Siblings @ MindSay

There was this lovely woman, kind, very kind in fact, who did anything and everything she could for those around her.  She cherished her friendships and relationships, taking great care to let those she knew in her life that she loved know that they were of extreme value to her.  She didn't have worldly wealth, but she always helped out, held doors, offered a helping hand wherever she could. She gave of herself, when she could, wherever she could. 

She did this with the most attention for her Mother, a wonderful woman who had become a widow 15 months earlier.  She did this out of love for her Mother, the woman who gave her life, her Mother, her confidante, her best friend, the one person who loved her unconditionally since birth, someone who never judged her even when she did things that were others thought were foolhardy or risky.  Her Mother who always took the time to talk to her, to listen to her cry, to just be there for her, day or night, no matter what.  This was reason enough.  However, she did this most especially because of the vow she made to him on his death bed.  "Take care of Momma for me" he struggled to get out in his raspy voice.  The voice had been ravaged by tubes and surgeries.  6 weeks of laying there having gone through every indignity possible, and he fought every one of them, all the while telling them he loved them.  Telling them how much he would miss them, how special they were. 

He Died, leaving a sadness within their hearts.  They all grieved and gradually all moved on.  She struggled as the go between with her siblings as they disagreed on any number of things that needed to be done, some regarding the worn down home they all grew up in, some regarding their Beloved Mother.  She listened as she was talked to like an old dried up spinster with no life who should get a life and not spend so much time with her Mother cringing inside realizing that they don't have a clue just how close she was to her Mother.  She felt sad thinking that he would not ever know how wonderful Mom was because he never took the time to ever really listen to her, or to get to know her as a person beyond the "Mother" that she was.  She was an incredible woman, funny, sweet, loving and kind this Mother of ours.  Strong beyond belief to have endured a lifetime of pain, with a faith in humanity and God that sustained her on her darkest days.  They didn't know her at all!  But I do!  And I won't give her up, not because of selfish reasons though.  Not because I feel like my life is somehow being cheated.  Not because I have no time for me (I have as much as I need/want).  Not because I need friends my own age as I have been told!  I won't give her up because of my love for her.  I won't give her up because of my respect for her thoughts, opinions and feelings, and most importantly...

 

I won't give her up because of that Promise! 

I will take care of her Dad!

I PROMISE!

              D had a huuuuuuuuuuuuge lunch issue.  I think he should have gone home; not okay to threaten your sister, push her around, and then go to throw a chair at her before leaving the building.  Yeah; he actually walked out the front door for a bit after being told not to.   Everyone else felt like an ISS (in school suspension), staying in the T.O. room the whole day would be better, but I disagree.  I also really disagree with the fact that he got to sit in there for 2 hours or whatever and play Monopoly with Claudia.  When Z had ISS, he was allowed to READ.  He sat in there for 3 hours, and was allowed to have a book, and that was all. 
             I mentioned it to them after school that I felt that wasn’t right, and Parker returned with, “you HATE him”.  I do not hate him.  He said, “come on; you know that if E were in there, you would have let him play”.  No, I wouldn’t’ve.  I DON’T think he should have had ANY privilege after 1) assaulting his sister to a degree, 2) trying to throw a chair at her, 3) threatening her life (“I’m going to hit you with a ****ing bat”) and then 4) leaving the building.  This is a child who tries to be/thinks he IS in control of our room; he did not get the message ‘you did wrong, you lose privilege’ by you sitting in there playing a game with him.  They tried to justify it that they didn’t let Parker go in (as he requested) and that for Z, reading is enjoyable so it was tantamount to D playing a game…and also, that D had been really pissed and left and blah, blah, blah.  Basically, they don’t want to admit that they let HIM get away with a lot; like yesterday with the cat issue.  He was in complete control and got everything he wanted.

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Dixie currently feels:

   Depressed

 

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Blog #37

Thirteen of Fine...

 

 

9:00 - 22:00

For these thirteen hours, I was fine. It was what happened after the hour of 10 that got me depressed. 

 

 

I spent the day with Ian. I'd been looking forward to it for a few days.

Normally I don't get to spend much time with him because he's working or Sean takes it in his stride to come on over. He's not YOUR brother, Sean.

Though it fucking feels like they're blood related. Ian didn't take me to see Iron Maiden. Ian didn't take me to the WWE. Ian doesn't play football with me. Ian doesn't have me over at his house constantly.

