Strange As Life @ MindSay

But I want nothing this society's got -
I'm going underground (going underground)...

'Tis a glorious day to enjoy the wilds of the world around me for it is not too hot nor is it too cold and there is only a slim chance for rains to force me and my laptop indoors. I wish as I usually do that I had something of importance to fill this blank canvas, but at the moment my mind has wondered off somewhere far away as I watch a wee little ant explore the wonders of my keyboard...

It has been a strange few days - the past - so strange on so many levels. I feel as if my live is coming back to the beginning again and on its way to complete another lap. Go back to the beginning is what has been circling about in my thoughts, go back. And I have to some degree. I recently submitted a resume to a company that I left 14 years ago and spent some time chatting with my old boss whose job I eventually took as he moved into another function within the company. I found a number of old friends on MySpace from roughly the same period that I had thought that I had lost forever...

This week has been almost like I have gone back in time so that I can get a chance to correct the mistakes of the past and so that I can carry on with my life. From the earth and so to the earth I shall return...

'Tis just an odd feeling that has overtaken my soul at the moment as the ant has found his way from the laptop and is now searching the table on which it sits and my stare turns towards a small fuzzy black and white spider as it searches for its daily bread - it stops and looks me in the eye, decides that I am not a threat or that I'm far too big to eat, and turns and wonders off around the junk that is piled upon this table...

Strange it is and strange it shall be as I begin another cycle in this great circle...

This is the Word of the AntiCrust...

Praise be ye who Read the Word for ye are Blessed amongst humans...

He said that all revolutions are not the same
They are as different as the cultures
That gave them birth...

And so we have reached a point in this Grand Experiment when I really should be typing something meaningful and thought provoking, but I do not know what subjects to cover that I have not already covered so I will instead do what I usually do and keeping on typing until something pops out and there it will be right in front of me and then it front of you and you will decide whether this is meaningful to you in some way. Or not...

So my fingers are rather tired and frazzled from all the manual labour they have been performing recently and they are thoroughly chewed raw with many small nicks and scraps and a few nasty looking cuts, but they shall soldier through with their mission that they have been assigned for they know their duty and they shall carry it out without complaint and they shall do so with a smile in their hearts for this is what they were born to do and they will do so...

And with all that is with me that is in need of release, why is it that one subject will not step forward and volunteer for this mission? Is there no thought brave enough to surrender his or her life so that they other may live within my head? Which one will grab the colours and march up to the enemy lines without fear? Which one of these thoughts will sound the charge and bare their sabre as they ride into the valley of death? I will not order any of them to give up their lives for their God and country, but one must volunteer for this supreme sacrifice. Do I have any volunteers?

And at this moment the silence is deafening as the troops retreat to the deepest darkest corners of my mind, wishing, hoping that I will not see them cowering in the shadows. And I will wait patiently for one to show me the courage that I know they all posses. I know my men well and I know that they will not let me down...

And still I wait as I stare off into the distance at nothing and yet I see it all. I behold the world that stretches off into the distance and I shall rejoice in the fact that I can just gaze into some far off land that is out there beyond the immediate - a strange land that I will never know. And I wonder if there is someone out there in the distance staring back knowing that he or she will never know the land that I find my self in at this moment. I wonder and I wonder about the impossibilities of this life. I wonder about all things and nothing. I wonder why I continue to type when it has become apparent that I have lost my way and there is not a map drawn that can get me from here back to my home. I know that no compass was ever created that will point me in the right direction. I know that at this very moment that I have become a ship without sails adrift in the sea of this universe, and I shall one day run aground, but where that will be, I will never know...

And yet I drift on. I drift through this life with not a soul manning the helm. And still I am and I shall always be and I shall rejoice in all that I was and all that I will become for I can do nothing other than rejoice in the glory of a lifetime in the strange outpost so far from civilization...

And such is the fate that I shall embrace and cling to for all eternity...

This is the Word of the AntiCrust....

Praise be ye who Read the Word for ye are Blessed amongst humans and other life forms...

I use it for everything. It's my screen name and I love it.
Where'd I get it from, though?

I've thought that it may be wrongly percieved by others as me trying to separate myself from everyone like I'm special because I'm so strange and different and "ooh, look at me!"

But really, it is me saying, "I am foremost human and honest." By honest I don't only mean not lying, but real, just because I am. This part is hard to explain. I guess you might say it comes a bit from the belief that things tend to be just how they need to be, and that anything is real just because it is, even if it is "fake".

Maybe in time I'll find a better way to explain that... but hopefully you KIND OF get it...

Basically... anyone that reads my blog regularly may recall my posts about beauty, for example. I said many times that I preffer someone that is honestly, naturally, beautiful (without makeup and such things). And it is not the "prettiness" of the person that is most beautiful, but the honesty itself.

So now you see what I mean when I say "honest." I try not to hide behind anything or avoid facing myself and the realities of the world I'm in. To search for truth, above all else, even if it turns out to be something I don't quite like. This is what is meant.

There is an "open letter to the next generation of filmmakers" by Ray Carney at one of my favourite websites. The fourth point in his "letter" is where I pulled my screen name from. The piece overall really got me and I've read it several times, but this is my favourite part.

Now that I just explained the "honest" part, this will explain the "human" part:

4. A movie should be at least as strange as life.

I don’t know about everyone elses experiences, but the emotional lives of myself and the people I know are stranger and more complex than anything I’ve ever seen in Hollywood films. Their characters are too logical, knowing, and articulate by half. They have clear motives and intentions and act in accordance with them. If they have problems, they know what they are, and have game plans for dealing with them. They execute complex courses of action in pursuit of a definite goal. I don’t know anyone in life who is this clear about things – including myself. I don’t have intentions, motives, and goals in this way. I don’t know what I really want most of the time. I don’t understand my emotions. I don’t know why I do or feel most of the things I do. When I am in real emotional trouble, I am the last one to realize it. Having a real problem is not knowing you have it. (Think of your former boyfriend or girlfriend for confirmation of this.) I don’t have a road map for where I’m going. I usually don’t even know where I have gotten to until long after I have arrived. The people I know (including myself) are more mixed up, more contradictory in their behaviour, more changing in their feelings than characters ever are in the movies. Who of us is a character in the Hollywood way? (Dear reader, what is your character?) Even the most ordinary life is stranger and less rational than these movies assume.

When Hollywood wants to present a character who behaves less “normally,” it gives us a hockey masked slasher, has Jack Nicholson turn into the Joker or a Wolfman, or has Jim Carrey do one of his wild and crazy impersonations. But these characters separate the weirdness from everyday life too much. They make it seem too exceptional and rare and fleeting. They imagine our strangeness too externally and superficially. Our casual remarks cut more deeply than Freddy Krueger’s razor-fingers. The masks we wear are much scarier than Jason’s – and not removable. Our animal natures can be far more savage and unpredictable than a wolf’s. Our emotional lives are much spookier and more mysterious than anything in a John Carpenter movie. You can’t pound a stake through this aspect of experience. You can’t lock it up at the end of the movie. Everyone I have ever known – landlords, bosses, businessmen, parents, lovers, and friends – has an interior life that is knottier and more out of control than Hannibal Lecter’s. Capture some of the real strangeness of our emotional lives. If you don’t think it can be done, look at a tape of Cassavetes’s Faces or Tom Noonan’s The Wife. The kinks and twists in their characters’ psyche put a horror movie’s to shame.

-Strange As Life-