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Church Stories

Last night hereruraisins29 and I got into a discussion about the massive fertility of Catholic families, and I ended up recounting the tale of one of my funniest moments in church.  If you're not Catholic you may not get it, but I think it's funny (and patchesmom thinks it's funny too, because I've already told her).

 

My first story happened on the day of my oldest brother's wedding.  My sister's and I all sat together watching this poor girl marry my jerk of a brother, and we were all crying, not because we were touched by sentiment, but because we all felt so bad for her, and we all wondered if we should have warned her away  Anyway, I was so preoccupied thinking about my brother and his future wife, that when I went up for communion when the priest held the host up and said, "The Body of Christ", I automatically said "Thank you" instead of "Amen".  I immediately knew my mistake and I wanted to just laugh out loud, but this was church, you can't do that in church (no sense of humor in these places) and the look on the priest's face was priceless and did not help me in keeping a straight face.  So, I finally mumbled an "Amen", and took communion, and quickly walked back to my seat, where I kneeled in pray and giggled the entire time.

 

My second story happened when I was in 8th grade.  I attended a Catholic grade school and as a class we had to attend morning mass twice a week (I shiver just thinking about it).  This one particular morning our lack of excitement about attending mass was very evident.  We hardly responded, and didn't sing, and generally misbehaved.  Our teacher was livid.  After mass, she ordered us to stay put because she was getting the principal and the pastor and we would regret ever misbehaving.  Once she was out of earshot, the class "Badboy" suggested that we all hide.  We nervously giggled, and as the minutes counted down we did hide!  Most of us just hid underneath the pews, but a few wandered behind some statues and pillars.  It was a huge old fashion church.  When our teacher came back with the principal, we were all dying of laughter, but we managed to stay quiet enough that we could hear them frantically wondering where we went.  After they found us, and the principal started her lecture, she assured us we would all spend some time in purgatory for doing such a naughty act...yup, but it was sooooo worth it!

 

hereruraisins29 had a good story to share as well...I don't want to re-write it so I'll just copy it...

 

OMG!!!  my worst catholic story?  my brother's reconciliation.......... we go through the whole thing, go to confession, and as everyone is leaving, the priest always shakes hands with the congregation.  so we're on our way out and he shakes all of our hands, gives us all hugs, and starts ruffling my brother's hair.  we all finally realized he was drunk and smiling like a fool lol.  someone had a little too much wine with communion that day........  the plastered pastor!!!!  he was totally bombed and doing a really bad job of hiding it.  lol

 

Porkchopper  even shared a good one...(hope you don't mind :) )

 

If I may add a story, though it's my hubby's...He's Greek Orthodox, they take communion once a month and say nothing.  He has many Catholic friends.  While standing in his first Catholic wedding he didn't know how not to politely take communion, so he went through the line and also responded "thank you" to "Body of Christ."  Add to that the fact that Orthodox cross themselves left-handed, "backwards" from Catholics, and 3 times in a row and he looked like a nut job up there!  He was so embarassed he made me teach him the Our Father and what to do for communion. He still crosses himself Orthodox style, though

 

Anybody have any good "church stories" you want to share?

 
 
 
   
 

The Vatican Confronts Islam

 

As saintly as Pope John Paul II was, his greatest failure was to appropriately engage Mohammedanism. Apparently Pope Benedict XVI is beginning to become fed up with the intransient death-cult known to its adherents as Islam. (*I have zero respect for Islamofascism which actually follows the central tenets of its prophet Mohammed - Quran and Hadiths. It is due to this I prefer calling that religion by moniker of its founder - Mohammedanism.)

Also apparently the Roman Catholic hierarchy is beginning to lose patience with the insidious persecution of Roman Catholic adherents in Mohammedan dominated lands. The politics of the Vatican may be ending diplomatic dialogue with Mohammedans. As if Mohammedans really care, for them dialogue is merely a means to accomplish their violent aims of enforced Dar al-Islam and also the enforcement of dhimmitude - second class citizenship.

It would be a big boost in the War on Terror if the Vatican makes some tougher comments against Islamofascist terrorists. It would aid the faithful in the battle and demonstrate contempt toward the end game of terrorism.
******************************

The Vatican Confronts Islam

by Daniel Pipes
Jerusalem Post*
July 5, 2006
*Cross-posted with permission to netwmd.com


“Enough now with this turning the other cheek! It’s our duty to protect ourselves.” Thus spoke Monsignor Velasio De Paolis, secretary of the Vatican’s supreme court, referring to Muslims. Explaining his apparent rejection of Jesus’ admonition to his followers to “turn the other cheek,” De Paolis noted that “The West has had relations with the Arab countries for half a century … and has not been able to get the slightest concession on human rights.”

De Paolis is hardly alone in his thinking; indeed, the Catholic Church is undergoing a dramatic shift from a decades-old policy to protect Catholics living under Muslim rule. The old methods of quiet diplomacy and muted appeasement have clearly failed. The estimated 40 million Christians in Dar al-Islam, notes the Barnabas Fund’s Patrick Sookhdeo, increasingly find themselves an embattled minority facing economic decline, dwindling rights, and physical jeopardy. Most of them, he goes on, are despised and distrusted second-class citizens, facing discrimination in education, jobs, and the courts.

