Suicide @ MindSay 
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Dear Father,
I hate you so much. I can't stand to be around you, and I honestly would feel no sadness if you were out of my life forever. None whatsoever. Actually, I hope you will be out of my life, really soon. I can't wait for the day when I finally get to see you for the last time, and when I know I'll never have to be in your presence again. I'm anxiously awaiting the day I'm told that you've died. No, I won't be coming to your funeral, so you can clear that thought out of your massive head right now. You will NEVER meet my children. I can't believe I (or anyone, for that matter) could be cursed with having such a horrible father. I can't stand the thought of you. Just seeing your face makes me want to die. How could you not see that I was serious? Every single time I said I hated something, you passed it off as some stupid phase where I was being "emo". There are so many things I could say to you, but since I'm above "cussing people out", I'll bite my tongue for the moment. I'm working on never having to see you again. You call me ungrateful? You don't even know. You think everything that happens to me is just out in the open. You know NOTHING about my life, except for the occasional bit of information I throw out there to keep you off my back. So stop pretending like you know everything. I can't wait to be rid of you, finally, forever. You think you're such an amazing father, but you really have no idea. You've RUINED me. It's your fault I'm probably dead right now. The only reason I'm writing you this is to let you know how much I hate you. Everyone's probably telling you it's not your fault, but it is. I can't stand you, and I'm so excited for the day I don't have to deal with you anymore.
I hate you,
Samantha
I hate you so much. I can't stand to be around you, and I honestly would feel no sadness if you were out of my life forever. None whatsoever. Actually, I hope you will be out of my life, really soon. I can't wait for the day when I finally get to see you for the last time, and when I know I'll never have to be in your presence again. I'm anxiously awaiting the day I'm told that you've died. No, I won't be coming to your funeral, so you can clear that thought out of your massive head right now. You will NEVER meet my children. I can't believe I (or anyone, for that matter) could be cursed with having such a horrible father. I can't stand the thought of you. Just seeing your face makes me want to die. How could you not see that I was serious? Every single time I said I hated something, you passed it off as some stupid phase where I was being "emo". There are so many things I could say to you, but since I'm above "cussing people out", I'll bite my tongue for the moment. I'm working on never having to see you again. You call me ungrateful? You don't even know. You think everything that happens to me is just out in the open. You know NOTHING about my life, except for the occasional bit of information I throw out there to keep you off my back. So stop pretending like you know everything. I can't wait to be rid of you, finally, forever. You think you're such an amazing father, but you really have no idea. You've RUINED me. It's your fault I'm probably dead right now. The only reason I'm writing you this is to let you know how much I hate you. Everyone's probably telling you it's not your fault, but it is. I can't stand you, and I'm so excited for the day I don't have to deal with you anymore.
I hate you,
Samantha
Dear idiots,
Dear idiots,
I hope you know how much I hate all of you. The only reason I'm writing this is to tell you all that, no, I didn't love you - ANY of you. The only people that made a difference were Dante, Kristen, Shannon, Tyler and Sarah. All of the rest of you are the reason I'm not going to be alive for much longer. So, yes, it is your fault. Everyone's probably telling you it isn't, right? "It's not your fault, there's nothing you could've done!" Am I right? They're all saying that, aren't they? And, after a while, you just started to believe them, right? Well, they're all wrong. It's entirely your fault. There was a lot you could've done, you just didn't care enough to try. All I wanted was somebody that actually cared about me, somebody that I even remotely mattered to. None of you understood anything. Listening to Panic At The Disco was my ONLY escape from all the horrible stuff you all put me through. You didn't think it'd matter, did you? The "little things"? Well, one little thing after another really adds up over the course of two years, don't you think? Oh, but it wasn't just two years of misery. I've been hating you all since at least four years ago. No, I'm not "emo", so get that out of your hideously revolting heads. Why can't you just understand that EMO IS A GENRE OF MUSIC, NOT A FUCKING STEREOTYPE. Haven't you ever heard the saying "LABELS ARE FOR SOUP CANS"?! It's foolish and everybody says it, but it's TRUE! So stop. Make it up to me; stop using labels. It's your fault I'm dead. So, stop using labels, and maybe try to recycle and go vegetarian for a week or two, maybe donate something to a charity. Because that's all your fault, too. If you all weren't so fucking obsessed with money, then maybe 6, 000 kids in Africa wouldn't be dying every day. Get off your lazy asses and DO SOMETHING. You could've saved my life, but you didn't even try. So, make it up to me by doing this. Just try to be a better person, and we'll call it even. Don't make fun of people because they're of a different race. Don't talk down on people because they're poorer than you, or because they're standing up for what they believe in. No. Don't make fun of people for being gay. It's not that big of a deal. In the words of Pete Wentz [and I had better not get in trouble for this, EVER...] "Gay is not a synonym for shitty...Stop being such homophobic assholes!" There you go...Listen to him. Listen to Matthew Lush. Be a better person, from now on, and maybe you won't screw anybody else's life up.
