Shock @ MindSay 
surprise
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Dixie currently feels:
Neutral
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Blog #50
I LIVE IN AN ASH.
ARGH. IT BE BLOG #50.
It was so fucking cold today.
I got sick of my bastard jeans falling down when I'm walking around town - so now I'm wearing a trusty belt.
Heh heh, on the FOURTH notch. I feel so thin. :P
When I wore a belt before, it was only on the first notch. Or is this a bigger belt?
I be not knowing, I be not caring - I'm just glad I can fucking walk without my waistband ending up level with my arsehole.
I had a session with Dianne this morning.
Asides from the fire alarm being tested halfway through - all went well, I suppose.
It's fucking weird, I ALWAYS have something to talk about.
This time we were talking about ginger cuntface in town yesterday, me admitting to Ash that I'm in love with her - and the random creative burst I got last night at about 1AM.
The fire alarm sounds piss in college.
It goes off - then it'll stop, but it'll be going off somewhere else at the same time - so it sounds like it echoes.
Proper bodged sometimes. It makes me laugh, but then - I am easily amused.
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During my little break time, I went at sat at the round tables and started colouring in the background of a new piece of artwork I got the idea for last night.
The last time I drew something was right at the start of December - so that's like 3 months without producing any artwork.
I don't know why I suddenly got the urge to draw again - but I do quite like the way it came out.
I showed it to Ash later in the day - expected critique, but didn't get any.
I didn't really want to show her it, seeing as how it's a drawing of us both - but she thinks it's cute - rather than obsessive and freaky.
This be it:
(I hate having to reduce everything to STUPID sizes to make it fit on my anorexic blog.)
(I'll upload it to DeviantArt, so that'll be the full sized version.)
The Japanese writing at the top translates to "I want to cling onto you."
Asides from the arms looking a little too long - there's actually no major mistakes.
That's a first...
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Mam met us in town - she found some shoes for me.
But apparently, two hours earlier, she was told they were available in my size.
But then I got there - she was told otherwise.
She wasn't happy.
I'm not happy either - I'm never going to get a pair of fucking Vans.
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Sitting on the bench in the middle of town - Ash was facing away from us.
It seemed her mam, dad and brother Denham were in town too.
I only saw them approaching at the last second - her mam put a finger to her lips.
I smiled - watching as they all grabbed Ash by the shoulders, shaking her.
HER FACE WAS FUCKING PISS.
She proper jumped a foot in the air, her eyes proper widened and she just looked so startled.
After we were all pissing ourselves at her reaction, she was embarrassed. Bless her. :)
Shelly and I were pissing ourselves over it for the next 10 minutes. :)
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Shelly really does know how to embarrass me.
She also knows the most innapropriate thing to say at any one time.
It's a weird talent, I'll admit. :)
I was eating my chicken mayo and cress sandwich - and it was proper overflowing with filling.
I obviously had mayonnaise all around my mouth - Shelly smiles at me and says:
"LOL. IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE JUST CAME OUT OF A PORNO SHOOT."
I was just like: "...Thanks." *Wipes mouth* *Blushes*
Lmfao, Ash was just as un-amused as I was though. :D
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I completed some of my old worksheets in Photography.
Paul says I have to have 8 pages done in my sketchbook by Friday.
He says if I work in my massive break tomorrow, I'll get it done.
But for some reason, he said FORTY MINUTES A PAGE.
I was like ERRRRR WHAT.
It proper doesn't take that long to do a page. Half it, at most!
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I did plan to do a little when I came home... But...
...But...
BUT THE FATE OF HYRULE DEPENDS ON MEEEEEEEEE.
I fucking love Zelda, lmfao.
I'm in a proper Zelda fit at the moment.
I played Ocarina of Time from 5 until 11.
I also ate some Cheerios and drank about 10 gallons of tea.
...WHY THE HELL AM I ADDICTED TO TEA?!
I drank shitloads yesterday as well... This is so fucking weird.
Everything is strange lately.
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Even Ash surprised me today.
I really have to talk to her with a different mindset.
She's not easily offended, she's not easily repelled, she's not close-minded...
She seems to agree with more mental shit than I'd imagine.
When Ash and Shelly may be staying with me at nana's bungalow when they're away at the end of the month - there's two double beds, you see.
I asked Ash if she'd want to share with me - one of us sleeping at each end.
I PROPER expected an instant rejection followed by a back-away - BUT SHE DIDN'T EVEN BLINK.
She even nodded and said: "Yeah, why not?"
...Arrgh!
Is Ash changing, or am I TOO paranoid?
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Shelly nearly killed me on the phone, pmsl.
It's amazing how a simple slip of the tongue can cause mass hilarity.
The sentence she said was meant to be: "Would you have let me come to your house before Ash?"
But it ended up as: "Would you let me come to your ASH BEFORE HOUSE."
And we just were in fits for about 20 minutes.
Cue Dixie blurting things like:
"OI HOUSE, D'YA WANNA COME TO MY ASH?!"
