Shitty @ MindSay

Dixie currently feels:

 Depressed

 

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I don't know how I manage to - but today, I managed to avert my self harming urges once more.

 

Perhaps it is Emily lingering on my mind.

...No, Emily does not linger.

 

Emily weighs heavily upon my mind - even though she's so light.

 

 

After thinking about her - thinking about her in the wrong way; remembering her tear-stricken face and her sorrow-smeared words, I felt very sad inside.

 

So I went to my stationery drawer, opened it, and stared in.

SR was there - resting on the top of my gel pens and felt tips.

 

I stared at him for a long time.

 

The last thing he was used for, was actually, to remove a staple.

I felt I'd use him for his true cause, and take out some staples.

 

So I destroyed my old RE book from year 9.

I drew pentagrams and anarchy signs in the name box.

Not very religious, I know - but I'm not.

 

 

 

I'm sick of not being able to write anything.

I'm so angry at staring at the same shitty divider, watching the cursor flashing underneath it.

 

The cursor is taunting me.

The flashing means that... Well, it's thinking "Har, I'm gonna stay here and flash at you because you can't think of anything to write."

 

Fucking cursor.

 

 

 

Adam was round today.

 

We spent some of the day playing co-op Guitar Hero III.

 

As usual, he was the one to get bored first, so he got his DS out and started playing Ace Attourney.

 

We did quite a few songs though - but the 5 star rating for Helicopter will be damn near impossible if he keeps shoving me on rhythm guitar and not lead.

 

The lead is EASIER, damn it!

 

 

I played some wi-fi co-op with Emily later.

At around 9, till about quarter past 10.

 

We did 7 songs with her on lead, then 5 with me on lead.

 

To take the piss dramatically, I chose One as my last song.

 

I barely scraped through it with a 4-star on Hard, nevermind sodding Expert.

So we failed, and I laughed - a lot.

 

 

 

When Adam and I were laid on my bed, being bored - I was scrolling through the setlist of GH3.

 

Being bored, we started making up parody names for the songs - replacing one word with "shit".

 

 

Slow Shit

Hit Me With Your Best Shit

Bulls On Shit

Miss Shit

When You Were Shit

Take This Shit

Hier Kommt Shit

Generation Shit

Radio Shit

Through The Fire And Shit

Holiday In Shit

Raining Shit

In Shit

Shit It Black

Same Old Song & Shit

Talk Shitty To Me

Story Of My Shit

School's Shit

Sunshine Of Your Shit

Shit In The UK

Even Shit

Kool Shit

Black Magic Shit

Cherub Shit

Shit Of Personality

Before I Shit

 

And my personal favourite:

She Bangs The Shit

 

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Today's song lyrics:

 

Vermillion Part 2 - Slipknot

 

She is everything to me...
The unrequited dream...
A song that no one sings...
The unattainable ...
She's a myth that I have to believe in...
All I need to make it real is one more reason...

And I don't know what to do...
I don't know what to do...
When she makes me sad...

But I won't let this build up inside of me...
I won't let this build up inside of me...

 

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Wow this weekend was pretty stupid. Hardly anyone that was supposed to came up....therefore, I didn't get to see two of my cousins that I haven't seen in 11 months. It made me sad. They're twins...boys...21...and they're amazing. I love them....so it sucked. I got yelled at pretty much all weekend when we weren't around other people. All I heard about was my older sister and how she had an interview on Friday and everything....all fucking weekend....even when she was there! Urgh. Wasn't very fun.

 

It's sad when you take off work, go up to your cabin--expecting to have an amazing time.........and you wish you were at home, working during the day, then hanging out with friends later or something (even though most of your friends were going to be gone this particular weekend, too). Really sad.

 

I missed my friends.

I missed my bed.

I missed home.

I missed work...for some stupid reason.

I wanted to talk to people, but didn't have much service.

I needed to vent...being that my parents yelled at me almost the whole weekend.

And I needed my normal-ness...or whatever you would consider "normal."

I'm sick of getting bitched at.

I need a different job...which I might be getting soon...very soon.

 

<33

So last night was fucking horrible. I felt like dying on the spot. There were tears, but they just wouldn't fall. I wrote three poems in a matter of 20-30 minutes. I'm not going to go into detail about it all but yeah....let's just say I wanted to let go.

 

I feel kind of shitty still today, but oh well.

 

</3....me.

So yeah...Cal lost his job today because of the german bitch that hates him, and Cal can't do anything to dispute the whole thing, so they fired him on the spot.  This is truly shitty, I can't believe that bitch did this!!!

What a whore.

I'm just so pissed and trying not to cry at work!

Now Cal has to figure out how to go about getting unemployment monies :(

 

And today the money has been crappy in the store, not doing a lot of buisiness today! :(

Well my good day of good news turned to shit with in an hour this evening.

