Return @ MindSay

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I shouldn't have been so worried about going back to see Dianne.
I did tell her I'd done a lot of thinking. I'd pondered about why last year she hadn't helped me as much as she ought to have. It was because I wasn't open about certain topics - there were some that I'd purely flat-out avoid. That and the fact we hadn't really used a basic "structure" to our sessions - so we'd just been all over the place with everything.

I did start off when I went in by telling her that I didn't feel I deserved to see her again, what with all the time I wasted last year - but she cleared all this up for me.

So now we're going to have more structure to the sessions. And apparently she's going to be more direct when I refuse to talk about subjects that upset me but are important.

We'll see how it goes, shall we.

It wasn't the churches fault,

but my first trip back to church in 4 years'left me feeling Like I had.....

 

jogged in the hot sun and crawled into a mouldy casket

to try and cool down...

 

the place that  had once meant hope and sunshine to me..

the congregation onmce filled with hopeful laughing children

had about as much life as as..

 

the way I felt about my love life..

no families

no children

I was the youngest there and I am a grandpa..

 

instead of drums, guitars

there was nothing but the dreadful organ

the grand flatulant  instrument..

 

I escaped before even a note was played

and snuck out the back door

just as a mother who hgad been physically violent in her child raising years

went in the front door..

 

now she seems only eschatalogically violent..or was the violence my desire to escape...

 

I tried my dear L.....

You said I needed to come here again

it would be the only place I might find friends...

 

The words of Bruce Cockburn come to mind

"Open up the doors and

let the bad air out..."

 

There is bad air in there

and I am the source of some of it...

 

( 4 years since I had been to church,

20 years since preaching my last sermon

28 years from discarding the collar and cloth)

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Ach, it's been too long.
Indeed, I shall now explain the reason of the massive gap of blogs - and the reason I now don't really feel motivated to continue my blog... (Although, I will try.)

My PC contacted a BEASTY virus.
The type of virus that:

• Brought up constant porn sites
• Brought up links to www.viagra.com  when I wasn't even ON the internet
• Destroyed my system restore points
• Stopped my antivirus from working
• Continually brought up the offer of a fake antivirus
  
• Continually brought up adverts and fake scans of the goddamned System Pro Plus
• Ate my boot up files
• Ate them again after I re-installed them with the Windows XP disc

The list is fucking endless really.
The only way to solve it was indeed, to format my PC.

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I had to go over a week without my internet.
Serious withdrawl symptoms set in - because you don't realise what you've got until it's not there anymore.

This was bad timing - I'd recently started playing Super Mario Galaxy and Paper Mario - games that I would need the odd bit of help from GameFAQs.
I'd also re-opened my account on Facebook - and gotten slightly buzzed on it and its many wonderful features.
I also continued getting the urge to play Guitar Hero - and I refuse to play it solo if my scores won't send to the Community. (Of course, I had no Wi-Fi connection)
I had no contact with Ashleigh - and that's weird, because she's actually started coming on MSN more often.

And naturally, I couldn't update my blog.
I declined the offer that Shelly offered - for her to post blank blogs.
I felt too depressed to be bothered updating them afterwards.
Nothing at all worth mentioning has happened the past week anyway.

Either way - Shelly was round at my house four times in one week.
It was a lot of Shelly. :D

She tried for endless hours to fix my PC - trying numerous re-installs and booting from discs, but nothing seemed to work.
Apparently she was stressing out over it so much, it disturbed her sleep patterns.

Dad rang up Dell, and they sent us some discs in the post, a week later.
This was a day that Shelly had been round, and when dad managed to get the internet working within a few seconds - trying something Shelly hadn't thought of - she was more than a little bit devvoed. :)

But in effect, the format of my PC is both a good thing and a bad thing...

- I need to re-do my iTunes...
- I've lost a lot of videos that I hadn't backed up...
- All of mam's photos from her digital camera have gone...
- I've lost all of my wavs and most of my wav mixes...

But...

- My PC runs a lot faster...
- It boots up a lot faster...
- It's an excuse to re-do my iTunes and sort the gaps before they appear...
- I've gotten rid of the beasty virus...
- I've gotten rid of a lot of old shite that I didn't need...
- I've gotten rid of all the other problems that occured...
- It was an excuse to install some shiny new software...

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I just need to get myself back motivated to update this blog every day. Hmmm...
Now I've finished this, I feel just like I'd never lost the internet.

Fucking weird.

Got my tax return this morning.  The first thing I did was pay off my credit card.  I would have rather spent that money on a toy of some type but I have to admit that I feel liberated right now.  I no longer have to pay on that thing anymore.  Yay!!!!!!!!!

 

I really do not have a problem with it anymore but I did a few years ago.  I had forgotten my own motto about these things and that is if I ain't got the money to pay for it outright I don't need it.  So now I will only use it for emergencies or if I need to rent a car.  Neither of which I hope will happen any time soon.

Miss me?

I'm guessing "no" since many people had no idea that I used to blog here all the time. Either way.

If anyone is curious about me at all, I used blog under a few names here. Most well-known was purerockfury. Rather than regale you, the potential reader, as to why I left and why I'm back, I will just state that if you remember me and would like to re-connect, I look forward to hearing from you. If you are finding me for the first time and want to correspond, ditto.

In a nutshell, I just want to get back to regular writing again. Aside from enjoying it and sharing the many random thoughts in my head on a daily basis, I feel like I've been shutting myself off from the world in the past 2-3 years or so. I need to reverse this trend.

Playlist for 2-18-09
The Myriad - With Arrows, With Poise
Rwake - Voices Of Omens
Isis - Panopticon
Hope & Suicide - s/t
Swallow The Sun - A Plague Of Butterflies