 

We spent the day playing World Tour and GH3 - scraping together a few achievements as a duo.

My Expert skills caused much cash increase and someone to be impressed. There aren't many games that I can beat Ian at. There's a few, but he can beat me at more, usually.

 

He made us both double cheeseburgers for lunch - with edam cheese - *melts in lust*...

Then lmfao, he states: "Oh, there's a Snickers on top of the microwave for you."

Thinking back to the fucking mental dream, I had to try hard not to piss. :)

 

I'd never seen The Simpsons movie until today. Ian likes it more than I do - he's got all of the series boxsets on DVD. So we watched that and scoffed shitloads of bacon flavour Skips.

It's pretty good - nothing less than what I was expecting. :)

 

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Due to fucking boredom when I got home, I caved into desparation and created a new account on Neopets.

*Raises gun to head*

 

...Repeat after me Dixie...

 

YOU SHALL NOT GET ADDICTED TO NEOPETS AGAIN.

YOU SHALL NOT GET ADDICTED TO NEOPETS AGAIN.

YOU SHALL NOT GET ADDICTED TO NEOPETS AGAIN.

YOU SHALL NOT GET ADDICTED TO NEOPETS AGAIN.

YOU SHALL NOT GET ADDICTED TO NEOPETS AGAIN.

YOU SHALL NOT GET ADDICTED TO NEOPETS AGAIN.

YOU SHALL NOT GET ADDICTED TO NEOPETS AGAIN.

YOU SHALL NOT GET ADDICTED TO NEOPETS AGAIN.

YOU SHALL NOT GET ADDICTED TO NEOPETS AGAIN.

YOU SHALL NOT GET ADDICTED TO NEOPETS AGAIN.

 

Either way, I've gotten a bronze trophy for Snow Wars and made about 10,000 neopoints playing my favourite games. I like the fact they've increased the amount of times you can send a score daily from 3 to 5.

I mainly played Meerca Chase, Destruct-O-Match, Extreme Potato Counter and Defender Trainer - my main favourites.

 

I've won a shitload of shitty snowballs from Snow Wars too.

I'm not sure on whether to donate them to greedy scroungers or sell them for peanuts.

I could do with some peanuts though. The Snickers was immensley enjoyable, but I couldn't get the image of Ashleigh out of my head - pmsl!

 

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Shelly rang me at about 8 - we talked for a while. She didn't upset me.

She never does - but that was just a comparison to a certain other phone call that did.

 

I was just playing another round of Snow Wars at about 10 when Adam rings me.

I knew he was at a party tonight - and I answered the phone to him being drunk.

He amused me at first, but when I heard how happy he was, how everyone else around him was enjoying themselves so much... Well,  just got the craving to start cutting myself.

 

I'll never be invited to anybody's house party. I don't have the confidence to get drunk with people.

I never fucking enjoy myself, I never fucking will.

I don't even have anybody else to enjoy myself with.

 

But fucking believe me - I'd rather have nobody than have Emily. (And I don't have NOBODY.)

Thanks to quick realisation shortly after a long conversation with Shelly at the start of the week - all has become clear to me.

I'm better off without her.

 

I can do without cunts in my life.

Cunts who continually go out of their way to upset me.

 

I noticed a trend with how often I cut myself. I'd noted it down for a few years on a word document.

After I met Emily, it tripled.

Now Emily's gone - thank fuck - it's decreased to less than once a fortnight again.

and mothers. I surely do love mine!!

            Yesterday was my sister’s 21^st birthday. Fortunately, most of her friends were in Vegas on a trip she couldn’t afford to take which left just a few folks to get her smashed at the bar last night. And because I love my sister so much, I agreed to be her designated driver. Basically I dropped her off, sat at my brother’s house until one in the morning and then took her home (I did watch “3:10 to Yuma” while I waited and I highly recommend it).

            Moving on to the present moment, I’m trying to decide what to wear to my sister’s sister-in-law’s bridal shower (I know, why the hell am I going?) and eating oatmeal. I have no idea how I got roped into doing this party, but I did. Like most things with my sister you aren’t asked to help/do something, you are just expected to be there and, in this case, to bring three dozen cinnamon rolls.

            So my "advice" for today goes like this: If you are a married woman with in-laws and siblings, don’t expect them to get along, and sure as hell don’t force them to be around each other.