Scared At Night @ MindSay

how we met: He used to be a customer at the store I worked at and we always said hi and whatnot but never talked. I mean this guy has an amazing body and I assumed he was a meat head. Well i was on OKCupid the other night and I saw someone made a new profile in my area and it was him! I debated for 10 minutes whether or not to talk to him but I decided to, even though i was insecure, and we talked a long time. Every night since then we'd talk for at least 2 hours, and then we went on the date last night

the date: well my date last night was excellent. I got there before him because the place was hard to find and neither one of us had been before. I was so nervous driving because when I get scared my chest hurts and my head hurt and sometimes my back sweats but fortunately I didnt sweat. anyhoo, he pulled up and I was so scared but he gave me a hug and I felt a little better. We had to wait 30 minutes for a table but we had fun talking outside and he kept touching my leg but it was ok with me. We had baked brie and bruchetta (I spelled this wrong I think) which was amazing! I had some sort of shishkabob thing which was nice but the dessert was awesome. It was creme brulee cheesecake. orgasmic-ness.

anyhoo, moving on. Halfway through or meal and conversation he asked to see my hands, and I was surprised andhe just held my hands, and played with them tracing the lines in my palms and whatnot. It was really nice ^_^ and then when we were done and were just sitting and talking I had put my feet up next to him and he started massaging my feet.

We then drove over in his car to Barnes and Noble so he could get some coffee. As we were walking up to it he turned to me and held my hands and looked like he was going to kiss me, but I got scared and layed my head on his chest. When I drew back to look at him he kissed me and even though I was scared I really liked it and then we went inside. He grabbed an iced tea, and then we sat outside on a bench and made out/cuddled for over an hour. I hate making out, but I love kissing him. At one point I was trying to lift his shirt up to see his  8 pack, but he wouldnt let me and we got in a tickle fight on a bench which was very amusing. At one point I was straddled across his lap kissing him, but I was just manipulating him into staying longer.

After a good amount of time had passed I released him and we got in his car and drove back over to where mine was. We made out some more/ there was some groping and slight boobage. I got out of his car to get my camera out of mine, and when I turned around I kissed him and then he picked me up and pinned me against the car with my legs around his waist. He was able to hold me over 10 minutes and wasnt tired at all. He's an amazing kisser <3

finally I forced myself to say goodbye and I drove home.

This is probably gonna seem weird, stupid, crazy, and like I'm just over-thinking again. I'm sure I'll get people telling me to get over myself. But last night something happened that really made me feel good about myself and some of the shit that has happened lately.

Last night Coral called me to see how the moving process is going. We keep in touch, which is nice, even though we are ex's. It can be awkward from time to time, but it is nice that we can still talk every once in a while.

Anyways, she was doing her grocery shopping at the time and while walking home she called me again. She called me because she gets scared when she is alone at night. It helps calm her down to be on the phone with someone she knows and trusts. It's her thinking that if she's on the phone while walking home at night if anything bad happens to her the person on the other line cna call 9-1-1, which is sort of correct.

It made me feel good that after all the stuff we've been through she still trusts me enough to call me when she is scared. And yes if anything did happen to her I would call 9-1-1.

After the fights, breakups, and shit she still trusts me even if only a little bit. That speaks well of me, her, and our possible friendship.

It felt good to be that person she calls when she feels scared. It made me feel like I haven't messed everything up as badly as I sometimes think. I realized I'm not the fuck up or failure I sometimes feel that I am.

To Coral I'm sure it was just someone to talk while waling home. But it was an ego boost to me and it made me feel loved.

Thanks for Reading,

Mark M.