Sexual @ MindSay



 

   
antici............

well folks, today is a day of jubilation.

 

i have my first appointment with my therapist! this means that i am just one small step closer to achieving my ultimate goals and dreams!

 

shawna looked it up for me and found a number for a clinic in akron...and she called and set up and appointment (why she didn't let me just do it myself, i will never know, but oh well).

 

i'm excited, scared and nervous...just wait until next wednesday (appointment day)...i'm sure to be a wreck.

 

it's just the prelims...meaning i have to take i.d., a paystub and fill out some paperwork...do some preliminary assessments, yada yada. basically, it's getting to know me stuff...but still a lot fo be nervous about.

 

it's $90 per half-hour session and i'm pretty sure that i need to go atleast twice a month...hopefully not every week...that's $360 i don't have that often. *sigh*

 

let's look on the bright side...it's only $90 every time i go. and that's hella cheap for a head-shrinker (my dad calls them that, lol).

 

so there's nowhere to go but forward and i can finally start living life the way i'm supposed to...as me.

 

but still...it's crushing me with the anticipation.

 

 

i hope jamie calls me back, i need to see her today.

 

for those of you who tuned in late; jamie is my ex-girlfriend (we didn't last long) and my absolute bestest friend (with the exception of shawna, of course). she's been rooting for me since day one.

 

 

kage jonas

 
 
   
 

Shattered Childhood

  It sucks when you find out something horrible about you. I've grown from something so awful; I would never want anyone else to experience it.

  So two nights ago I went through my moms file cabinent. I found some of the court papers between my father and I.

  In the papers it says that he molested me....shoked me while he molested me. It also says that he cut my stomach and called me a "stupid bitch." He also said he didn't like me or my sister....he also smacked my sister when she was 6 months old for crying.  he also stuck things in me and took off my pants and molested my butt too...idk from the report it sounded like anal sex because it says something about a banana. He also masterbated in front of me and forced me into oral sex....i vomited on him and he said "Stupid."   Then when I told Mandy (my old babysitter) she told my mom......his mother and brother then came over and tried to kidnap me. I can't believe all this....I went throughh this from when I was born basically til I was 4 years old.

  I really hate my father...he's a like a psycho satanist or something. Nobody even knows what all happend...but he was proven guilty...but they didn't do anything because only got as far as a restraining order and they said I was too young to put him in jail or something.

 
 
 

   
What the Gay Brain Looks Like

This article raises some questions and issues with me.

 

First off, I have in my archives about the 'fact' that we all start off as female, and that it would 'seem' that men are female but have been modified for reproductive purposes to be male by 'nature' or 'Source' . Instead of the notion that women are 'men' with wombs, that just maybe  that men are women without wombs. And in my mind tends to lean to the notion that our Source might me Fe/male. This research shows me that just possible that Gays especially men have  just not had as much of what ever it is that happens during the change from female to males in the wombs and they are closer to their beginnings and just may that this is a normal process for this group of people, that instead of being thought of as abnormal. Just maybe there are normally many groups of people with many kinds of sexual orientation?

 

Second, if this is true, and I have read other such research that came to the same possible conclusion that just maybe gay and lesbian people are born that way and that it is not a choice but a  normal sexual orientation.

 

Third if this is so, then to have religions call it a 'sin' just might be wrong?

Just something to think about.

blessed be

 

 

 

 What the Gay Brain Looks Like

Michael Prince / Corbis
 

What makes people gay? Biologists may never get a complete answer to that question, but researchers in Sweden have found one more sign that the answer lies in the structure of the brain....

Scientists at the Karolinska Institute studied brain scans of 90 gay and straight men and women, and found that the size of the two symmetrical halves of the brains of gay men more closely resembled those of straight women than they did straight men. In heterosexual women, the two halves of the brain are more or less the same size. In heterosexual men, the right hemisphere is slightly larger. Scans of the brains of gay men in the study, however, showed that their hemispheres were relatively symmetrical, like those of straight women, while the brains of homosexual women were asymmetrical like those of straight men. The number of nerves connecting the two sides of the brains of gay men were also more like the number in heterosexual women than in straight men.

