapter 1 of RF2 fic, part of my Trig homework, take a walk, make something for dinner because my mom is sick
Have been playing: Rune Factory 2
Wants to: Go to the Secretary of State (aka the DMV) so I can get my license - passed my test~! 8D


Kitsune no Tora is feeling: Calm

Friday night I got to call Taylor again. :3 We talked for about an hour and a half before she had to hang up because the battery on her phone was dying, haha. XD It was like, nearly 1:00 am, though. ^^; I asked to call her that late because that night I went out to dinner with my family and didn't get home until after 10:00. I have such a hard time understanding what she says sometimes, haha. XD I dunno why. She doesn't have a funky accent, and she doesn't speak too fast for me to understand, but it just seemed like her mouth wasn't close enough to the reciever or something. *shrugs* We had much lulz and facepalms over what I heard vs. what she said, haha. XD She sure teased me a lot about Raven, though. ^^; Apparently she hasn't been doing so previously because she thought I was over it, which I most certainly was not. ^^;; I had told her that I had crushed on him last summer and then got over it, and that it came back again, but apparently she didn't get the "came back again" part. I'm kind of regretting that I told her, to be honest. I don't mind talking about it with her, but sometimes she makes it out as something it's not. Every single time Raven is on or has been on recently, she pushes me to flirt with him, or if I talk to him privately, she is adamant that I've been flirting with him. ^^; But I'm nooooooooot. D: It's not like that.... I mean, I like him, more than any other guy. But it's just not at the level of crush that I would go anywhere near flirting with him. I just don't like him like that. (Yet, as Taylor would say. ^^;) He's cute, he's nice, and I like that. And we lead creepily similar lives, haha. XD;; But it's nothing more than that~ Although I did tell Taylor that I had told Raven that "It was no fun worrying about his wellbeing," because he has been sick recently and hadn't told us much of anything. I had to PM him about it. ^^; After I told Taylor, she was in full-on FireWaterModShipping mode. XD;

Jesus, I didn't tease her as much when she was crushing on Shadow as she has in the past few days to me. ^^; It's mildly annoying.

Now she's going to bug Raven endlessly about the collab again, trying to get my character paired up with his. ^^; Well, she said she would, but I don't know if she'll go through with it. Probably. And she'll probably get Shadow and Mima on her side, too. ^^; Although those two would just do it for the sake of adding more shippings. XDD

I don't think I've mentioned the collab much here, maybe only in passing. We're starting the collab fic again. We're using the same basic plot, but most all of the characters that were in the old one either belong to people who aren't participating again or are being altered (like mine, Alessandra doesn't have the same team nor does she look the same anymore). So we'll be having the same adventure, but it will be drastically different. Soaring was going to participate, but she had a big blowout fight with me (for no reason, really, I just didn't like most of her ideas and she took it personally) and dropped out. Since we all like the plot, we're going to keep it, but we will mention that the basic idea and Mary Sue are her creation.

Since we have forum couples now, they'll be of course in the collab. ^^ Pinchshipping, which is Taylor/Shadow, and Tickleshipping, which is Mima/Dai. Those two are set and have ideas planned out for them. FireWaterModShipping does have two ideas, but it only ended up that way because Taylor and Shadow volunteered Alessandra for the role. ^^; We'll see. I talked to Raven about it a while back, but he was set on the idea that his character would either end up getting Flannery (which is pretty much his character's entire driving force for running around Sinnoh, which is the region we're going to do it in), or end up with no one at all.

I.... do want FireWaterModshipping in the collab, even if I am embarrassed by Taylor and co. pushing it so much. XD;

Okay, enough rambling, back to what I'm supposed to be blogging about. XD

Since I stayed up so late talking to Taylor, I was beat for my driver's test Saturday morning. :/ I couldn't answer any of the questions she asked me right, haha. XD I COULDN'T THINK LIKE THAT SORRY. XP But, I passed my test~ I'm still not all that good at parking, but apparently I parallel park really well. XD My mom was really impressed. BUT I HAVE MY LICENSE FUCK YEAH~ Well, I have my certificate. I have to go to the Secretary of State to get my actual license, which I was going to do this afternoon, but my mom is sick today. I dunno if she ate something she shouldn't have or what, but she was pretty sick this morning.

