Sacrifice @ MindSay

Jiddu Krishnamurti:

Well, I had Soldiergirl home for two weeks, but this morning I had to release her back to the Army.  My son & I drove her to the airport bright & early.  After a tearful moment of prayer all around, he walked her to the checkin booth.  About a half hour ago, I got a call from Soldiergirl ... still sitting at the Pittsburgh airport.  Seems they took off and encountered some difficulty and had to return.  Thankfully, all are safe.  She has to sit until the rescheduled departure time of 3:30, though.  I asked her if she wanted me to come out and sit with her...  She said NO!  That would mean saying goodbye again! 

So it's back to GA for another few days, then on to Kuwait and parts yet ubnknown.  Isn't she a doll?  (not too biased, hmmm?)

P.S.  The Mustang is MINE while she's gone!  :P

I did catch a few Z's.
But now I'm regretting it.

Right now I feel hatred towards myself. I wish I never was brought to the point of existence.  My dream void was filled with moments and people from my past; which is generally not a great thing to experience again. In those moments, with those people, I wanted them all gone. What's the point in making a sacrifice if it's not even enough? What's the point in giving yourself to someone if they only end up making you crumble in the end? To me, it's worth nothing. A waste. Yet I'm still stupid enough to continue to make those sacrifices anyway. I'm stupid enough, after many heart breaking experiences, to lend my life to another person. It seems that I'm typically used in the long run, a small routine that my mind is yet to process and learn.

Really, what's the point in me being with other people if they're going to just make me forget who I am and bring me to the point of insanity. If only those people could know what it's like to love yourself but hate yourself at the same time. To welcome yourself as you are, but yet be afraid of yourself at the same time. It's a bit of a Jekyll and Hyde scenario. I don't even know who I am anymore, and I can't remember who I used to be in the past. The fire in my eyes has died, and there's nothing left but ashes. My heart has withered, but yet it continues to give and doesn't want to receive.

Sorry to take up your time. I just needed to get this off my chest.

When I was at Ft. Stewart last month, one of the highlights of my visit was the afternoon spent walking through the Iraqi Freedom Memorial Garden.  This is a place to show respect and appreciation for the ultimate sacrifice made by these brave soldiers.  I walked with my daughter.  We replaced windblown flags and momentos, brushed away storm debris, and spoke each name aloud.  We read poems left by comrades and loved ones, examined photos, and silently ... or not so silently ... prayed for the families of the fallen.  Each tree in these photos represents a life given. 

 

The cause may not be a clearly defined as some would like.  War has never been nor will it ever be a pretty thing, but there are times it is a necessary thing.  Is this one of those times?  Perhaps ... but that doesn't negate the sacrifice these men and women ... along with their families ... have made on our behalf.  Over the years, so many have died ... even more have suffered in numerous ways.  This is a day to remember them ... not to judge their service or methods ... not to evaluate the causes, but a day to remember. 

 

My heartfelt and deep thanks

to all past, present, and future members of our military family.

 

~ B