Just what these brain differences mean is still not clear. Ever since 1991, when Simon LeVay first documented differences in the hypothalamus of gay and straight men, researchers have been struggling to understand what causes these differences to occur. Until now, the brain regions that scientists have come to believe play a role in sexual orientation have been related to either reproduction or sexuality. The Swedish study, however, is the first to find differences in parts of the brain not normally involved in reproduction — the denser network of nerve connections, for example, was found in the amygdala, known as the emotional center of the brain. "The big question has always been, if the brains of gay men are different, or feminized, as earlier research suggests," says Dr. Eric Vilain, professor of human genetics at University of California Los Angeles, "then is it just limited to sexual preference or are there other regions that are gender atypical in gay males? For the first time, in this study it looks like there are regions of the brain not directly involved in sexuality that seem to be feminized in gay males."

Vilain, who studies the genetic factors behind sexuality and sexual orientation, notes that it may turn out that the brains of gay men possess only some 'feminized' structures, while retaining some masculine ones, and this is reflected in how they act on their sexuality. "We know from studies that men, regardless of their sexual orientation, retain masculine characteristics when it comes to their sexual behavior," he says. Both gay and straight men, for example, tend to prefer younger partners, in contrast to women, who gravitate toward older partners. Most men are also more likely than women to engage in casual sex, and to be aroused by visual stimuli. "So I expect that some regions of the brain will remain masculine even in gay men," says Vilain. For something as complex as sexual orientation, it's no surprise that everything from genes to gender to environment may play a role in ultimately determining your perfect partner.

 
 
   
 

Unbelieveable website
Today I received a video by email from one of my contacts. The video came with an address for the website that supposedly hosts the video. So I visited the supposed website.

The website hosts weird, unusual videos about the subject of sex. Some of the videos are interesting, very little are funny. Most of them are disgusting, and a lot of them show women being sexually abused.

The website is so unbelievable, that I will not share the address with you. People become what they see. The absurd becomes normal if we live and consent with it.

Help me do something against this. What can I do against this website? Can I report it? How? Where?

Help!


EDIT:
I just filled in a report at the Internet Watch Foundation (uk):
http://www.iwf.org.uk/reporting.htm

And check here to see if your country is trying to fight illegal online content:
http://www.inhope.org/en/hotlines/facts.html
(click INHOPE Members)

Portugal's hotline:
http://linhaalerta.internetsegura.pt/
 
 
 

   
Impotence? AAAAARRRRGGHH!
I didn't lose my virginity a couple of nights ago.

That's right, I didn't. And I would have, if it hadn't been for one of the most incredible non-performances a body part has ever achieved.

Okay, I realise I'm not on my own here. This must happen to many, many people. They probably even have a few medical terms for it.

To be specific, I don't have any trouble getting erections, or in usual circumstances, keeping them for a fair length of time. Even in the night in question, I didn't have any trouble getting an erection, several times. My problem, which I conclude must be rooted (yes, I said rooted) in anxiety/nervousness, was simply an inability to maintain it when I needed to.

We tried quite a few things, but after at least three or four attempts, we saw it as a lost cause. I felt worse for her than I did for myself - it must have been very awkward for her.

The problem may possibly be with the condom. I'm not used to wearing one, and I honestly find it difficult to put it on. Still, I'm not sure that's the only problem, so I decided to consult the internet (which, after all, must have tons of information about it, right?)

My first stop, of course, was that great fountain of information, wikipedia. Sounded like a good idea - type in 'impotence' in the search field, and press enter.

The page was woefully inadequate, to say the least. I learnt that there are two different kinds of impotence (physiological and psychological), which I kind of knew already. I also learnt that when it comes to curing psychological impotence, there is a strong placebo effect. No shit, Sherlock!

I had more luck with some other sites. One listed tiredness as a possible cause (and I guess it could have been in this situation), another recommended oral sex as a good precursor. I stopped off at an adult shop this morning and had a browse through different sprays and medicines, but I reckon those are designed for people who have a real physical problem, which I probably don't. All the same, I'll certainly keep everything in mind for next time.

Next time. That's the problem. All the anxiety I had last time will have doubled, whether I like it or not. Now I know, and she knows, that I may not be able to perform. I really don't want to have this hanging over my head, as it could seriously impact our relationship.

I need some advice.
 
 
   
 

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