Sunday was Mother's Day. I spent Saturday night at my dad's, and after picking up my sister from mom's we headed to my grandma's for brunch. I hung out with my cousins and ate food, like usual. Felt like a third wheel, like usual. :/ My cousin Angela has such a fixation with my sister; she sits there and talks to my sister the entire time, leaving me and my cousin Kelsey just sitting there bored. :/ And Kelsey and I have similar personalities, so we don't really converse well. ^^;

So after that (and after receiving some delicious chocolate-chocolate chip brownies, yum~), we headed back to mom's, gave her her present and her card, listened to her rant about something stupid my uncle did at dinner on Friday, ate dinner and went to bed. Yadda yadda.

Today I went back to school for my summer semester. I had Trigonometry from 9:30 this morning until 12:30. Ugggggh. Trig is SO not going to be fun. The summer course is  7 1/2 weeks, while it's normally 15 weeks. :/ And that's besides the fact that there's so much memorization and stuff, which besides failing at Trig in general I'm not that good at. Grr for my parents making me go to school for the summer, and why did I have to pick a math class, much less take almost a full load. :/ I should have seen a counselor, I should have~

Tomorrow I have Humanities from 12:30 to 3:30, Wednesday I have Trig again from 9:30 to 12:30, and Thursday I have Humanities again  from 12:30 to 3:30 and then Information Systems (a class that I don't have to take, but my mother made me take) from 6:00 to 10:00 pm. Woo for parental fail. DX I'm going to die with ten credit hours accelerated to the same amount of material in half the time. FUN. This is going to go on until July 1st.

WOO I'M EXCITED /sarcasm

ANYWAY~ That's kinda all I can think of to talk about, so this is where I leave off~

Goodnight, digital abyss.

KitsunenoTora

Eating: Chicken Ramen
Drinking: Water and Coca Cola
Doing: Inking RG's kiriban picture - stupid pen keeps crapping out on me
Should be doing: Homework, studying for my Chemistry test
Should have: Finished Taylor's Christmas pic ages ago, FAFSA two months ago, etc.
Should have finished playing (again): The World Ends With You
Wants to play: Kingdom Hearts
Song stuck in my head: Bink's Sake

KitsunenoTora is feeling: Sick, miserable, lazy and upset

Those past few days of feeling perpetually good are definitely gone. From around Monday until yesterday, I felt good - both emotionally and physically. I was riding a high.

Now I've gone and caught a cold, so now that's pretty much out of the window. My head hurts (although it didn't until later in the day, like yesterday), my nose is plugged and raw from blowing it, my lips are chapped from having to breathe out of my mouth and my throat is sore from all the mucus running down it.

The salty ramen I had about half an hour pretty much cured the sore throat for now, but I don't think that'll last the rest of the night.

Ugh, I don't want to go to work tomorrow. And I'm not looking forward to school on Tuesday. I just have no BRAINPOWER or ATTENTION SPAN when I'm sick, I'm just a miserable mucus-filled log. Uuuuggh.

...I should go take my pill soon... and make my lunch for tomorrow. I'd rather take my shower tonight and make my lunch tomorrow, but I might just be lazy and do it the opposite way, even though a nice hot shower feels like a good way to try and open up my sinuses.

I've noticed something odd. The left side of my face and my forehead has been clearing up. Now, the medicine I've been taking is supposed to do that because it evens out my hormones, but I didn't think it would work that quickly. The right side has always been extremely pimply because I usually rest my head on my hand on that side when I'm tired or bored, but it looks like it's healing too. Weird, and amazing. While I'm not looking forward to having to deal with periods, if this ends up working in my favor appearance wise (It's supposed to also help me lose some weight) I might actually feel like it's worth it to put some effort in to look nice.

I went and looked at Raven's picture again today - it took me forever to find it in that stupidly long file. While I'm still not especially fond of his appearance, I didn't get the initial shock because I know what he looks like now as opposed to last summer. So, I don't think it did anything. I still don't see myself being attracted to him, but I do like him. At least, I think I do. The infatuation comes and goes, which is strange. He's the only person that happens with. Our relationship isn't particularly different for any other guy I talk to, yet he's the only one I feel this way about.

