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dreams
i'll be your forever
And as your scent wanes away, as your voice echoes through my soul, I no longer find comfort in your arms - I reach out into emptyness, and emptyness takes hold.
I drown.
I drown in an ocean of questions. I kick my way through doubts and memories. I struggle for air, only to realize the air is your scent, and I am confused.
I wake up, suddenly, realizing it was no more than a dream, and the ocean was an ocean of tears. My tears.
Afraid to fall asleep, I lie in my bed, staring in to darkness, and I remember how the thought of you always colored the shadows. I take a few breaths, cautiously, as I expect to find your scent as my air. I reach a false state of calm - a gray zone that I have been walking through since you've been gone.
I organize my thoughts. I line them up in my mind - my army of questions, ready for inspection. I shudder as I feel each one pierce me like a dagger. But then I realize that it is only one question in my mind, one weight pulling at my heart:
Why are you in such a hurry to forget?
It is the same question over and over, circling me as I lie in my bed. It taunts me, and tortures me with each possible answer.
I do not understand. I find no logic. Logic ran away when pain settled in. But I do not miss it; I know that logic will not feel like a moment in your arms.
And these questions only eliminate the remains of your voice and what's left of your scent. In the war inside my soul, the questions kill off the memories.
But then again, why remember?
Memories keep us bound to the past, blinding us to what happens in the present. But if the present isn't exactly what we had hoped for in the past, is it such a crime to wish to keep living something we liked?.. Is it such a crime to wish to keep something we loved? Love is so rare and precious, it's worth fighting for. Can you not see that?
And as tears once again run down my face, each one falling and whispering "why", I am startled as I hear a familiar sound.
My cellphone. As the ringtone grows louder, I am amazed to hear my heartbeat drown it out. I look at the screen, and there you are, summoned from the depths of my desires.
I answer, and your voice once again colors the shadows. You tell me you love me, and my heart believes you. You assure me that I am the one, and I can detect no lie as I see your voice in my mind.
I do not want to think. I am just grateful that my tears have stopped. As I hang up, I can breathe your scent once again, and your voice still sings to me. There is no pain. There is no logic. There's only the feeling of your arms wrapped around me as I am finally able to go to sleep. I embrace my dreams fearlessly, for I know that whenever I reach out, I will find your hands this time, if only in my dream. I am content for what's left of the night, even though I know that tomorrow, I will greet the day soaked in an ocean of doubts and memories once again.
I drown.
I drown in an ocean of questions. I kick my way through doubts and memories. I struggle for air, only to realize the air is your scent, and I am confused.
I wake up, suddenly, realizing it was no more than a dream, and the ocean was an ocean of tears. My tears.
Afraid to fall asleep, I lie in my bed, staring in to darkness, and I remember how the thought of you always colored the shadows. I take a few breaths, cautiously, as I expect to find your scent as my air. I reach a false state of calm - a gray zone that I have been walking through since you've been gone.
I organize my thoughts. I line them up in my mind - my army of questions, ready for inspection. I shudder as I feel each one pierce me like a dagger. But then I realize that it is only one question in my mind, one weight pulling at my heart:
Why are you in such a hurry to forget?
It is the same question over and over, circling me as I lie in my bed. It taunts me, and tortures me with each possible answer.
I do not understand. I find no logic. Logic ran away when pain settled in. But I do not miss it; I know that logic will not feel like a moment in your arms.
And these questions only eliminate the remains of your voice and what's left of your scent. In the war inside my soul, the questions kill off the memories.
But then again, why remember?
Memories keep us bound to the past, blinding us to what happens in the present. But if the present isn't exactly what we had hoped for in the past, is it such a crime to wish to keep living something we liked?.. Is it such a crime to wish to keep something we loved? Love is so rare and precious, it's worth fighting for. Can you not see that?
And as tears once again run down my face, each one falling and whispering "why", I am startled as I hear a familiar sound.
My cellphone. As the ringtone grows louder, I am amazed to hear my heartbeat drown it out. I look at the screen, and there you are, summoned from the depths of my desires.
I answer, and your voice once again colors the shadows. You tell me you love me, and my heart believes you. You assure me that I am the one, and I can detect no lie as I see your voice in my mind.
I do not want to think. I am just grateful that my tears have stopped. As I hang up, I can breathe your scent once again, and your voice still sings to me. There is no pain. There is no logic. There's only the feeling of your arms wrapped around me as I am finally able to go to sleep. I embrace my dreams fearlessly, for I know that whenever I reach out, I will find your hands this time, if only in my dream. I am content for what's left of the night, even though I know that tomorrow, I will greet the day soaked in an ocean of doubts and memories once again.
