Smile @ MindSay

Just a thought ...

You've got to get up every morning
with a smile on your face
And show the world all the love in heart
Then people gonna treat you better
You're gonna find, yes you will
That you're beautiful as you feel

Carole King - Beautiful

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

I saw a bumper sticker on my way to work this morning.  It said simply:  Let's just be nice!

Can we?  I mean ... are we able?

I thank you for calling out my name in times that I have wondered a little too far and my sight became blurry, there were no other guidelines or indications to point me back to my destiny.

I am appreciative for the countless moments I was forced to stand still and listen to lectures and speeches never completely hearing what your heart was saying until now. I was still a child then and as a child I thought I knew everything.

There are no words to describe the feelings as you held me when everything appeared to be at its worse.

A simple rub on my back or a smile in my direction or the words I love you.

I thank you Father, both here and there.

I thank you for being the ultimate father that will love me more than anyone else can imagine so much so that you gave me my own father

I

Dixie currently feels:

 Hurt

 

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Blog Poem #3

 

"Hated"

 

 

This is a poem for everyone out there...

Everyone who hates me, read this and glare.

 

You can't stand to see me smile,

You hate it when I'm happy for a while.

 

When I'm there, laughing, having fun,

You want to shoot me with your gun.

 

You can't bear to see me happy,

You only like it when I feel crappy.

 

What exactly is your problem mate?

What is is about me that you hate?

 

Is it my laughter, my humour, my mind?

You can't even bring yourself to be kind.

 

You see me enjoying myself, and I see your frown,

You yourself are elated when you see me down.

 

Fine, sometimes I may swear, and sometimes I may moan,

Sometimes I may be violent, and objects will be thrown.

 

That's only one side of me, you bilateral onlooker.

One-sided, prejudiced, envious motherfucker!

 

Well just for you, I'm going to grin,

Smirk right in your face, and show you, you won't win.

Personally, I've little issue with the dentist.

My biggest problem is usually what book to bring.

I'm giving Mere Christianity another read-through. I don't remember if I actually finished it last time. If you're in an ethics class (or you just like debating ethics), but you really don't like anything about Christianity, read just the first half. C.S. Lewis has a gift for putting kind of complex thoughts into metaphors that a fifth-grader could understand. (The problem, of course, arises when you start talking to anyone who HAS taken an ethics class, because they can refer to particular conundrums by name, and you still have to explain everything. On the other hand, I know a couple of male fluffheads who have the impression that if they know the name of something, and you don't know what it is or how it applies, they don't have to be able to explain it (or, for that matter, have a clue what they're talking about, on occasion.)

It's also good if you're not a big reader, because it actually started as a radio show C.S. Lewis had. He had a 5-7 minute time slot to discuss a concept, and that was the show. And when you put it in book form, that's the chapter. Time to expand on a theory, not too much time for tangents, and it's actually wrapped at the end, instead of trailing off into oblivion.

The nice hygienist and I got to talking about this book, and the one she just picked up the other night but hasn't had a chance to read yet. Yes. I go to the dentist, and focus on the books. I usually have some kind of goofy question for her, too. Last time it was a question about whether certain bodily fluids were harmful to one's teeth. For anyone who knows me well, you know that wasn't building to practical application, but definite curiosity. "Hey, this concept just occurred to me - I wanna know!!"

Today we got into why they always ask if you're on oral contraceptives. I had X-rays again - I can't believe it's been five years since I had my wisdom teeth out. Five years? Where have they gone? What have I done in this time?? Sometimes it scares me that we (this started in our circle of friends in high school - I don't know if the rest of the world does it) use relationships as landmarks. It also makes me want to take off for some country where I don't know anybody, have to learn the language, spend a lot of time working very hard, helping people, totally not caring what I look like - in effect, doing something substantial for people, where no one will want to date me and I won't have time to care about dating.

Yes, I know, Love Actually, the one couple didn't speak the same language but fell in love anyways. Engaging discussion forms another level of the relationship in my world - I can't yet discuss philosophy in Portuguese. I can define in my own terms whether another person is physically attractive, and I can see if they're kind, care about people, and enjoy life, but relationships are based on communication.

Something is seriously tugging on my arm, and saying, "We need you over here." The motivation towards the third-world country is getting strong. Sigh. We'll see what life brings. I want to, but there's too much here that I'm tied to and can't abandon at the moment.

Nice pretty dentist comes in, we exchange names, she pokes everything in my mouth once, announces, "Perfect," I hop out of the chair and get another toothbrush. And, hey, dude, what is with not getting to pick your toothbrush color anymore? I know I'm a legal adult, I don't care - I want purple!! And I kind of wonder if there's an arbitrary age when they stop asking you, or if it's just based on how old you look. Or maybe what kind of discussion you had. Or maybe thirteen-year-olds don't read ethics in the waiting room.

It's become a ritual. I always forget that the door is to be pushed out, not pulled. And I can't go straight out of the dentist building, I always have to turn and go check out the work in the bathroom. This is primarily because I had braces when I was a teenager, and every month I'd have to pick a new color, so I'd always want to go see what they looked like right away. The orthodontist and dentist are the same, just not the oral surgeon.

And now, I smile, and there's a very faint, *ping!* Shiny now!

A Star

I push it down and compress it
so I won’t think of you

but like the lungs in my chest
it keeps inflating
A balloon in my mind
that just will not pop
and fills full
with every breath
A life that lives
as I do.

A glow so deep, it can't be hid
with all my might
I wish I could project it
onto you.

And lighten your smile
the way you light mine.

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I copied nothing by accident after I cut what I wanted to paste here. Fuck. I hate most things lately. I would say everything but the "everything black/white thinking" people would get after me. Even when I'm in a good mood, I think about everything and I can't find one good thing that has gone right, and if it has, the next day was 10 times worse than usual. I almost always think before I say things, so when I say "everything", it most often means all things. There's my poem. I'll get back to my work. Guess why I chose the title or just comment, or not comment. I don't care anymore. : )