Apparently I did something absent minded that I just discovered today: I forgot to write down my math homework, in both my planner and my notebook. We always have homework, so I'm wondering why I never wrote it down. Unless we didn't have homework. I don't remember a week and a half ago very well, especially the end of a class so late in the day. So I'm probably screwed - I'll lose my points for the homework and probably not do so well on the quiz. I suppose I'll study a bit on Wednesday before class, though. It's only 2 sections worth of material. It's not that much - we usually go through 4.

I didn't talk to Taylor or Shadow that much today. We usually talk for at least a couple hours at random intervals during the day - after school for them, right before dinner, and sometime after dinner. We only talked for a bit before dinner, and we didn't really have a strong fast conversation like we usually do. Granted, this has only been the... maybe third day? of doing this, so there's not much to base it on, but... They said they were multitasking so I guess that's the reason. At least they can multitask. XP If I try and multitask while chatting with someone I usually end up ignoring the chat for extended periods of time on accident, because I can only focus on one thing at a time... even to the point that when I remember to check what's going on they're wondering where I've gone for so long. ^^;

I want Dixie to come back to the forums. I know she liked it there, and we liked having her... Although if she continues to dump her emotional troubles there constantly I might not. I want her to have fun there. We're no psychiatrists, we're her online friends. We're there to have fun, not listen to her whine while we tried to comfort her over and over again about the same things. It was always the same thing, and it got quite annoying after a while - even to the point where she drove several people away. But I liked having her there, because when she wasn't spewing emo, she was rather fun to be around. I especially liked it when she was hyper - she comes up with the most random and funny shit ever. Like "Taylor eats poop" and "Get in the bin, Lisa!" The bin thing still lives to this day - although it is very rarely referenced. Taylor, Shadow and Silent are the only ones who have ever really referenced it since she left. To be quite honest, it annoys me - it's kinda insulting, as if I'm to be thought of as trash. But I know she didn't mean it that way, it was just something made in pure fun that she came up with randomly when she was hyper. So I just let her have her fun, even if it bothered me a bit. She didn't get away with the "Taylor eats poop (and everything else)" thing though - Taylor doesn't like being made fun of, even if it isn't meant to be mean. So Dixie stopped that, which is what spawned her picking on me...

I dunno. I miss Dixie, but sometimes I'm glad to not be around some of the things she does. She's a good person, but... she just doesn't know when to stop.

I can't wait until tomorrow, despite the fact that it's probably going to be miserable for the majority of it. I'm going to be sick, running on very few hours of sleep, and working for half the day. BUT, after work, I'll finally get to play Halloween Town in Kingdom Hearts with Andrea~ She made me wait because she loves Halloween Town, but that was months ago. :/ Now I finally get to play it, I don't have to wait anymore~ I just hope I'm not so rusty that I fail in front of her, I'm actually pretty good. D:

Well, this is yet again getting rather long, and I'm tired. Time for me to actually go to sleep around midnight as opposed to around 3 am. Goodnight, digital abyss.

KitsunenoTora

Doing: Working on the kiriban picture for Rayquaza Gal - I fail at graffitti
Drinking: Water
Craving: Something chocolate
Health: Catching a cold - I've had a headache all day, my throat hurts and my nose is starting to stuff up
Playing: Should've been playing TWEWY, but I've stopped for a couple days
Should have: Voted on the contest for The Village Square, but I forgot
Procrastinating doing: My homework
Wondering about: Dixie, if my glucose test came out okay

KitsunenoTora is feeling: Sick, lazy, bored


Ugh. I think I've caught a cold. Probably the same one Pat has had - I have all the same symptoms. Stupid guy, I'm hardly ever around him yet I catch his cold. Mom was complaining that she was getting sick, too. I've had a terrible headache ever since I got up too, and it's only gotten worse.

Just great. I start my new hours at work on Monday, from 9 am to 3 pm. I don't want to miss the money, but I don't want to go if I'm going to be miserable, and I don't want to get Mary sick. Plus I'm meeting with Andi to finally play some Kingdom Hearts, and I don't want to go and possibly spread it to other people. And I doubt I'll be very functional when it comes to figuring things out.