 

I have bitched in my blog many times about our landlord's son in law and how he works my rottie up.

 

I am going to give a lil back story on how my rottie is kept.  In NE, she had 6 plus acares to roam free.  She was raised with my kids, our other dogs, cats and in our home.  I have had her since she was 6 weeks old and she was the runt of the litter so she was being bottle feed still when I got her.  She is my baby.  I am a one dog person otherwise I perfer cats.  Anyway she is an indoor outdoor dog.  When we moved to TX she got regulated to being chained up because we lived along a hiway and even though our lease said a whole acer our landlord wouldn't let us use half of it.  The house was so very small and I couldn't have her in.  Well when we moved to OK, I was very happy.  The trailer we moved into was a tad bit bigger then the house in TX.  Plus there is a dog kennal.  The kennal is wooden and wasn't taken care of and the planks are rotted.  My rottie is a rottie through and through.  She bulldogged her way out a couple times.  So we put her on a logging chain (had she broke any other chain and ate her way through steal cables).  She still will get off occasionally.  She has never hurt anyone.  She loves kids and is very protective of all kids!  She is very loveable and wants everyone who meets her to pet her and has never taken a dislike to anyone until we moved to OK.

 

And she took a dislike to our landlord's son in law (his youngest one) the one that lives in the other trailer on the property.  He teases her constantly.  He reves his truck at night when everyone is sleeping so she does nothing but bark.  Everyone in the landlord's family has loved on her but the lil punk ass son in law.  Well tonight after socializing a bit with the landlords and their oldest daughter when paying rent...............i heard a lil yell, a female one, so i go running out side and boom my dog comes running inside.  And I see son in law and the middle daughter walking into their trailer.  I said was she off the chain?  And the lil punk ass bastard that teases her constantly goes yay you need to do something about your dog!  I yelled back going she wouldn't have hurt you!  The daughter who is preggie goes.........She was up my ass!  And I went to say I am sorry she startled you but she wouldn't have hurt you............and the punk asshole yells back going do something about your dog or I will shoot her!  I yelled back shoot my dog and i shoot you! 

 

Then I came in here and popped email........my materinal granny is in the hospital and she isn't good.  And then boom the landlord called!  My daughter is over hear all shook up because your dog growled at her.  Randy answered hte phone and said did she growl at daughter or did she growl at son in law because you need to do something about easton constantly teasing her!  Landlord buys into the typical rotties are mean tude and goes well you need to get rid of the dog or pack your shit and get out.  Yes we have a lease.  No she wouldn't have hurt them.  Unless dipshit provoked her and he has.  But according to OK tennant laws anything that can be considered a safety risk to other ppl on the property has to go.  So even though we have the ok to have her before we moved in and before they moved in and even though we have proof that their son in law provokes her.......we have to get rid of my dog!  And we need a place to leave so what is it going to be?  The dog or us?  It is going to be the dog because we can't afford to move out of this place!  To top all this dog drama off.......landlord is randy's boss.  So you know randy is going to have a few days from hell until landlord calms down.  And yet again I get the short end of the stick because the landlord's daughter is a lying lil bitch and her husband is a lil punk ass.  Which is okay..........like I said before you dont' want me pist off at you because I can and will make your life a living hell.

 

So I called my mom to get an update on granny.  Yay not looking good. She could go at anytime.  We are flat ass broke.  Bonus check is going to save us for the holidays and bills..........and now it looks like I have a trip home to contend with and there is no way i am driving the truck home on shitty ass tires.  So now I have to come up with about 500 bucks for 4 new truck tires and get rid of my dog.  My parents are willing to take my dog if I bring her home with me because they can allow her to run a bit on top of being chained up on their property.  But if I can't come up with an extra 500 bucks I am not going home to get my dog home or to my granny's funeral if she dies.

 

You know what really boggles my mind.  My dog is one of the most sweetest natured dogs that I have ever had..........and yes there have been repots of rotties turning.......but ppl don't look at the reports indepth and see that the majority of the rots turning on ppl have been provoked or abused.  And that down here in this area of the US.........ppl are scared to death of rotties but breed and raise pitbulls and chows!  They have just as high if not more reports of them turning then rotties!

 

So I need to find a nice free home for a 4 year old spayed female rottie .......my fur baby.......I have raised her since she was 6 weeks old and even bottle feed her..........how am I going to explain this to my kids.  My fur baby loves her kids just as much as she loves me.  And my kids love her and they are going to be devestated..........we should have never moved from NE.  This area of the US is so bigoted, racest towards anyone and everyone, hateful towards females, and are so ignorant about so many things ......and one of the worst economic areas in the midwest/southwest and it is ruining my life and hurting my spirit more than all the bull shit that Randy's evil demon spawn of an ex wife did.