I hate you all,
Samantha
Note: No, I'm not dead, idiots. I was extremely pissed when I wrote this. I still believe every word of what I said, but I'm not gonna kill myself, 'kay? So stop reporting me, already.
I hope you know how much I hate all of you. The only reason I'm writing this is to tell you all that, no, I didn't love you - ANY of you. The only people that made a difference were Dante, Kristen, Shannon, Tyler and Sarah. All of the rest of you are the reason I'm not going to be alive for much longer. So, yes, it is your fault. Everyone's probably telling you it isn't, right? "It's not your fault, there's nothing you could've done!" Am I right? They're all saying that, aren't they? And, after a while, you just started to believe them, right? Well, they're all wrong. It's entirely your fault. There was a lot you could've done, you just didn't care enough to try. All I wanted was somebody that actually cared about me, somebody that I even remotely mattered to. None of you understood anything. Listening to Panic At The Disco was my ONLY escape from all the horrible stuff you all put me through. You didn't think it'd matter, did you? The "little things"? Well, one little thing after another really adds up over the course of two years, don't you think? Oh, but it wasn't just two years of misery. I've been hating you all since at least four years ago. No, I'm not "emo", so get that out of your hideously revolting heads. Why can't you just understand that EMO IS A GENRE OF MUSIC, NOT A FUCKING STEREOTYPE. Haven't you ever heard the saying "LABELS ARE FOR SOUP CANS"?! It's foolish and everybody says it, but it's TRUE! So stop. Make it up to me; stop using labels. It's your fault I'm dead. So, stop using labels, and maybe try to recycle and go vegetarian for a week or two, maybe donate something to a charity. Because that's all your fault, too. If you all weren't so fucking obsessed with money, then maybe 6, 000 kids in Africa wouldn't be dying every day. Get off your lazy asses and DO SOMETHING. You could've saved my life, but you didn't even try. So, make it up to me by doing this. Just try to be a better person, and we'll call it even. Don't make fun of people because they're of a different race. Don't talk down on people because they're poorer than you, or because they're standing up for what they believe in. No. Don't make fun of people for being gay. It's not that big of a deal. In the words of Pete Wentz [and I had better not get in trouble for this, EVER...] "Gay is not a synonym for shitty...Stop being such homophobic assholes!" There you go...Listen to him. Listen to Matthew Lush. Be a better person, from now on, and maybe you won't screw anybody else's life up.
I hate you all,
Samantha
Note: No, I'm not dead, idiots. I was extremely pissed when I wrote this. I still believe every word of what I said, but I'm not gonna kill myself, 'kay? So stop reporting me, already.
greetings.
EDIT; "billy" is tyler, from my last post. apparently, i did say his name.
it has been about
583684358634856834 years
since i posted on this thing.
so long, in fact,
that i do not remember the font i was using
at the time of my last post.
my apologies.
last night, i got..
well, a bit suicidal.
just a bit
so i wrote all my letters
and all that other stuff
but i didn't do anything,
because i have to stay alive
for the one i love.
his name?
let's call him "gerard"
he's gay, of course
all the good ones are ;D
buttttt...
i love him
not really that kind of love
more a best friend kind of love
and i just recently found out
that he is, in fact,
bulimic.
that's about my eighth friend that's bulimic,
ya know?
well, actually, you don't
because i haven't told you that
but anyway,
i was really surprised.
because, yeah, he's skinny and stuff
but i didn't know it was that serious
and he's always been the one to tell ME everything's okay
but we had to switch roles when i found out.
it's really horrible
because i LOVE this boy with all my heart
and he's so amazing,
how can he do that to himself?
and my ex-boyfriend.
oh, lord.
i love him to death.