Shit, I just had to run to my room and grab my pills. I totally forgot to take them at 10:00, I was busy talking to Shadow, Raven and Taylor. >.>;; Oops. They're my new pills - my doctor decided that we need to forcibly start my periods, since I haven't been getting any. My body is apparently not producing enough estrogen, so that's the reason for my abnormally greasy complexion, dark hair, weird hair patterns, and me not having periods. Makes sense. I hope it works - if it doesn't, that means there is something seriously wrong with me. After taking these pills for a week (I'll be done on Wednesday), it can take anywhere from a couple days to another two weeks before my periods start. On the first day I'll go on birth control to regulate it and stuff. She decided to forcibly start them because the lack of estrogen is doing weird things to me, and it can cause cysts on my ovaries and premature osteoporosis. Do not want.

I'm kinda worried though. One of the symptoms for my condition (fuck if I can remember the term) is not being able to digest sugars properly. Basically, it means I could be pre-diabetic, which I'm already at risk for because of my weight. Plus, when my dad was my age they thought he might be hypoglycemic, which doesn't help any. I took the test on Thursday. The test was awful - I don't mind needles, but the last two times they had to draw blood it hurt. And it was annoying, because I spent half the day STARVING. DX

I suppose the kinda good thing about it is that recently my mom has been practically fawning over me- she hasn't bothered me about shit I don't want to talk about the past few days, nor bitched at me for sleeping in. She'll get over it and go back soon, which I'm not looking forward to.

Rofl, something interesting has happened in the past few days. Taylor has finally discovered the glory that is Yahoo Messenger and Instant Messaging. XDD I finally got her to download it so we could talk more reasonably - the forums are kinda slow. I like talking to her, she's very hyper so there's hardly any awkward silences, like there is when I talk to Dai or Silent Rice. I haven't talked to Silent in a LONG time though - I'd been avoiding being logged in and available because I didn't want Dixie to see me. I feel bad, but.. it's kinda awkward. I don't want to upset her - I kinda abandoned her back in October. There was a reason, and I do want to start talking to her again, but from what I've been secretly reading from her blog she seems to be doing a bit better with everything. I don't want to upset her. But I have her on WLM, so I figured there wasn't any harm in deleting her from my YM list so I wouldn't have to worry about accidentally coming online while she is. Anyway, there were a few bumps in the road because she was using an old type of messenger and couldn't join group chats, but we eventually fixed it. Now Shadow, Taylor and I all talk together. Raven joined us today, too. I like doing it, even if it dramatically reduces the posts in ALoP and it Died. We're still all on there - but it's hard to multitask. ^^; It's mostly Mima, Dai and Usagi who end up talking on there the most. But I think we might end up getting Mima on YM, so she might just end up joining us. It's going to be chaos. XD;;;

It's kinda funny. Ever since I've started coming back on YM, Silent has been talking to me a lot. I seem to attract people who want someone to listen to the crap that goes on in their lives - I've kinda been his far away confidant about the drama that has been going on in his life with his friends and crush. I don't mind a whole lot, because it's minor stuff that I saw a lot in high school, but I don't have much to go on advice-wise - I've always been kinda a hermit when it comes to relationships with other people. So while I've seen all of it... I don't know how to DEAL with it myself. So all I can do is just listen to what he has to say and tell him it will get better. Which pains me, because it's so useless. It's the same problem I went through with Dixie - all I could do was comfort her and say cliche philosophical things and try and make it seem like good advice. It pained me, because I didn't feel like I was doing anything.

I've been thinking about Dixie a lot. I think about her pretty much every day - I always have. But recently it's spiked. I miss her, despite the fact that all we ever talk about is depressing stuff. (Which, incidentally, is what drove me away in the first place - there was too much shit going on in October for me to be able to deal with my own emotional baggage AND hers. It wouldn't be good for either of us - I would just spiral down into depression and I wouldn't be helping her any. I would just end up agreeing with her.) I feel guilty though - I promised her that I would be with her, and help her get better. And I haven't been following through with that. Which I feel REALLY bad about. I've been feeling better now, and I want to talk to her again... but I'm afraid about how she will react. Will she reject me? And what will that do to her progress? I wonder if it's worth it, even though I want it so bad. I want to resolve what happened, and possibly be friends again. I miss her. But if it's going to hurt her for any length of time, then I'll stay away. I love her too much to make her hurt. (In a totally platonic/friendship way, mind you.)

It's been a week ago today that Jasper died. I still haven't seen his grave - which I kinda feel bad about. I'll go see it eventually, but I wonder how long it will take for me to actually follow through. Probably not until the weather becomes more favorable.

