Remember @ MindSay

Walking across the sand,
I remember a time
filled with sunshine,
happiness,
and life.
But, those times have left me
to be replaced with sorrow,
rain,
and death.
Memories consume me
memories of many moves,
several deaths,
and worst of all, the divorce.
The days of mournful, gray skies,
Rain crushing my skin, freezing me up,
and worn faces filled with
pain
and suffering.
Walking across the sand,
I remember a time.

A wooden ladder against a wall

Twelve feet in the air

Painted with drippings

 

Walking under it doesn’t change luck

Climbing it takes you nowhere

Asphalt to concrete

 

Nobody is working

Nobody is around

Nobody is climbing

 

The drip painted ladder

That leans against nothing

Nowhere to fall

 

Nonentity, no gravity

Like light on a sun dial

Sun shines down the alley

 

Looking west is blinding

Looking east burns your back

Cracked black asphalt under your feet

 

The mysteries of life will never be clear

Blinded on one side

Burned on the back

 

Remember to forget

Forgotten memories

 

How did I get here?

Did I put that ladder there?

Was I supposed to be working?

 

Nothing to paint

Nothing to fix

No reason for this ladder

 

What was I thinking?

Dixie currently feels:

 Unknown

 

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I don't know how I feel right now.

 

I'm partially pleased, because I managed to get another 100% on Hard on Guitar Hero 3.

I'm partially glad, because I've finished my Science coursework.

I'm partially dreading, because tonight is the final night of the Easter holidays.

 

I'm partially lonely, depressed, suicidal, alone, desparate, needing, upset, worried and nervous - my darling Emily needs me, and I need her...

 

 

I was woken up by a DOOR this morning.

The window was open in my mam's room, and it was blowing the door, which kept banging open and shut again. I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep, but it did my head in.

So I woke up and tried to ignore it.

 

Then I snapped, went and slammed the window, slammed the door, and sat down on my bed and sighed at the wonderful silence.

 

 

I went downstairs to make myself some lunch.

I made some mini cheeseburgers.

 

They're so cute.

The buns are soft, the meat is tender, and the cheese is a wonderous processed plastic-y sort of cheese.

 

They're about an inch and a half in diameter - and I eat them in two medium bites, or three small bites.

 

I ate those, and some Fridge Raiders, and some Monster Munch - as I watched some KUA.

 

Then Stephen came online, saying he finally had wi-fi, and he wanted to play on GH3 with me.

He insisted we do an Easy pro-face off.

 

I groaned so loud.

 

But he wanted to do TTFAF.

So I picked Raining Blood - and got 99%.

 

Then we did TTFAF, and I got 99% again.

He wasn't expecting me to do that well - so he was sad.

 

I was annoyed at hearing that - I'M ON EXPERT.

 

A phrase I often use now.

 

"Yeah but... I'M ON EXPERT!" - When a Medium player beats me on a face-off.

"Yeah but... I'M ON EXPERT!" - When someone insults my abilities, when they can't play Expert themselves.

"Yeah but, know what? I'm on EXPERT." - A quick way to own someone in an argument.

 

 

 

Then I lay on my bed for a while, listening to music - mainly Maximum The Hormone - watching more KUA, eating chocolate mousse, and attempting to draw something, which I gave up on.

 

Then I did my Science coursework, sorted out my backpack, and went to relax on GH3.

 

Then my darling Emily came on, and we played  a 5-match co-op, me on bass.

 

 

I shan't say that I miss Emily - because she's not actually gone.

She's still there, thinking about me... I hope.

 

If Emily did forget me without a trace, I'd slit my throat right there and then.

It's the biggest fear that weighs over my head.

 

Tomorrow, I'm going to be absorbed in myself.

Holding conversations with Emily in my mind.

Thinking of her, gazing at her photo in my planner.

 

I'll sit down my aisle at lunch and write poems for her.

Anything that takes her off my mind is not worth thinking about.

 

 

Emily darling...

We're going to have to be patient this time...

We'll have to wait things out...

 

Please don't forget any of the words I spoke with you...

Any of the files I shared with you.

Any of the secrets I told to you.

Any of the memories we hold together...

 

I love you Emily... And I always will do.

 

Don't ever lose sight of that, my darling.

 

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Today's song lyrics:

 

When You're Gone - Avril Lavinge

I've never felt this way before...
Everything that I do reminds me of you...
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor...
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do...

When you walk away I count the steps that you take...
Do you see how much I need you right now...?

 

When you're gone...
The pieces of my heart are missing you...
When you're gone...
The face I came to know is missing too...
When you're gone...
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok...

I miss you...

Dixie currently feels:

 Bored

 

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Quote of the day:

 

"Eee, imagine if some Christian came in here now? They'd try to EXCORISE your Playstation!"

- Adam

 

 

And this came about, as I was playing Haunted Tomb on Spyro 3 - and the game crashed just as I was charging a glass jar.

My gem number had froze in the top left corner - 5666.

With 666 supposably being the number of Satan - who's existance, I still question from time to time - Adam blurted that out, and I proper laughed for ages.

 

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As we go...

 

Adam's been here since 2.

It's now half 10.

He's staying the night. - For the first time in our 10 year friendship.

 

He's got this DS hacking cartridge, which you can download games onto.

He says he'll never have to buy any of the games again - because he's cheap. :P

 

So far, I reckon he's downloaded about £390 games today.

And the cartridge itself was only £40. :)

 

 

Rofl, he's complaining that I'm advertising his piracy.

Oh well, such is life. :P

 

 

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So today, whilst he's been sat beside me playing on his DS - I've been giving my 12-year old Playstation some hardcore time.

 

So I've had a shot at Spyro 3 - and gone from 8% to 77%.

I've done the first 5 missions on Hogs of War.

I had a quick go of Final Fantasy VII and mastered a few Materia crystals.

 

I'm getting the urge to play some Harvest Moon: BTN.

Best bargain I ever got - only £7.

 

Though, Pikmin was £8.

But Pikmin's nowhere near as good as BTN. :)

 

I've done another 10 battles on Mt. Battle on Pokémon Collosseum with Emily the Espeon and Volvic the Typhlosion.

They're both on level 82 now.

 

But Mt. Battle is so strenuous and boring - I just want to rip my skull out after a while.

 

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So Emily...

You asked me to blog - and here I am.

 

I don't really know what to say. :)

 

 

Well, as I mentioned to you - please let us both stop dwelling on the crappy past.

I try to forget things that have happened in my past alone - so can we put everything that's happened in our joint-past behind us?

 

All the tripe things, of course.

 

Let us not forget some of our wonderful moments...

 

- The day we started FoG...

- FoG's first anniversary...

- Christmas 2007 - our first VC...

- New Year's Day - the candy cane caper. :)

- And how can you forget the "I want an Echo...", before falling into my door and manically laughing?

 

 

Can you remember?

 

We laughed at every little thing....

- We still do.

 

We were always there to comfort each other...

- We still are.

 

When we'd had a crap day, one was always there for the other....

- We still are.

 

We'd share our secrets, share our feelings, share everything with each other...

- We still do.

 

We promised we'd always stay by the other's side...

- We still will...

 

 

We might have matured Emily...

We've gone through all the tough times together...

We've made it through, we're still alright...

 

We're older,

We're wiser...

And our friendship is so much stronger.