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Don't get me started on what it means to be alive.
Okay should I like talk about life for a minute? I'm always so busy the week or two leading up to Christmas. I assume every one else is too.

Let's backtrack to December 16th, the night of the 'ria Christmas party. I told DeVito to be ready at 10:30 even though I don't get off work until 10 on Friday nights and there was no way I was going to be showered and fed and pretty in thirty minutes but omg this worked so well, we were totally not the last ones to arrive at Vin's house for the party

Besides for the stupid bitches who work at Vin's store, I had a good night. DeVito and I were the last to leave (as per usual) a little before 6am . . . we also cleaned up (also as per usual for me) for Vin who had, at this point, invite over his alcoholic cop neighbor and they were still drinking so DeVito and I figured cleaning for Vin who was probably going to be hungover as fuck when he woke up was a nice gesture haha when I was at work later that day Vin's wife Kim called me to thank me for cleaning up and I was like "aww you're welcome" because usually no one gives a fuck that I clean I swear


I don't remember if anything significant happened Saturday - Monday, but Tuesday night I went over to Terri and Dro's because it was their dog's 5th birthday and they were celebrating lololol I didn't want to stay to late, but Harry had asked me to wait at least until him and Alayna showed up. So I was there for about an hour waiting for them, and then once they were there, I had such a good time hanging out with them that I didn't end up leaving until 1:30am. #oops Once they showed up, it was basically only us and this kid Taylor who I just met. It was actually really cool meeting him because he doesn't drink or smoke weed, and as you guys know usually I am the only oddball hahaha ALSO he's not one of those people who are like "I am straight edge, edge for life xxx preachy blah blah blah" which is also awesome. Terri was like "Justine, here's Taylor, he doesn't do anything either" lmfaooo so I have to correct it and be like "Well I don't smoke and I drink only occasionally" because I hate getting called out by edge kids who think I'm trying to be edge. But like I said, he wasn't even an edge kid so that was cool. But I mean by all means if you ARE an edge kid, that's fine, of course, I just don't like people who are preachy about it I mean come on I'm practically edge myself ANYWAY I DIGRESS

The next night, Wednesday, I had to drive out to Westchase/Tampa to Amber's (<333) apartment for her Christmas party. I wanted to see Amber so badly so I didn't mind the drive (which honestly is not a bad drive at all, especially at night), and I also didn't mind that that scumbag bitch Sarah Solie was there or Jill's sister Jenna. Cherrish was there and I love her and I also love Amber's older brother Tim, he's so fucking awesome (and I'm so jealous of the relationship between Amber and Tim I WISH MY BROTHER DIDN'T SUCK SO BAD) and everyone else was pretty nice so I had a good time. We did a white elephant gift exchange, and that was my first time participating in that. For those of you who don't know what that is, basically everyone buys and wraps a unisex present (usually there is a theme or a limit, for example, our presents had to be under $10). Typically gifts are cheap but should be something that you wouldn't mind getting. Then an order is decided (we drew numbers out of a hat). The first person picks an opens a present. The next person either can open their own present, or they can steal the present from another person. We played where a single gift can only be stolen twice, but mostly people didn't steal anything so it was kinda boring. I got a set of disposable flasks, which I thought was the raddest thing ever hahaha and I was worried that someone would steal them but everyone I guess just wanted the joy of unwrapping a gift lolol I did good with staying out... I managed to get home around 1, and that was with the 45 minute drive :)

While I was getting ready to go to Amber's on Wednesday, my phone let me know I had a facebook invite. Normally these are pointless specials from Cherry Bomb or Brass Monkey and I'm not getting any work done randomly like that so those deals don't appeal to me but this time it actually was an invite to Cecil's last minute birthday party on Thursday. I told him maybe because a) it was last minute b) I was already seriously sleep deprived all week and c) it was at Dish's house, and I fucking hate going to Dish's house because Tony and Ron let every scumbag that shows up into the house. One time I was there I swear to fuck all of Hudson was there and it was disgusting. Dish hates it and I hate that he's a pussy and doesn't kick people out of his OWN HOUSE but whatever whatever after Halloween I had told Dish I was never going to his house ever again . . . but I love Cecil and now I was torn between being stubborn and showing up to give Cecil a big ol' birthday hug.