My mom wants to get a dog. We spent the majority of the day searching and searching online for animal shelters, so we can adopt one. Surprisingly, they're very hard to find. O.o The only shelter we found was the Detroit Humane Society, which is WAAAY too far away. The rest were just offices and branches that weren't actual shelters. We did end up finding two dogs online though - they're both German Shepard mixes, and really cute. Their names are Winnie and Miss Bear. I'm hoping we get Miss Bear - although we'll probably rename her. I hope we can find a way to get to them - all the site had was an email, which surprisingly I just got an email back from. I only emailed about asking for information about Winnie, but apparently the shelter hasn't gotten their hands on her yet. Oh well.

Sigh. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I might be starting to crush on Raven again. I'm so stupid. Last summer during the time that we were doing the collab, I kinda developed a crush on Raven. But, the thing is, when he posted his picture on the doc so we could all see him like Taylor, Dixie and I were doing... to be quite honest I was repulsed. He's not very ugly, but.... I'm not in any way attracted to him. I like the look of Asians... but not his kind of asian. :/ To be quite honest, seeing that picture KILLED my crush last time. But... he's a really nice guy, and really sweet. And talking to him on YM and starting up another collab... I think I'm falling for him again. I love his personality, but just that isn't enough for me. There has to be some chemistry physically and while I've never met him, I can tell just by seeing his picture that there isn't much. It's not enough for me. But dammit, I know I'm falling for him again anyway.

Maybe I just need a cold shower in the way of looking at his picture again - if it's still up, anyway. I've been to the old picture doc a couple of times over the past few months, and a lot recently, but I haven't seen it. I should do that... but not now, having both Mindsay and the doc is SURE to crash my internet - that doc is just so massive that Firefox can't handle it, apparently.

It doesn't help that I've been talking to Taylor about romantic stuff recently. She hooked up with Shadow last month, and I've been thinking too much about my own failure of a romantic life. But I don't do internet relationships well, so... it could never work out anyway. Another blow to my defenses when it comes to him is the collab fic - his character is the main character, and mine seems to be becoming the leading supporting character. And Shadow and Taylor are fully behind making them a couple eventually, since our characters are going to be around each other the most. FireWaterModShipping, it's consuming me indefinitely. I'm... behind it. I WANT it to happen. I guess it's making the impossible happen in a way. It could never work out between us in reality - so I want it to happen in the fic. Bad. But he's against it, which hurt. A lot, surprisingly. I was crestfallen... I talked to him last night about it - he says he wants his character to remain single, or end up with Flannery, his character's main crush/obsession, and one of the main sources of minor comedy in the fic. Sigh. And I don't know if anyone else besides Shadow, Taylor and I are behind it, or even know of the pairing possibility. It was mostly spurred in the fic by an idea that Raven had come up with - where he meets with his mother and she demands that he get a girlfriend and get married and have grandchildren for her, etc. So he has to find a girl to at least pretend to be his girlfriend to satiate his mother and get her off his back about romantic things. My character was chosen by Shadow and Taylor, and nobody seems to be against it. Then there's the berries that suddenly make everybody interested in everybody romantically (aka the shipping seeds that apparently Alessandra is going to accidentally use in their meal), which was originally created for some Pinchshipping (Taylor/Shadow) and ended up including FireWaterModShipping by, of course, Taylor and Shadow's request. Then there's the dance idea...

Those two are definitely trying to hook us up. I know Taylor is doing it intentionally because she likes doing that kind of thing and knows about my past crush and my current developing one, but I don't know about Shadow. He likes to ship, and would be behind it anyway,  but I don't know and worry if Taylor has told him anything. I hope not, it's kinda embarrassing. I trust her, and she knows that, but I just don't know if their relationship changing has caused her to start talking to him about that kind of stuff. But I didn't blab about her crushing on Shadow before they hooked up, so I doubt she would on my part, but... I JUST DON'T KNOW FOR SURE, and it's going to eat me for forever. But I don't want to ask - I don't want her to think that I don't trust her when I do. Sigh. Why does love have to be such a pain in the ass.

...Reading back on what I've written previously in this entry, my headache is DEFINITELY affecting how I'm typing. Run ons galore. I should probably stop with this, even though there's more I want to talk about. This entry is getting rather long, anyway.

Goodnight, digital abyss.