Stds @ MindSay


 

   
."I spy something... burgundy. No! Make that mahogany."
.I finally got my regular screening.

.High five to me. I'm HIV negative and don't have syphilis. I find out about gonorrhea and chlamydia in a week. Oh, STDs...

.I know you were all on the edge of your seats about that one, folks.
 
 
   
 

STD.
My best friend has chlamydia, I wasn't even sure what to say to her when she told me.  I feel so bad for her, she says that her boyfriend might have been cheating on her.  She was thinking about calling a couple people to tell them to get tested...wow.
 
 
 

   
Just thinking...

There are only two real desires we are born with: one to scratch an itch and two to be loved. No matter what anyone says all they really want is to be loved and accepted from the day we are born to the day we die. When babies are born they come out screaming but the second they are laid on there mothers chest they stop crying and are at rest. As we get older it changes: we look for someone who would love us forever. It starts as early as 6th grade, when you finally start to admit you like the opposite sex. Do you want to get married? Why? You’ve probably always wanted to get married for reasons you’re not even sure of. The thing is society, culture and media all put out images that degrade marriage and promote sex, so teenagers like myself are taught that sex is no big deal when it is. Sex is powerful, you can create life and cause death and that is really amazing. Up until the 1960s you dated got married and then had sex. Somewhere along the lines sex was taken out of marriage, they handed out condoms and called it no big deal. Teenagers now put time lines on relationships’ for when they should start having sex with that person; they think if I stay with this person for 6 months then I must love that person so we should start having sex, not even thinking about the consequences. Do you know what the number incurable sexually transmitted disease is? HPV which can cause genital warts and cervical cancer (since males don t have cervices there isn’t a to detect it men, so men can pass it to women). You probably see the “ONE LESS” commercial they run but has it occurred to you that they never tell you that it is sexually transmitted? Yeah they want you to tell someone but they don’t even tell you everything. And, condoms aren’t even all that effective. Condoms are a piece of latex that were originally made to prevent pregnancy, but now we’re using them to protect ourselves from about 30 different STD’s with hundreds of different strands.    

 
 
   
 

this about covers it
fuzzycookie1 (10:11:47 PM): hello
j (10:11:51 PM): heya

Auto Response from fuzzycookie1 (10:11:50 PM): It's not the way you smile that touched my heart.
It's not the way you kiss that tears me apart.
 
Many, many, many nights go by
I sit alone at home and cry over you.
What can I do?
Don't want nobody, nobody
Cuz baby it's you
 