I thought about it all day Thursday and told everyone I might show up. Then I decided that since I seriously only live less than 10 minutes away from Dish it is not a big deal to just show up, say "Hey happy birthday" to Cecil and then leave. So I go, and drunk ass Homeboy is there. I say "Happy birthday" to Cecil and talk to HB who tells me that Dish and Harry are on their way back over here. So I'm like "Okay, I'll wait until Harry gets here." Plus Sami was down this week visiting from New York and I had yet to see her (she was supposed to show up at Terri and Dro's that Tuesday but never did) and I wanted to at least say hi to her. I end up waiting a motherfucking hour for Dish to get to his own damn house with Harry, Alayna, and Sami. Before I start sounding like I'm ranting, haha I had a really great hour just hanging out with HB, because we really do get along so well and plus his drunk ass was entertaining me hahaha

But anyway I fucking love when no one expects me to show up anywhere and I end up surprising everyone and I do go (such as the case for Cecil's party) and then everyone freaks out and is like "omg Justine you're here!!!!" and then I get awesome hugs lmfaoooo #lookatmeiwantattention but that's how it was first with Harry, then Alayna, then Dish lmfaoooo Dish was like "oh shit, you showed up?!" "yes you fucker I have been waiting here for an hour for you guys" anyway I eventually said hi to Sami and then we played quick catch up and I told her everything I hate about Dish and his house and she's like "so I've heard" haha because Harry hates the same shit so he's already bitched to her about it

but then I'm like "Okay guys I really have to leave" and I dunno I got home before 2am I think but fuck my friends I was only supposed to be there for like 5 minutes :( I was saying my goodbyes to every one and then Courtney was like "Justine! Can you take me home please?" "But it's your boyfriend's party!" "But I have to work at 9!" so then I had to wait forever for Courtney to say goodbye to everyone haha and then I took her home and then I went home and yayyy sleep

Okay so this catches us up slightly I will blog about Christmas later I have to get ready for workkkkkkk

suddenly a narcoleptic
I have been sleeping nearly constantly for the last 4 days. I yawn all the time, am hungry more often than I ever was, and I sleep alot. What are the best sleep aids? Just a pillow and a blanket for me. I need no other help. We were in the car on Sunday and I fell asleep, as I always do, but I kept waking back up and falling asleep again! I took no less than 5 naps in an hour trip. I NEVER DO THAT! I felt like the life was being sucked from my body and I passed out. Craziness!

Etiquette ?
I was sleeping last night, when I heard a knocking on my bedroom door just after 2am.  I sat up and said, "come in", which MIGHT be foolish 'cause I couldn't see who it was, but I justified it by saying, "the killer never knocks; roommates do".  I figured it was Aaron telling me our toilet was re-broken, but even that was a little sketch because he's literate and could leave a note on it to say 'hey, don't use me, I SUCK'.

It was Ann, the woman who lives in one of the rooms upstairs.  Ann and I have been the 2 complaining most about being cold; the boys have mentioned it infrequently, but Carman especially seems the most apathetic to our plight.  To be fair, I'm ALWAYS cold, so even I don't hold my complaints of being chilly with a lot of merit, because I say it when it's 89 degrees out and I'm running around.

So Ann comes in, and I turn on the light to make sure she's okay, like not sick and needing me to drive her to the hospital or anything.  No, no:  she's coming in because she's complaining about the heat situation.  She's up in her room 'curled up in a little ball' and it's too cold, she's really upset, etc.  And I'M really upset it says '68' on the wall thing but it's probably only 50 because it's clearly not working, but it's also... 2am.  She admitted she knew it wasn't my fault, and she knows I'm not mechanical and don't know how to fix it myself, and she 'doesn't want to fly off the roof' (which I guess is her version of 'get really pissed and overreact'), but it still seemed weird to come into my room at 2am to tell me this.

Meanwhile, I just bought a blanket/comforter that is still in its bag (wanted to save it for extra layer in winter months), so I get out of bed and get it out for her, thinking she could use an extra blanket to help her sleep for tonight when I can't fix it.  "Oh, no, I'm okay under the covers, it's just... I need to be able to spend time in my room".  Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

Am I wrong for thinking that this exchange, while not the worst thing in my life (She left at about 2:10 and I was back asleep by 2:40), was incredibly weird?  And maybe...not the way to handle it?  I think it's great that Ann, who is pretty shy/reserved, feels close enough to me to come to me with her problems, but at the same time... tomorrow night when I'm home from teaching is a great time.  Hell, get up an hour early this morning when I'm already up.  But this...just seemed excessive.

Feelings. Nothing but feelings.

