Self Portraits @ MindSay 
I often don't feel "fat" per say, but fluffy and a bit out of water. I imagined myself a "snow silkie" bathed in winter sunlight, relaxing on an iceberg. Here is what I would most likely look like:
*GRRRRR!* Apparently someone at Photobucket.com thought my silkie self portrait was insulting. I will repost the image later and rant about it. I'm forever amazed at what will and what won't freak people out!
Now for a more "serious" self portrait. I look slightly Asian here because I was squinting in the sun. This painting is based on this photo.
I did a spiritual self portrait with Mr. Snuggles next to me as an "owl cat" -- you can see his lil' black ears just behind the tiny owl's head, as if my cat is wearing an owl mask. All around us lingers incense smoke and the vapors of bliss and dreams... Looking at it, it reminds me of a past life I spent in ancient Egypt.
I got such a positive response on this painting that I had to post a bigger and better scan of it here.
There is a story developing here based on a few paintings I did back in 2004 as part of a project I started but never finished. I was attempting to illustrate some obscure Italian Witchcraft folklore straight out of "Aradia, Gospel of the Witches" and I thought it appropriate to repost them here...
Endymion's Dream
Tana and Endymion Embrace
Tana seems to resemble The Girl Who Sleeps on the Other Side of the Comet, don't you think?
Encourging myself to be more productive, I turn to my own face for inspiration. Not because I have a big ego, but because it's the only face I wake up to every morning. From my face is reflected back to me who I am. I can't hide from my face. I have to do something with it each day. Why not start from there and work my way up to making pictures of other people? Why not look into myself and find a fantastic array of people waiting to come out and play?
Monday was a dull day, but the evening was full of rain and I went happily to sleep listening to the drops hit the roof and splash so deliciously down onto the soggy ground. I am happy that the snow banks have receded. There are peeks of green showing themselves in the darkness of the mud. My reflection is in every puddle I hop over on my way to where ever I go. Monday I tried on a new Indian brass coin headdress. Only one person came into the store and they didn't buy anything. I went home Monday afternoon feeling like a useless clerk, feeling like I let Dala down, but I can't force anyone to buy anything. Instead of wasting time, I do what I can to amuse myself and this is what I do -- make pretty pictures during a day of nothing, making wishes about my future, and laughing at myself.
I started the month asleep and feeling guilty about having not yet accomplished much. It is like I am waiting for something to happen...
I had a weird dream with Jason Mewes in it. I met him at a mall (go figure) and we were sharing an orange smoothie. He told me he had plans to open a chain of restaurants where all the food items would have nasty, porn names to them. "The best thing I will have to offer is RASPBERRY ASS TARTS!" He exclaimed with much glee. "Oh, really?" I wondered, "but will they be the best tasting item on the menu?" Up to the challenge, Jason asked me to go up to an ice cream counter and ask for the tarts. Surprisingly, I was handed a lovely raspberry colored cone filled with a cream puff-like cream. The cone was elongated, sort of in the shape of a pipe but ridged, and light as a cracker. I wasn't sure if I should try it. I looked over to Jason and his face was so angelic with enthusaism that I had to humor him. "Go on," he encouraged me, "take a bite. You won't regret it." So I did. The Raspberry Ass Tart was awesome! The cone tasted like a cinnamon berry crunchy thing, like the Taco Bell cinnamon twists, a sort of crispy puffy corn thing but on the inside was a blast of a cheese cake cream.
"You may have a winner here, Jason," I told him and ate the rest of the Raspberry Ass Tart with a smile.
I now want to email Jason or Kevin Smith and tell them to make these things. I think it would make them a lot of cash.
I do this to myself a lot -- I save myself some extra time and energy to drag myself to the computer lab to write a really fabulous blog entry, but then I end up spending all of my time scanning and uploading photos and other images so I have something to show for all the time I spend alone at home. I feel obligated to do some work and put that as my first priority before letting myself get down to some serious thing to chat about on my blog.
