Strange Feeling @ MindSay

But I want nothing this society's got -
I'm going underground (going underground)...

'Tis a glorious day to enjoy the wilds of the world around me for it is not too hot nor is it too cold and there is only a slim chance for rains to force me and my laptop indoors. I wish as I usually do that I had something of importance to fill this blank canvas, but at the moment my mind has wondered off somewhere far away as I watch a wee little ant explore the wonders of my keyboard...

It has been a strange few days - the past - so strange on so many levels. I feel as if my live is coming back to the beginning again and on its way to complete another lap. Go back to the beginning is what has been circling about in my thoughts, go back. And I have to some degree. I recently submitted a resume to a company that I left 14 years ago and spent some time chatting with my old boss whose job I eventually took as he moved into another function within the company. I found a number of old friends on MySpace from roughly the same period that I had thought that I had lost forever...

This week has been almost like I have gone back in time so that I can get a chance to correct the mistakes of the past and so that I can carry on with my life. From the earth and so to the earth I shall return...

'Tis just an odd feeling that has overtaken my soul at the moment as the ant has found his way from the laptop and is now searching the table on which it sits and my stare turns towards a small fuzzy black and white spider as it searches for its daily bread - it stops and looks me in the eye, decides that I am not a threat or that I'm far too big to eat, and turns and wonders off around the junk that is piled upon this table...

Strange it is and strange it shall be as I begin another cycle in this great circle...

This is the Word of the AntiCrust...

Praise be ye who Read the Word for ye are Blessed amongst humans...

Ever experience something that seems like it could be both at the same time? I know this feeling, very well in fact, and it comes in the most strange of circumstances. The memories of your youth can get locked in sacred place in your mind. The ones you treasure you hold to with all your might. They bring you happiness and remind you of long gone but wonderful times. But as the way of the world is, life changes. You change, your family and friends change, sometimes your surroundings change. It's like walking past the house where you used to live as a child. You can think of the floorplan, where your room was, where you kept your movies, your secret spot in the back yard, who your neighbors were. And then you look at what was once your home and realize that there's probably nothing left of you in there. One or several different owners may have come and gone, repainted the place numerous times, maybe even knocked down a wall or two. And if for some reason you would have been allowed to walk through the house in its current state it'd be like walking on an alien planet.

Sometimes the place isn't just a home, it's a town or even a city. A whole world that once made sense to you now has transformed into something that you may no longer recognize. And the question is, if you don't recognize it, do you still belong there?

  Today is strange, not only did I go to bed late and wake up far too early. I am also in a strange funk today. Yesterday was fantastic, i went and saw silent hill, watched the gross couple I was with attempt to make out and make fun of them. Then came home, went driving, blasted my music, and watched cops come and go at a crime scene. Then I woke up this morning, and something was off. Something is just off. In my vibes, or energy, or something. It's just off. I should be trying to have the time of my life, and keep myself busy, but here I am, just feeling exhausted and off.

It's not depressed, because I have a general happiness in knowing Colin loves me, in knowing in his letters he keeps saying that he loves me. Maybe it's because my birthday is coming up, like next week. I'm trying to deny it is there, ya know deny it exsists and celebrate it later on in the year, but the body just seems to know where the 'another year' mark is.

At least I get to house sit for mom for a little while. Maybe being in mom's place with my puppy for awhile will help me to sort out what ever this feeling is. Maybe, it's just loneliness...but i think it is a lot more than that...

A lot more.

Well im feeling a little blue right now so if u guyz would talk to me or sumthing that would prolly help alot

ok im really bored cuz im in florida and i miss all my friends, but i miss Robyn the most, well i almost broke my leg on a stupid ladder i made out of sum sticks and sum string (im glad i went to get that knife). n e way i was hangin 4 a few seconds and then i cut it, cuz im hardcore like that......lol. well this is what has happened since i got down here so far and i cant wait to see whats gonna happen next. well leave me a reply or 2 if u care.

While i still have it, while i'm still feelign it, i must write!
excuse all the typos
But i realize it now!
i've been liimiting myself, and my feelings of the lack of creation... being uninspired and unmotvated..It's strange.
I was talking to my friend and we were both feeling this strange apathy towards... making things. Both of us being "art" people. But so much keeps one from making the works he or she wishes to. Homework and school is one. You'd think that it should promote creating things, but that was a few decades ago. I should have had work done a long time ago so i could jsut do whatever the hell i wanted now. But i didnt', because i'm a horrible lazy procrastinator! I must do it, and the only thing that stops me is myself.
as i discussed with another friend, she pointed out that i do plenty of other things instead of doing hw or whatever, that i enjoy life. But i'd like to enjoy life, and then make things based on living!
BLAH!
O goodness, my brain, it feels so free right now. I like this feeling. "Euphoric," even.
but now, i must do my homework to be able to free myself from the binding evil.

oo hey, i forgot to publish this entry.

I'm still happy! And i've created something.. sort of. at least i did something. :]