Stupid Friends @ MindSay 
bad friends
I want his love. I want him to want to be with me as much as I want to be with him. I want to be with him...it is hard though when everyone tells me that they don't like him..they think he is a jerk...he makes them feel stupid. I like him..yes sometimes he is a jerk...so am I...every now and then he will say something and I will be like huh? I don't feel totally stupid around him...
Why can't my friends be happy for me. I am with someon e who makes me feel happy. It does hurt when he has something to do and can't spend time with me. He does other things with me that most guys would be like uhg I don't want to go and that is that...He rubs my back for me even if I don't say it hurts. He comes up behind me and kind of hugs me. He is still iffy on the kissing in public (at school), but he does every now and then. Those little kisses make me happy. He asks me how I am if it looks like something may be wrong and if I say nothing...he drops it as if waiting untill I am ready to talk...
I want to spend lots of time with him later today...it is sunday now...I don't know if he will want to. I hope he does cuz I just want to lay in a bed or something and cuddle...or sit on a couch and cuddle. I want to kiss him as much as I want and him not pull away.
I am a girl who loves to have kisses and be held by her boyfriend. I am a girl who loves to spend a lot of time with her boyfriend. I would drop almost anything to spend time with my boyfriend. It seems to me like he wouldn't even drop a pen just to spend a day with me...well sometimes it seems like that. I want to stay with him, but I want to be with someone who I need to try and keep up with. Like he wants to cover me in kisses and hold me untill he has to let go. A guy who will drop anything just to come to my house for five minutes. It isn't all his fault though that he can't do things with me sometimes...he has school things to do and I understand that, but when he tells me he has stuff to do one minute and the next he is like "I don 't have anything to do" it is kinda like...you lied to me cuz you didn't want to spend time with me? or IDK why you lied to me, but it isn't cool.
I saw him today and I miss him...I am Brittaney...I don't miss a guy after not seeing him for a few hours, but I do..I miss him lots. I want to see his smile and his georgous eyes...his touch...I like the way he just kisses me sometimes...I mean I hint for it, but I never really expect him to do it. I always expect him to turn his cheek to me. When he does kiss me though I feel like I am floating...
I don't know what to do. I had someone tell me that I should break up with him and find someone different, but I don't want to and it would be really hard cuz I have a class with him.
I need to shut up...there is probably one person who will read this and actually care about what is going on...IDK what to do......Yes I do. I will stay with him and I will call him in the morning and ask him to come to my house and hang out with me...and I want to talk to him..
I am going to go and stop taking up your time...Hope all is good with everyone.
night night night night night.
I'm starting to realize how stupid I've been for the past year. I actually thought that I could still be friends with people that I was friends with two years ago. But they've all changed into a bunch of east coast possers. You know who you are. Anyway, I'm not going to turn this into a sob story so this is the end of this post!
i deserve to be dead :-(
i treat people crap....why?
i yelled at few of my really good friends tonight. also i was acting a bytch around my boyfriend and i felt so bad...but i called him and i told him i m so sorry and he forgave me. why do i treat people crap?? im so stupid.
(the patriot is such a good movie, but it made me cry....and i normally dont ever cry in movies....i think that there is something wrong with me....why am i so moody?)
*****im gonna bitch now and be really unreasonable and mean and bad talk some people i care about right now...(if that tells you anything about how mad and unreasonable i am right now considering how i feel about bad talking and being...like the way i am right now...i hate myself somtimes....i really do its like in the whole "sisterhood of the traveling pants" yeah im like carmen, ya know how shes "good carmen" or "bad carmen" well im "bad shaina" right now.....)*****
you know what i hate, how so irresponsible my shitty friends are! they borrow my stuff and then they say they put it in my back pack but i never get it back ever! and or they lend them to another one of my friends and then they loan it to someone else and then if i ever get it back, its cuz im at someones house and even then they dont even know its mine to begin with god im so pissy and bitchy right now but god 4 cds, i let laura borrow 4 and then she let brenna have them, brenna said she put them in my locker, but i dont have them im about to demand that she buy them or get me copies of them, (or at least offer cuz she had them last i shouldn't have to spend my money cuz she didn't get them back TO me) god im gonna stop now before i start really going on and behindback talking people.....i just wish that they would care as much as i do....
im so mad