Romance Novels @ MindSay 
world of longmire
THE TOP 15 BAD ROMANCE NOVEL OPENING LINES
Courtesy of www.mamohanraj.com
15. He snapped my bra like a Concord taking off, and I was unhooked for love.
-- Oh, I can already tell that this list is going to be good.
14. Yes, she was a woman who had once been a man, but she still knew how to flutter her eyelashes as well as those other hussies.
-- lol, WERK IT, HONEY.
13. The heaving waves on the vast, ink-black ocean sent a salty spray over the proud bow of the three-masted ship, leaving beads of water on the exposed alabaster skin above the bodice of the tall, raven-haired woman who stood sobbing on the deck, her salty tears mixing with the storm-tossed sea.
-- Good heavens, how depressing!
12. Scarlet's hair was as red as my persistent canker sore.
-- How uhhh... flattering?
11. Nicole let the silk blouse fall from her shoulders, wrapped her left leg around James, and deftly cut some cheese.
-- Now I am truly at a loss for words.
10. Robert was new at this prison thing, and he felt frightened and confused. But the moment he laid eyes on #472825994, he became a prisoner of love.
-- lol, awww, I had no idea that the geigh romance novel even existed.
9. Sam liked to hump.
-- Well, gee. Now I know what you are all thinking, and all I have to say is that there is nothing wrong with humping!
8. Though flanked by two swarthy state troopers, Paula found her gaze drawn to the chubby saxophonist.
-- This sounds like a must-read.
7. It was a dark and horny night...
-- Now, okay, I may not be a connoisseur of the romance novel, but I could be wrong in guessing that this is how most romance novels start.
6. Gentle cascades of vermilion poured over Daphne's heaving, lily-white bosom. "Call 911, Scooby," she breathed.
-- Oh gawd, oh gawd! This one is just too good for words! My heaving, caramel bosom is just gasping from laughter right now! That is no lie! Where the hell is this novel?!
5. His flatulence reared up like a proud stallion.
-- LOL, GROSS!
4."Miss Savannah, is there room for both of us in that hoop skirt?" Chandler mocked with a slight bow and a sweep of his top hat.
-- "Mr. Chandler, is there room for both of us in that colossal thing you call a top hat to fit your equally colossal head?"
3. Within minutes of their meeting, Representatives Beth (D-Florida) and Eric (R-Montana) lumbered into the bedroom where soon the unmistakable sounds of wet, naked bodies engaged in sexual congress were heard.
-- Ah, how fitting for the election season. Something tells me the publishing company encouraged the author to write a whole novel off of this setup just so they could use the line "sexual congress".
2. He smelled of pork. Rotting pork, in fact -- and lots of it.
-- Hey, you leave me out of this list, mamohanraj.com!
AND THE #1 BAD ROMANCE NOVEL OPENING LINE IS...
1. Omaha Beach, 0800 Hours: reinforcements from 2nd Panzer Korps arrive, their well-muscled young torsos glistening with man-dew.
-- "Man-dew"! Oh this stuff is just gold. I could not make it up even if I tried!
And there you have it: the 15 Best Bad Romance Novel Opening Lines. It was a pleasure being your guest host this evening, and in true romantic hero fashion, my loves, I bid you all adieu with a smooch & gallop away in the sunset sans raging stallion flatulence.
I have always had a love for the sea. From an early age, our family had the privilege to vacation by the ocean. That, mixed with the vivid and picturesque imagination of which I am possessed ... well ... voila!
Our Tot Pirate adventure ignited a curiosity for the subject, and I have begun to read. I've read several historical romance novels on the theme, and I'll recommend them to you, if you have such an interest!
Recommended Reading:
The Redemption
~ Book 1 of Legacy of the King's Pirates trilogy! Excellent! Tell Me Lies
~ a little more racy but still a good read!
Tristaprez hipped me to this awesome site called Shelfari. It is a site that links you to other people who've read the same books you have and like the same genre of books that you like. This site is absolutely addictive! Seriously check it out and add me as a friend if you decide to join. :D
Check it out everyone! I made another appearance in Meg's blog. This time it was for my prowess at spelling. She asked me how to spell ne'er-do-well, not a very commonly used word. She was a bit surprised that I spelled it perfectly to her, including the dashes and the apostrophe. I told her that it may not be common, but they sure do use it alot in romance novels. Often, the heroes are reformed ne'er-do-wells. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the word, see the definition here.
All I have to say is that I wasn't the Parkway Elementary 5th grade spelling champ for nothing.
It's amazing that such seemingly small things can make us giddy with happiness. After May 8th, I will be able to read for pleasure again!!!!! I don't read for pleasure during the my school semester because I don't want to get distracted from my studies. I applaud all of the people who can study and read for pleasure at the same time, but I've NEVER been a disciplined student. I'm just not very disciplined period. *wink* 
. So I have to forbid myself from reading for fun so I won't put off studying my very exciting (if by exciting I mean excruciatingly boring) textbooks.
After my Ed Psych final on May 8th I will race to the bookstore and fill my cart up with as much mindless, gawd-awful purple prose as I can afford. Bring on the heaving breasts! Hail to the "mighty staffs" and "swelling manhoods!" Sing praises of "sensitive buds" and "velvety petals"!
Here's a reposting of one of the romance novel covers I revamped:
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