Satire @ MindSay

Selbsthilfegruppe "Neurotypismus Rhein-Main" bietet Eltern Unterstützung

Neurotypismus ist eine tiefgreifende Entwicklungsstörung mit großen Schwierigkeiten in der Wahrnehmung: Die Betroffenen fühlen, sehen, riechen, schmecken anders als Gesunde, erfassen ihre Umwelt also auch auf andere Weise. Die Selbsthilfegruppe "Neurotypismus Rhein-Main" will Eltern Unterstützung bieten.

Sie sind überdies in ihren Kommunikationsmöglichkeiten sehr beeinträchtigt, haben schwerwiegende Kontakt- und Beziehungsstörungen und zeigen, so ein Des/Informationsblatt, "bizarre Reaktionen auf die Umwelt". Infolge ihrer großen Verunsicherung entwickeln sie Stereotypien, Rituale und Zwänge. Das wiederum beunruhigt die Eltern zutiefst, die oft erst sehr spät von der Behinderung ihrer Kinder erfahren: Kinderärzte werden zu selten damit konfrontiert und haben deshalb Probleme bei der entsprechenden Diagnose.

.(Un-)Official plan meeting for the tentatively named Blood Fest in Eastern Europe:

."I've got like all this aggression, right? I--ok, well basically I got audited this year and really, like, really fucking pissed me off because I like trusted H&R Block and shit, you know? Whatever--fuck them. So I've been all like taking it out in my art and just feeling it through... like... you know... and, whatever." (Scratches head vigorously, leaving hair awry) "Dude, basically I don't care. I mean, there have to be a lot of tits. And like a fuck-ton of torture, you know? Probably, like, some bitches should die and shit. That was one of the fucking worst things, man... like my H&R rep was so fucking hot... and--"

.(Producers are obviously annoyed) "So, do you have a story?"

."What?"

."What's your idea? What's going to happen in the film?"

."Dude, don't call it a film. That's so fucking pretentious."

."WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS IN THE MOVIE?!?"

."I just fucking told you... calm the fuck down. Is it like time for your shot or something?"

.(Producers glare)

."Okay, see, I don't really care. Plot is like so unimportant. It's like so insignificant. I was thinking like college kids or something--"

."We've seen too many of those. I feel like this project--"

."But wait, you've seen like college kids on roadtrips and shit. College kids in America living the American fucking dream when someone comes and fucks up their little bubble, right? Basically, I think that's bullshit, right? It's like..." (stares at ceiling for about 5 minutes--producers blinking) "Like a backpacking trip in Europe, right? Kids do that shit all the time. Living the fucking American dream in a third-world country."

"What the fuck is this, Eurotrip 2?"

."No, dude... see, in Eurotrip they didn't mean to end up in Eastern Europe. It's like the whole joke, see? In this movie they mean to go there."

."And what happens to them in Eastern Europe?"

."It's fucking Eastern Europe, you know? Like Hungary or slovakia or one of those fucking-vakias... Like, some fucked up shit can go down there and people can just like get away with it."

.(Producers again stare blankly) What kind of shit? Look, that's all we want to know..."

.I don't know... like some tits early on, and then we can just start killing people off. I mean, they can like torture them for a long time. Some bitches would die. That would be like... pretty much it."

."So you want to make a snuff film?"

."Uh... Like... No, I think this is pretty much revolutionary... like its own thing."

."It sounds more like a snuff film..."

."Wait... no... see you just don't get it... I feel like you don't get me. Is that the fucking problem here? I mean, is this like too deep or some shit? Look, there's gonna be a story or something, I just don't deal with that in my movies. I mean, it's so insignificant." (awkward pause) "My cousin Eddie does paperbacks... like the dimestore kind, you know? He makes okay money. Like a lotta chicks buy his shit in the south. Anyway, he said he'd put something together for me. I trust him."

.(Very long, very awkward pause)

."Deal."
_____________
.Two weeks Later:

.Production for the newly titled "movie" Boarding House is finished.

.Tagline: "Pay ten buck to like watch people die and shit."

So, it seems people are a bit interested in this election thing. I guess because our current president is a moron and things couldn't get worse. One side has choices between a black dude and a woman, (HA!) and the other has a real, American hero who's mind was liberalized in Vietnam.

All of these potential presidents are trying to appeal to the targeted groups, like rednecks, drug addicts, homos, or the sick, the hungry, and the often overlooked evangelical Christians.

There is one group no one has recognized, and it is they that will decide the election: the Stupid White Man. The Stupid White Man comes from all sorts of backgrounds, from poor to rich. He comes from all over America, from down south, to the western mountains, from the west coast to the east coast.  But, mostly they are just rednecks.

The Stupid White Man isn't looking for a handout, he just wants a level playing field. He believes that a level playing field exists naturally, even though it should be obvious that some people have had better opportunities than himself to succeed, while others were much less fortunate. In many cases, he thinks he pays more taxes than he should, even though he uses roads, sends his kids to schools, calls the cops regularly because someone was on his property, and has had breakthrough medical treatments. He works hard for the little money that he has, and thinks that people more successful than himself must be working REALLY hard.

