Rumors @ MindSay 
gossip
The latest rumor - "I use this blog to bash my co-workers."
...I don’t know where to begin this one. How about, I expected this alot sooner.
It's been months since I gave a certain someone a link to this blog, always keeping in mind the spread of and exposure to the Gospel that permeates my entries. I must thank this person (and you know who you are) for inadvertently helping me in my endeavor and advertising my blog, even if it was in the form of gossip and you waited till now to tell everyone. If people are offended, it is because I tell it like the Bible says; these are not my words but the truth. Look it up yourself if you want. Point one.
Second Point- this is a blog, journal, diary, memoir, call it what you will. One major function of a blog is simply a place where one can "vent" their frustrations. I am not immune to them. Now, a concept that will be foreign to most people... Scripture talks about two kinds of anger: righteous and unrighteous. Anger and hatred against another person (or God Himself) is a sin (Luke 14:26, 1 John 2:11, 1John 4:20, James 1:20). Anger against sin, my own and those of others of which Satan blinds them to, is righteous anger that leads one to repentance and prayer (Lamentations 1:8) . This is what I "vent." This is a source of great frustration for myself. True Christians can relate - we must live and function in a world ruled by sin and the devil and at the end of the day no amount of washing can get rid of that feeling. Cursing, lusting, perverted jokes, drinking, smoking, drug abusing, pre-martial sex, fornication, abortion, lies, gossip, slander, homosexuality, false religion, witchcraft, hatred, envy, murder, need I go on....All these our society indulges and promotes, blind to the truth of God and His judgments on those who practice them. This is the source of my frustration. This is what drives me to my knees nightly to pray for them, which leads me to my next point.
Is is so wrong to pray for someone? To pray that God will open their eyes and heart to see the world and their ways for what they are - sins against a Holy God? In the bodies of my blogs I never mentions names (for obvious reasons) but God know of whom I speak for He knows the thoughts and hearts of all men. Those I mention in the prayers at the end of my blogs are those that Lord has put on my heart. They are what keep me up at night, at all hours of the night, praying to God on their behalf for whatever reasons; sickness, family issues, guidance, hopes and aspirations, etc. Later I can look back and give Glory to God when I see a prayer answered. Is that so wrong, I ask again, to pray for someone I care about? Apparently it is to some and in recent days I have felt the hostility as a result of all this. They hate me because I cared...?
"Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter." ~Proverbs 24:11
I have, in conclusion, come to a sad part in my Christian walk. Discouraged, yes, but not defeated. I want to say I have taken up Jonah's perspective. He turned his back on Nineveh and said "Lord they do not deserve your mercy and grace." They have mocked your name, your words, and your servants. But ...was I once one of them? Yes. I, too, was once lost and did not know, did not care about truth and judgment, sin and damnation. But now I do and that doesn't make me better than them, no. They cannot say I am judgmental. I want to help. I see them making the same mistakes I did before I found Christ and the Lord has both blessed and cursed me with a big heart. It only comes natural to me to want to reach out and help them, warn them, show them, tell them, pray for them. Is that so wrong!?!?!
It is to be expected that they want none of me because "men love the darkness rather than the light" (John 3:19).
"A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends". ~Proverbs 16:28
Because of recent days of gossip, cold shoulders, and silent treatments, the Lord has taken them off my heart. If they do not want me to pray for them, then I won't. But they are always in His Hands whether they know it or not, believe it or not, and therefore they are still not without hope.
"The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell
It goes beyond the highest star
And reaches to the lowest hell." ~MercyMe
Ndosch
To live is Christ, to die is gain!
Philippians 1:21
Prayers - the crew who hate me, richard's mom, new career endeavor, God's will and work of salvation
HEY EVERYONE ... ITS TORY HERE ... I AM WRITING THIS .. I THINK RUMORS ARE STUPID ... IM GOING TO GET TO THE POINT OF THIS BLOG...RUMORS=RETARDATION
PEOPLE WHO SPREAD RUMORS JUST WANT OTHER PEOPLE TO FOCUS ON OTHER PEOPLE .. NO THAT PERSON .. BECAUSE SOMETHING MIGHT BE WRONG WITH HIM/HER!
SO WHAT ... A RUMOR IS A FUCKING LAME ASS EXCUSE FOR A COVER UP! ..
ANYWAYY .. SORRY FOR NOT WRITING ON HALLOWEEN ... I DIDNT DO MUCH .. I WENT WITH MY LIL BROS AND MY BIG SISTERS TRICK-OR-TREATING .. AND THEN ME AND MY SISTERS WENT TO MY AUNTS HOUSE AND I HANDED OUT CANDY WHILE WE TALKED AND HUNG OUT ....
SO YEA .. I WILL TRY TO WRITE AGAIN SOON
LUV YA GUYS!~!
TORY
Religion has always been a sore topic for me. I know far too well what happens when a church community even suspects that you have an alternative sexual orientation. It only leads to widespread secrets and shame.
I've experienced embarassment far beyond most people have in their entire life. I've denied myself before youth pastors and members, family members and friends...I've denied who I am. I cannot find solice in a religion that harbors hatred towards homosexuals/bisexuals and all that fall under those catagories. I don't feel safe knowing that everyone around me secretly hates me for reasons beyond my control. I tried to change who I was, but I was only causing more harm. I know what they said about me behind my back, but I chose to ignore it and hope that things would pass over. Unfortunately it never did. It only grew and grew until I almost killed myself.
I was attending a youth group one night, at the request of my parents. They felt that I should attend these weekly services. They began to form a prayer circle. I was left with no choice but to become part of the circle. They began to pray about things like saving loved ones and asking if anyone wanted to convert. Then the topic moved to gays/lesbians. I KNEW someone must have said something to the youth pastor, I KNEW someone was spreading rumours about me, I KNEW the words coming out of his mouth were directed towards me and my heart couldn't have stopped any faster. The whole room blackened and I immediately started to get a dizzy spell. I was going to pass out or throwup. The following words came from his mouth "If there is anyone here tonight, anyone who is gay or lesbian, let them step forward and give their selves to our father that they might turn from their destructive path and give up their burden and be saved, let them step forward and we will pray for them"
I couldn't have been more frightened and stunned. I wanted to run from the room and die in the shadows, but I KNEW that if I moved so much as a muscle or flinched, they would spot me or watch me...I stopped all movement and felt like dying right then and there...to this day I don't know how I managed to survive that moment in my life...It's one of those memories that constantly haunts me to the point where I feel sick inside.
I know I have a lot of problems, but conspiring behind my back is not one of the ways to solve them. I cannot trust them...I cannot trust a god that despises me as a sin...
I just can't......
Later I googled "Japanese buy Goodwill" and discovered that a Japanese group had in fact purchased Goodwill nursing homes... which are primarily in Tokyo. It reminded me of that telephone game I played when I was a kid. Apparently the game has served me well.
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