Baby it's you

fuzzycookie1 (10:11:59 PM): w00t! the sound is working on the computer!
fuzzycookie1 (10:12:00 PM): lol
fuzzycookie1 (10:12:15 PM): how're u?
j (10:12:41 PM): i'm doin' all right
j (10:12:44 PM): kinda bored, urself?
fuzzycookie1 (10:12:54 PM): same i guess
fuzzycookie1 (10:13:13 PM): are most of ur friends still not back yet?
j (10:13:31 PM): ya
j (10:13:36 PM): 2 weeks from now
j (10:13:37 PM): oi!
fuzzycookie1 (10:13:42 PM): lol
fuzzycookie1 (10:13:52 PM): well i repeat, at least some of ur friends are around
fuzzycookie1 (10:13:59 PM): its better than having none at all like me
fuzzycookie1 (10:14:09 PM): all i have is harry potter, n being 20 i think that's kinda sad
fuzzycookie1 (10:14:10 PM): lol
j (10:14:18 PM): meh, not so bad
j (10:14:28 PM): potter is quite good if u haven't read it b4
fuzzycookie1 (10:14:34 PM): n i haven't, lol
j (10:14:37 PM): i should go to the bloody library
j (10:14:40 PM): oi
j (10:14:49 PM): i keep kinda thinking about doing it
j (10:14:57 PM): and gah! i was right next to it today
j (10:14:58 PM): bleg
fuzzycookie1 (10:15:07 PM): but i'm more than half way thro book 6 n after that i'm gonna take a break from reading, watch some movies, n then get back to it
fuzzycookie1 (10:15:30 PM): lol
fuzzycookie1 (10:15:35 PM): what do u wanna check out?
j (10:15:39 PM): i dunno
fuzzycookie1 (10:16:30 PM): lol
fuzzycookie1 (10:16:46 PM): i think u should look into the Sin City graphic novels, but i think everyone should, hehe
j (10:17:15 PM): lol
j (10:17:29 PM): well i was thinking more sci-fi novel or soemthing
fuzzycookie1 (10:17:51 PM): that's cool
fuzzycookie1 (10:18:09 PM): i used to be really into sci-fi books, but i kinda stopped reading in hs
j (10:18:17 PM): well i need a book book
j (10:18:22 PM): not a graphic novel
j (10:18:31 PM): err dare i say comic book
fuzzycookie1 (10:18:31 PM): i did used to read book books :P
j (10:18:32 PM): heh
fuzzycookie1 (10:18:37 PM): its not a comic book!
fuzzycookie1 (10:18:38 PM): lol
j (10:18:41 PM): lol
fuzzycookie1 (10:18:42 PM): there's a difference!
j (10:18:43 PM): of course not!
fuzzycookie1 (10:18:52 PM): JTHM, those are comic books
fuzzycookie1 (10:19:20 PM): Sin City and those Vampire ones i'm blanking on the name of right now are graphic novels
fuzzycookie1 (10:19:21 PM): hehe
fuzzycookie1 (10:20:28 PM): 30 Days of Night, that's what they're called!
fuzzycookie1 (10:20:29 PM): lol
fuzzycookie1 (10:21:46 PM): how was ur weekend?
j (10:23:44 PM): meh, ok
j (10:23:58 PM): urs/
j (10:23:59 PM): ?
fuzzycookie1 (10:24:16 PM): same i guess
fuzzycookie1 (10:24:27 PM): friday was really disappointing but not surprising
j (10:24:36 PM): ?
fuzzycookie1 (10:24:41 PM): lol
j (10:24:45 PM): what was dissapointing aboot it?
fuzzycookie1 (10:24:52 PM): reanna flaked on me
j (10:24:58 PM): o hum ic
j (10:25:07 PM): wait, was she to come down, or r u back in humboldt?
fuzzycookie1 (10:25:09 PM): n as soon as i called her n she said our friend Zach was in town i knew she would
fuzzycookie1 (10:25:20 PM): she drove here, picked me up, n we went back to berekely
fuzzycookie1 (10:25:21 PM): lol
fuzzycookie1 (10:25:52 PM): she's actually living w/ her best friend on Ashby a couple blocks down from where carly lives
j (10:26:00 PM): ahh ic cool
fuzzycookie1 (10:26:20 PM): yeah, but she flaked n i was pissed n i was having a shitty day to begin w/ n e way so that just made things worse
fuzzycookie1 (10:26:54 PM): but then zach called me at 2:30am cuz he left berekely cuz of drama n blah blah blah, but it was kinda nice cuz i got to vent out some frustration
fuzzycookie1 (10:27:07 PM): u seem to be the type of person who's always had friends
fuzzycookie1 (10:27:16 PM): is it normal to get uber pissed at them from time to time?
