Resolve @ MindSay

Things like this make me happy....


Do you know what else makes me happy? Getting closure, resolving issues, and feeling like a huge weight has been lifted from my heart.
I ran into Ryan today. It was quite unexpected, as I had just been standing there talking to Amy when he randomly walked up and was like "Hey Mea." I was so surprised that I actually jumped. No, I'm not exaggerating. And then, after I'd returned the greeting...I just stood there. I hadn't seen him in months or even talked to him since that fateful day back in November, right before he stood me up. I couldn't think of anything to say, so I fumbled and bumbled until he asked how I was and I was able to reply and inquire the same question. After a few moments of awkwardness, Amy (who knows everything in relation to the whole Ryan issue) was like "Well, I've got to go." and just left like that. Well, after that he asked about my classes, what I'm taking, etc., then if I had any plans/anything I needed to do right then. I didn't. Neither did he. He said he'd come on campus to check his P.O. box and to go to the bookstore and return/pick up some stuff. He asked if I wanted to go around with him. I said okay.
We walked and talked, occasionally joking, occasionally letting moments of awkward silence pass. He acted like everything was normal....like nothing had ever happened. He made a point to try to include me, though. Finishing with different errands and inviting me to go with him to do the next thing, asking me what paint brush to buy, and telling me that I had made his Ryan outing successful. He seemed to be trying to show my by his actions that I'm, for lack of better word, valued or appreciated. However, when we were getting ready to go our separate ways and he was saying it'd been good to see me, etc., I had to get some clarity and resolve this issue once and for all. And so, I swallowed my fear and simply said something along the lines of "Okay, I have to ask...if for no other reason than to just make things awkward....what is this, exactly? I know it's kind of mean to put you on the spot like this, but I need to know. I mean...do you want to be my friend?..I thought you did but I don't know. I don't want something like before to happen again. I don't want to be thinking one thing when the other person is thinking something else."
I was really surprised that I got enough nerve together to say that. But you know, if I want to be friends with him then I should feel comfortable being upfront and honest with him about that type of thing. And so, anyway, he responded, saying that yes, he does want to be my friend, what happened before was all on him, and that he knows he needs to pull his weight this time.
:)
So, we're good. And maybe in some ways even better than before. Because I had always kind of wondered in the back of my mind, "Are we friends? Are we classmates? Are we classmates on friendly terms? What the hell, man?" and now, I know. We're friends, both wanting the other's friendship. So I can act like we're friends. I don't have to feel like I need a reason to call him and see how he's doing, etc.
I feel so much better. I mean, I'm still stressed about stuff (school-related, of course), but it's unbelievable how much lighter my heart feels after talking to him about all of this. It's incredible.

Six years ago, our world changed ... drastically.  A preemptive strike on American soil that resulted in the deaths of thousands shook our nation and the world.  

 

I was mourning the death of my marriage, sitting in a rut of self-pity when my dearest friend (the ones in Charleston, SC now) called.  With an anxious and excited voice, she asked if I had heard.

 

"Heard what?"

 

"Turn on your TV!"  I did ... it was just after the first plane's strike.  We stayed on the phone as we both watched.  Her daughter and son-in-law lived on Manhattan ... were they safe?  She had tried to call, of course, but the lines were down.

 

The second plane hit ... we were both crying, trying desperately to figure out what was happening. 

 

Then the Pentagon!  The Pentagon???  The PENTAGON???  This is WAR!  But with whom?  Who was doing this?  WHY???

Then Flight #93 with a Pittsburgh connection. We witnessed the scrambling of the fighters overhead. 

She and her husband finally heard from their kids late that evening.  Yes, they were safe, by God's grace!  Their daughter worked across the street from one of the Towers.  They have since moved back to Pittsburgh.

 

During the days that followed, we were told our resolve would be sorely tested as we pursued the villains who murdered the thousands in the towers, on those four flights, and the many who tried to rescue them.  It has been tested, and sadly, for many, it is found wanting.  Are there problems in the management of the "war"?  Of course!  But do we tuck and run just because it is difficult?  What about the Sudan?  Afghanistan? Korea? Central America?  Do we sit back and hope for the best, or do we try to find a way ... to protect the innocent from the wrath of extremists?

Who is responsible for the the criminal actions that resulted in thousands of deaths and unknown other personal and economic issues six years ago, and what is being done about it?  Clarify the mission and get on with it!

~ B

Returning to the Truth Seeking, yet again - some thing I seem to keep losing in my journeys - keep getting distracted by the pretty lights and the empty social interactions that fill hollowness for a brief moment - not that much different than having a donut instead of a steak.

 

Revolution, revolving, returning - returning never to the same spot, but starting the return at the same spot - that can't make sense but it does.

 

Resignation to the idea that no matter how righteously I throw my self into Seeking I will fall, over and over and over. Resignation to the fact that the only Right thing to do is to pick my self up out of the mud and try again. And again. And again. But that is not the matter, it isn't how many times you fall - it is the getting up that matters.

