Relationships @ MindSay

My closest friends could call me both adamant and contradictory when it comes to relationships, what they involve, and whether or not I want to be in one. On one hand, I will say that I don't want to date, I don't think it's smart, I don't want to get married, etc. On the other hand, it is no surprise that movies like The Notebook put me into a bittersweet mood, and my attention usually stays on a single guy because he is "different", and I see him as an exception to the rule. Just last night I told my best friend "I wouldn't mind being with him." It was the first time I have ever said that phrase aloud, and meant it.

And that is the point.

I have always been quick to point out why I hate relationships, mostly to give an explanation when someone asks "Who are you crushin' on?" and I say "Uh... what?". I need to explain that I am neither heartless nor interested, just concerned with the state of relationships these days.

But, now! I've fond a sort of loophole in all of the "relationship cynicism", and I am particularly... glad.

Yeah, that. I'm glad. Now I've made myself feel a little less like a feminist He-Woman Manhater's club member.

I don't want to date -- I don't like it, never liked it. I don't like to chase. I find it extremely irritating, what with the constant changing of relationship statuses and the aura of knowing that all of my horny teenage friends have held hands, made out, dry humped, dated short-term, hooked up, and/or fucked (There is a detailed diagram, I'm sure). Sadly, that's pretty much the same for all age groups. Except now it is a bit more common to be a divorcee at the age of 30.

Me? IF I get married (big IF), I plan to be over 30.

But, you know how it is with plans. If I feel it necessary, I may get married at 23. Who knows what my life holds?

However, marriage is for a different blog at a different date. This is about that shadowy period from when you kiss that boy under the big tree on the playground and run away giggling (never happened to me), to the guy/girl that you took notes from in English 101 and instantly fell in love with (also never happened to me. Here I come IU.)

I could dissect all of the relationships I've known, from my neighbors, to my parents, to yours, but this is about me. Besides, if I offend you, I would hate to have to apologize and pretend that I am sincere. Of course, I write this blog for you, Reader. I care about you. You are my number one.

Anyway. On to the subject at hand: my epiphany.

I was watching a good old television show called Entourage when one of the male characters, Eric, said something along the lines of "I don't want to date. I just want to be with her."

And that was it. I realized at that moment that I want a relationship. How could I not have known this earlier?! For most of my mature teenage years, I've passed on my wisdom about how relationships are a waste and how much I hate them, and now, all of a sudden, I LOVE relationships! That's why I cry when I watch The Notebook and feel so stirred up when I read a good romance story.

I'm still unmoved by weddings, though. It's bullshit. (Once again, different blog.)

But that's not it. There is still that disgustingly irritating feeling my mind when I think about going out of my way just to "catch" a good guy. Who the fuck wants a good guy? That's like getting a B on a paper with a chance to rewrite for an A and being like "NAH! That's alright." Because, let's be honest, when most people find a person that is "good" for them what they are really feeling is that the person is "good for me...right now".

I guess what I actually hate is having to work to get the perfect one.

Don't get me wrong, when a good guy comes along, he has a lot of my attention-- I can't deny that -- but I can't bring myself to act like I am a chicken with my head cut off, humping the first rooster that makes me cluck a little differently.

I think that that was a terrible metaphor, but it is 6 in the morning, and I should get a prize just for being awake at this time for you.

I am willing to wait until a guy slides into my life and we naturally evolve instead of jumping on their nuts from that first "Hey there :)" (assuming that the first intimate conversation will occur through an electronic messenger -- if not, KUDOS, and might I add... JUMP ON HIM NOW). If you do it the right way, the good guy/girl could become perfect, but more often than not people rush it and ruin it.

Anyway, I am tired, so I will try to wrap up this sad attempt at being a writer good and anemated. (Figure it out, Reader.)

In the dating world, what takes long months, and even years, is accelerated and forced into a single season. Sorry, but you don't know someone in a couple of weeks or late night conversations that make you giggle.

Oh, but you know his favorite food? His favorite color? Hobbies? Movies? Yeah, well, I bet I do too. Let's see. Something that has lots of sauce or breading. Red or blue. A sport, video game, or music reference. Pulp Fiction/Fight Club (If he said one but not the other HE LIED).

Guys, I know your girl as well. Something exotic or very specific. Varies, but most likely neither blue or pink. Something that makes them more interesting than they actually are, but you go with it. The Notebook (If she didn't say that, she has either never seen it, or LIED).

Yeah, it's that simple.

No, I mean it. THAT'S IT.

Well, in the world of "seasonal" dating, anyway. And that's what I hate.

It is NOT okay to be with someone when the things you know about them are things that can be guessed or pulled off of their Facebook (If they are still on MySpace, it's time to upgrade).

