Saddness @ MindSay

Dixie currently feels:

 Depressed

 

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 Currently playing:

 

- Guitar Hero III

- Sonic Adventure DX

 

 Currently listening to:

 

- Chu Chu Lovely Muni Muni Mura Mura... - Maximum The Hormone

- Morgenstern - Rammstein

- Johnny, I Hardly Knew Ya - Dropkick Murphys

 

 

 Currently reading:

 

- Whispers In The Dark

- The Yellow Block

 

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 GH3 songs played today:

 

Holiday In Cambodia (Ex), Slow Ride (Ex), Story Of My Life (Ex), Talk Dirty To Me (Ex), Avalancha (Ex), Closer (Ex)(x2), Knights Of Cydonia (Ex), Hier Kommt Alex (Ex), Reptilla (Ex), Sabotage (Ex), My Name Is Jonas (Ex), Miss Murder (Ex), Rock You Like A Hurricane (Ex), Welcome To The Jungle (H), Closer (H), Radio Song (H), Hier Kommt Alex (H) 

 

- Groupies: 6079! -

 

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 Times cried: Twice

 Wounds inflicted: None

 

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Today's song lyrics:

 

Story Of My Life - Social Distortion

 

Good times come and good times go...
I only wish the good times would last a little longer....
I think about the good times we had, and why they had to end...

So I sit at the edge of my bed...
I strum my guitar, and I sing an outlaw love song...
Wonderin' bout what you're doin' now, and when you're comin' back...

 

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I just flicked through the pages of my blog.

I like the way all the colours and pictures and smileys look together.

 

Although some say I'm black and emo, I like colours.

So I use varying colours in my blog sometimes.

 

I don't have any pictures to put on here today, so I've just used a lot of smileys.

 

 

I've become a forum whore.

I'm addicted to my own forum now.

 

All yesterday, and all this morning, whenever someone posted, I responded straightaway.

There were about four of us on there last night for about five hours.

I stayed awake until 6am talking to them all.

 

I've been out for about an hour, and I've come home to 76 thread alerts.

I have plenty to say then. :)

 

I only learnt this morning that my forum is the most popular in the entire Pokémon genre on FFN - with now 26,000 posts.

I'm happy about that.

 

 

- But depressed about everything else.

 

 

Last night, I was laid on my bed crying.

Daddy was sat on the PC - he didn't say a word to me.

 

He left without speaking to me.

He knew I was crying - I was making a lot of snuffling sounds, it wasn't difficult to tell.

 

 

...Sigh, I want to be a baby again.

 

I've just been at my aunty's.

My cousin has two children, one who is two, and one who's about a month old.

 

...Just seeing daddy holding Millie made me so sad inside.

...Daddy never hugs me anymore.

...I'm too big for him to hold me...

 

...I'm not Daddy's little girl anymore.

...Just thinking about it is making my eyes leak.

 

I cried in the car on the way home, my head pressed to the back of mam's seat.

...She's being horrible to me and all. ...Saying if I don't do stuff aorund the house I'm gonna get hurt or kicked out or something...

 

 

...Sigh, and now I don't have anybody left.

 

I'm leaving school in three weeks.

I won't have Parry anymore.

 

I don't have Emily anymore.

Reiss is ignoring me.

Rathe's disappeared off the face of the Earth...

 

 

...Yeah, now I feel like hurting again.

 

...Meh, I'll go on my forums, see if I can take my mind off things...

 

.............Sigh.

:( x 1,572,987,163 (That's a shit ton of sad faces, if you weren't aware)

 

I shouldn't be dissapointed/sad...

 

I got THE job I wanted. I didn't even have to interview. How? The old HR manager at country coach abandoned ship and started managing at Monaco coach (Both build way over the top luxurious rv coaches that are nicer/more expensive than most people's friggin' houses..it's gross) So monday, I filled out an application, dropped off my app and resume, and didn't expect any kind of response. They weren't hiring, blah. Today, after having an interview, in which, I really felt like a fish out of water, I got a call from a number I didn't recognize so I didn't answer it. Bill collectors are on my ass...so if I don't recognize, you can leave a voicemail...after listening to my ringer (which is vanilla ice) for a minute. I checked my messages, and realized that carl from monaco coach called, and needed me to call back "pronto". I called back, and discovered that it's Carl from Country Coach, who bent over backwards to try and keep me on at that company when I was going through a lot of medical problems. Finally when he left, I got dropped permanently. He informed me that they had 6 guys walk out, and they're 7 days behind schedule on 3 different coaches, that have been paid for in full, and the buyers are supposed to pick up next wednesday. They are in a crunch. The 6 guys got pissed because of cutbacks in wages and benefits. The company decided that it wasn't going to give people $3-5 wage increases each year, and that it was cutting the benefits package in half. The benefits cut really only impacts those that want a spouse or child as a dependent on their insurance...as that's no longer paid for by the employer, and the premium must be paid by the policy holder. And vacation has been cut from 2 weeks paid (after one year of working there) to 1 week. This I guess pissed some guys off, and rather than appreciate the pay they were getting, decided they wanted to seek out something new. more power to 'em...it's an ugly job market. I thank them though, as they opened a new door for me.

