he's gone, and you know what? i feel better.

want to know why?

well... it starts with denagh.

she took me to a metaphysical store.

it was amazing in there, honestly, i felt so comfortably and at home.

and it smelled amazing lol

but i was there to find a deck of tarot cards

denagh said i had to find the one that really calls to me

there were all sorts of them

one i liked because the artwork was very pretty

but when i read the box

 it just talked about how it was designed by the top of the line computer software

blegh

and then i found one that really interested me

it's called the revelations tarot and i absolutely love it

well i got that, and then denagh explained my 'situation' to samantha, the store lady

they both suggested burning some candles to help let go and gave me the right colors

blue to ease emotional hurt, red for him,

orange to give me energy to not just be all blegh about it,

white to send him off with my blessing

and yellow to call someone to my life who will bring sunshine with them

well as soon as i got home i read my new cards

it explained me exactly. i'm talking like scary accurate

they all pointed to the end of one journey/era/part in my life to the beginning of a new

they told me my obstacles were my shitty home life

but i have someone there to nurture me and give me strength and a positive role model, totally denagh

it said love or balance was in my future, but to aviod immediate relationships

i swear it was the most amazing thing

i love my deck =)

and then before i went to bed i burnt all my candles but one

i left out the yellow because i need to anoint it with some oil first, denagh has it

so i burned the blue, red, white, and orange

and this morning... i feel great!

i'm not sad, even though the guy i might have loved is gone

all i remember is how well he treated me, but not enough to be longing for it

it honestly feels like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders

and you know what... trevor doesn't even believe in magic anyway.

but i do.

wow.

that's all i can really say.
last night was more eye-opening and unbelievable to really be able to explain.

you don't mess with the tarot cards.

i never really thought they would work much, but wow.
um, seriously.
we did a 13 card read and every single card was 100% accurate....
no joke.

just, wow.

and the rest of the night was amazing too.
she and i finally got to talk about what's been going on and how both of us feel about it and music and lyrics and feelings and thoughts and it was  a m a z i n g.  seriously, i am still breathless over it.

thank you, my darling, for showing me a part of myself i never really knew existed.  thank you for letting me vent everything and for being so willing to listen.  thank you for reading my cards and letting me draw upon my own conclusions about them and thank you for understanding so well the cards i said were you.

i will never forget last night and the honesty that took place.  thank you....  :)

so tonight she and i are getting together to read tarot cards.

 

i've never had them read for me before.  and i've only ever given two readings.  but it was crazy how accurate they were when i did it.  wow.

 

this could be interesting.

 

everything that's happened in the last few days has seemed like a whirlwind.

she's in love with me.

and i'm feeling more and more for her.

and then there's my husband.

and how he hates her.

and how she hates him.

and i feel so trapped between the two.

and i just want to be happy.

 

i need to be held.

i need to be touched.

and lately she's the only one that seems willing to do any of that.

 

 

i'm afraid i've become trapped in a loveless marriage and the thought terrifies me.

what do i do now?

I spent the better part of the day and night yesterday in meditation and divination.  The Tarot deck I used is "The Tarot of Love" and my focus during this divination rite was on relationships.  Not just the romantic type, but more on my friendships.  I've been a very lonely lass this winter.  This has allowed me to be very productive illustration wise, but not very happy socially.  I need new hope and new perspective.  I think I may have grabbed onto something with this reading.  I won't go into every detail of the reading because such things are private, but what I've decided to share with you here is my Tarot table and even a glimpse of my journal.  Consider this a peek into my spiritual life. 

 

What I love about Tarot is it just appeals so much to my creativity.  Each card is part of a story I'm writing for myself.  This reading was very deep.  The card deck is very specific, very people oriented, and is one deck I only use for myself.

 

Here is a recipie for a great Tarot reading for one (that means you're only reading for yourself, nobody else, however a few of the suggestions here can be of use no matter who you are reading for):

Use a Tarot Deck that appeals to all of your senses.  You'll want one that is not only pretty, but easy to use, one that could represent your personality, one that feels good when you shuffle it, and one you've probably used a hundred times before.  I love old card decks.  I own more than a dozen decks, some were gifts, some I've just collected, some inherited from friends who gave up the game and knew I'd use them more.  I group the decks into different categories of use, some for love, others for problems, others for meditation, and then there are those three decks that rest on my night stand for daily/nightly use.

