Resentment @ MindSay

Recently i had a conversation with my sister in law about her brother (my ex) and found that as we discussed him, my blood pressure started to boil. do i really hate him that much that he affects me this way? she says that maybe i just need to forgive him and move on. put him out of my life and mind and find happiness with my future
Well, forgiveness is about letting go, really letting go of resentment and bitterness - both personal and global. Forgiveness requires strength of character, it requires courage, a courage that needs to be replenished daily and rekindled when it falters. Forgiveness requires a commitment to something other than revenge and the natural desire for retribution and/or an apology. It requires, since there are events and behaviors that are unforgivable, ultimate compassion.

To forgive someone or something implies that there has been a transgression. You have been violated, hurt, insulted, treated badly or inhumanely, or somehow suffered greatly by another's actions. Something very valuable has been taken away; there has been grievous harm. Sometimes the transgression is factual; someone has been murdered, tortured, raped, neglected, beaten, publicly humiliated, or oppressed. Sometimes the transgression is subjective; we get our feelings hurt in ways that would not necessarily hurt someone else's feelings. Someone forgot your name at a party, your child was overlooked for a scholarship, someone assaulted your leadership style, or your boss did not pick up your ideas. We all have tucked away in our unconscious a little list of people who have hurt us in some way in our lives. And we keep the list even though they can no longer hurt us, as if forgiving them will give us amnesia, and we'll get hurt by them again.' When we have been hurt, we show a feverish intensity to the situation, we hold a magnifying glass on the person or people who hurt us, and we are exquisitely aware of the effect the injury has had on us. Whether objective or subjective, we are faced with similar feelings of being upset and resentful of being treated wrongly. Whether subjective or objective, whether it is a slight or a grievous transgression, when the hurt and insult has created a bur in our psyche we are faced with the heroic task of being responsible for the resulting psychic pain.
Hatred, resentment, and a desire for revenge and getting even are heavy emotions that weigh us down. Heavy emotions, reliving the trauma or fight, and being tied to the past robs creativity, spontaneity, fun, and any semblance of a free life. We become virtual prisoners caged inside our own moods and dark thoughts, whether we are painfully tied to the traumatic insults waged against our bodies and spirits or fueling the flames of everyday grudges and insults. We instinctively know holding hate and resentment is not good for us, but being willing to let it go, knowing we are so justified in feeling a sense of outrage and a desire for justice, is another kettle of fish altogether. Maybe i really do need to let go of all the anger that i have for him. i dont think that i will be able to move forward into this new part of my life without doing so, and it would probally save me a ton of money on small appliances and cell phones :P *sigh* i guess this is something that i am going to have to continue to ponder over for a decision. saying is one thing, but actually being able to do it is another.

• First of all I'd like to apologize for that last post. I was mad.  Damn mad.  I'm still angry, but I've calmed down a bit.  I don't think the resentment is going anywhere though.

 

• I like the energy I have on this vegetarian diet.  I feel pretty good. Now I need to concentrate on drinking more water. I don't know why it's so hard for me to drink enough water, but it is.  I don't have a problem with it being "bland" or anything, I just don't drink a lot of fluids, period.  The only drawback to this vegetarian diet is that I have to make sure I take a daily dose of Beano.  Good Lawd!

 

• Harry Potter was pretty good.  I know it's gotten mixed reviews, but I enjoyed it.  It did veer from the book more than the other movies in my opinion, but I don't think Harry Potter fans will be disappointed.  The book comes out next week and I have my book already reserved at Borders. I am almost too nervous to read it.  I hope J. K. Rowling doesn't kill Harry off. I don't think I could take it.

 

• Live Free or Die Hard was really good. I saw it yesterday with Torridgirl and Environgirl.  Bruce Willis was great and so was his co-star who played a smart alec hacker.  John McClane is still bad ass.  "I'm John McClane Bitch!". Yep, this movie was good, but it was no Transformers.  That movie KICKED SO MUCH ASS!!!! 

 

 

• I hate the Home Owners Association! Fascist pigs! Hey libertarians, if you want to add more fuel to your movement you should take on these bastards. Once we had a crazy round of storms in our area. On the first dry day following the storms, I got a note in my mailbox saying that we need to fix the storm pipe that had come loose. Did I mention the storm was what caused it to pull away from the side of the house?

The anger has found it's place and settled down (oh, but it's still very much there), and now the sorrow is setting in.
How do I keep on in this? How do I trust again?
I hate this whole situation.

It's strange, because when it was just overwhelming anger & resentment, I felt this inspiration and drive to overcome and say "fuck you" and go on to do something better, find something more. But now that's been kind of suffocated by lamentation for what once was, or seemed to be...
I want the anger to come back, so I can move on.
Maybe I need to feel this for a while though.
Such a mix of emotions... grr.

