Snoring @ MindSay 
sleep
Item 1-
I'm scared, well more exactly I'm afraid. I'm afraid to sleep. I can't seem to get there anymore since someone told me I snore. It seems I don't just snore but I snore like a chainsaw working it's way through a giant redwood.
"But it's ok, you only do it sometimes."
Yes, but which times ? ? ? ! ! !
So now, every time I am just about to fall off to sleep, I wake up with a jolt, afraid I've been snoring again. I bought a mouth-guardy thingy to stop it but that doesn't seem to be doing the trick at all. I've heard you can have an operation to widen the back of your throat to prevent snoring but who can afford that ! ? I just don't know what to do. How is it that I wake up at the sound of a mouse farting but I can sleep through my own chainsaw? I just don't know what to do, any advice people?
Item 2 -
Tom Cruise. OK, now we all know of the far-reaching arms of the "church" of scientology, however this has gone too far. Australia's cowardly publising houses have bowed in unison, to be collectivley anally raped by Mr 'C' and his so-called "church" because of a book that's been written about him.
It seems a Mr Andrew Morton has written an unauthorised biography of the divine Mr 'C' and his church aren't at all happy about it. They have threatened to sue any publisher that puts the book to print in Oz as well as anywhere else. Of course our American cousins have chosen to weather the storm-in-a-teacup and go to print anyways. Good for them I say, but we really must teach our own cowardly custards to stand up and pull faces at their enemies.
Here's what I suggest: We in Oz, should all go to Amazon.com and purchase a copy of this book. Here's the link. . .
That way we all get to thumb our noses at the bullies and at the same time, punish our cowardly establishment for not doing their job and upholding our right and our freedom to read.
I don't really care about Tom, or his religion, or his life story (yawn) but I do care about censorship.
I wonder if the scientologists will sue me? Be interesting won't it?
Sleep is one thing that will never go out of style. When you were a baby you slept a lot. When you were growing up Mom sent you off to bed early at night. As an adult your aim was to snag at least eight hours of sleep nightly. Nothing like waking up the next morning fresh and bright from a good night's restful sleep.
Some of us sink right into sleep the moment our heads touch the pillow. Some turn and toss in bed but cannot sleep a wink. Their problem is either physical, mental or medical. They try sleeping pills, herbal medicine or Chinese accupuncture. Some try counting sheep. Some talk to the Shepherd. In any case, sleep either enfolds them or eludes them. In the good old days, legends told of heavy sleepers who fell sleep under some kind of magic or enchantment.
Rip Van Winkle was a happy-go-lucky, henpecked husband. One day he climbed the Kaatskills Mountains and came upon some elves playing ninepins. He found flasks lyimg on theground in which the elves filled with some kind of brew. He took a sip too many from the flasks and fell asleep immediately. He slept for twenty years. When he woke up, he found himself alone. He decided to return home. He found a lot of changes in his neighborhood. The old neighorhood was not the place he left when he went up the mountain. None of his old friends were around. The people he met and saw were strangers.
Then there was the lovely princess, put to sleep by an enchantment thrown at her by a vengeful uninvited guest. She slept a hundred years. She was known as The Sleeping Beauty.
Epimenides, a Greek poet, fell asleep in a cave when he was a boy. He woke up 57 years later, possessed of all wisdom in the world . His tale is known in story as The Sleeper.
Finally, there are the Seven Sleepers of Ephesus, seven Christian youths in the time of the pagan Roman Emperor Diocletian. To escape the Roman persecution of Christians, the Seven hid inside a cave and went to sleep. They snoozed, perhaps even snored, for 200 years. When they woke up Theodosius II was Emperor of Rome. Their world had changed. Rome had become Christian during the reign of Emperor Constantine. Christianity was now revered not hated nor detested.
It would seem the sleepers only took an beauty nap. Sleeping Beauty and the Seven Sleepers awakened with their youth still intact. They slept until their slumber was disturbed by a Prince Charming in the case of Sleeping Beauty, or because simply, it was time for them to get up as with the Seve Sleepers of Ephesus. Rip Van Winkle fell asleep in the prime of his life and woke up still in hs prime; sleep overtook Epimenides the Poet when he was a boy and woke up 57 years later a man.
To sleep deep and heavy like Rip Van Winkle, or Sleeping Beauty, or Epimenides, or any one of the Seven Sleepers of Ephesus, that is the the dream (pardon the play on words) of sleep-deprived insomniacs. A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest (Proverbs 24:33-34). That would be heaven sent.
I went to lunch a few days ago at one of my favorite BBQ Joints called "Memphis Minnies, located on "Haight" Street in Haight Ashbury. The food is so good it makes my fat ass wanna cry. I ordered the Pork Sandwich, Fries, and lots of beer.......If you've never seen a grown man cry, follow me to Minnies. The food is that good.
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As most of you already know, I love to eat. I don't much care that I'm a fat slob as long as my belly is full at all times. If any of you Mindsay Bloggers live in or near San Francisco, please visit Memphis Minnies for some of the best BBQ you'll ever eat.