 

Revelations, remembrances - prodded back into my Being by strangers and strange conversations with people I hope I get to keep in touch with but am resigned to the fact that I will probably never hear from again. And if I don't, it cannot matter - then that means they have served their time and their purpose in my life and that has to be enough. There is no joy in wishing for things not promised, there is no beauty in missing the gifts given because of desire for things not meant to be.

 

Open up and sit down and take it all in - let what Is simply Be, and for a change stop bemoaning the absence of what you do not have, of what you are not, of what you fear you will never be. Let go of what you have dropped, lost, stolen, refused - sit with what you have found, find something new instead of wasting time on everything else, all of the distractions.

 

Distractions = Soul Death. Soul death, giving up on pursuits of Truth and Happiness and substituting shallow and sugar laden moments of unfulfilling experience after experience. Staying with the "safe" and known fears and pain instead of braving the things you will never know existed until you fall into their dark forest.

 

Hope.

 

Hope serves, if not relied upon. Hope is not a distraction, or at least not meant to be. Hope is a light, but it is not the Light - it is a means to keeping focus, it is a place to look when the quicksand is sucking you down too quickly. Hope can become a placebo for Happiness. Hope can become an addiction, a substitution for trying. Hope can become just another drug to fill the time, to keep from seeking.

 

Send rocks.

 

Peace Be,

Eris de Suzerain

Goddess of the Non-Sequiturian Sodality

Bringer of Besides the Point

Dancer of Deadbeats

"If you desire change, you should concentrate and visualize how you would like it to be that differs from the present. If you take no action that is effectively endorsing what already exists. It is you who dictate change and how it takes place."

"There is no judgement against anyone, and experience from wherever it comes is a valuable asset. All of the time you are assessing situations through your subconsciousness memories, and this determines how you react. The more you work with the Light, the less likely you are to become involved with the use of negative energies. The emotions are your Achilles heel and they can at times run away with you. This is why we advocate the continual centering of Self and to keep your focus upon yourself. Be aware of moments of testing where other people’s emotions are directed at you, as this is when you are most vulnerable.

 

Emotions are a tool that is often used to deliberately alienate or control you. Lightworkers allow the energies to bounce off them, and hold their position in the calmness of their own choosing. You can deflate someone who is out to confront you by holding your ground. See how when they cannot draw you into their energies how an awkward moment can be diffused. Even someone who is threatening violent action can be held in check if you can stay calm. Easier said than done, but these are states of being that it is essential to try and work towards.

 

Imagine a condition of existence where no one argues or has disagreements, because that is how it is in the higher dimensions. Differences of opinion are quite normal, as after all we are all thinking Beings, with a vast range of experiences to draw from. Discussions are cordial and always resolve issues, because an outcome is sought that is in the best interests of all. On Earth you tend to be egotistical and sometimes consider it a slight against you if you cannot get your own way. You have problems in accepting that someone else may know better than you. You make life so complicated at times when it could be so much easier and enjoyable.

 

Look at your political meetings and see how vociferous some of your politicians become, and rather than work with each other they divide into camps that only work for their own agendas. No wonder at times it takes so long to progress. This will all change very shortly, and new leaders will appear that represent a more positive approach, and they will be chosen because of their spiritual understanding. I talk of a personal understanding that comes from having found the Light, not one that is dictated by religious preferences or agendas. There is just the One Truth, and it will serve you well as you enter the last phase of this cycle.

 

I am Ker-On from Venus, and you know our planet as one on the vibration of Love and so it is. Your new planet Terra will also be of a similar vibration and you will find it quite natural to be in them. It is the lower vibrations that are not your true reality, and not the other way around. You originally came from dimensions of great beauty and love, and it is your destiny to return to them. Think of your most uplifting moments in your life, and ask yourselves which you prefer. Think Love and be Love, that is all there is to it."

 

--Ker-On

 

Mike Quinsey

I'm realizing that my resolve is stronger than my emotions, but is weakened in the late evening/early morning hours, and by alcohol.  So I think I'll be avoiding alcohol for a while, at least until this "test" is over.  She knows how I feel and why, and posts like my most recent one don't help her at all - and I want to help her in every way that I can.

However, rather than deleting the post before she sees it, I figured I should put up another post before bed.  I don't want to hide my feelings, my flaws or my virtues.  I'm not trying to put on a false face here, as mentioned earlier; I'm trying to be as honest as I can.

But still, avoiding alcohol will help my resolve stay stronger than my emotions so that I can show her love in the agreed-upon manner: by leaving her alone until she decides to contact me.

So, though my emotions nearly overcame my resolve, they did not - I felt like calling and wishing her goodnight, but I didn't; I kept my promise.  One minor victory, but a definite step in the right direction.  I'm sure this was the turning-point.  From here I don't expect such minor problems to occur (and minor it was, since all that happened was a blog post  :D).