These harsh circumstances are causing Christians to flee their ancestral lands for the West’s more hospitable environment. Consequently, Christian populations of the Muslim world are in a free-fall. Two small but evocative instances of this pattern: for the first time in nearly two millennia, Nazareth and Bethlehem no longer have Christian majorities.

This reality of oppression and decline stands in dramatic contrast to the surging Muslim minority of the West. Although numbering fewer than 20 million and made up mostly of immigrants and their offspring, it is an increasingly established and vocal minority, granted extensive rights and protections even as it wins new legal, cultural, and political prerogatives.

This widening disparity has caught the attention of the Church, which for the first time is pointing to radical Islam [*Subscription required], rather than the actions of Israel, as the central problem facing Christians living with Muslims.

Rumblings of this could be heard already in John Paul II’s time. For example, Cardinal Jean-Louis Tauran, the Vatican equivalent of foreign minister, noted in late 2003 that “There are too many majority Muslim countries where non-Muslims are second-class citizens.” Tauran pushed for reciprocity: “Just as Muslims can build their houses of prayer anywhere in the world, the faithful of other religions should be able to do so as well.”

Catholic demands for reciprocity have grown, especially since the accession of Pope Benedict XVI in April 2005, for whom Islam is a central concern. In February, the pope emphasized the need to respect “the convictions and religious practices of others so that, in a reciprocal manner, the exercise of freely-chosen religion is truly assured to all.” In May, he again stressed the need for reciprocity: Christians must love immigrants and Muslims must treat well the Christians among them.

Lower-ranking clerics, as usual, are more outspoken. “Islam’s radicalization is the principal cause of the Christian exodus,” asserts Monsignor Philippe Brizard [*Subscription Required], director general of Oeuvre d’Orient, a French organization focused on Middle Eastern Christians. Bishop Rino Fisichella, rector of the Lateran University in Rome, advises the Church to drop its “diplomatic silence” and instead “put pressure on international organizations to make the societies and states in majority Muslim countries face up to their responsibilities.”

The Danish cartoons crisis offered a typical example of Catholic disillusionment. Church leaders initially criticized the publication of the Muhammad cartoons. But when Muslims responded by murdering Catholic priests in Turkey and Nigeria, not to speak of scores of Christians killed during five days of riots in Nigeria, the Church responded with warnings to Muslims. “If we tell our people they have no right to offend, we have to tell the others they have no right to destroy us, ” said Cardinal Angelo Sodano, the Vatican’s Secretary of State. “We must always stress our demand for reciprocity in political contacts with authorities in Islamic countries and, even more, in cultural contacts,” added Archbishop Giovanni Lajolo, its foreign minister.

Obtaining the same rights for Christians in Islamdom that Muslims enjoy in Christendom has become the key to the Vatican’s diplomacy toward Muslims. This balanced, serious approach marks a profound improvement in understanding that could have implications well beyond the Church, given how many lay politicians heed its leadership in inter-faith matters. Should Western states also promote the principle of reciprocity, the results should indeed be interesting.

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Christianity in Europe Plummets, In Italy There is Resurrection

Christian attendance at Church has been declining in Europe to near non-existence. That is the bad news, the good news Church attendance has been arising at a phenomenal rate in Roman Catholic Italy. The Pope credits the increased membership of monasticism.

 

Could monasticism be the catalyst that brings Christianity back to the forefront in Europe? Could monasticism be that platform that defeats the irrational rise of Mohammedanism in Europe?

 

Below are these very thoughts from the

Christian attendance at Church has been declining in Europe to near non-existence. That is the bad news, the good news Church attendance has been arising at a phenomenal rate in Roman Catholic Italy. The Pope credits the increased membership of monasticism.

 

Could monasticism be the catalyst that brings Christianity back to the forefront in Europe? Could monasticism be that platform that defeats the irrational rise of Mohammedanism in Europe?

 

Below are these very thoughts from the Acton Institute:

*******************

Monasticism and the future of Europe

Thursday, March 23, 2006

There’s a perceptive article by Christopher Levenick on the Weekly Standard’s site. It’s titled “Monkish: What the increase of monastic vocations in Italy could mean for European secularism”.

First, the surpising data:
Italy [...] is often viewed as a case study in secularization. Yet across the peninsula, weekly attendance at Catholic Mass has been steadily climbing for two decades. In 1980, roughly 35 percent of Italians regularly attended the Mass; by 2000 that figure had climbed to nearly 50 percent.

But even more pregnant with possible significance is Italy’s sudden surge in new monastic vocations. A recent conference organized by the Vicariate of Rome and the Unione Superiore Maggiori D’Italia revealed that in the last year, no fewer than 550 women entered cloistered convents--up from 350 two years earlier. In contrast to recent trends, the new candidates were predominantly native-born and college-educated Italians. Similar gains are said to have occurred among male monastics.