The victimhood syndrome buzzwords — “disenfranchised,” “marginalized” and “voiceless” — don’t resonate with him, but mostly because he's never heard them before, or they are too big for comfort, and he doesn't really think that his opinion counts in general. He has no trust in the government, and doesn't always have money in the bank even though he works hard and lives modestly. “Press ‘one’ for English” is a curse-word to him. So is "education", "liberal" and "homosexual."  He’s used to picking up some of the tab, whether it is for the public school who asked him to donate food to their child's party, or for their college education that the government loaned him money for.

He believes the Constitution is to be interpreted literally, not as a “living document. Documents don't "live", stupid! Even though some would say that every written work has more than one meaning, that there is the author's intended meaning, and the reader's interpretation of the work,  it is not open to the interpretation of judges who they feel don't do real, manly work.

The Stupid White Man owns firearms, because he is easily scared. He is ready to shoot the first person who steps on his land because stuff is important, and he is more than willing to go overseas and fight to keep the enemy over there, farther away from his land. He is willing to lay down his life if the government, who he normally doesn't trust for anything, says "freedom" enough times. If someone is labeled as the enemy, then they obviously deserve to be shot, and he doesn't mind doing it. There is no need to consider that the enemy is a person, because he is just an <insert ethnic slur>.

The Stupid White Man is not gay, doesn't look gay, and certainly doesn't consider himself a victim. Nobody like him drowned in Hurricane Katrina... most of them were black. People like him rolled out of there when the black people rolled in. The others got the hell out and left people to drown. People who drown and are victims to natural disasters are stupid.

It doesn't matter what religion he is or what his last name is, as long as he isn't Colored something other than White.

He's a real, macho man, the kind of guy who gambles, is entertained by cars driving in circles, and mounts dead animals to walls. He doesn't mind objectifying women by paying them for a lap dance as long as if wife won't know. He can do things that other people should be able to do, and he sure is proud of himself for it. He coaches sports... the only real contribution to society. And most importantly, he doesn't ask for a penny. Pennies are basically useless unless you want to make exact change or save them in a jar for a few years. He's the kind of guy who will do  manual labor for beer and knows enough people just like him that he could put an addition on his house anytime he wanted for cheap beer that tastes like cold urine and water filtered though hay and straw. Nothing else is consumable.

Women probably like him, because he is Stupid, White, and easily manipulated. He doesn't really respect woman very much, but pretends to whenever there is a door around that he can open. That is much easier than the other stuff. Women know he isn't a dishrag because he doesn't resemble one and he never helps with the dishes.

He might be a Republican, and he might be a Democrat that doesn't vote; he might be a Libertarian or a Green, but probably not a Green. He knows that his wife is more emotional than rational, and tries to steer clear of her around "that time of the month". He tries to guide the family, but his wife still handles the finances and important decisions.

He’s not a racist, per say, he just hates when black people act so black.

Most importantly, the Stupid White Man is angry about things. When his job site becomes flooded with Mexicans who don’t speak english, he gets pretty damn angry at them, but if his business could be more competitive by using cheaper labor, he'd totally do that!

When his job gets shipped overseas, he gets pretty angry, too. But he'll still elect a man who kisses the asses of corporations if the man says "freedom" enough. When a black man talks about equality, well he fondly remembers when people lynched them for less and thinks they should be happy now. When a child brings a little knife to school and gets suspended, he thinks the people in education are idiots. When a child bring guns to school and shoots a bunch of people, he quickly defends his 2nd amendment rights so people don't get the idea that guns are bad. People kill People... with guns... and that's OK.

He also votes if he feels like it, and the Stupid White Man loathes Hillary Clinton. Her voice reminds him of his mother and wife, just a bunch of nagging women. He recoils at the mere sight of her on television, because she isn't attractive like Jessica Alba. Her very image disgusts him, because she doesn't dress feminine. He can't imagine why anyone would want a woman as a leader, because they are emotional and irrational. It’s not that she is a woman, it is her smaller brain. It is because she thinks that the poor and the sick are victims. And, as the Stupid White Man knows,victims are stupid.

Her inability to give a straight answer to an honest question is fairly typical of a woman, and he doesn't want his tax dollars going to people who don't help themselves. This is how he sees people who haven't had the benefits of being White and Male, who've been in unfortunate places, who were born dirt poor from a dirt poor family, who go to dirt poor school districts and live in dirt poor neighborhoods. Work harder!

And there are many millions of Stupid White Men. Four million are members of the NRA, and all of them will vote for the guy who claims his opponent is trying to steal their guns! Most of them voted for Bush... twice, and that really says something about a person, doesn't it?

He hopes that Hillary will be the Democratic nominee, because at least she is White. That is half the battle. They are pretty sure that the biggest part of the battle is being male, though, and fear that a young, clean black man would probably beat their liberal excuse for a Republican into the ground with no effort. The prospects of either Democratic nominee being presidents hits them in a spot they don't quite understand, but it makes their blood run cold.

This is a test of the emergency Top Blog system. Step away from the VOTE button.

 

I see you........ You can control your urge to click. You can do it.

 

But what the hell, you only live once, so go for it! :) It's down there to your bottom left.

 

Free yourself!

 

 

 

 Click the pic too :)

Since yesterday I attached Jesus to Final Fantasy, I thought I might as well attach Bush to Pokemon.