Sunlight @ MindSay

This should be the last poem I write for a while.

Me I'm done with poetry
I think my words is through.
They just won't go, oh no, no further,
I don't know what to do.
So sweetheart listen close and hear me
'cause what I says is true,
I'm gonna use these last few lines
and dedicate 'em all to you.

I've got your curves all in my mind,
your lips for sure I see.
Can't taste 'em, barely hear 'em now,
but that's enough for me.
I can't remember where we started
how all this came to be
but wherevs it's from, don't matter now,
just glad that there's a we.

I'm all a caught up in your web
My fingers in your hair.
Just glad that when I turns around
I know that you be there.
So if these words just fall to silence
the sentiment I share,
leaving it behind, and doing fine,
but without you I couldn't bear.

It's not about anybody, but I think it was a nice try.  I'm going back to prose.

Keep on rockin'
-Scott

Today I found out from my doctors that my periods of overwhelming sadness are coming from the seasonal changes.  Apparently I'm not getting enough light and need to get up, for at least fifteen minutes each day, early in the morning to greet the sun.  This is terrible news for a nocturnal soul like mine.  Usually getting up late is one of my life's greatest pleasures.  But my docs assured me that I can always go back to sleep after soaking up some sun.  Okay.  I can deal with that.  Anything to get rid of the torture of feeling so much grief for no reason at all.

 

But I also started to think about how I am lacking in other kinds of sunshine in my life.  Am I so bad for thinking that cuddling up to the darkness is good?  For one thing, some of my favorite things in life happen most in the dark...

 

And yet too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. 

 

So we're going to try out the morning sunlight cure for awhile.  Meanwhile my medication has been increased and I'm required to purchase some of those sunlight/natural light lamps to brighten my space, especially while drawing.  I'm hoping this will also increase my creativity and motivate me to get some more work done.  It can't hurt.

It's very cold outside right now.  My Weatherbug just refreshed itself and now displays... 0^o.  That's right... it is offically COLD!  Tonight I had to go to the ATM... it was all I could do to keep my hand outside the car long enough to push the little buttons!  My hand was literally numb after being outside for 30 seconds or so.  It's funny... I grew up in North Dakota and loved it.  Normally, it bugs me to hear people in Ohio complaining about the cold/snow... but man... this bothered me.

I was thinking about it at 7:30 this morning as I bundled up to go to church/work, and I couldn't help but think about the way it all relates to our spiritual lives.  Sometimes we go through passages in our lives that are, quite frankly, cold!  We feel distant from God, from other people, even from ourselves.  That numbing feeling that we're all to accustomed to feeling on the outside at this time of year starts to move in, and we lose touch a little bit.  These two things tend to coincide for me.  This time of year can be rough for me, not so much in my relationship with God, but in my relationships with other people.  The sky becomes filled with gray clouds and snow, and so does my mind.  I find myself feeling lonely, yet have no desire for human company.

But then, in the midst of the frigidity, one little ray of sunlight peeks through.  One sunny day in a month of frozen gray can be enough to keep us going.  Isn't God a lot like that?  Just when you think you'll never get out of the spiritual/mental tundra, that ray of light appears through the clouds, and you realize that, in the end, everything's going to be ok.  God's pretty good at giving us those messages when we need them... but after all, He knows what He's doing.  This morning was one of those sunlight moments for me.  It makes for a pretty good day, I must admit.  Praise the Lord for His timing!

I'm just sick of the Drama. I have a headache over my right eye... ERgh. My computer was sent back to the company.

Emily was a drama queen about calling her parents. She wanted me in the room for "moral support" then she proceeded to tell her parents that "At least I didn't get my eyebrow pierced." Thank you. I love you too.

I'm just kind of in a drab mood. I want to do something but I don't know what. I need sunlight. I want sunlight.

Last night's elevator experience was kind of freaky. Jumping out of an elevator as the doors are closing and the elevator is between floors is fun. Too bad it wound me up... the opposite of mass.

Today, I ran into Sc. and Ben several times. I wish I knew how to just randomly start a conversation with people. I don't... I can smile at people. I'm not afraid of being who I am but... I guess I'm just shy.

Marie said she might set me up with a friend of hers. I'm open to going on a date with just about anyone.