 

Lay the cards down on a nice silky cloth and place the cloth on a small table you're only going to use for readings.  I have a reader friend who swears by this!  You can charge just about anything with your personal power, and this includes furniture.  My Tarot table is rosewood, it's shaped in an octagon and comes up to waist level when I'm sitting at the couch or other chair (great for a short person).  My Tarot cloth is black silk with a red pentagram embroidered at the center.  I place the pentagram right side up or up side down depending upon the kind of reading I'm doing.  It's like a visual aid I use to direct energy.

 

Create atmosphere.  The room you're doing the reading in should not look like how it normally does everyday.  Dim the lights, light candles, and fire up the incense!  Use all the fancy, dramatic witchy props you've got at your disposal.  Mood is important, not always necessary, to help focus on a situation or question.

 

Always keep a record of the readings you give yourself in a private diary.  It's good to look back at the predictions you make for yourself.  Remember: you are always practice.  If you can't give a good reading to yourself, how you going to give great reading to someone else?  It is difficult to do a psychic reading for yourself.  I don't care how powerful an oracle you are for other people, it's damn hard to get outside of your own consciousness and wishful thinking to focus objectively on a personal issue of your own.  However, I believe in getting past myself.  This means literally putting myself in a trance state.  The readings I do for myself in trance and for other people I don't often remember!  So I've learned to use a bit of automatic writing while in trance to translate what I am deciphering out of my dreams.  It's a lot less complicated than I just made that sound.  Once I get into reading, time litearlly flies by without my knowledge of it, so setting an alarm or having someone ring a bell can help me to get out of that mode of thinking.  Otherwise I go all night.  Like I did last night, and now my sleep schedule is off... way off. 

 

     

 

 

Why I Pray to Adonai God

By Rev. Cathian

My confession

 

I am a former solitary practitioner of Wicca and Celtic Shamanism, a former card-carrying psychic (tested and certified), a medium, seer and a “healer.”

 

I misused the gifts that Adonai God gave me; I used them to heal people, to read them and counsel them, and to speak with loved ones who have passed on.

 

You might think these were noble causes, but some of them were wrong, and in none of them did I give Him glory. I felt that I was more merciful than He was; I was against the Church that I had served because they hurt me so very badly after years of service – yes, I was a Christian before I got into Wicca - some other time I will tell you how this all started.

 

I was a “remote-viewer” and could see death scenes and tell of details accurately. I used the gifts that the Lord gave me and prostituted them in the world of New Age spiritualism, spiritism, tarot cards, witchcraft (white) and various other practices that I felt could “enhance” my powers.

 

I was successful in helping people to a certain degree, but I got the glory; I used the gifts of God and gave myself the glory. I was headed for a terrible fall.

 

I hated Christians, and I hated their so-called “negative religion,” but feared Adonai God. I did not want to arouse His anger, but I wanted to use His power.

 

I lied to myself, knowing that God alone had the power of life, death and healing; I hedged my bets, praying in the name of the “maiden, mother and crone, and the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.”  When I called the quarters, I called for the Lord and His pure and holy angels, NOT the imitation “Uriel, Raphael, Michael and Gabriel”, or elementals, familiars, guardians, or demon powers, or the horned god and the goddess in any of her aspects. When closing the circle, I called upon the Lord to protect me from anything outside while I worked. I thought I had all the bases covered.

 

I had a dear friend who was dying of cancer. I had prayed for her, “worked” for her, sent her “healing energy” and created items that were meant to heal her. I went so far as to make something for her to hold in her hand and meditate with so that I could reduce the swelling in her left arm, which had swollen to three times its normal size with fluid due to her cancer. The next day the arm had returned to its normal size, and I rejoiced, thinking I was on the road to healing her. But, it was like putting a Band-Aid on a person who has been impaled. So what, her arm shrank back to normal, but she died of cancer in her brain. It was a devastating blow.