STILL.
& i can't remember if i've said his name or not
so..let's call him "billy"
"billy" has a new girlfriend
or, had
they broke up.
anyway, billy told me he liked..."jessica"
while he and i were "going out" or whatever
and i, being monstrously shy,
told him to just go out with her
because i couldn't even talk to him
so he got mad at me
and blocked me
and within two days
was completely in love with "jessica"
so i hated her for a while
until "billy" asked me to go out with him
while he was going out with "jessica"
like...
AT THE SAME TIME.
not a threesome or whatever,
but he would just go out with both of us
and i'm not going to abandon what i think it right
just because some guy i'm in love with
can't choose between some other chick and me
so i said no.
and he said okay, whatever, you know,
and all was fine
but then
they broke up
and he asked me to go out with him
and, being my obsessive self,
i was like
OMFGGG YESSS!!11!!!111!!!!!11////!!!!
well, not really,
but still.
and then he tells me
that we can only go out for about a week,
because then he's got to go out with "jessica" again
so i just said
"then why bother? if you're just going to choose your ex-girlfriend over me anyway, then what's the point?"
he blocked me.
and then i talked to "jessica"
i apologized to her
and told her that "billy" told me he loved me while they were going out
and she said she didn't like that
so she broke up with him to go out with her ex-boyfriend
who is a REALLY nice guy
so i thought maybe "billy" might want to talk things over with me.
no such luck.
i was incredibly amazed and just so over-joyed
[detect the sarcasm there?]
to learn that...
"BILLY" LIKES A NEW GIRL.
so i got kinda suicidal
just a bit
and wrote a whole bunch of letters and stuff.
i might post one later,
but i don't know.
my hands are numb and raw from typing so much,
which i doubt anyone will read, anyway
so, have a sparkly day, my friend
talk to me if you wish,
my AIMs are checkitsonLA and shehadthewxrld
my myspace is /lostindonsiz815
farewell, my dear reader[s].
it has been about
583684358634856834 years
since i posted on this thing.
so long, in fact,
that i do not remember the font i was using
at the time of my last post.
my apologies.
last night, i got..
well, a bit suicidal.
just a bit
so i wrote all my letters
and all that other stuff
but i didn't do anything,
because i have to stay alive
for the one i love.
his name?
let's call him "gerard"
he's gay, of course
all the good ones are ;D
buttttt...
i love him
not really that kind of love
more a best friend kind of love
and i just recently found out
that he is, in fact,
bulimic.
that's about my eighth friend that's bulimic,
ya know?
well, actually, you don't
because i haven't told you that
but anyway,
i was really surprised.
because, yeah, he's skinny and stuff
but i didn't know it was that serious
and he's always been the one to tell ME everything's okay
but we had to switch roles when i found out.
it's really horrible
because i LOVE this boy with all my heart
and he's so amazing,
how can he do that to himself?
and my ex-boyfriend.
oh, lord.
i love him to death.
STILL.
& i can't remember if i've said his name or not
so..let's call him "billy"
"billy" has a new girlfriend
or, had
they broke up.
anyway, billy told me he liked..."jessica"
while he and i were "going out" or whatever
and i, being monstrously shy,
told him to just go out with her
because i couldn't even talk to him
so he got mad at me
and blocked me
and within two days
was completely in love with "jessica"
so i hated her for a while
until "billy" asked me to go out with him
while he was going out with "jessica"
like...