 

Carl though, I love the guy lol. He apologized right off, he says,

 

I know you're a hard worker, and you're damned good at what you do, and I know you were making $25, but I'm so sorry, I can't pay that, but I need someone like you bad right now that knows the jist of how things operate, so we can throw you in there and get back on schedule without training, there's no time to train

 

He literally apologized 10 times throughout the entire conversation.

 

He's starting me at $23. The other 5 guys he hired today before he saw my application and called me are starting at $18.

 

It's so nice for once, to have someone appreciate the work I did. I truly loved that job. I busted my ass, and did good work, despite having tits, and no background in that kind of work whatsoever. It'll be interesting to see if the guys here are like the guys at country coach. They weren't too accepting of me (until like a month before I had to take medical leave, and then I never returned). Yeah, they were dicks though, said women belong in the front office, etc. Sexist pigs. Except for clark.

 

Haha, clark was my favorite coworker of all time. He and I were partners, shared a toolbox etc. Clark was stereotypically gay, and he would always be like "would you look at that ass on that one in the tight jeans, mmm mmm girl, have a peak" and I'd die laughing everytime, but I always had a look lol. He was always right. You wouldn't think he was gay though to look at him. Super manlyish for a gay man. If I hadn't known he was gay, I'd probably have tried to jump him lol. I miss him, he was funny. He took me shopping a few times, in an effort to get me out of jeans, a tshirt, and docs, but it never worked. I must've frustrated the shit out of him. I should call him and see what he's up to. He was such a funny fucker. Always made me laugh. We had each other's backs. Gangster status.

 

Or something..haha i don't know what I'm talking about.

 

I have to start sunday though. That's the catch. Because they're 7 days behind schedule...they have to get shit moving FAST. These idiots paid $300,000 aproximately for the bastard things....and they're not even close to being finished hahaha ohhhh makes me laugh. I've got long shifts ahead of me for sure. I'm okay with that. I love that work. I really do. People think that's weird. but fuck I do. But yeah, A.D.D, because I have to start sunday....I have to get my bus ticket changed. Because I'm not getting on a bus at 4:45 tomorrow morning :( I will just get a refund, as I don't know the exact days i'm going to get my week off. Carl told me I could take a week in "about two and a half weeks" So i'll get a refund on my ticket, which sucks, because they snake 20%, because I got some sort of deal on it. which I don't know, I think that's like almost 26 bucks? or something thereabouts. Which isn't much, but still, that's shitty.

 

It also just occured to me that I'll be going to San Diego for Thanksgiving with my brother (he's going to be transfered to coronado? I think that's what he said???? I'm probably wrong on that, but he's going to San Diego, and I can't remember the name of the base) So he's going to pay for me to go down there, because....I have no family here. I do, but I don't. I have extended family in portland, and it would be nice to see them, but I really just need my brothers, and one is better than none. Thanksgiving is a bad holiday. Last thanksgiving day my dad had a stroke and died. he was 46. I regret having a poor relationship with him (or no relationship at all in the last 3 years of his life, rather) So my brothers are important to me, in a big way.

 

So Canadia will either be before, or after thanksgiving. Depending on when Carl says go on vacation.

 

I'm sorry :(

 

I will get up there soon enough to enjoy those Eggo pancakes...since I know you won't be eating them. Unless you're a closet pancake lover. Which, I think might be a possibility. It's OKAY TO LIKE PANCAKES. 

 

 

Peace out(side)

 

Gwennizzle.

 

P.S.

My boobs hurt. Why? I think it might be the caffeine consumption, but I am not certain. So if anyone knows...let me know? It's not that time of the month, and I'm not prego, so what the hell mang.

 

I appologize to the members of the male populous that just possibly got a little taste of too much information.

 

I'm not truly sorry though, because you have penises, and you can pee on things whenever/wherever, even into the wind if you so desire, while I have achey boobs and have to squat.

 

So I retract my appology. Deal with the TMI.

Requiem

 

It hurts to see the change

It hurst so bad, to see and remember the life we once had.

 

You left three years ago...

I felt I had broken.

 

Then I remembered the good times

I remembered all the secrets we had spoken.

 

Now those same memories no longer hold the tranquility like wind chimes do...

instead....they cut me deep as I remember that these happy thoughts are no longer true.

 

It hurts to know we have changed.

It hurts to know we no longer walk the same lands we once ranged.

 

It hurts to remember. 

That feel of dread, when you know that they don't want to be your friend anymore... That knowledge that no matter what you do you will never get them back...The way they don't return your emails, or your txt's and you always just miss them on the computer.... or even worse, that your on the computer, but set as away and they still don't even say hi.  It makes me sad.  Because i don't know what i've done wrong.  Nobody ever tells me what i do wrong, they just stop talking to me, avoid me... then i never hear from them again...

 

:-(