So Long @ MindSay

Broken hearts and paradise
Before the ending that
No one seems to know...

I am just in the mood to sit here and wait for the end of the world. There are so many questions that I need to have answered. Will it be a death by natural causes or will it be a result of a self-inflicted wound? And there is always the possibility that it could be a tragic accident that brings about the end of this world. So here I shall sit and await the spectacle as it unfolds before my eyes. And then I will know...

It is a bit ironic that mankind feels that they are survivors on this planet when they have not even put in enough time to be considered such. The history shows that this species has only been walking the land for a brief instance in the four and a half billion year history of this world. And there have been so many survivors whose age was counted in the hundreds of millions of years who are no longer with us - they had a proven track record and yet they are now gone...

What makes these humans so sure that they will be around forever? In this cosmic crap shot, there are so many ways that this planet and all who occupy it can be eliminate - there are so many unknowns, so many forces to deal with. What if the planet takes a direct gamma ray burst? What if a black hole wonders close enough to the planet so that it is sucked into the void? What if mankind's understanding of the sun is grossly inadequate and the sun dies tomorrow? What if a big ole rock from the heavens hits the earth on a fault line and cracks it open like a big ole egg? I'd like my world over easy, thank you much...

And I want to be there when it happens though the chances of being granted my wish are slim at best. Maybe that my death will take me to another plane of existence from which I can watch the end unfold before me. Will there be fireworks or will it just fade away? I want to know...

But then again I want to be there to witness the last star in the universe as it flickers out of existence and the heavens are nothing but black in all directions - nothing for all eternity...

This is the Word of the AntiCrust as he awaits the End of the World...

Praise be ye who Read the Word for ye are Blessed amongst humans...

The way the sunlight really feels
Burning through the longest afternoon
Slowly passing time demands
All that seems that I can stand
Silver wings can't get me there to soon...

Another day on this long road to where I know not. Looking back at where I've been is a somewhat strange thing to behold. If I had known how much my previous job had affected me in a negative way, I would've jumped ship long before I was asked to disembark. One never truly perceives how bad a situation is until one is far removed from it. The entire experience was much like a cancer that slowly but surely consumes the soul. At first one feels that the situation is not so bad and that it can be managed on one's own. But it only grows and grows until it reaches a point where it must be cut out or lest the soul shall die...

I am so very grateful that my salvation was forced upon me for I do not feel that I had the strength left to do it on my own. But such is the way my life has been, when in doubt something will happen. When faced with a fork in the road, just keep walking and there you shall be. For even if it is decided not to decide, a decision has been made. And I just keep walking all the while...

Now let's fast-forward three days, for this has become a long drawn out process - this Blog thang. An interesting thing it is that I call my life. I went hiking in the mountains - technically it was in the valleys for it consisted of hiking parallel to a river. The hike was good, good for the soul. And when it was all done on the drive home, I was behind a truck that I can assume was used for off-road excursions. And there it was, a sign. Of all the vehicles that were on all the roads that I traveled on that day, I had to be directly behind this particular truck at this particular time. And if I hadn't been directly behind it, I would've never noticed the words that were about one inch high and faded so the brown paint of the body showed through the white letters. And there it was before me, "NOT ALL WHO WANDER ARE LOST..." With the way in which my brain operates, it set off a flood of thoughts that went from the absurd to the sublime to concrete realization that yes this is the truth...

And so I wonder and wonder through my existence, and I know that I'm never lost for here I am and so shall I remain...

This is the Word of the AntiCrust...

Praise be ye who Read the Word for ye are Blessed amongst humans...

I've slowly turned another page
Deeper into love I seem to go
The story's filled with scattered lies
Broken hearts and paradise
Before the ending that
No one seems to know...

It seems as if my writing has slowed lately for it seems as if I do not feel the need to release all the negative energy that is held within nor do I have the need to rant about topics that I feel strongly about. It funny to realize that my previous job impacted me to such a degree, and that now I feel as if the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders...

I have been set free from the chains of my oppressors; and to some extent, I am now sitting around saying, "OK, now what?"