AT THE SAME TIME.
not a threesome or whatever,
but he would just go out with both of us
and i'm not going to abandon what i think it right
just because some guy i'm in love with
can't choose between some other chick and me
so i said no.
and he said okay, whatever, you know,
and all was fine
but then
they broke up
and he asked me to go out with him
and, being my obsessive self,
i was like
OMFGGG YESSS!!11!!!111!!!!!11////!!!!
well, not really,
but still.
and then he tells me
that we can only go out for about a week,
because then he's got to go out with "jessica" again
so i just said
"then why bother? if you're just going to choose your ex-girlfriend over me anyway, then what's the point?"
he blocked me.
and then i talked to "jessica"
i apologized to her
and told her that "billy" told me he loved me while they were going out
and she said she didn't like that
so she broke up with him to go out with her ex-boyfriend
who is a REALLY nice guy
so i thought maybe "billy" might want to talk things over with me.
no such luck.
i was incredibly amazed and just so over-joyed
[detect the sarcasm there?]
to learn that...
"BILLY" LIKES A NEW GIRL.
so i got kinda suicidal
just a bit
and wrote a whole bunch of letters and stuff.
i might post one later,
but i don't know.
my hands are numb and raw from typing so much,
which i doubt anyone will read, anyway
so, have a sparkly day, my friend
talk to me if you wish,
my AIMs are checkitsonLA and shehadthewxrld
my myspace is /lostindonsiz815
farewell, my dear reader[s].
Embracing my worth. A slow suicide is no way to go.
What are you supposed to write in your first entry? I guess that's the beauty of blogging--there are no rules. So here we go :o)
I am sitting here panting like a dog at the moment. I just ran up 12 flights of stairs and delivered a healthy dose of insulin. I am a Type 1 Diabetic of 13 years and still struggling to keep this disease in line. It quite often disobeys me, which is why I am sitting here with high blood sugar and a dry mouth waiting for my exercise and insulin to kick in.
Illnesses my friends, are the devil, and they shred us up and burn us if we let them. I recently let my diabetes devour me. After a sexual assault and depression, I neglected to perform every single basic principle of diabetes care. I prepared for the worst when I stepped into the doctor's office....Call me blessed or lucky, but I managed to successfully wreak havoc on my body without experiencing any permanent or debilitating damage.
I'm learning from my "evil" illness. It's teaching me to value myself. And valuing includes putting time and energy into yourself and your health. I WANT to live. So I stopped killing myself. A slow suicide is no way to go.
I'm not quite unbreakable yet. I have a few cracks that have yet to be sealed. I get weak and careless from time to time...but at least now I know how to bounce back.
I could blame the asshole who assaulted me for my downfall, but he doesn't put food in my mouth or syringes in my thighs. I'm learning. This is my path...I did a U-turn and now I'm going full force down the beaten path of life.
I am sitting here panting like a dog at the moment. I just ran up 12 flights of stairs and delivered a healthy dose of insulin. I am a Type 1 Diabetic of 13 years and still struggling to keep this disease in line. It quite often disobeys me, which is why I am sitting here with high blood sugar and a dry mouth waiting for my exercise and insulin to kick in.
Illnesses my friends, are the devil, and they shred us up and burn us if we let them. I recently let my diabetes devour me. After a sexual assault and depression, I neglected to perform every single basic principle of diabetes care. I prepared for the worst when I stepped into the doctor's office....Call me blessed or lucky, but I managed to successfully wreak havoc on my body without experiencing any permanent or debilitating damage.
I'm learning from my "evil" illness. It's teaching me to value myself. And valuing includes putting time and energy into yourself and your health. I WANT to live. So I stopped killing myself. A slow suicide is no way to go.
I'm not quite unbreakable yet. I have a few cracks that have yet to be sealed. I get weak and careless from time to time...but at least now I know how to bounce back.
I could blame the asshole who assaulted me for my downfall, but he doesn't put food in my mouth or syringes in my thighs. I'm learning. This is my path...I did a U-turn and now I'm going full force down the beaten path of life.
Please God Smite The One REading this Right Now
PLease God Smite the one Reading this Right now
or Why I am Atheist
by narodniki
There's always this talk about achieving world peace. It's probably the most abused phrase in the whole of creation. I often wonder why God, in all his wonder and awesomeness did not include this itsy tiny bit in the whole package. Now what we have are people killing people. And as time progressed, so did our creativity in inflicting pain and suffering towards others.
