Skinny Day @ MindSay 
my class/test was canceled, which was an uber yay for me since i didn't study for my test, however my next class isn't till 11 x_x As for how I've been doing, well I'm back on anti-depressants (yay!) and I don't feel like dying everyday!
Right now I'm kind of going out with a MUCH older woman. I'm not really sure how I feel about it though. I think I might just like her because she adores me. She's attractive and sweet but I'm not sure if I'm feeling her that much. That's alright though. It's still nice to have some form of attention, and even better that it be a woman.
It's just that at this point in my life the idea of having any relationship with a man makes me sick to my stomach. The stereotyped gender roles just agitate me, and it seems when it comes to men I automatically fall into that quiet, submissive category and feel I need to "girl it up" alot. oh yeah, and lose like 80 pounds. but I see no need for that with a woman. Whether I gain or lose weight, look butch one day and femme another, or wear no makeup, it doesn't matter. And even if she rejects me, it doesn't sting quite so much. There aren't those questions of "if I was prettier, or thinner" etc because in the lesbian/bisexual world you would be second guessing yourself all day. And as you know, women are indecisive and insane, so i really can say I did nothing wrong.
A friend of mine on here told me that to overcome these feelings I should treat men like they're lesbians. I tried for about an hour, and gave up. It's not that I don't like men, they just seem to piss me off alot more easily. Better yet, it's easier to write someone off as a jerky muscle-head who loves skinny blondes and ignore them when truly they're a creative genius who may indeed like skinny blondes, but finds you attractive as well. It's so easy just to walk about in a bubble and block everyone out, but at the end of the day you will have lost many potential friends that could enrich your life.
today I'm going to try to break the cycle.
Dear Diary,
Another day. Yes, it was pretty much the same. Breakfast? Wow. I wouldn't dare! I took about 5 pills today, you know, the ones that are supposed to make you skinny. Worse was when Mum forced me to eat lunch. I had to vomit it out in the bathroom when she was in teh living room. I mean, what do you excpect me to do?? I'm 163 cm tall and i way 45 KG!!! 45!! 45!...
i don't believe teh stupid friends and family that tell em I'm skinny enough. They just want me to stay fat so that no guys like me - worse, so that NOBODY likes me! And what the hell?! I'm not sick! I'll stop right away when I get a bit skinnier. When I get that flab off my legs and my arms and ugh. I'm so fat.
All the models, singers, actresses... God! They are so friggin pretty! You know why? Cuz they're skinny! They have nice hip bones and you can see their shoulder bones.. If I was liek them, life would've been beautiful! Sometimes, I cannot look in teh colourful magazines anymore, comparing them to myself... But one day, I'll have those beautiful sticking-out-bones too and then it will al be perfect. Someday.
This was made up. But girls, trust me, it really is like that. Don't let anorexia suck you in and spit your life out.