I had done the exact same thing for so long that I'm not exactly sure what to do now. This fact doesn't bother me at all for it is just something different, a rest stop on my journey to where I'm heading...

And as I type into the night I hear the distant sound of rockets, explosions, the roar of cannon on this national holiday. The clouds show the flashes of light that are hidden by the rolling hills of the terrain. It is a war waged on a colossal scale. The smells, the sights, the sounds make me feel as if I am in French town close by the trenches of World War I. Why does this impression pop into my mind at the moment? I cannot answer this question. It is possible that it a shared memory passed down through the human psyche. I have always felt that shared experiences flow through mankind and this may be one of them...

And now it has been another day, and still I'm trying to finish this. The rains have come in all their glory, the thunder and the lightning - a continuation of all that was yesterday, but this is nature's way of erasing the horrors of man. The smells of the power have been eliminated, the rains feeding the plants that will cover the craters; the thunder drowns out the roar of the explosives, the lightning far out shines the flashes of the rockets...

This is the Word of the AntiCrust...

Praise be ye who Read the Word for ye are Blessed amongst humans...

Well. It's over and he's gone. Yesterday was the day I reached my wick's end with The Boy, not that it hadn't been burning fast for a long time now. 

 

I Believe:

 

That everyone deserves to be happy

That not everyone can be happy together

That relationships should evolve

That there are things to talk about that're deeper than the weather

That drinking, if a person so chooses to do so, should be done occasionally and not daily

That a person should not have to "raise" their partner

That building a person up is much harder than tearing them down

That if you're being torn down, you automatically return the favor

That everything we do is a choice and not a predetermined path

That personal independence is a virtue

That interpersonal dependence is not

That people believe whatever suits their fancy

That truth lies somewhere between each person's perceptions and is not self-evident

That a person's partner should come *first* in their lives, unless they have kids, who should automatically come first

 

That relationships are built on trust, honesty, integrity, and damned hard work

That there is no point in beating a dead horse

That spoiled milk never gets any fresher the longer you leave it in the fridge

That if you do something nice for a "taker" once, they'll expect it forever

That I deserve to be treated well

That I have not been

 

The Boy was given a choice. He could either have his bag, his booze, and his boys, or he could have a better future and me. He chose and he is gone. And while I will miss his presence, I will not miss his behaviors. Like I said before, *everyone* deserves to be happy. If drinking, smoking, and living as a child makes him happy, then he is completely entitled to that. *I* deserve to be happy too. Coming home to a drunk, passed-out mate is not a particularly pleasurable experience; finding out that something is destroyed because of drunkenness is even less so.

 

I chose too.

I chose me.

 

*shrug* C'est la vie

 

 

Is it time to say goodbye already?  I can't believe it.  I just got here.  I just started blogging.  I just recently got to meet you people.

My semester has come to an end, and wow has it been an amazing experience from start to finish.  I got to walk the eternal streets of Spain and Italy.  I spent a 21st birthday party in Morocco.  I even experienced snow on the French Riviera, something that hasn't happened in 20 years.

My mind was opened, my brain was filled, my eyes were dazzled, and my jaw was dropped numerous times.  It really is one of the best things I have ever done.  A vacation, a learning experience, and just an all around wonderful time with wonderful new friends who will last a lifetime.

I would strongly recommend anyone to venture outside of one’s comfort zone and experience the inviting wonders. This experience is teaching and reinforcing the values and know how’s previously taught by my parents, my school teachers, and my best teacher of all, past experiences. Being in a foreign land has challenged me to socially interact with people of different backgrounds, efficiently manage time and money, and continually strive for further self-development.

I am also quite fortunate to be in an environment that allows a combination of mental stimulation, emotional resolution, and spiritual evaluation. For this experience I’m eternally grateful.

I just can't believe it's time to leave.  I have so much left to accomplish.  I have so much left I want to do.



Oh well, I guess I'll just have to come back...




And thank you.  Thank you so much for sharing my adventures with me.  I know we'll meet again.