Senior @ MindSay 
school
Today was the last day of school....still does not feel like it. It feels like Monday we're going to be back at school again. Last Friday was the senior's last day--it made me sad because all my seniors in my photography class were gone on monday afternoon.
I'm honestly afraid to become an actual senior. I'm afraid of what life is going to become to be after school is over next year. I'm going to miss the usual routine in the morning. I'm going to miss the school lunches, sadly. I'm going to miss my friends like crazy, and all the times we had and could have but are not guaranteed. It's just not going to be the same life as I know it as. It's sad to think that I'm going to just be thrown out into the "real world" in a split second. When graduation is over next June, it'll be done....I'll be done with the special routine since kindergarten, friends won't be seen every day, and things just won't be the same. I'm going to miss everything...even all the stupid things we had to go through to get to where we're going to be.
I'm afraid...afraid of who I'll become...afraid I'm going to hate what I want to do with my life...afraid of all the people I'm going to lose when it's all said and done...afraid of life as I know it. I hate this. I'm going to cry my heart out at the end of next year.
For now, I'm just going to try to have an amazing summer. Somehow, even though most of the stuff done is going to be simple, it's going to end up to be the best summer so far.
There's so much I've been through in the past few weeks::
-Simone's brother running away.
-Him coming back after a week and a half.
-Some dumbass stealing my iPod last Thursday.
-Finals.
-Steph's wedding.
-Debate
-Good times.
-Senior's graduating
-Photography stress
-EVERYTHING you could imagine.
Some for the good, some not so good. I've made it through it all though. So it's all good....KEEP ON TRUCKING, right?
<33
Well, school is almost over for me! I have to study hard core for AP exams for the next week, and prom is next weekend! I'm excited. I am going with a group of friends and we're eating out then heading to prom. I didn't get a date. I got asked last minute by some guy I didn't even know that well, and since I already had my plans together I told him thanks but no thanks. But I'm actually glad I'm going with a group of girls (they don't have dates either) I don't think I will feel as obligated and I think I'll definitely feel more comfortable. My dress is my favorite color; teal. And it is kinda poofy but not to much and it's satin material. And my jewlery has a diamond theme goin' on hehe.
Graduation is also around the corner. I am so ready! I have been slowly shutting down at school for the past couple of months hehe. What can I say? Senioritis happens to all! Getting my announcements and senior pictures together is a pain though. But it will be worth it right? Right!
My car is also on the way. Right now we are in the process of finding me a decent one. Man, it seems like I have waited forever to get my wheels! Sheesh!
Summer job searching has started earlier for me than last year and for good reason! I need a job!!!! So I need to be ahead of the game. I haven't heard word yet from any places but I will soon....
College has been settled for me since the beginning of this year. I have gotten accepted into my school for academics and music! University of North Texas HERE I COME!
The campus is nice and the music program is amazing. I can't wait! And I met someone from my current school who is going to go there and we're rooming together which is nice. I am not gonna lie. I was kinda worried I'd be rooming with a pothead, or a girl who comes with an extra roomie (her boyfriend! AHHH!)
Things are looking good for once, and I am content where I am. Some things in my family aren't going so well though. But there's nothing I can do about that situation but pray.
Well, that's my life briefly as of now. And I don't think I'm doing too shabby!
... 'cause I can't help falling in love with you...
So.... going home and going to a prom was very interesting. I love the dress that I got for it. Here's how the day went:
11:00am: Pedicures with Bonnie.
2:00pm: Got my hair done at JC Penny salon and she did a wonderful job.
4:00pm: Used my given name to hold my place at Macy's, and someone who shares my given name took my place. Then I couldn't find anywhere else that had an opening.
4:30pm: I end up getting my make-up done at Chanel in Macy's.
5:45pm: I get home after losing my car in the parking lot in the pouring rain.
6:00pm: I get home at the time I was supposed to pick up the guy.
6:20pm: We take pictures at my house.
6:30pm: I leave for the guys house and take pictures there.
7:00pm: Reservation at Benny Hannah's, eat, try to get alcohol, succeed.
7:30pm: He finally starts talking and tells me his mom was making him go and he really isn't interested in the dance.
8:40pm: We get some vodka and juice.
11:00pm: I take him home, he's drunk and I'm buzzed.
11:30pm: I go to bed.
I ended up with food poisoning. I had a fever of 102 and I don't remember driving from Sacramento to Reno. And then I guess I made a few calls because I was upset that I was being a traitor by letting Bonnie do prep stuff that my mom would have done, and that I was guilty and a whole bunch of other things. I'm pretty sure I was delusional.
A note to self,
A weak animal in the wild will not survive. What I choose to make public is from my heart and that is it. What comes out is a representation of who I want to be tomorrow, furthering myself from the selfish person I was before. I will not be perfect, but for right now, I will simply be me. If you cannot accept that then do not read any farther!
Little bit about me. I am the oldest and have a younger sibling. My father worked in law enforcement and government. It was normal to have less privileged people in and out of our house. My parents never wanted my sibling and me to think we were better than anyone was. My parent’s beliefs were so strong that because we attended catholic school my father decided we only needed six pairs of clothes outside of what was required for school. That meant while everyone else had nice jeans, sneakers, shirts, jackets I wore bo bo's the cheapest jeans to be found and one pair of cotton sweats...the dorky kind! I think I went through a phase of almost hating the very people that my parents wanted us to understand. It was because of them that I was suffering. It was not until I was no longer being pointed at and having spit balls hurled at me (because I could buy my own clothes) that I saw that this was the same walk they went through. I appreciated the lesson learned and I keep that close to me until this day. I love nice things, but I am not a huge fan in plopping down a huge amount of money when it could go towards something else. Why am I bringing this up?
On my last visit to see my grandmother at the senior citizen care program she attends, I was reminded of those forgotten. After talking to the staff, I was advised the holidays are the hardest for the seniors. Those that do not have family members have. Imagine having to go from day to day knowing that you are alone and on special holidays having to watch your bed neighbor or the neighbor next door to you have visitors and you having no one saying ”Hey I care or I remember you". Imagine giving your life to a job and your loved ones and on those special holidays someone saying, "grandma/grandpa I am just too tired". A visit to one of these senior programs would not simply be appreciated it would lift spirits that have been pushed aside for years. Spirits lost in the seats of wheelchairs with arms no longer able to push its occupant, leaving them waiting for someone with a gentle hand to remind them that they were still among the living. Your reminder can be both brief and inexpensive. To my surprise the elderly return where we al came from, that of a child. As I walked through the building, I was surprised to find toys, stuffed animals and dolls being used by people well in their eighties. Their eyes showed the joy that these simple items were able to bring, along with the strangers that brought them. The items don't have to be fancy, go to the dollar store. Spend twenty minutes there, whatever you do is going to be more than what they might have received in a long time. The same can be said and done for terminally ill children in hospitals and Ronal McDonald clinics whose families have more than enough on their plates to find time for Christmas gifts, or simply lack the finances to afford it. Don’t forget children in orphanages and foster care programs. As I said earlier I am not a hippie chick or a free love child that dreams of everything being perfect, what I am is someone that started caring about other people. What I am is someone that began to say one day that could be me, one day I will be without the people that watch my back right now. What will I do then?
Take the time to go to the dollar store. Yes the holidays are busy, but there are days before the big day and those days are just as important...Be special to an elderly woman that has no one. Be an angel to a child whose parents cannot buy her that doll. Be an inspiration to someone that saw the job as caretaker as just a job until a stranger came to see someone. BE YOUR BROTHERS KEEPERS...IF NOT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD THIS WILL AND COULD BE YOU!
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