Selflessness @ MindSay 
god
She seems to be going through times no easier than she was as the beginning of the relationship. That is to say she has gotten worse. I'm wondering what she'll do to herself next. It worries me. I don't feel as though this is something under my control, nor would I wish it were so. I only want to be with her. I don't want to be for her. She needs herself, and only herself. What happens next though? How does she heal from the wounds she bears already? I've suggested that she talk to someone. Someone who has an education. Someone other than me. I only finished college, which some of you call high school. Besides, I'm biased.
I don't want this again. I just want them to look after themselves. I gess the first two did. They ditched me. Ha. That's a depressing, although curiously eye opening, thought.
I'd like to talk to my exs. Old friends. Old enemies, sometimes. It's sad, but I don't know how. I don't even know their numbers, some of them. What do I do then? I know there are phone books. I know where some of them live. Is that enough? Maybe. I'll have to remember tomorrow.
There was something important that I remembered this morning but can't recall. Very important. I'm a mess. What was it?
The thing that dominates my mind right now is how she is going to react when she reads this. I bet she doesn't talk to me for hours and when I finally call her she acts as though nothing is wrong, or tries to hide it and doesn't tell me most of the problem. I can only think of how much time that will take, and the way she does it every time something goes wrong. Does anyone have any hints? How do I deal with this, I wonder.
I've grown so much since my first girlfriend. It's strange thinking of things that I used to do. Things I've grown out of, or ways that I've changed mentally. My perception of my surroundings has changed dramatically. I don't feel like a kid anymore. I just feel like someone who has yet to find where they belong. I wonder when that'll happen. It doesn't matter yet. It will happen.
Just another post on the all-mighty Internet. Let's see how it does.
"But if you really want to live/Why not try and Make Yourself"
I wonder, if she breaks will she heal the right way? I wonder if there will be cracks in the pottery. Beauty in imperfection seems to be a common theme these days. Will it suit her?
-Mitch
The World Trade Center stood as a symbol of American ingenuity and success. One sunny Tuesday morning 5 years ago, that symbol was destroyed by religious maniacs, or the politically correct term - extremists. Maybe some of us have forgotten ... ? I'm still angry!
Shattered 9/11/2001, a photo journal of the events of this day, may spark your memory.
My daughter and I recently saw the movie, The World Trade Center. The crowd sat for several minutes, absolute silence, as the credits reeled. Such devastation ... such audacity! My response to the film? ANGER! FURY, even. No, not at those who dared to attack us on our own soil. No, not at the makers of the film. It ignited an anger at the American people.
9 - 11 Heros A list of the victims of the various flights as well as the others known dead.
Do you remember the days and months immediately following this horrendous event? Flags waved from every car, from every home, from trucks, and telephone poles, and traffic lights. Americans donated billions of dollars to the families of the survivors. We were united like, perhaps, never before. Our energy was focused on avenging the blood of those lost. Our differences faded in significance. We cared for one another. We listened to the words of our President and New York's Mayor Juliani, and were comforted, yet inspired to help in some way, to support the President in whatever course of action he chose.
Out of the rubble, a heroic people emerged to tend to the wounded and grief stricken. Do you remember GW saying this would challenge our resolve? Obviously it has. Still angry? Still resolved?
New York's Mayor Rudolf Juliani became a HERO!
I became angry ... militantly irate even, as an immediate response to the "Wolrd Trade Center" film. Again, not at the criminals who attacked us, not at President Bush, nor at some unknown god, but at the American people who seem to have forgotten so quickly. The selfish hatred and political divisions that now exist in our nation seem a desecration on the memory of the bravery and selfless sacrifices made on 9/11, and a stand in stark contrast to the sacrifices and ingenuity that built this nation and made her great. It was not "government" that made the sacrifices, but Americans. It was not a President that fought at Pearl Harbor, or Gettysburg, or Flounders, or in the Iraqi desert, but ... Americans! So ... why are we busying ourselves with complaints of poor leadership? Our government is a reflection of US! Don't you get it? What has happened to the flag-waving? It has morphed into finger pointing. Where is the self-sacrifice we saw that day and the days the followed? the caring? the compassion? the unity of purpose? Still resolved?
I listened to the President's speech tonight (9/11/06), and heard him ask the same questions. How dare we complain without getting involved! Words are cheap. Where are today's heros and heroines??? What is Freedom worth to you? Are you willing to pay for it? Is it worth some sort of personal sacrifice? Again ... where are the heroic people of this generation? I'm not talking about perfection here, just a little ingenuity and caring. We must not allow those who died to die in vain. We must not permit our opinions of government, whatever they may be, to nullify our outrage. My anger is rekindled re: the World Trade Center! Do we have a hero crisis ~ Does 9/11 still burn in you?
If you are interested in making a donation to any of the Memorial funds, click the corresponding link. Thanks!
BTW ... good movie!
~ B
Martyrdom is when you do things out of selfish means and act like someone has a gun to your head. Unless you're in a bank robbery, there is no gun to your head. Nobody has to do anything in this life. Nothing. You either will or you won't. Either you are capable of doing without expecting or you do things and put yourself through hell for sympathy points, the focus being you and your 'hard' life-not the act of truly giving as part of a cycle.
I do not speak of selflessness as self-sacrifice, where you punish yourself over and over and over hoping someday someone somewhere will realize your value. Because, after a few years, when nobody notices what you've failed to notice yourself (your own value) the end result is bitterness.
I speak of selflessness as the ability to take the fear/s you have, fold them up, tuck them into your back pocket and go forward anyway. Selfishness is saying, "Woops, sorry! My anger/fear/ego/hatred/bitterness/sadness, etc is more important than your well being." It says "Sorry, you're just not enough." But at the same time we still expect utter loyalty from those around us. I ask you, who really trusts someone who says-'I'll be there for ya no matter what-as long as it suits me.'?
I speak of selflessness that requires the courage to say-'I have fear/s. But your peace is my peace.' It's not easy to put the self aside. We don't want to be last. We don't want to be 'left behind'. We want to be in the crowd, a part of the group. We want to know that we are good. Believe it or not, sometimes salvation is in the places we don't want to be.
For the past while I've been experiencing God doing something in my life. I wasn't exactly sure what the purpose was, and even now I'm not completely sure, but it seems like the only conclusion that I can come to is that God is in control. He is in control of what is going on. And with that, I shall be comforted.
I've been writing a lot lately about how love and relationships should be selfless, and yet lately, I've been realizing how against my nature it is to live selflessly. It can be rough at times. This morning I was thinking about how impossible it is to consider a loved one's needs, concerns, or problems before your own if you are not close to God. The further away I am from God, the more anxious I become.
Somehow, coffee can't replace God.