Again still, maybe I'll talk about specifics later...
-Liv-

Distancing yourself from someone you love, doesn't necessarily make life any easier when you are fed up to the proverbial "here" *holds hand to forehead*.  I am beginning to resent the fact that I must struggle to make ends meet.  I catch myself saying, "can you just shut the fuck up...your voice is irritating the hell out of me".  Or the fact that their mere presence puts my mood into an instant state of irritation. I don't know what I am going to do.  We certainly have a long history (almost 8 years).  Do I want to throw that much away, just because I am resentful of the present situation?  What happened is certainly something that I would call an unmanageable.  Is my emotional unavailability something that I am putting up as a defense?  Or am I simply falling out of love with someone that I share a child with.  There are many questions that surround this circumstance...He loses his job...ok, shit happens.  There is a bout of depression, since he loved this job, Ok, that is to be expected.  But there comes a point when you are neglecting your duties as a "husband" and father, and it seems that he has accomplished both equivelently this past week.  I don't expect anything really...it is simple...just keep the house picked up, and take the kid to school and pick him up afterward.  Thing is...he has been sleeping alot lately, and decided to take a nap while I was sleeping (I work graveyard shift).  He was 45 minutes late picking up my son, and they called his grandma to pick him up.  When I found out, all I said was, "YOU ARE FUCKING UP!!".  He held his head down, presumably in shame and said "I know".  I am beginning to get irritated when I see him, I can't stand to hear his voice...I don't know.  Is this my problem or his?

He has been unemployed for over a month now, and I am getting to the point of struggling to make ends meet.  I am seeing him as an extra mouth to feed, and trust me, this man eats.  When you are with someone for the long haul, it is through thick and thin...good and bad...am I just flawed, am I a bitch, should I be more patient and forgiving?...I don't know.  I almost look at him, and I see that even though my attitude toward him has changed, he still loves me unconditionally.  Why can't I feel the same way?...I am torn between love and practicality... And I feel like he isn't trying as hard as he could be.  What do I do?  Do I allow more time?  Do I just wait it out and hope that I can deal with this myself?...I know that when I feel this way, I begin to experience guilt, because his love for me is unwavering...why am I not as steadfast?...

Am I lacking something?  I don't know...I can take criticism...tell me what you think.

I've read a lot about it.  Spiritual gurus stress the importance of it.  It's one of those topics whose words have passed by my eyes, time and time again, but with no real registration within my spiritual journal log....until now.  I think I've finally gotten the message.

 

There are many stumbling blocks to progress, along our spiritual trek.  One of the major ones is forgiveness, or lack thereof.  When you feel someone has harmed you in some way, in this physical life, some very common human responses are fear, disappointment, anger, resentment, among others.  These are all negative emotions from which nothing good can actually be created.  (This is distinguished from saying no good can come of them.  Good can and does naturally spring from all kinds of negativity)  They stop you dead in your tracks.

 

When you are seeking to create your own personal pathway home to oneness with God, the winds supporting your sails will be weak, until those negative emotions are no longer a part of you. 

 

You can rid your being of all negative emotions relating to a perceived bad experience with another, by honestly forgiving that person who you believe wronged you. 

 

There are no explanations needed.  By that I mean, you need not couch the forgiveness in terms like:  I am forgiving you because I know you didn't mean it; or because you suffer from a non-nurturing childhood; or because you are an alcoholic; or because I believe you when you say you will never do it again.....or any other myriad explanations.  In fact, such conditional forgiveness does not quite get the job done. 

 

Your goal is true, complete, unconditional forgiveness.  The only "rule" for perfecting this act of forgiveness is that you be firm and true in the implementation.

 

HOW TO IMPLEMENT THE ACT OF FORGIVENESS

 

I suggest connecting with Spirit, saying the words aloud to yourself, and then "feeling" their impact upon you.  If the impact brings less than a powerful cleansing of all negative emotions toward that person, then you are still working on the issue.  You will know when it's done.

 

If you've read much of my writing, you know that I write from a Spirit-based intention.  Drawing on that guidance, I will say that I am not impressed that it is necessary to make this forgiveness announcement directly to the person from whom the need to forgive derived. 

 

I believe it is an excerise within your God-Spirit, between you and Source.  You are doing this for you, not for the other person.

 

IN COMMUNICATION WITH GOD:    I completely forgive so-and-so for any words or deeds that resulted in any negativity within my being.  I desire to be an instrument of Thy well-being.  I understand that this sincere act of forgiveness opens the door for the free flow of pure wellness from Source Energy.  This is my desire.   Thank you, God.