I'm wondering if we can look at Ash the same way without accidentally calling her HOUSE. :)
OMG, EASILY FUCKING AMUSED. :D
for the first time since....i don't know when....i saw my ex. i was on my way to the little bakery in school when i spotted him preparing to pay for his purchases.
for the first time in my life, i was stuck where i was standing. my body was frozen and still. i could not move, for real for realz. i wanted to, and i was highly debating whether or not to run before he turned around, but my feet were planted.
finally, he turned around and all i could find myself to say initially was an extended "wow..............wow!" so i asked how he was. he asked how i was. "wooow.....i just want to let you know that i don't hate you." "ha that's good to know" wow...can i have a hug, man?" "yeah of course" *hug* "sorry, man, i smell like cigarettes" "cigarettes, eh?" "yep. how's your tutoring going" "it's good, it's good, thanks. you still working?" "yeah. i just got off of work." yadda yadda yadda. felt so awkward, i didn't even say goodbye.
then...i just felt sick. tried to eat dinner. couldn't think straight. purged. tired. time to chill with some adult swim....no, "clueless". good old "clueless"
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i can't wait until i go back to chill in williamsburg. i really need to relax. i need to go on another period of abstaining from food. back to my old ways when i was happy: sf red bull, smokes, music, lots of walking (damn this cold weather), and Vivarin.
i love you.
Know when you wish you had a camera in your brain so you remember the moment EXACTLY how it happened? So you can analyze it as it is?
Pat tells me EITHER, "I just wanted you to know that you still have YOUR job" or "I just wanted you to know you still have A job". I don't know. To be honest, I had no idea there was a question of my job status. She told me A is definitely not coming back to our school
, and then Z is going to be leaving us soon because it's just not the right place for him. Then she said, "I can't justify having 3 staff in there for just the 2 of them, but this is going to be a great opportunity for you to do all different things around the building". So... I'm the one who's going to be pulled out when we lose Z? Me, the only one technically with the special ed degree? I mean, we can't pull Claudia, she is definitely the best at policy, and we couldn't get rid of Parker, they worship him. I just never thought it would be me. I never thought I was that expendable.
NOT good for my self-esteem.
I need to call Claudia.
Poor Hope.
Apparently she died of a drug overdose last summer. Her boyfriend is also dead but I don't think he was found with her or anything. Some of her friends left her in a retention pond and it took a couple months for her to be found. What the fuck? Who puts their dead friend in a retention pond? Hasn't anyone ever heard of emergency services? I mean did you all just pass out and find her dead when you woke up? Or did you watch her die and then throw her away like trash?
I worked with her my first job. She was one of the few people who was really nice. I remember one night closing she flipped out about how unhappy the job made her. She told me I probably wouldn't understand why and that I might think that she was crazy but that working at McDonald's wears you down. She was right. The job isn't that hard but over time all the little things add up and you realize that minimum wage for all that fucking abuse is insane.
But she was almost always smiling anyway. She tried to make a shitty job better for everyone. I wish I could have changed her fate. I had a nightmare about her last night. I can't believe she's dead. I'd always kind of though I'd run into her again. Here in Tampa that tends to happen... everyone is sort of loosely connected and people are hard to get rid of... I remember how happy I was to see her when she returned to her old job for a while. I remember how sad it made me when I learned about her boyfriend's attempts on his life.
I guess he got what he wanted. He's dead now. And so is she. I didn't really expect this to bother me this much. She wasn't my best friend or anything. In fact towards the end I saw her a few times and she was pretty far gone... I doubt much mattered to her anymore. But she was still alive. She could have been OK. Or she could at least have not been missing. They could have reported her death but instead they dumped her and waited for her body to be found. Can you imagine calling your friend to hang out and pretending you don't know she's gone? The whole thing is just really unsettling. I feel like a small child refusing to believe she is gone. I want to go back in time and warn her... not that she would listen. Or at least pull her out of the pond. She didn't deserve that. Few people do.
You know that feeling when you have heard something so shocking you swear that you must have heard it wrong, yet when you realise you haven't it seems like the wind has been knocked right from your lungs, you're heartbeat seems to start coming in slow hard thuds and time itself seems to have completly stopped. You do know what i'm talking about? Then i'm so sorry for whatever happened to make you experience this.
For me Wednesday was horrible, no worse than that. It's never easy hearing about death, but hearing about the death of your 15-year-old friend. It's undescriblable.
Oliver, He was that guy everyone knew, he was always smiling and looking deviously happy about the lastest thing he had got into trouble for. I never would have thought it would be him. The shock was nearly as bad [But somhow no way near] as the grief that came after. It's been two days now.. I can't believe he's gone. You will be missed by everyone, Cav, everythings changed since you've gone.
Even those you wouldn't have thought were in tears, those of them who knew you best are in peices, and for us inbetweeners we still can't get our heads around it.
You were always the funny one in St.O's, the one who everyone was telling stories about the day after a big party. R.I.P mate.
X
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