 

I’ll tell the rest of the story some other time. I use this to illustrate these points:

 

1.       I was working for my friend because I loved her, but I was stealing power to do it, and it ultimately failed.

2.       I was full of pride because of what I could do; I did not give the glory to God who is the only one who truly heals.

3.       I thought I could use my ability to “send” energy to another to heal, but it is stolen energy because we humans breathe the breath of God – it is HIS to choose whom He will heal.

 

I lost everything I had, and the Lord took me to the “woodshed” for the biggest spanking of my entire life. I learned some very valuable lessons, but thought I was going to lose my life. There were people who were lying about me, and others who were believing those lies, who sought to do me great harm. I escaped with only a couple of bags of my clothes and my guitar. I went to live in a shelter. I lost my marriage, and for a time, I lost my relationship with all my children. The Lord certainly had my full attention.

 

I returned to the Lord Adonai, and I repented for my sins of pride and thievery (misuse of the gifts HE had given me). I repented of being a witch, a psychic, a medium, a shaman, and all other things that I did to attempt to be a little goddess. I expected to die for what I had done, since the Lord said to Israel that they should not suffer a witch to live.

 

But, He accepted me and cleansed me (1 John 1:9) and set me on the road to recovery. He taught me things that I had never heard in church, through the diligent reading of His Holy Word, the Bible, and the help of the Holy Spirit (Ruach HaKodesh). He called me with His calling, and I dedicated my life to Him completely. I am His servant, His slave, and I love Him with all my heart. He called me as His servant, and I live to obey Him. I would rather die today than to ever turn away from Him again. I love Him because He first loved me, and I love others because that is the expression of Christ to a dying world. I rejoice in my suffering, because He has chosen to allow me to live.

 

That is why I am writing to you now about prayer. I hope that you will listen to me and consider what I am saying.

Misconceptions on prayer

 

Prayer is a request; it does not have power of its own.

 

Prayer is one’s petition of One who is able to answer that prayer.

 

A petition holds no strength of its own; the one whom you petition is the One who can answer your prayers.

 

So the power of prayer is not in who prays, but the power of prayer is in the One to whom you pray.

 

Righteousness is found in Adonai God, and not through the workings of His enemies. Elijah was a prophet of the Most High God, Adonai Elohim. He fought the servants of Baal, a false god. There was a showdown to see which God truly answered prayers. Here is a lesson from the life of Elijah (also called Eliahu or Elias) the prophet to illustrate this point.

 

1 Kings 18:17-45

(17)  And it came to pass, when Ahab saw Elijah, that Ahab said unto him, Art thou he that troubleth Israel?

(18)  And he answered, I have not troubled Israel; but thou, and thy father's house, in that ye have forsaken the commandments of the LORD, and thou hast followed Baalim.

(19)  Now therefore send, and gather to me all Israel unto mount Carmel, and the prophets of Baal four hundred and fifty, and the prophets of the groves four hundred, which eat at Jezebel's table.

(20)  So Ahab sent unto all the children of Israel, and gathered the prophets together unto mount Carmel.

(21)  And Elijah came unto all the people, and said, How long halt ye between two opinions? if the LORD be God, follow him: but if Baal, then follow him. And the people answered him not a word.

(22)  Then said Elijah unto the people, I, even I only, remain a prophet of the LORD; but Baal's prophets are four hundred and fifty men.

(23)  Let them therefore give us two bullocks; and let them choose one bullock for themselves, and cut it in pieces, and lay it on wood, and put no fire under: and I will dress the other bullock, and lay it on wood, and put no fire under:

(24)  And call ye on the name of your gods, and I will call on the name of the LORD: and the God that answereth by fire, let him be God. And all the people answered and said, It is well spoken.

(25)  And Elijah said unto the prophets of Baal, Choose you one bullock for yourselves, and dress it first; for ye are many; and call on the name of your gods, but put no fire under.

(26)  And they took the bullock which was given them, and they dressed it, and called on the name of Baal from morning even until noon, saying, O Baal, hear us. But there was no voice, nor any that answered. And they leaped upon the altar which was made.

(27)  And it came to pass at noon, that Elijah mocked them, and said, Cry aloud: for he is a god; either he is talking, or he is pursuing, or he is in a journey, or peradventure he sleepeth, and must be awaked.