fuzzycookie1 (10:28:16 PM): i'm not kidding, i really don't know the answer to this question
j (10:29:16 PM): well ya, i dunno
j (10:29:24 PM): flakes generally aren't my friends for long
fuzzycookie1 (10:29:30 PM): me either
j (10:29:32 PM): some peeps are just like that
fuzzycookie1 (10:29:36 PM): hence why i don't have n e friends
j (10:29:40 PM): so that is totally valid to get pissed at them for
fuzzycookie1 (10:29:53 PM): but is it normal to get pissed at them for other things, too?
j (10:29:55 PM): but i think friends are friends, ur not in a relationship with the,
j (10:30:09 PM): they aren't peeps i get pissed at generally
fuzzycookie1 (10:30:42 PM): hun, u have to remember that i've never really had friends in 20 years, i have no idea what i'm doing
fuzzycookie1 (10:30:53 PM): hmm, ok, i guess that makes sense
fuzzycookie1 (10:32:21 PM): but i mean, do u sometimes just wanna strangle ur closest friends? because they don't wanna admit where they're wrong or have a problem or something like that?
fuzzycookie1 (10:32:35 PM): or cuz they make really shitty choices no matter what u do?
fuzzycookie1 (10:32:44 PM): or am i just damned to have those kind of ppl in my life forever?
j (10:32:53 PM): meh, not rly, heh, i dunno, i dun get mad at peeps easy
j (10:33:04 PM): i think it's all what u make of it, not who the other peeps are
fuzzycookie1 (10:33:17 PM): what do u mean?
j (10:33:55 PM): regardless of who the peeps are, they are going to want to hang with u, or not, depending on who u r
j (10:33:57 PM): not who they are
j (10:34:19 PM): sure there are those flakes
j (10:34:22 PM): and those assholes
j (10:34:45 PM): but avoid them, and u'll come upon some firends, and plz, rianna and u are friends, dun give me the, I haven't had n e friends my whole life shit
j (10:34:55 PM): and u have had plenty of other friends
fuzzycookie1 (10:35:19 PM): ok, i mean except ppl in this past year
fuzzycookie1 (10:35:25 PM): i really don't know what i'm doing
fuzzycookie1 (10:35:42 PM): n for a while me n reanna weren't speaking to each other, but then again for a while she wasn't speaking to n e body that wasn't ryan
fuzzycookie1 (10:36:16 PM): how do u know that i've had plenty of other friends excluding ppl from this past year?
fuzzycookie1 (10:37:49 PM): there is a big difference between "friends" and "friendly aquantances" too
j (10:41:11 PM): w/e
fuzzycookie1 (10:41:25 PM): what do u mean by that?
j (10:41:44 PM): i mean ur being a drama queen, I have no friends life sucks
j (10:41:46 PM): bleg
fuzzycookie1 (10:42:01 PM): excuse me?
fuzzycookie1 (10:42:07 PM): u asked what was dissapointing, didn't u?
j (10:42:53 PM): yasry
fuzzycookie1 (10:43:04 PM): n i tried to ask u for advice cuz i feel like shit everytime i get pissed off at the friends i do have now cuz i've always figured friendship isn't supposed to be like this, didn't i?
fuzzycookie1 (10:43:21 PM): n u've always had friends, haven't u? so u have no idea what its like to be this lonely
fuzzycookie1 (10:45:24 PM): so don't tell me i'm being a drama queen and don't complain that me elaborating on my disappointing weekend, which YOU asked about, is being a drama queen either when YOU obviously have no idea where i'm coming from
fuzzycookie1 (10:45:31 PM): i've already told u that i'm suicidal when i'm here
fuzzycookie1 (10:45:54 PM): if u don't wish to hear more about it and only want to lecture me about how i shouldn't be complaining then u shouldn't be asking
fuzzycookie1 (10:46:16 PM): why did u ask me why i'm suicidal n e way? were u just curious?
j (10:47:39 PM): i have a good idea what it is to be lonely
fuzzycookie1 (10:47:41 PM): look, i'm sorry, i just think its rather rude of u to ask me questions and then complain about my answers
fuzzycookie1 (10:47:46 PM): i'm sure u do
fuzzycookie1 (10:47:53 PM): everyone knows what its like to be lonely