And when I get home, my thoughts are like the buzzing and flashing of a neon sign with a short circuit. Like something out of a David Lynch movie. Something crazy. My mind switches back and forth from subject to memory to feeling to anything that comes to my attention at the moment and then fades out of my consciousness as I cross the street. I feel filled with so many stories I need to tell, my Gods, when am I ever going to get the opportunity to tell them? I guess we'll all have to wait until I purchase a computer of my own and get to do my thing at home. Having a 'puter at home would be a blessing right now, especially since it's damn cold out and that wind just rips through me...
Well, seems like my blog is one I do once a week, at the very least, and just in case I don't get to talk to any of you out there in a few days, I better load up some images and tell you why I posted them. First, check out my last post about the Argus Monitor lizard, he's my favorite dragon and I want to hug and feed him. Now come back to this post and look at the pretty pictures. Here's my commentary:
The first photo is of Petra, a lovely ginger kitty at the local animal Companion Shop. I posted it because I love the juxaposition of the images of cats on the throw underneath her. Like phantom cats watching over her. She loves my camera because it has a long strap that she can play with! I want to take her home. She's got the most beautiful amber eyes. I hope whoever adopts her treats her well. She had kittens over the summer and is still recooperating from a wound on her head. You can barely see the damage now. She's healing fast. She's a survivor. I absolutely love her.
The next cat image is of a black and white tom named Nike. Another cat in the shop has a big crush on him and loves to snuggle with him, cleaning and sucking on his fur as if he were her mother. Nike doesn't seem to mind the attention. He's been at the shop the longest. He got adopted during the summer but then his new owner had a house fire and he just barely survived. He had burns all over his front paws. Now he looks like nothing bad ever happened to him. What a character!
I had a dream that a friend of mine was pregnant with bamboo root creatures like the ones pictured in the third photograph. Aren't they lovely in that creepy yet sentimental way?
Those buddah masks look like they are having a conversation -- the way I placed them together was an accident. You can find them and the bamboo root twins at my friend Dala's store. I do wonder what they have to say about the people who come into the store...?
The last five are more self portraits. I don't post them to be entirely vain. I am naked from the waist up in them, but you can't see my naughty bits because my long hair is hiding them. I was amazed this morning by that. When I got too much time on my hands, my hands reach out for my digital camera upon instinct, itching to make art in the lazyest way I know how: using myself. I manipulated the last two, trying to create that "metaphysical witchy text book" look reminiscent in old photos of Madame Blavatsky and Aleister Crowley. I like creating "timeless" portraits -- ones that could be ancient or contemporary, yet you can't tell which.
So now I retreat back into the cave-like atmosphere of my one bedroom apartment. I'm hungry, lonely, cold (yet warm inside), and wished I had more time tonight to discuss things like my theories about vampires and zombies (do they poo?) but that will have to wait for another night. Oh, wait....
Maybe not. This computer lab is open 24 hours today. That means I can be here for a looooooong ass time. Expect more from me soon. Especially about the vampires and zombies thing. I'm a geek for the undead.
In a project I'm working on, one of the characters wears a dark veil over half her face, or at least part of her face. So far I've studied a lot of bridal headresses for inspiration and researched some kick ass examples of medieval veils, but none yet have captured the look I see in my mind. Before drawing the character concept, I decided to use the sheers I have at home. The above photos are the self reference I came up with. I took over 65 photos in all and you can, if you really want to, see them at my Myspace photo album.
Later this week I'll display the resulting character sketch.
Just been working on exercising my ink drawing skills. Did a few self portraits to warm my fingers up for doing other drawings... Did too much detail for a simple warm up project here and ended up making my right arm sore. I'll do some more later. Just wanted to post these for now. Astute readers will note that I changed my profile picture to the little black and white comic booky illustration from the top right of the portraits. Just me and a little exclamation mark says it all...
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