Call me when you

• know their mood simply by the way they word their hellos

• know when to text or call because you just get a feeling

• know when not to text or call because you just get a feeling

• have a detailed 1-10 level that describes their level of drunkenness

• your first thought when they come into view is usually kissing them, not fucking them (most of the time)

I HATE dating. It's a few months of activities, outings, feel up sessions, mindless conversation, and smiles that go from dumbfounded idiocy (or "happiness") to complete distaste for that person ( or "we just aren't right for each other anymore").

No shit, Sherlock.

I want a relationship, where the last thing the guy is worried about is my favorite color, but instead wants to lay around and talk about nothing, will watch a terrible movie with me just to see who can talk more shit about it, or go to Target in khakis and red t-shirts and pretend that we work there just because we are assholes and love that about each other....

But, I'm in no hurry.

So don't ask.

Of course, who would after this crazy bullshit.

I'm going to bed. And shame on you for making it to the end of this terrible entry.

Getting a man is like buying a "new" or "used" car.  You have to play games and pretend that you don't care.  You ignore a sales person or a man they come running, it is only human nature.  Since I have dated a lot I see this now.
A real man will not pull this bullshit but to find a real man takes time.  In your 20s men just want sex and fun, in your 30s they start to get more serious.  I have been there.  I have had my heart broken so hard that I was in pain for three years over a relationship.  I am not an expert but ask yourself this, is this relationship more work than it should be?  If yes, leave.  If no, well you really shouldn't have asked that question.

It would be really nice to have someone understand me without judgment.  I would love to have a close friend that I could really talk to.  My childhood friend lives across the country from me.  My other friends I just cannot confide in as much.  They have families and much more going on than me.  Lately I am just feeling so confused.

I went to a card reading party last Saturday.  It was a bit weird.  The reader said I have "many secrets" and I guard myself, which is true.  Other things she said didn't make sense.  She said that my fiancee and I are on completely different pages when it comes to children and if we don't make a decision I may miss the boat and have to adopt.  She also said I would only have one child- a boy.  I don't understand little boys, I have always wanted a girl, I know that is selfish to say.

Anyway I know not to put much stock in the reading but it got me thinking- which I try not to do as much as I can when it comes to my emotions.  Would I even be a good mother?  I feel so selfish sometimes.  In fact I told my fiancee to go to his parents tonight because I wasn't feeling well (we live together to). The truth is I wanted time alone to think and to have a few glasses of wine.  How can I be a parent if I keep doing stupid stuff?  I think it all comes down to how I was raised.  I'm an only child who's parents divorced when I was a toddler.  I hate to bother people with my problems so I tuck them away and hide.  I started this around age 12 when I started smoking.  I went outside to the shed we had, listened to music and smoked.  It was my time alone.  I still do it almost 20 years later.

I don't tell many people these things, hence wishing I had a close friend.  I have such good intentions but never follow through, with my art, my health, my mind.  I contradict everything with my actions.  I suppose it has to do with depression which I have also had forever.  I just try to push it away, it's much easier but certain nights I can't, so I sit and have a few glasses of wine.  Does anyone feel this way? 

Welcome to my blog. Now I dont want this to seem like a Sex and the City carbon copy.. i like the idea of documenting my experiences in life..the only diffrence is im 21 and Carrie was in her thirties ;) <no shade SJP> lol. So this is my intro. All comments are welcome just try to keep them censcored. And now the story begins.... in the next entry lol

Stopping a divorce is not something that can be done everytime, but certainly there is usually a chance that things can be turned around, until they reach those final stages. If you want to find out how you may be able to stop your divorce, check out the tips below

Stop A Divorce-1
Stop the madness! When going through a bitter breakup, it can be very easy just to let things get to a terrible antagonistic state. If you want to stop your divorce, you will first need to stop any arguing or disagreements, and have some reasonable conversations with your partner. Before either of you can commit to anything either way, you'll need to find out if you can in fact go back to a point where you can communicate like normal people.

Stop A Divorce-2
Get in early. There are certain schools of thought that believe any significant marriage issues will inevitably end in divorce if left unchecked. So next time you are having problems in your marriage, understand that the longer you take to rectify things, the more chance those problems have of morphing into issues of marriage-wrecking size.

Stop A Divorce-3
Get back to the truth. Grab a pen and paper and write down a list of reasons you married your partner for. If you are on good terms, get them to do the same. Once this is done, share them with each other. This can be a great way to regain some closeness and to help you both remember why you are together in the first place.

Stop A Divorce-4
Try and bring the fun back. It's a sad fact that so many relationships these days are ruined by TV and the pressures of everyday life. It may well be that you are perfect for each other, but if you don't nurture and take of your relationship, you are bound to have problems. Switch the tv off, and do something fun together. You may just get a nice surprise and remember why you loved your spouse to begin with.

Stop A Divorce-5
Speak to a professional, and do it early. A marriage guidance professional can literally do wonders for your marriage, provided you don't leave it until too late. These people are especially trained and encounter people with the same problems as you every single day. They can show you a variety of techniques and exercise to help you get your marriage back on track.