fuzzycookie1 (10:48:09 PM): but do u really know what its like to have no one?
fuzzycookie1 (10:48:53 PM): i told u, i don't see the point in bullshitting u n pretending i'm happy n e more
fuzzycookie1 (10:49:02 PM): n a week ago u were like, "that's good to admit"
fuzzycookie1 (10:49:07 PM): now you're calling me a drama queen
j (10:49:08 PM): it is
fuzzycookie1 (10:49:40 PM): so its good to admit, but in admitting what makes me depressed i'm a drama queen
fuzzycookie1 (10:50:22 PM): is that what ur saying, or am i over analyzing things again? cuz if i am i want u to explain things more clearly to me so i understand what u are saying
fuzzycookie1 (10:50:52 PM): n u didn't answer why u even asked me why i'm suicidal here in the first place
j (10:52:04 PM): because it is a nice thing to do, it is nice to ask u what is on ur mind
j (10:52:20 PM): and i apologize for the words i used a second ago
j (10:52:41 PM): i am not a someone trained to deal with suicidal talks, and i apologize
fuzzycookie1 (10:52:47 PM): u shouldn't do things like that just because they're nice to do, u should do it because u care
fuzzycookie1 (10:52:51 PM): i know ur not
fuzzycookie1 (10:53:09 PM): that was clear to me when i started answering u
fuzzycookie1 (10:53:37 PM): but i didn't want to chastize u for it because u were trying n that's a hell of a lot more than most other ppl do
j (10:54:16 PM): ya
fuzzycookie1 (10:54:21 PM): and i thank u for that
j (10:54:56 PM): welcome
fuzzycookie1 (10:55:28 PM): but please know that many ppl who are suicidal are so because they feel like no one cares about them and i'm one of those ppl. I know, logically in my head, that that's not true. Unfortunately, tho, i have a mental disorder that doesn't like to listen to logic so my feelings don't always match my knowledge
fuzzycookie1 (10:55:52 PM): and u shouldn't delve into such a serious subject because its a polite thing to do. u should do it because u care
fuzzycookie1 (10:56:25 PM): because it hurts me much more getting my hopes up n thinking that one more person gives a fuck about me rather than no one more person doesn't out of the vast majority that shares that feeling
j (10:56:32 PM): well i care, to a point
fuzzycookie1 (10:56:38 PM): heh
fuzzycookie1 (10:56:56 PM): that's good. we all care to a point
fuzzycookie1 (10:58:20 PM): i think too many ppl put too much on the word "care" as if its synonymous w/ "love" and i've never believed that to be true. i'm a very caring person, i care about ppl until they give me a reason not to, hence why i've been given reasons not to be too trusting of ppl (n yet another reason for my mental diagnosis)
fuzzycookie1 (11:00:31 PM): but i think u should know that while i appreciate u trying, u need to know that asking me why i consider giving up on life n then telling me that they're not good reasons at all doesn't help. it only makes me feel worse and it makes me very angry with u and i don't want to be
j (11:01:17 PM): jennifer
fuzzycookie1 (11:01:21 PM): and having PTSD, my experience tells me that whenever i try to explain these feelings to ppl that don't seem to understand them, like u, it always turns into an arguement and i like to avoid those as much as possible
j (11:01:24 PM): i at no time told u they are bad reasons
fuzzycookie1 (11:01:41 PM): that's how i interpreted them
j (11:01:42 PM): and right now, this very second
j (11:01:43 PM): u
j (11:01:45 PM): are
j (11:01:55 PM): being a drama queen, i mention *one thing*
j (11:01:57 PM): and u take it
j (11:02:03 PM): and blow it was the fuck out of proportion
j (11:02:26 PM): i did not insult u as a person
fuzzycookie1 (11:02:34 PM): i felt insulted as a person
j (11:02:36 PM): i did not tell u u had bad reasons for living
