Suri Cruise @ MindSay

Mommy was busy, so she offered to have me interview her baby instead.

Rancette: So Suri, I understand you're on the cover of your first magazine this week.
Suri: Goo goo, gaga.
R: I just want to know what it's like seeing sunlight for the first time? After nine months in the womb, and four months in a darkly lit room with just a crib and dozens of celebrities crowding over you?
S: Ehhhehh!
R: What do you want to be when you grow up?
(Suri spits up)
R: So your parents are trying to get you to be an actress, are they?
S: Brrrbrrr.
R: Do you think your dad is gay?
S: Da-da.
R: You seem pretty advanced already.
S: Eee-eee-eee-eee.
R: And Mom, does she treat you better than say, Britney Spears would?
S: Ma-ma.
R: Dancing lessons? Acting lessons? Spanish lessons?
S: Si-si-si.
R: Alright then.
S: Waaaaah!!!!!! Waaaaah!!!!!!!
R: What's the matter?
S: WAAaaaaaaaaaaaH!
R: I think it's time for your nap. BYE!

Some parents bronze their baby's first shoes...some parents bronze baby's first poop.  From the same New York artist that brought us the statue of Britney on all fours on a bear skin rug giving birth, comes "Suri Cruises First Poop".  Not that the artist was sent any real fecal matter from the Cruises...this is just what he imagines it would look like.

 

Ok maybe she does exist, or maybe Scientology is pulling the world's leg...

Just where exactly is Suri Cruise? No one knows for sure, though TMZ has proof at least that someone filed a birth certificate for someone by that name. 

However, a cult specialist tells MSNBC's Jeanette Walls that Suri's strange absence from public view may have something to do with what Scientologists called "removing engrams" though a process called "auditing." Rick Ross of Cultnews.com says that engrams are "negative experiences coupled with noise," and that shielding the baby from the paparazzi would reduce the onset of such engrams.

Ross adds that Cruise, according to reports from his promotional tour for "Mission: Impossible III," is getting increasingly wrapped up in the Scientology dogma, and that he would have locks checked and take longer routes to places while on tour to prevent, presumably, the creation of engrams.

"Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast;
For it is the number of a man;
And his number is 666."

Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and The Church of Scientology are proud to introduce to the world...Suri Cruise the harbinger of mankinds doom.

I think she has Tom's eyes.