
School Is Hell @ MindSay 
The stress from school and from my parents is too much so my friend and I are going to be moving in together. I have no choice - my parents are threatening to evict me. While I'm living with my friend, I have to get my GED, get a job to pay for half the rent, find out how to get into Canada, find out how to get my medication for free, and try to keep from killing myself.
My dad called me a quitter when he picked me up from school. I guess I am a quitter. A fucking failure. I pray that I amount to something - I'm sure I will, but in this hard time with my depression, all I want is fucking parental support, not verbal abuse and put downs. Deep down though, I think that this is for the best. I think I will be better off. I just can't handle school. I can't handle the pressure. I feel like Tweek from South Park. I just want all of this to go away. I want people to be there for me, but silently - if I need help and support, I'll let them know.
I'm sick of people saying that they're 'sorry' or that they feel sorry for me. Saying that shit, doesn't help or solve the situation. I can see in their eyes that they have sympathy for me, I don't need to hear it 100x a day. I know I'm a pathetic, waste of skin, but don't feel bad for me, because it doesn't make me any less pathetic or any more important. It just pisses me off.
so
only one
more day of
happiness and freedom arg
i am very sad that summer is nearly
GONE.
but hey just think
weekends will feel extra special now
:)
tomorow it d-day
day of- shit
hell
tortur
mindless teachers
clones
books
that nasty school smell
cafaterea food
all of the above and much more
don't get too excited now
i know there may be some
ppl out there who love school to death
but for me school is still the leading cause of death
so today is the last day
of summer and it hasn't been exciting in the least
i've bascily spent my day
getting ready for hell (school)
i got new pants
thats good i guess
and i got a hair cut
its looks pretty much the same
i guess i'll blog when i have something worth blogging about
like say... tomorow i will
tell you how shitty my day was
wait.. i have to think positive
so tomorow i'll tell you how not happy
my day was.
much better
peace
Well, as the title of this entry says, my first term in Hell has commenced. Amazingly, the school freezes over in the morning (to the point where first period is almsot unbearable) and then heats up savagely so that by 3 p.m., I pretty much want to get home and just walk around in my birthday suit. It's a little ridiculous... we can increase taxes to build a bigger school and bring the little 6th grade bastards across the river, yet, somehow, WE CAN'T AFFORD HEATERS OR AN AC. HOW HARD IS IT TO TURN ON A HEATER?!
God... imbeciles.
Tomorrow's the last day for the weekend. God knows I need to catch up on my sleep already. My classes are all right, save for first period. It's boring as hell in there and I'm the only junior amongst a bunch of seniors. It sucks big balls. I hate it, but I can't change it unless I want to regress and go back to English 11. Seeing how I'm going to be an english major, that wouldn't be too smart. I was also told this by Rachel and Carrie... meh. I so wanted theory, and I can't even audit that because Keenly says he doesn't have time.
ARG!
My classes are small,too. First period (english) there's a grand total of 13 or 14, depending. 2nd period my labs is kind of packed and so is my study hall, but third I have 13 people, fourth I have 10, and 6th I have 12. It's kind of nice that for once, I'm not in a class so huge we can barely breathe. Refreshing, really.
I lucked out in chem today (along with my 10 person class). Castle started by handing out books (he actually couldn't remember my first name, though I can understand why. The man's had me in science since 7th grade and he never called me "Stephanie." It was always "Snyder." It doesn't bug me... I rather found it amusing) and then we went on to finish lab safety procedures. Needless to say, we all got talking about class, then we kind of... digressed from the topic. :D Basically, Castle forgot to assign us our reading. Every other chem class had it but us. :D Eee. It'll probably screw us in the end, though. We're already behind.
Pre-calc is so... wonderful. I missed having Mrs. J. for a math teacher. Howard's nice and all but God; I couldn't learn from the man. Mrs. J. let us have half the period to do our homework. It's so handy. :)
Mrs. Allard also has my vote. U.S. History is a little lacking as far as being involved by psychology (I also have that with her) rocks out loud. I can't wait until we start our socratic seminars (class debates to see how the mind works). It's going to be FUN.
Also, as of late, I've been obsessed with Degrassi. :P I find it reminds me of my childhood experiences, mainly junior high. I love it. I can't stop watching it... well, I don't really watch it. I just tape it and then numb out after school and fall into this nifty little trancelike state where I'm aware of everything but so unable to move.
:( I've almost finished Eldest so I'll have to steal a book from Sam again. I think I'm going to give Sarah her Nora Roberts books back. I'll never get to them, not with the reading list I have. It's just too insane... I can't deal! :P I still have to finish Deception Point, which I started before Wings of Fate.
Anyway, I'm dead. I need sleep desperately. Maybe, if the library's open, I'll jet up 6th period and update.
Maybe.
Random song quote: "And they say that a hero can save us; I'm not going to stand here and wait."
~Shadowmaster~
I'm fucking pissed off!....i'm like in the WORST mood ever!!! I feel like there is so many things left undone...like i'm missing out on so much with my friends, havent talked to like anyone....and then these book reports which i'm doing now...gay gay gay!....and schools coming and they completely fucked up my schedual again saying i have 2 studyhalls now when yesterday i fixed it and i had advertising and marketing....pisses me off and i have no idea why the hell i have science only on bcde days and french abde days...where the hell else am i suppose to go on the other days??? for real this is bullshit...it cant be that hard...i know theres alot of ppl in our school...but thats what a computer is for...BLAH!...pisses me off bc i dont know what to do or where to go for school...and i dont have ANY school clothes and i have like nothing ready!...just BLAHHHHHH!.....and to make things even more fusterating cody left for PA yesterday isnt coming home till sunday and i cant really talk to him bc he has no service and when he does it gose in and out so i can only hear little parts of what he's saying and that right there makes me want to go shoot somthing!....damn i need a fucking punching bag!
~Celeste
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hell yeah



