Surprise @ MindSay

My father drove from Massachusetts to surprise me.
And we have a tradition in my family, and its been there
before I was born, and I started participating in it when
I was 14, and it is MMM

Midnight
Margarita
Madness

At midnight we put on the song Put the Lime in the Coconut,
and dance and drink till we are pretty wasted, then tell family
memories, its amazing, then we crash, but I can't party too hard
I have mass with my father in the morning

Hee. Now that Lauren and TJ are back from their honeymoon, I can post the surprise I left for them at their apartment:





Dinner for two (Mediterranean Lemon Chicken, potatoes, and veggies) and a bottle of Greek wine.


iFeel: sneaky
iTunes: "That '70s Show"

"God is always laughing at you every time you make a plan"
-Saturday Looks Good to Me, "Jenny"

Okay, no more emo crap. Emos are silly, and they lose their gender at sixth level. Also emo poetry sucks. Yay bad poetry!

So, now it's summer and I'm stuck at home, missing all my friends at school oh-so-terribly. I got a nice job for the summer with weekends off, so I'm certain there will be a mini-reunion sometime soon, most likely at a Reinassance festival.

One nice thing about the summer is that I'm home alone a lot. I know a lot of people wouldn't like this, but I enjoy my solitude, especially because I know that I have wonderful friends and even if I don't get to see them this summer, they're still my family when I'm at school, and even when I'm far away. Okay. Bit of a run-on. Darn it. =p

I actually have a lot of time, and I've been using it to start writing again. I didn't have that much time to write at school, unless it was an essay. And even then. >_> But now I'm getting back to work on my stories, which I dream could some day be novels. I'm actually getting quite a lot done with them, but my favorite one--the one I'm having the most fun working on was inspired by a very weird dream that I had, which I HAD to write down.

There are a few vivid scenes in my head, and even a couple written down on paper. I have a vague idea where this story is going, but unlike the others I'm writing, there's no written outline, no world maps showing the characters' journeys and where they'll head into trouble next. Instead, I'm writing without a plan. Already it's lead to some unexpected places and showed me some things about the characters that I never knew. I am tempted to start making plans for where I want to go next, but I'm not going to. I know where this story is going ultimately, and I'm going to let myself be surprised by all the scenes that happen between point A and B, all the scenes that I never knew I would write.

I love writing knowing where I'm going, but discovering how I'm going to get there one word at a time. Now I'm just counting on Ruth, Calder, Nettie, Samantha, James and the other as-of-yet unnamed characters to take me there. I cant't wait to see how they do it.

You came into my life unexpectedly, and knocked me off of my feet with your ability to spill your guts onto the page, spewing your pain and sorrow in such an eloquent way, leaving me wondering how one person could contain such pain and sorrow and still live to tell the tale.

But tell the tale you did, and reading your work wrenched my heart, wringing it out like a washrag, causing a longing in me to save you from your agony, yet helplessly looking on as you spiraled down into the oblivion of depression and heartache.

You were like the little girl who had a little curl in the middle of her forehead, whom my mother had always told me about (and accused me of being like).  When you were good, you were very very good, but when you were bad, you were horrid.   One moment you would be there, playing scrabble with me, as cheerful as a lark, as though yesterday had not happened, when you had not been able to contain your grief.  I knew then that you had serious problems, but you insisted that your medications took away that creative edge that your readers loved, and you refused to take them, all the while self destructing, addictions keeping you in their vice like grip, refusing to drop the stranglehold they had on you.

We instantly became friends, in those times when I could tolerate you, or when you would turn up after days or weeks of not coming by, when you were wallowing in the mire of your depression, drinking to take away the pain, yet causing vicious cycle after vicious cycle.  I recognized myself in you, and where I could have been, but for the grace of God.

You, as did I, questioned a God who would allow a person to go through such mental anguish, allowing you to cry out in pain, and yet, not coming to the rescue.  I had prayed the same prayer, and tried to escape addictive behavior but there was no God in sight and His people frowned on Psychiatric help in favor of "turning to Jesus, who took stripes on His back for you".  I know now, as do you, that He was there all the time, and allowed things to happen for a reason, but that He gives wisdom and knowledge to caring physicians who know the illnesses of the mind.

You disappeared two years ago, just as quickly as you had come.  Now you were here, and I had found a friend, with whom I felt an empathy, and just as soon, you disappeared.

I sorrowed over you, for it felt as if a part of me, a person who had known what it felt like to be me, had been wrenched away, like the rib from under Adams' breast;  but you did not become a new creation for my pleasure as his rib did. It seemed you had gone forever, leaving a consistent aching in my side.

Time dulled the ache, but never erased the memories of you, or stopped me from hoping against hope, and praying that you had not taken your own life, as you had so often wished to do.  I just prayed that the spark of potential that I saw in you would somehow have ignited a spark in you to take control and do something to turn your life around.

"And suddenly I turned around, and what do you think I found?" (lines of a song i love) There you were! When I saw your picture, I thought at first that I had seen an apparition, for surely if it were you, you would not mind me talking to you, communicating again after all this time, which meant, YOU WERE OKAY!

The gift of today, was a present I could only dream of.  Here you were, my friend of friends, back in my life, but to tell me that you had sought help again, and had stumbled on a wise doctor who was able to diagnose and treat the core of your problem.  And, joy of all joys, you are still able to write.  But this time, instead of pain bursting forth, regurgitated onto the page, there are words of joy that come from a soul who has, at last found peace.

We spoke, and each found that we had found help, hope and inner quietude that we thought could not exist.  You are with the wife of your youth, and have the favor of your darling daughter....a miracle you thought could never happen.  We have both received second chances at this life that at one time spun out of our control. 

There may be inner demons for a while, even years to come, but with the help of God, as well as medication and wise physicians, we now know we can overcome and stay healthy and at peace.

I am so glad you are back, my friend, and that you are the one I saw in you from the first.  For now, you are not HORRID at all, but very very good!

This friend is crushgroove67 if any of you wish to skip over to his blog and welcome him back after his two year sabbatical.  This one's for you, JB, my friend!

Yesterday my son and I went on a little excursion down to the local mechanic. We wouldn't have gone if we didn't have some FREEBIES coming. I got the oil changed and the tire plugged for tax and the cost of disposing of the oil. How much ? about $5.50. For our truck, it would have normally cost $37 to change the oil and $15 to plug the tire. They informed me of the impending doom upon the truck, that it will cost about $120 to start fixing. Joyful. It needs an alignment (which I already knew), but it also needs 2 new tires due to the misalignment. If memory serves, those tires are 16s and a heaping load of money to buy new. They also told me that I should probably get a check to see what else it needs replaced. I can't argue, since the "check engine" light came on last week and I am praying it's something minor. I mean, it does have over 200K miles on it. We will see just how much it ends up costing, but for now I am happy to have a tire that won't deflate anymore and an engine that won't seize.