I'm sitting here in the dark. The click clack of the keys set off through the house. I don't think anyone is awake. It's not my house. But I do know that sounds from the computer are amplified up the stairs... Oh well.


I went to a friends grad party. I met a lot of nice old italian women. Took off later. After the food and my other friend had decided to leave too. All though it was mutual because we didn't know anyone else besides our friend who had the party.

After I drove to Henrietta a few minutes outside the city. I was there because Jess wasn't home. She told me that she'd be about an hour-hour and a half. I called her than and asked what was going on. Well she finally got their table and got down to eating and what have you. But no one was back yet. So I went to Henrietta. It was sunday and nothing was open. A few things here and there but nothing that I would want to be open. I thought about going to see a movie by myself. All thoug the idea of actually seeing the movie and paying for something that only I was going to see wasn't in my best interests at that time. I decided that it was time to move on to another location. Farther down the road I was in the parking lot of the bike store that I frequent. All though it was still sunday and everything was closed except the gas station that was across in the lot. I longboarded the lot and crashed a few times. I was there about 3, almost 4 hours. Best to my knowledge that it wasn't going to rain anytime soon. So I opened the car door and layed down across the front seat and the passenger. It was pretty comfortable except I was resting my feet on the open door. The sun roof was open. The sky was blue. More than I have seen lately. I watched a few whispy clouds go by. It was kinda nice. My eyes played tricks on me. I thought for a second I could see smog rolling about. I thought it was moving in a funny pattern So I moved my eyes about a bit and saw that it was the same in the different locations. I finally moved my head to look at the upholstery of the car roof and saw the same thing. It was black and looked like it was rolling away from me. Like very faint black smoke. I thought nothing of it at that point. I got lost in the blue of the sky. I decided it was a good time. I fell asleep and took a nap in my car in the parking lot. I don't know how long I was out. I just knew that I had awoken in the same spot I had layed down in, staring up at the sky. 8:30. I took off to longboard the lot more. I finally received a call from Jess telling me original plans were out and that I should come by around if I can and we can make plans for the night. It was close to nine so I called but failed and then bailed... Well I took a decent roll from the board. I went to her house instead. She didn't have her phone near her anyway. But it was all good. I am here now. No plans were made. She felt bad. That she invited me over and nothing happened. We attempted to find something for us all to do. But again it was Sunday. Cody and her went to sleep. They offered me things like shirts and blankets and pillows. I turned down them all but the pillow because they had all ready brought it down to me. I founda  shirti n the trunk of my car. It was Brockport Rugby Shirt for the college. Funny thing was that it was a small, I don't know where it came from, I don't know anyone that actually goes there or plays Rugby. How did that shirt wind up in my trunk? I am wearing that shirt right now. Jess stood around for a while talking to me before she went to bed. We kept talking then she gave me a long hug and then said to slep well and make myself comfortable; she did this about 4 or 5 times. She was interested in that car thing and wanted to read it in the morning. She caught a glimpse of it and really likes the part about the Dogwood seeds. Dogwood seeds are fantastic I think. Jessica wants to make me breakfast or something in the morning. I'll probably be around. I won't have band practice until 10-noon anyway. The most likely giving blood at 3:30. All though I don't know if I should be drained like that in the middle of the week so close to Wednesday.

This kinda feels like home. Comfy and whatnot. I am going to catch some sleep. I shouldn't have took that nap in the parking lot. Now I can't sleep. 1:05


Homework at 10am and Love until 5am
So I haven't been on for a bit because I've been working on my homework. I got up before 10 on friday saturday and sunday. Friday was at a friend's house, but saturday and sunday I got up and did homework all day, only taking breaks to eat.

And it's still not done... but I have made some progress.

Usually french is my best subject, but the book we're reading is not only boring, but on each page there's at least 20 words I don't understand that I have to look up. Which takes HOURS. And I missed the first class so I was already behind to begin with. Ugh.

And the essays keep piling up. I am going to push my butt to the end, though. I will sieze ever bit of time I can, to do homework; on the bus, at lunch, between classes... if I don't I might surely fail.

And I need to take on another class in place of my free because if I don't pass IB, I won't graduate.

I should really be writing this all in my journal...oh I would be devastated if mindsay just died one day. : (

So I didn't go to school today. I had every intention to, but my alarm didn't go off...ugh. And I didn't want to bug my mother at work.

Part of the reason may have been that I stayed up til 5 last night talking to Andy on msn...

Oh love, how I hate you...</3

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