Soo Tired @ MindSay

its soo hot!! and we got an ac thats working soo hard just to keep us cool! i feel a little sorry for the thing.aspecially when the sun comes up right in front of our windows. we don't ever get any reliefe. except this winter for the little time we'll be here we will. neway, its not soo bad here in the winter, its just spring comes next and thats a bitch. bc of little children that lik to scream their heads off and parents that scream their heads off bc their kids are screaming their heads off. annoying, really. neway, kinda tired, i'm on chapter 15 on HP7! almost half way! YAY! go me! neway, gotta go and make up for not reading las night. later losers! much <3!

I have so much on my mind..I'm soo extremely tired, but I cannot sleep..of course. I'm getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow, and I'm definetly NOT looking forward to it..(but it's better than work..)

 

I keep getting all these mixed signals. One second I think Jimmy doesn't like me, the next he's seriously asking me to work at Abe Lincoln with him in the summer..And it sucks because it makes me feel like I'm making a mistake for going to New Orleans...but I am going...I will not give that up for a boy..I know I'd regret it..but right now..I feel like I shouldn't go..

I want SO badly to be ready for a relationship, especially since I like someone and I think the reason I "just want to be friends" is because I know that no relationship will work out right now..with anyone..i'm just not ready..I don't know what I want..There have been times over break I wanted Ryan back, but I don't think that that's best..It's not what I really want...and I've been thinking..I am way too goddamn nice..when we were on a break last time, or broken up, whatever..he wasn't nice to me..he would talk if i called him, but he basically never called me..and if we hung out, it was way awkward....waaaay awkward...he wouldn't hold my hand or do anything....he hurt me..and I shouldn't feel bad because he's not the one I want..HE is the one that treated ME like shit..and now he will cry, or he'll tell me how much he misses me and beg for me back..and it breaks my heart..it makes me feel like complete shit because I was where he is..I really was..I was really upset and I just wanted him back..but I didn't handle it like that..it's not fair for him to make me feel bad because I never made him feel bad..I told him I'd wait for a while, but that I understood..and he tells me he understands but he doesn't..because if he did, he wouldn't do stuff like that...I told him a million times what was wrong/what bothered me in our relationship..he never did a thing about it, until now..and it's not going to last..if we get back together, it will just be how it was, and i'm so over that..I just can't see it working out between us..I really can't..at least not now..because things aren't ever going to change

 

I'm finally starting to not really care if I don't get married young..if it happens, that's good..but if not, that's okay..I'm going to hold out for what I want..

 

And right now, I have no idea what that is....

 

I'm tired..ahh....

i went to the movies today. i saw "the devil wears prada" it was a good movie. i hadnt been to the movies in soo long. i used to go all the time, but then i guess situations change and there are then factors that influence your going.

i felt so tired after the movie though. when i got home i went, again, to my routine study place; the trampoline. i had abit of a snooze, unintentionally of course. i was reading about the differences of salt and water concentrations in salt water fish and fresh water fish. as that is so exciting i dont know how i could of fallen asleep. lol. but it was just so comfy; lying down in the sun. "let the sun wrap its arms around me". it was so nice and warm. although i was inevitably woken up by the all reliable mum. lol. but i would have stayed sound asleep if mum hadnt remembered the washing. well i would have woken up eventually i guess, well when the sun setted and it got a tad chilly. lol.

 

 

"i woke up to the real life and realised it's not worth running from anymore. when there was nowhere left to hide i found out that nothing reals here and i wont stop now until i find a better part of me."

 

                Well im back, so much shit going on in my life right now. My head hurts from trying to figure it all out. I keep lashing out at a snap of a finger sending people im close to stagering backward in astonishment of my quick temper. Im soo tired i wish i could just sleep for a week straight without a sound or thought or a bit of light to wake me. Wish my damn worrying mind would let me rest.

Well i am soo tired of little brothers he wont listen to me he wont be nice he is aLWAYS rude and ingorant like right now he is throwing toys at me grrr i HATE it

*if u think this is like soo wrong or if u would love to trade siblings Talk TO Me !!!!!!!!

--kelsey