After lunch I went to "City Lights" bookstore on Columbus St.....the bookstore is owned by a friend of Jack Kerouac's. It's a great bookstore, one of my favorites. I will drive into the city just to buy a book from them instead of the large Chains.....Fuck em, I like the Independent book sellers. There are three things in life that put a smile on my face more than anything else....they are food, books, and great coffee.....Ooopps, I forgot beer. I suppose I love to fart most of all.
There is nothing like letting a really loud fart after a big meal, especially if it's a long wet one. People shouldn't fall asleep around me because I am known for putting my big fat crack in their face, and farting while they snooze. I did it to my younger brother one time, and I thought he was gonna kill me. He jumped up off the couch where he had been napping and chased me around the house calling me a "fucking sick bastard", and said "he would kill me if he got his hands on me". LOL
Another time I was at a friends house watching movies with him when the skinny fucker fell asleep on his sofa. He started snoring so loud I couldn't hear the dialogue in the movie....and there is nothing worse than missing dialogue during a good movie. The more he snored the madder I got.
After about ten minutes of listening to him snore, I had had enough! I walked over to the jackass and dropped my pants so the fart would be louder, and smell real good in his bespeckled face. I let loose with a mighty roar. The son of a bitch woke up and screamed bloody murder. The dude thought I was trying to have sex with him after he saw my dropped drawers.
I said, "WHAT DID YOU SAY FUCK-BOY"......Oh No, Chevy don't swing that way".....I blew a fart in his face again, but this time I actually sat on his face, but not putting my full weight down on him. The second fart was mightier than the first one and smelled ten times worse..........My friend Glenn who is no longer my friend...LOL....said "he'd kill me too if he ever got the chance".
The moral of this story is..........DO NOT fucking fall asleep anywhere near me if you snore, grind your teeth, talk in your sleep, or are just annoying while I am trying to watch a movie....because I don't care who you are.....I will fart in your fucking face!
28 days until Christmas!!!!
It's raining, it's pouring
the old man is snoring.........
We are having a thunder storm in November? What's up with that?
Seriously.
Let me walk you through last night. I go to sleep first. This is a blessing. A HUGE blessing. Because if this happens to be a snoring night, I will be stuck trying to get him to stop... this is an impossible task. YOU try rolling over 200 plus pounds of dead weight. I have tried waking him up to get him to stop, but he has this gift -- a gift I will forever be envious of. He can fall asleep in literally seconds. SEC-ONDS. It is just not right. I have woken him up five times in a row before trying to get him to stop snoring long enough for me to go to sleep. No good. I've gone to another room, and STILL had trouble going to sleep. But last night was good. Not only did I fall asleeep first, but it was not a snoring night... thank heaven we have those... I knew this for sure the first time I woke up.
And that's the trouble. This man wakes me up more than my kids did when they were nursing. Seriously. Although, to be fair... this time it was my daughter crawling into the bed that woke me up first. I have no idea what time it was. But she only woke me up once. ONCE.
The next thing I know, he had rolled over to be closer to me... translates as I am almost falling out of the bed. Sometimes I actually crawl over him to the ocean of room on the other side of the bed... but he will then begin to squish up closer and closer to me... and once there is no such thing as closer, he will continue to push until I am clinging to the edge of the mattress with my fingernails on THAT side of the bed. This time wasn't quite that bad, thankfully... he was awake enough that I was able to give a small push to let him know that was far enough to be pressed right up on me, without necessarily sending daughter and wife to the floor. But there was more in store.
The hair pulling was next. I don't even know how he does this. I only know one second he's snuggly and close and that's really so nice, the next I Can't Move My Head. At all. Not good. We had a good three of those this morning.
And then there was the blanket. He kept putting it back over me. It's HOT. It's a down blanket (summer weight, yes, but we're in the DESERT.) And remember, he already has his body pressed up on one side, and my daughter is on the other. It did not matter how many times I threw that darn blanket off, he kept putting it back on.
And the alarm. Went off at five. He got up at six. One Hour Later. It was just radio... just background noise... and I probably should have just shut it off... but I was doing that thing we do... that human disease... where you think someone or something else will just make the problem go away so you don't have to... yes I know... really mature. But shutting it off would have required getting up... something which would have woken me up *entirely* and then there would be no hope of going back to sleep until tonight. I suppose I could also have just told him to shut it OFF already... a strategy I will employ next time.
And then we have the tree effect. Trust me when I tell you this is aptly named. My husband is twice my size, solid muscle. There are few things on this earth quite as heavy as out-cold sleeping muscle. Trust me. The name actually comes from a dream I had. One night I actually dreamed a tree... not a sapling... a five to six foot diameter Tree... had fallen on me. I woke to find my husband, dead asleep, lying right across my rib cage. This is not comfortable. I can't imagine it's good for my ribs. If osteoperosis ever sets in, I'm going to have serious problems.
The fact is, I really love to snuggle. But we have GOT to find a way to snuggle that doesn't involve pulling my hair, pushing me out of the bed, roasting me, or (most of all) crushing my lungs. My first idea is hey, let's put the little one on top! Because really.... isn't snuggling supposed to be... comfortable? For both people? Call me crazy... it wouldn't be the first time.
Whatever the case, this has got to be addressed or I am going to be grumpy to the point of no return... and that's definitely not going to be pretty.
