Ryan As Always @ MindSay 
WARNING: ANOTHER BLOG ENTRY OF BRITTANY RANTING ABOUT RYAN SO IF ITS ANNOYING YOU THAT I WONT SHUT UP ABOUT IT THEN DO NOT GO FURTHER READING THIS BLOG ENTRY.
haha. anyways. Random thought in the car ride back from Walmart as I'm staring at the sky pondering, I thought, "Will I ever like someone the way I liked Ryan? Will I ever feel for someone the way I felt for him?" Question Mark. Theres this one memory that just sticks with me. Its this one time when Ryan was going to the radio to hang out with Mike and Art and I of course go back to my room and I remember hugging him and never wanting to let go like i felt like the happiest no way things can go wrong kinda feeling and I just remember having to walk away from him and not wanting to. I think thats the best memory I have when it comes to him. But I dont wanna be a pathetic ex girlfriend. lol. I know he told me straight up to let go. and I can either continue saying on my blog how angry I am with him, how upset he made me. I think I go on and on and on about Ryan cause I love him? Honestly. Full heartedly care about that narcisstic human being. No matter how much my friends couldnt stand the guy, I really cared for him deeply and none of my friends could understand that. They would always yell at me for even having any care for the guy. I wish getting over him would be easy. I really hate what this has been doing to me the past few months. I think i'll always love Ryan deep down even though he doesnt want me and probably will never take me back, theres always a part of me that'll always love him. How sucky is that.
Remember when I said that if you ever realize its me that you want to let me know and call me. I still mean it.
I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it
You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it It's all your fault
You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience
You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long
I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
~~Head Over Feet~ ~~Alanis Morissette~
Not usually a fan of her music, but that song is not a bad one, and it really fits my mood now. Not the words, just the sound of the song. It doesn't sound lovey dovey at all.
{([({([({([(Dove...)])})])})])})])
Guess the words kinda fit my life a bit, too. Not EXACTLY, because what Ryan and I have isn't as perfect as all of that but it is the closest I've had. I'll tell you that...
So... today... a tad irregular. Not hugely, but it was. Ryan is acting rather strangely. Rather irregularly. I don't know. He has seemed distant. And he didn't call me back last night. He always does. And the three times he hasn't he apologizes for promptly the next day. Pas aujourd'hui. (Not today.) I didn't say anything. I'm not sure why. I think it was mostly because yesterday he didn't seem to want to talk to me once he got home, and his cell was off when it was like quarter till ten when I figured he forgot to call me or some completely unrealistic self-implanted BS like that. I don't know, but today was off. We tried to spend Lunch together. Didn't work. Something was off. After sixth, I saw him in the halls and instinctively walked off the other way before he saw me. I don't know why I did that. Called him after school. Cell was off. Called him on his house. Sister answered. He said he couldn't really talk. That he'd call me back. It's been two hours. He should be finishing up with dinner within the next fifteen minutes. And then we will see if he calls me. I don't know why, but I kind of don't think so. I'm not mad. Just a bit on the hurt and confused side. I can't even explain it. It's more than just something stupid like the fact that he didn't call back. I don't know what it is truthfully. Something doesn't feel right. My intuition is telling me he is having issues. Maybe there is something he heard about me that he can't seem to cope with, although odds are it was a lie, and why wouldn't he just bring that to me. Maybe he is starting to not like me anymore. Maybe he is starting to like another girl. Maybe he having issues completely unrelated to me. I don't know. And for some reason I'm too insecure to bring it up to him. But I have a feeling that he is going to cancel our Wednesday hangout after school. I don't think he is going to want to. He didn't want to today. That's extremely irregular. And he never even said why.