Storms @ MindSay 
rain
Yes, I do have my ups and downs, I can't deny it. I am still unsure what I want, I am lonely but I am kind of shy and introverted, I think of myself as that dark shadowy cowboy in the old movies..that would swoop in, save the day and leave before anyone could even thank him. A loner type of person.
I have no idea what I am going to do, I am unhappy with where my life is at the moment but I am not even sure why. So, it is hard to know what has to change, etc.
I think it has something to do with the way the world and people, generally, are shallow. You know what I mean? Seems nothing is important but money and possessions. Makes me think of an old country song my dad use to make me listen to years ago, one part says 'while lightening is still the biggest thrill of all'. I missed the days when a storm was enough to entertain me, when movies could envelop me, when books would absorb me...now everything feels/seems so bland..like, well like I am already dead, just my heart and mind have not taken note of it yet. I feel like I have heard it all, seen it all, read it all...everything now is just repeats and different renditions of stories told a million times already.
I know that this can be a cause for depression, I think I am an artistic type person with a creative bug, but now a days, I just can't think of anything original, I can think of my OWN stories, my own pictures because...it has all been done.
Look at how many creative people self harm or worse, but I do not resort to such things, I just seem to fall in to an internal pit of darkness once in a while.
I am okay, just...uninspired and thus depressed, sometimes.
It's bad enough getting our monsoon storms for a couple months of the year. We had one the other night that was really bad. Winds up to at least 90 mph in some places, hail, lots of thunder and lightning, etc. Plenty of people lost power, and lots of trees were downed. The ASU football team's brand-new practice facility was destroyed. My cat got really frightened, as he usually does during storms, and hid in the kitchen where there are no windows. I got up in the middle of the night, during the storms, to get a drink, and I tripped over the poor little boy. So last night, when we got some more (milder) storms, Murray hid in the kitchen pantry, out of the way of foot traffic. :-)
In other news, I had the handyman come out today to see about hanging my drapes, but they were just a tad too narrow. They were described at 50 inches wide, which would have been just about right, but turned out to be just a couple inches smaller than that in reality. So I ordered some new drapes that will have plenty of room to spare, and will return the other ones, and will have the handyman come back when the new ones come. There was no charge for his coming out today.
I have discovered a cat discussion site where they do live chats in the evenings, some about cats in general, others about specific topics such as senior cats or feral cats or pet loss. One chat is a role-playing chat where participants pretend to be their cats. I've done that one a couple times, and it was lots of fun. And challenging, since you have to do it in baby-talk, and being an editor, I'm so used to trying to be grammatically and spelling-correct all the time!
I dreamed that I sent a letter to Brett Favre telling him how selfish he was to badmouth the Packers during the off-season, and to go to another team, and all that. So the next day, I wrote down what I had pretty much dreamed up, and I actually sent the letter. I certainly don't expect a reply, and he probably won't even read it, but at least it was cathartic to write.
Once your area of living has been alerted for a potential Ice Storm, the following actions should take place immediately if and when possible: Try to have these items on hand or at least a majority of them before the storm strikes. In most major ice storms, power failures occur. Ice storms differ in time lines, one storm may last for only a day or some to ten to fifteen days before your power is restored again, so be prepared for long-term survival. If your house runs on electricity … it is a good idea to have the items below on hand.
If you have a gas stove … light the burners and keep the flames low. Open a nearby door or window just enough to allow escaping gas to exit. Do not stay near the stove. Check the stove regularly for burning. If your eyes begin to water …. Turn the burners off a few minutes to allow any fumes to go outside through the open cracked door or window before relighting your stove again for warmth.
- Purchase or have available … a generator with 5000 watts or more. Check your fuel level every seven hours. Always keep enough fuel on-hand for at least two refuels.
- ( All generators should be outside and away from your house / dwelling at a distance of twenty feet or more. Use a long extension cord from the generator to the house / dwelling .. then attach additional cords to the main generator extension cord as needed. Do not overload your generator. Check your generator every 40 hours of operation for oil.
Turn your generator off .. unplug all electrical cords .. check oil level .. fill as necessary .. wait ten minutes .. restart generator, attach cords.
Insure that the exhaust from the generator blows away from the entrance.
- Purchase or have available … extra long extension cords
- Purchase or have available … a heater that runs on propane … have extra tanks on hand.
- Purchase or have available … a Kerosene Lamp / w/ plenty of kerosene fuel
- A chain saw or saw tool. These tools are handy when clearing fallen limbs or debris.
- Tools for scraping off ice on walkways or driveway.
- Bags of rock salt for melting the ice areas.
- Water … bottled water by the cases.