(28)  And they cried aloud, and cut themselves after their manner with knives and lancets, till the blood gushed out upon them.

(29)  And it came to pass, when midday was past, and they prophesied until the time of the offering of the evening sacrifice, that there was neither voice, nor any to answer, nor any that regarded.

(30)  And Elijah said unto all the people, Come near unto me. And all the people came near unto him. And he repaired the altar of the LORD that was broken down.

(31)  And Elijah took twelve stones, according to the number of the tribes of the sons of Jacob, unto whom the word of the LORD came, saying, Israel shall be thy name:

(32)  And with the stones he built an altar in the name of the LORD: and he made a trench about the altar, as great as would contain two measures of seed.

(33)  And he put the wood in order, and cut the bullock in pieces, and laid him on the wood, and said, Fill four barrels with water, and pour it on the burnt sacrifice, and on the wood.

(34)  And he said, Do it the second time. And they did it the second time. And he said, Do it the third time. And they did it the third time.

(35)  And the water ran round about the altar; and he filled the trench also with water.

(36)  And it came to pass at the time of the offering of the evening sacrifice, that Elijah the prophet came near, and said, LORD God of Abraham, Isaac, and of Israel, let it be known this day that thou art God in Israel, and that I am thy servant, and that I have done all these things at thy word.

(37)  Hear me, O LORD, hear me, that this people may know that thou art the LORD God, and that thou hast turned their heart back again.

(38)  Then the fire of the LORD fell, and consumed the burnt sacrifice, and the wood, and the stones, and the dust, and licked up the water that was in the trench.

(39)  And when all the people saw it, they fell on their faces: and they said, The LORD, he is the God; the LORD, he is the God.

(40)  And Elijah said unto them, Take the prophets of Baal; let not one of them escape. And they took them: and Elijah brought them down to the brook Kishon, and slew them there.

(41)  And Elijah said unto Ahab, Get thee up, eat and drink; for there is a sound of abundance of rain.

(42)  So Ahab went up to eat and to drink. And Elijah went up to the top of Carmel; and he cast himself down upon the earth, and put his face between his knees,

(43)  And said to his servant, Go up now, look toward the sea. And he went up, and looked, and said, There is nothing. And he said, Go again seven times.

(44)  And it came to pass at the seventh time, that he said, Behold, there ariseth a little cloud out of the sea, like a man's hand. And he said, Go up, say unto Ahab, Prepare thy chariot, and get thee down, that the rain stop thee not.

(45)  And it came to pass in the mean while, that the heaven was black with clouds and wind, and there was a great rain. And Ahab rode, and went to Jezreel.

 

From the New Testament, we see that the prayers of a righteous man avail much – but we must remember to Whom they avail:

 

James 5:16-20

(16)  Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

(17)  Elias [Elijah] was a man subject to like passions as we are, and he prayed earnestly that it might not rain: and it rained not on the earth by the space of three years and six months.

(18)  And he prayed again, and the heaven gave rain, and the earth brought forth her fruit.

(19)  Brethren, if any of you do err from the truth, and one convert him;

(20)  Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.

 

We cannot provide our own righteousness, but Jesus Christ suffered and died to take our place because we all have sinned. God cannot have fellowship with us when we are in sin, so He sent His son to remove that barricade that was between us. Through faith in the work of the cross, we receive the righteousness of Christ, and can then have fellowship with God. Then, through our new position as sons and daughters of Adonai God, we may bring our petitions to Him so that He will hear them.

 

Anyone can pray; there are no atheists in foxholes, so the saying goes. But only Adonai God can answer prayers. He may have mercy on some for His own purposes, though they are misguided in their petitions, and His love and compassion are great. But He is the one who answers our prayers:

 

James 1:17

(17)  Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.

 

God says that the soul that seeks Him shall find Him. Whoever comes to Him, He will not cast out. So seek the Lord, and bring Him your petitions. Love Him with all your heart and soul and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. Then you will begin to become like Him in nature. Then you will ask of Him and He will not withhold from you.

 

Sincerely,

 

Rev. Cathian