Restitution @ MindSay 
Ok, so I called Kaiser, and YES, they DO KEEP RECORDS!!!! This means they have a record of every single visit i've had because of that cock sucker, and yes, i can have it sent to me! but, the only problems are:
- I have to sign a release form, and since i'm not in Santa Clara, this needs to be sent to me. it should get here by the end of the week, but you never know with Kaiser. of course, then i need to send it back, and once it gets back to SC, i have to call someone, and then the records can either be sent to me, or somewhere else. (example, Juvenile Probation)
- The medication isn't on there. I left a message for my psychiatrist asking her if she has any record of the medications she gave me and how many times/when i refilled them. I know how much the Prozac was, but no the Effexor. I might have to call the pharmacy to get another record and all that.
- He could refuse to pay. I called the woman at Juvenile Probation after all of this, and she asked if i had a rough estimate, and I said possibly $300. I actually think that's kind of low, but I told her it might be more once the records come through. She said if my ex does refuse to pay, I have other options, but she didn't want to cover those with me until she got a response back from him.
I'm trying not to be too optimistic cuz everytime something with this whole case has started to go my way, shit would hit the fan and everything would come tumbling down again, so keep your congradulations and your hopes low. just posting this has probably jinxed the whole thing. if it wasn't raining i'd go smoke a bowl, but since it is i guess i'll just go check my mail and maybe call someone back. much to my shock and amazement, callmeroger actually called me two nights ago, but i was on my way to get laid so i didn't answer and due to depression, anxiety, etc, i haven't called him back, so maybe i will. it seems kind of early, though, and i'm really shy and get kinda nervous about calling people that i know from online. i should do some homework too.
I found my key card, and miraculously, it still works! :O That leaves me with all of this to do today/this week:
I think i'm gonna go back to sleep for a little bit and then do the last thing i have listed here, first. it's the one that's the most important to me, because apparently we're running out of time, but i don't know how much time.
I'm just worried. Ive been worried about alot of things lately and im not really sure what to think about them im thinking about going to a psyciatrist. I've been having some pretty bad dreams lately and i dont know what to make of them.. I've been really sick in the last while and the dreams all revolve around me dying... ive been getting really restless, waking up in the morning just unsure about whether or not today is going to be the last day of my life. I dont want to scare you or anything im not having any suicidal thoughts or anything like that, it's just horrible depression and anxiety that although has always really been there im just starting to look at now and deal with it. I have this feeling that i havent done anything in my life and that although im now surrounded by people who care for me and love me i feel alone and destitute. It's gotten to the point where my depression is pushing those people farther and farther away from me yet i cant see to stop and i feel as though im going to lose them. Some times i just regret not being the son you wanted me to be or not becoming the person that you wanted me to become.. I missed alot of my childhood and i regret so much of what happened I regret some of the things that i may have done against you but i really do forgive you for the things that you had done onto me. I just need to forgive and forget and i need the same from you... I had to tell you all of this i needed you to know how i felt and how i feel... i've held on to it for so long and it has done so much damage to me. Im unable to be the person i want to become, rather i will be unable to become the person i want to become until i let go of all this angst and hatred. Until i tell you I respect you for sobering up and changing. Even though it may have been too late for my childhood it wasnt too late for the younger ones. I respect you and even though at the best of times things where never copacetic or pristine you stayed for us when she didn't and for that i thank you.
Your son,
William