- Blankets
- Purchase or have available .... flashlights / batteries
- Buy or have available …. "D"cell batteries for lamp lights
- Buy or have available … extra lamps powered by batteries
- Buy or have available …. a battery-powered T.V. for advisories
- Keep an ample supply of can goods and other food that will not spoil.
- Keep breakables, away from all windows.
- Keep everybody in the household away from all windows.
- Have a cell phone on hand and charger.
- Do not try to plug in a hair dryer to any cords.
- Check your generator fuel gauge every seven hours for fuel level.
- When fueling, turn generator off first. Fuel tank, (do not over fill). Allow five to ten minutes before restarting.
- Remember, during most ice storms, tree limbs break and fall from the heavy ice accumulations. If seated in the house, sit at the farthest point away from any windows or your tree area outside.
- If you lose power to your home, you may try staying with family or friends who still have power in their homes.
- Call your local power company and report all power shortages, when you lose power or know of someone else who has.
Ice Storms are dangerous .. and at times can produce lightning too. Stay warm and safe.
My work, my life, my dream, is about helping people. About taking something that's not so great, and healing it. Sometimes all I can do is listen to someone hurting, but contrary to the implied definition, even that's not a passive experience. Unless I'm having a selfish day, I'm always looking for something to give, something to do, some way to help.
Until the moment when I break out of the trees, and my words are stolen by a painted sky, over a forest so dark it's been reduced to two dimensions. The lake carries deep secrets of beauty under a glassy surface, a surface that permits no entry because disturbing it would be beyond criminal. There's a line of amber in the middle of the shadows, revealing that part of that flat black treeline is an island. Beauty and darkness blending into something beyond the definitions of each.
The morning I go out for a walk in the mist on the shore. The waves are crashing, running in and out as though searching for something in the gravel. The brightly wet rocks slide from under my weight, and the sky is impassively gray, too great to be aware of the tiny crustaceans that skitter and slide higher up the shore, demanding safety. The whole world seems to be waiting for something, and maybe it's just for me to leave, so that it can celebrate in its riotous joy. A promise of a terrific storm later. Can a storm have emotion? It seems to promise beauty and emotion, but in such a way to defy both terms.
The hushed open-air cathedral of the trees, with the long grass that invites all and tells nothing. High enough on the hills that the wind is your companion, and only a hawk soars over you. Dusty leaves enjoy their new settings, and the smell of the woods dances tantalizingly past your eyes. Lying down in that long soft grass, the earth accepting your weight, gazing up at the tall pale trees. There's a song here from before we knew notation, and so we'll never be able to take down the notes. Elusive and welcoming. Beautiful.
Only fifteen feet from the surface, and it's a totally different world. The floor is carved by a different master, the ceiling is in constant motion. A valley so deep that darkness seems to bleed out of it, reaching to pull you in and hide you forever, whispering the secrets that will make you forget the sun. Startled life that darts away from your form into better hiding. Sound you can't remember when you break the surface again. Beautiful. Beautiful.
There's nothing I can do, no words I can say. This was a place where I'm not going to be serving, where I'm not going to be helping or making anything better. The only thing I can possibly do here is view, drink, perceive. I'll be something of a holding receptacle for this moment.
That's all I can do - sit, listen with my eyes. Why? I won't have the words to tell anyone else about it later. I can't capture the sound, the taste of the air and convert it. I'm not a painter or a sculptor, to be able to convey this. Even the act of taking a picture would seem to interrupt something, to turn the focus back on the little person down here.
I'm not sure I know why. Maybe it's something I need to see to be all right. Maybe it's just because to see this and walk away without taking it in would be completely wrong. Maybe I'll be able to come back here and bring someone else with me. Maybe it's something that will teach me to love better, somehow. I don't know. I just know that this is beautiful, and I need to take it in.
Some interesting things decided to show up...
Check out the face. Too neat!
There is a lot I like about this one but I have to "highlight" two parts of this photo.
One is just the lightning. I liked it. ;)
This is.. well.. I dunno. It's almost ghost like. There was no one there. Josh was directly behind me. There wasn't a tree there either. My only logical guess was that it's a light refraction on the lens but the other pictures I took of it only has one more that showed up. Plus, it looked different and more faint in the second time it showed up. This one I just leave in the "I dunno files".
This would have been much more awesome if the lightning showed up above the bridge. Perhaps next time?
I loved the colors!
Well, Azrael's vet appointment went swimmingly! The vet loved how well I've been taking care of him. She even agreed with me that it was clear he was on his way out before we got to him. He is a third of a pound and surprisingly he has put on weight since I got him on Saturday. She says he doesn't seem to have any parasites but we gave him some round of shots to clear up anything that isn't detected. He goes back in a month to get his next round of shots.
Here's hoping for the best for him. I know I will do all that I can.
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