j (11:02:42 PM): or for ur want to do n e thing
j (11:02:51 PM): i just described the mother fucking situation
j (11:02:51 PM): ok
fuzzycookie1 (11:02:57 PM): i felt like u were insulting me
j (11:03:06 PM): well it was not my intent
j (11:03:09 PM): and i apologize
fuzzycookie1 (11:03:27 PM): everytime someone has called me that, an attention whore, etc it has been an insult to me
j (11:03:44 PM): because it is an insult
j (11:03:50 PM): but kindly scroll up
j (11:03:55 PM): look at how much u just ranted
fuzzycookie1 (11:03:58 PM): i saw what u said
j (11:04:01 PM): ok, yes, it may be important
j (11:04:07 PM): yes it may matter a whole lot to u
fuzzycookie1 (11:04:11 PM): n i'm telling u why i blew things "way the fuck out of proportion"
j (11:04:17 PM): and it is quite the important issue
j (11:04:45 PM): however, it is definetly in the spirit of creaitng drama
fuzzycookie1 (11:04:53 PM): what is?
j (11:04:56 PM): but at this point
fuzzycookie1 (11:05:01 PM): me getting mad that u insulted me?
fuzzycookie1 (11:05:06 PM): or that i felt insulted by u?
j (11:06:05 PM): nm
fuzzycookie1 (11:06:12 PM): no please
j (11:06:15 PM): change the subject
j (11:06:18 PM): i'm over it
fuzzycookie1 (11:06:27 PM): no, i feel the need to try to explain myself
fuzzycookie1 (11:07:08 PM): u ppl don't understand. some ppl deal w/ their problems by bottling them up inside. some ppl create art, some care for creatures, some ride roller costers or beat ppl up
fuzzycookie1 (11:07:24 PM): i deal w/ mine by talking about them, by getting them out
fuzzycookie1 (11:07:29 PM): it makes me feel better to vent
fuzzycookie1 (11:07:32 PM): i don't like drama
fuzzycookie1 (11:07:39 PM): i don't like having it around
fuzzycookie1 (11:07:47 PM): i don't like instigating it
fuzzycookie1 (11:08:14 PM): hence why i still haven't confronted gabby on talking about us when u have no idea how pissed and betrayed and violated i feel by her
fuzzycookie1 (11:09:17 PM): n i felt even more insulted that u could call me that when u were the one asking n no matter how irritated i've been w/ u over whatever stupid shit i've never called u names
fuzzycookie1 (11:09:54 PM): n that hurt a lot especially since u'd seem to atleast slightly care
fuzzycookie1 (11:10:15 PM): ur not just ignoring all this, are u?
j (11:10:50 PM): i am doin' other things
j (11:10:58 PM): and coming back to the conversation at passing
j (11:11:08 PM): keep talking, w/e makes u feel better
fuzzycookie1 (11:11:39 PM): no i'm done
fuzzycookie1 (11:11:42 PM): i know u don't mean that
j (11:12:07 PM): i just said it, why the hell would i not mean it?
fuzzycookie1 (11:12:46 PM): i dunno
fuzzycookie1 (11:12:49 PM): just to make me happy
j (11:13:40 PM): and that would accomplish what if i didn't care at least an inkling?
fuzzycookie1 (11:14:00 PM): i dunno
j (11:14:03 PM): y do peeps do things like listen but for other people
fuzzycookie1 (11:14:04 PM): i'm sorry
j (11:14:25 PM): meh, nm to be sorry for, just keep shit in mind, when u r blowing up
j (11:14:32 PM): about ur personal problems
j (11:14:43 PM): keep in mind, if u make it seem so horribly shitty, for such a long time
j (11:14:46 PM): people stop caring
fuzzycookie1 (11:14:47 PM): please don't put it that way
j (11:14:59 PM): and it isn't that way, so don't drag it out like it is
fuzzycookie1 (11:15:22 PM): u haven't researched PTSD further, have u?
j (11:15:46 PM): u got food, a place to live, u got nice boobs, a decent body, ur pretty smart
j (11:15:57 PM): ur white, things could be a lot worse
j (11:16:00 PM): no i haven't
j (11:16:28 PM): ps: it's annoying when people through around their disabilities for justification
j (11:16:34 PM): no matter how right
j (11:16:37 PM): it is
j (11:16:48 PM): or how much it is accountable for actions/words