Between 
Between
Somewhere between the lines
Lives the shadowy truth
Seen but not believed
Both light and dark
They are feelings we live
Feelings we never express
For fear they are illusion
For fear they are smoke
To meet another spirit
To experience attraction
To hide what we see
To wonder if it is a dream
The truth lies somewhere between
The shy awkward glance
And the tender embrace
©Paul Viel 2007
Between
Somewhere between the lines
Lives the shadowy truth
Seen but not believed
Both light and dark
They are feelings we live
Feelings we never express
For fear they are illusion
For fear they are smoke
To meet another spirit
To experience attraction
To hide what we see
To wonder if it is a dream
The truth lies somewhere between
The shy awkward glance
And the tender embrace
©Paul Viel 2007
I Wish I Could Make People Understand How I Really Feel...
"Chasing Shadows"
Following the sun
Day to night
Night to day
I’ve lost myself in you
Even still as dark clouds
Hang happily overhead
I’m following you
A slight twist
A morbid thought
It’s all the same
I’ve remained true
Senselessness
Meaningless words
Bound together by a line
You think you know
Everything I mean
I mean what I say
I say what I mean
And if that’s the only lie I tell
I’ve still told a lie
Cross my heart and hope to die
I’ll never put a needle in my eye
My heart is loyal
My heart is true
It seems I’ve bound myself to you
Lies and truth
Black and white
Some say gray is the better spot
I’ve always looked prettier
In darker colors
But you sure did love me
When I wore that white dress
Friend that knows me not...
Searing shadows on horizon,
Stealing your eternal gaze,
Suffocating air around you,
Silently you walk away...
Where am I in this forgotten world,
Fading slowly with each passing day,
Where are you, oh friend of mine,
One that knows me not but destined to become...
Mild days are passing by,
Bringing nothing new to me,
Only hope keeps me going,
That one day you'll find me here...
Albob
Stealing your eternal gaze,
Suffocating air around you,
Silently you walk away...
Where am I in this forgotten world,
Fading slowly with each passing day,
Where are you, oh friend of mine,
One that knows me not but destined to become...
Mild days are passing by,
Bringing nothing new to me,
Only hope keeps me going,
That one day you'll find me here...
Albob
Whats Wrong?
Im being crushed by this world. I thought i could handle it but now i dont know. Everthing that I can't see and do becomes so apparant. Im shaking as I write this. How could it get to this point. As soon as i walk in the office I hav to put a strict controll on myself to stop my self from falling apart. How can I do another 4 months of this in the state im in. How can a job like this get me down so much. Or maybe its more than that. I dont know how much longer I can hold up. Its not like its going to kill me but to work here with a bunch of clones who ignore me on days I wear black lipstick and are all smiles when I dont. It would drive a girl to drink. None of them here hav any real life. At our weekly morning tea with 25+ people in the room the best conversation they can come up with is someones kitchen floor, the weather or failing that they sit in silence. And they wonder why I dont want to join them when they gorge themselves on cake every 2 days at morning teas held for the most obscure reasons. They are all depressed old fat squares and it shits me to tears that the person closest to my age is 10 years older than me. How was it that working at woolies, 10 hour days and shit conditions, was better than this in just about every way except for the money.And on top of that I actually have to live with one of the squares. I guess thats one of the disadvantages of working with your mum. Why do people think that family automatically means unconditional love. I appreciate what mum and dad have done for me and I know they did the best they could for me but I dont love them and I couldnt really care if I never see any of my family again. Except maybe some of my cousins and aunties, they're mad. But none of the aunties are blood related. Do I just not fit in with my family. It doesn't feel like it. If I had a choice I would move to Melbourne now and start it all again. But I dont think I do have a choice right now. I wonder if my boy will want to move there Straight after he finishes this traineeship. Im going to drive myself into the ground if nothing changes, I already know it.Its almost as though the threads are unravelling. when I look at my shaking fingers I can actually see the threads of my being pulling away and my hands fall apart in front of me. How can I hold on to the threads with my hands when the threads are the remains of my hand? There are shadow people who sit on the edge of my vision but whenever I look to see them they fade away. But I can still hear their laughter at my attempts to hold on to my sanity. The worst thing its not a metaphore. I can actually see them and they really do laugh at me. Its high pitched laugh like the wind has taken on a life of its own. They wisper things in my ears to make me despair more than ever. I dont know why they hate me with such a fierce passion. They stop me from dreaming. Every morning I wake up feeling as though I have only just fallen asleep. The world of sleep and dreams which erase all worries of the world, which I valued so much to comfort my mind, has been taken away. Now all I know is the waking hours, haunted by the insanity that I seem to linger on the ede of. There is to be no comfort in this world.
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