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Re: 38 UNBECOMING BUDDHIST - Nine months of self-examination to assess the accuracy of the master's...
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The darkness sets upon my soul
I am battered around by the fierce winds of hopelessness
I sink into the darkess, deep and deeper with every breath
the storm within me rages
the battle continious and never ending
I can't breath, the moster steals my breath and takes my soul
The monster must leave forever before destroying anymore lives
I approach the rivers edge and take in the sounds of the slamming water against the rocks
the spin of the chamber makes a clicking sound
the cold steal pressed against my flesh
the streal is cold and rough
with a slight sqeeze of the trigger the monster will die and I will be free
the bullet enters the monster den and exits ith force
I drop to the ground, and the monster is dead and will never hurt anyone again
Well wanting to end my life, again. Looked up some blogs on the internet to see what other people who felt like me where thinking. What I found was a lot of people saying to wait tomorrow will feel better, tomorrow will be different. The one thing that sticks with me is how many decades, becasue that is really how long it has been, can you think about it before you just do it? My tomorrows have never been different or better than the days before. Every day is as hard as the one before. I have sought help and did well for a while. What is different now? I used to just want to die, like get hit by a bus or something, now, today, I think I could really do it to myself. After 25 years of the daily thought how do you move on? Where do you move on to? Nowhere and nothing is all I am left with now.
I don't know if I feel better writing this down or not, but if you read this thanks for listening and taking the time.
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