fuzzycookie1 (11:16:48 PM): ug, i knew u'd accuse me of that
j (11:17:07 PM): once again, look over the convo, u said it like 8 times
j (11:17:13 PM): i kno u have it
j (11:17:17 PM): it's too bad, i'm sorry
j (11:17:41 PM): it is not a reason for stuff, just cuz someone named something people seem to exhibit
j (11:17:51 PM): dun mean n e thing
fuzzycookie1 (11:18:07 PM): in a way i'm sorry u haven't known me longer, cuz i used to be a lot worse
fuzzycookie1 (11:18:28 PM): n its a lot harder to take that attitude when the label is put upon u
fuzzycookie1 (11:18:47 PM): u start to think in a whole other way n suddenly all the weird little things u do start to make sense
j (11:19:05 PM): well good, glad it is making sense of the world
fuzzycookie1 (11:19:16 PM): i've gotten a lot better and made a lot of progress, and i know u don't see that n a part of me wishes that u did
j (11:19:29 PM): congrats
fuzzycookie1 (11:20:21 PM): part of me wishes everyone one did. no one in my life now realizes what a big deal it is that i made it to 20. i know i still can't believe i did. i guess thats why it feels so different for me
fuzzycookie1 (11:20:36 PM): but even tho i'm often times aware of when my symptoms come to light and have much better control of them than i used to
fuzzycookie1 (11:20:55 PM): i apparently still say and do things that i'm not aware of that are also symptoms
fuzzycookie1 (11:21:51 PM): so its not that i'm trying to use my disability as an excuse because i know its not. if i wanted to try and use it as such i would not be in therapy and i would not have spent the many agonizing trips to the Emma Center and such
j (11:22:15 PM): mhmm
j (11:22:42 PM): that sounded cynical excuse me, ic would be a better word choice
fuzzycookie1 (11:23:45 PM): but it is an explanation of some of the strange things i do, say, or ways that i act around ppl, especially guys and many ppl who have further researched ptsd after i have told them i have it if not why say that it helps them understand why i sometimes say the things i do and act the way that i do
fuzzycookie1 (11:24:21 PM): and i know that not trusting someone because of their gender isn't right, i know that my life isn't as bad off as it could be, i know all of that
fuzzycookie1 (11:25:17 PM): but i still hear those voices in the back of my head that say, "remember what happened last time, remember what happened last time," and since "last time" happened a lot, its hard to ignore them
fuzzycookie1 (11:25:40 PM): and its no excuse, but apparently it does help ppl understand why i act inexcusably at times
fuzzycookie1 (11:26:11 PM): n thanx for complementing my body. i think that's the first time u've ever done it
j (11:26:22 PM): welcome
j (11:27:11 PM): second time
fuzzycookie1 (11:27:28 PM): when was the first?
j 
 
 
 

   
at least i got something done
  • call kaiser to see if i can make an immediate appointment to get tested again
  • see if pop-eyes has more applications
  • call vinni for my quiznos job (slits wrists)
  • deposit WPA reimbersment check in the bank
  • finish resume
  • continue hunt for temp work
  • persuade parents to take out a loan so i can go to summer school
  • burry Hermie
  •  
     
       
     

    Showing 1 - 5.   [ Next ]
     
    Latest Comment
    Re: fee lines - Oh goody. I love bloggingcat!

    Read...


     
    © 2005-2007 MindSay Interactive LLC
    | Terms of Service
    | Privacy Policy
    My Account
    Inbox
    Account Settings
    Lost Password?
    Logout
    Blog
    Update Blog
    Edit Old Entries
    Pick a Theme
    Customize Design
    Modify Plugins
    Community
    Your Profile
    Wiki Pages
    MindSay Tags
    Video & Photos
    Geographic Directory
    Inside MindSay
    About MindSay
    MindSay and RSS
    Report Spam
    Contact Us
    Help