It may seem strange that Europe’s woes can be cured by a retreat from the world. Some may be more likely to argue that many of its current problems are political and economic, and therefore must be corrected by policy reforms undertaken by political leaders. If secularization and demographics are the main problems, the answer would seem to involve more people going to church, marrying and raising families. Europeans must become more, not less, engaged with worldly matters, it would seem.

So how does a devotion to prayer and manual labor help this dire situation?

Here is Levenick’s answer:
IT IS REASONABLE [...] to see more hopeful signs in a possible monastic renaissance. This is certainly the view of Pope Benedict XVI, who views monasticism as one of three historic elements which forged Latin, Greek, Slavic, Nordic, and Germanic cultures into the amalgam known as Europe. Monasticism, Benedict recently noted, has long been “the indispensable bearer not only of cultural continuity but above all of fundamental and religious and moral values.” It acts as “a pre-political and supra-political force,” which brings “ever-welcome and necessary rebirths of culture and civilization.” (Even Gibbon conceded that “posterity must be grateful to acknowledge, that the monuments of Greek and Roman literature have been preserved and multiplied by [the monks’] indefatigable pens.”) Benedict’s high sense of monastic purpose dovetails neatly with his belief that a small but vibrant church will be well positioned to invigorate Western civilization.

In its own way, monasticism may provide the spiritual energies needed for cultural renewal and reform - and as George Weigel has argued, there can be no “re-form” without a concern for the “form” of Christian life, i.e. religious life. It’s a fascinating argument about which much more can and should be said.
 
 
   
 

Ave Maria a City From Hell
I knew that there was a reason that I didn't like Domino's Pizza.

The founder of Domino's Pizza, Thomas S. Monaghan, is making a city based on strict Roman Catholic Values. Jeb Bush, being a recent convert into said religeon, welcomes this town with open arms into his city saying, "This is exactly what this nation needs, a new 'Convergence of The Twain' with Catholicism and American Values creating a new type of freedom. A freedom where the religeous right controls what is deemed free and what is not. A country where freedom is based on religeous tyranny. Not the evil tyranny that our forefathers fought against, but a new tyranny with the common god at the forefront."

That's actually a little bit paraphrased, but it was definately what he was thinking. I must applaud the libertarians for doing what I like them to do, social work. They are fighting hard against this city and if you have any spare money please donate to their coffers.

Howard Simon, the head of the ACLU in Florida, will do exactly what the ACLU always does. He will pitch a fit, wave a flag, give a speach, take them to court, when they lose he'll say "Aw, shucks," and then move on to the next big mission.

As to Thomas S. Monaghan attempts to quote Hitler, but adds a football reference so that noone will note the plagarism. "I believe all of history is just one big battle between good and evil. The good being me, my religeon, and fascism, and the evil being Jews, Liberals, Porn that is not on my computer, and basic freedoms. I don't want to be on the sidelines like I was in Junior High. That damn coach had me benched all season, so I shat on his porch one late hazy sunday afternoon in 1955," he chuckles, "Good times."

A man noted for his centrism, Florida Attorney General Charlie Crist (I hope that that is his rockstar name and not his given name), gave his opinion while eating lunch with John Roberts, Antonin Scalia, and Clarence Thomas, "They have every right to take this to court, but they must remember I AM THE COURTS, BITCH!"

There is a reason that there never will be true freedom in the United States. It is that some asshole who thinks he's on a mission from Gawd will give $250 million dollars to the construction of a Theocratic City. You know what good liberals do with $250 million dollars, they send it to a third world country to build a city with hospitals or feed the poor or help out the destitute in this country. I think that sounds like more of a mission from god.

Source
 
 
 

   
7/10/05

Yesterday I had a family event to attend, so I wasn't around. Today is catch-up day from being gone, so this will be brief.

I'm going to give a little background on my history of being a Catholic.

I was born to an Cradle Catholic father and a Southern Baptist convert. My mom converted to marry my father, but she had longings for the faith and the truth even before they met.


I grew up in what I would consider to be a typical Catholic family. We attended Catholic grade school and went to Mass every Sunday without fail. We went to Catechism when we switched to the public schools at juinor high level. Some Catholic families are quite devout, praying the rosary together, or observing other traditions, but our Catholicism was a "quiet" one. We took advantage of the gifts of the Sacraments, but we really didn't talk together about our faith. Perhaps we took it for granted. When I was in high school, we spent alot of energy trying to figure out how to skip CCD (Catechism) class, and was successful a fair amount of the time. That was certainly a typical behavior for that age range. Once I left home, I rarely went to Mass anymore.

When I "grew up" and married, it was to a Cradle Catholic. My spouse was a good person, more so than I, and I knew it. I did a good job at making myself appear like a good Catholic, even though at that time, I had not been to Mass in a long time. When we married, I had to go to Mass with my new husband, as he was quite the good Catholic boy. I only went to appease him. During those years, I rarely thought about God unless something bad was going on in my life. God was a 9-1-1 God, someone to call upon only in emergencies. I was young and dumb, that's for sure, or perhaps I should say selfish.

I will continue with this the next time.

  



 
 
   
 

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