They (the Catholic Church, evangelicals, charismatics, etc) always say that all of this is just a test for God to see if we truly are deserving of our place in heaven. So he's up there right now, watching all these killings and sufferings and what does he do about it? Nothing. Because the cocksucker wants to find out if we truly are deserving to be with him for all eternity.
This is just plain fucking stupid. If that is true, if God truly exists, then the least that I can say about him is that he is an insolent obnoxious asshole who has a twisted morality. Yep, that's what he is. And I give him the opportunity right now, right at this moment to smite me for all this blasphemy, and for future ones to come.
Personally, I would not even think of getting near a person like him. Talk about omniscience, eh? Knowledge about all the things that have and will happen. Why can't he use that?
And then there's the Bible. Just what the fuck is it all about? I think that the Bible is the filthiest piece of garbage there is. I've read much more enlightening stuff. Crazy religious folks (CRFs) hold on to its words like its giving them an orgasm or something.
Maybe people subscribe to this bullshit because of fear. They think that they do not want to go to hell. They think that being all burned up in eternity forever with Satan in the lake of fire, is something that's really terrible. They don't want God's wrath to descend upon them, they think that damnation really sucks.
Personally, I don't think that's the most terrible thing that can happen. I am a TVaddict and I'm telling you, the stuff that I see on the news everyday is far more horrible than all that damnation stuff.
Children on Africa dying of AIDS and hunger in extreme misery. Young girls, 3, 4, 5, years old being raped by an entire squad of soldiers. And these kids, if they're lucky, are left to live. I once heard of something called a fistula. Children in their early teens get pregnant, and because their vaginas are still too small, it would tear in childbirth and complications would occur, involuntary urination and defecation would result, that is if they survive. And more often, the infant, being squeezed up and all that trauma, would not survive the birth.
And all these stupidities are repeated again and again in the history of mankind. Dumb monkeys, stupid fucks, retarded assholes that people are, I honestly cannot see any ray of hope.
We're already in hell. We just don't realize it yet.
or Why I am Atheist
by narodniki
There's always this talk about achieving world peace. It's probably the most abused phrase in the whole of creation. I often wonder why God, in all his wonder and awesomeness did not include this itsy tiny bit in the whole package. Now what we have are people killing people. And as time progressed, so did our creativity in inflicting pain and suffering towards others.
They (the Catholic Church, evangelicals, charismatics, etc) always say that all of this is just a test for God to see if we truly are deserving of our place in heaven. So he's up there right now, watching all these killings and sufferings and what does he do about it? Nothing. Because the cocksucker wants to find out if we truly are deserving to be with him for all eternity.
This is just plain fucking stupid. If that is true, if God truly exists, then the least that I can say about him is that he is an insolent obnoxious asshole who has a twisted morality. Yep, that's what he is. And I give him the opportunity right now, right at this moment to smite me for all this blasphemy, and for future ones to come.
Personally, I would not even think of getting near a person like him. Talk about omniscience, eh? Knowledge about all the things that have and will happen. Why can't he use that?
And then there's the Bible. Just what the fuck is it all about? I think that the Bible is the filthiest piece of garbage there is. I've read much more enlightening stuff. Crazy religious folks (CRFs) hold on to its words like its giving them an orgasm or something.
Maybe people subscribe to this bullshit because of fear. They think that they do not want to go to hell. They think that being all burned up in eternity forever with Satan in the lake of fire, is something that's really terrible. They don't want God's wrath to descend upon them, they think that damnation really sucks.
Personally, I don't think that's the most terrible thing that can happen. I am a TVaddict and I'm telling you, the stuff that I see on the news everyday is far more horrible than all that damnation stuff.
Children on Africa dying of AIDS and hunger in extreme misery. Young girls, 3, 4, 5, years old being raped by an entire squad of soldiers. And these kids, if they're lucky, are left to live. I once heard of something called a fistula. Children in their early teens get pregnant, and because their vaginas are still too small, it would tear in childbirth and complications would occur, involuntary urination and defecation would result, that is if they survive. And more often, the infant, being squeezed up and all that trauma, would not survive the birth.
And all these stupidities are repeated again and again in the history of mankind. Dumb monkeys, stupid fucks, retarded assholes that people are, I honestly cannot see any ray of hope.
We're already in hell. We just don't realize it yet.
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