Rejected @ MindSay 
sad
And unfortunately, the Eagles pretty much always lose.
And I knew, I just knew that someone was getting an offer on the house in before us. The realtor waited so long, and the price was so good.
But the house had been on the market for 52 days. What were the odds that someone would put in a bid the exact same day as us?
Pretty good, apparently. Just like I always expect the Eagles to lose, and they always prove me right, I expected to not get this house, and unfortunately, I was right.
During all that chaos -- the multiple attempts to fax, the multiple attempts to e-mail, the meetings, the redos, the everything -- someone else put in an offer on the house, and that offer was accepted.
Oh sweet rejection. It hurts when it's a book you're trying to publish, and it hurts when it's a house you're trying to buy. And it doesn't hurt any less when you expect the negative thing to occur.
But not all hope is lost. I've still got that article floating out there. Will it be written, will it be published?
Who knows? The wait continues…
damn boys. damn stupid boys. i hate boys. especially when they can make me feel so shitty n unwanted one moment n the next make me feel so happy n excited the next!
now, this is by no means everything that has been going on with me n once u know everything that has been going on, this will all make more sense. (trust me, u may think now, oh, its that same stupid crap with j again, but seriously, this week some shit went down on my birthday- that DID NOT involve him!- that has made things w/ j n my whole idea of boys n shit all fucked up.)
lets start with this past Thursday. some of u may recall this entry, which i posted the morning after my birthday, which was Tuesday the 6th, btw. so Thursday i check my phone between classes because the previous one got out a little bit earlier than usual n i had time, n i had a new text message from that damn boy:
"humm, i'm a wee bit late, but happy b-day! be sure to know what u want (if n e thing)"
now, i'm not dumb. i know he either forgot or didn't care or something, but i was so happy to see that! lol, that he went out of his way n bothered to wish me a happy b-day even tho it was two days late made me giggle.^-^
"Hehe i thought u forgot ;p"
later on that night shortly after 10:00pm i sent him another text (partially as a joke):
"So when do i get belated bday sex? :p"
i didn't expect a response. n i didn't get one, so w/e. i went on with life, even tho i did feel lonely n such when i woke up in the morning. (like i said, once i explain everything thats happened this week that will make more sense, n i reiterate that what i'm refering to has nothing to do with the person i'm typing about now) i went thro my friday, called up n talked to the landlady n i may be able to kick Kim out, (i'll get to that more later cuz some of u mindsayers may need to help me out), went to that chik thro the Emma Center n that was cool, got to converse a little more w/ j's roomie Andrew (:D), went to classes, ate food cuz i'm a fat-ass, went to josh n gabby's n we watched movies.
the first one was already an hour thro when i got there n it was a Spanish movie called Sex & Lucia. trust me, this is not a movie u want to miss n e part of because u will quickly become confused n if ur as immature as my friends u'll quickly lose interest because apparently the first half of the movie is just a bunch of very graphic sex scenes that u'd never seen in an American movie, some of which i did see n some of which they rewound the movie for me to see after it was over. XD n e way, anna called during the movie so i missed another 45 or so minutes of it, n then we watched an Australian movie called Heaven's Burning. im not sure if i liked it yet or not, but it was deffinately interesting. however, because of some issues my libido has been in a bit of over-drive this week, n the sex scenes in those movies, especially the first one cuz it actually showed cock getting hard, and even getting stroked.
after the second movie i came home, (josh was nice enough to give me a ride cuz it was raining outside n i didn't have my semi-poncho), n to my surprise, j was online! of course this is an occasion to be celebrated because this never happens n e more, so i IMed him saying hi n asking how he'd been doing. then the window froze so i had to close it n i wasn't sure if in that time he'd responded or n e thing like that, so i had to get the conversation going again incase he did or something.
fuzzycookie1 (11:56:47 PM): crap, the window froze, sorry, lol
j is no longer idle at 11:57:42 PM.
fuzzycookie1 (11:59:31 PM): what r u up to tonight?
fuzzycookie1 (12:02:28 AM): u know i'm actually sober right now n i'm in the mood to do something if u are if u catch my drift, lol...
j is idle at 12:07:51 AM.
j is no longer idle at 12:13:26 AM.
j (12:15:13 AM): not tonite sry hun, sleepy time
fuzzycookie1 (12:15:23 AM): lol
j (12:15:24 AM): soon if u would like
j (12:15:30 AM): nite
fuzzycookie1 (12:15:33 AM): kk
fuzzycookie1 (12:15:36 AM): i hope ur doin well
j signed off at 12:15:39 AM.
its not that i was mad at him. i've just been very sexually frustrated due to the crap that went on on my bday n the fact that we haven't seen each other for over two weeks now, meaning i haven't had sex in over two weeks now n those movies didn't help. i also felt really rejected and ignored, tho. he couldn't even try to make some conversation with me? it makes me wonder what he was doing while he was online cuz i know that i'll do other things on my computer or i'll get up n pee without leaving an away message or something like that. i think that because of everything thats been going on, tho, it made me feel really hurt. i just felt unwanted n unattractive. also, i'd asked him on myspace out of curiosity if he'd been to n e other raves since new years, n he didn't respond to that, either. i wasn't expecting him to again, but this has been a tough week for me in terms of boys. n even tho i had to be up @ 8:00am today for the rest of my 1 unit seminar, i still really wanted sex last night, so really i shouldn't have even asked in the first place cuz thinking of it now, its kinda rude that i would have to had kicked him out @ about 8:15am n i don't know if he needed to work or n e thing today so i don't know if he needed to be up that early.
i felt a little better in the morning, i went to my class, talked to emo jimmy a bit, (he's coming up here tonight to visit for a few days! n we're throwing another birthday party for me! and Becky is already here! :D!), n did a bit of grocery shopping on the way back even tho its pouring down rain, n then i saw Kim's car here n was IMMEDIATELY in a shitty mood again. i came upstairs thinking about how great it would be if J was online cuz i need to do my laundary n i could ask him to drive me over there cuz it was raining, n tho my shock, amazement, n almost even horror, he was online! :O! could something be going right?!
fuzzycookie1 (5:15:00 PM): omg
fuzzycookie1 (5:15:07 PM): ur online two days in a row!
fuzzycookie1 (5:15:08 PM): lol
j (5:15:08 PM): ?
j (5:15:11 PM): gasp!
fuzzycookie1 (5:15:14 PM): XD
fuzzycookie1 (5:15:23 PM): what calls for this special occasion?
j (5:16:47 PM): humm
j (5:16:48 PM): dunno
fuzzycookie1 (5:17:01 PM): lol
fuzzycookie1 (5:17:07 PM): how've u been?
j (5:20:52 PM): hmm, all right i spose
j (5:20:55 PM): and urself?
fuzzycookie1 (5:21:06 PM): eh, same i guess
fuzzycookie1 (5:21:09 PM): lol
fuzzycookie1 (5:21:38 PM): are things working out between u n carly ok?
j (5:22:03 PM): ummm, ya I guess
fuzzycookie1 (5:22:10 PM): :/
fuzzycookie1 (5:22:12 PM): i'm sorry
fuzzycookie1 (5:22:31 PM): is ur financial situation a little better at least? lol
j (5:22:40 PM): yes, much in that situation
fuzzycookie1 (5:23:11 PM): that's awesome
fuzzycookie1 (5:23:34 PM): i was wondering how u were gonna afford Santa Barbara if ur having trouble here, lol
j (5:24:05 PM): the financial situation was complicated with the bank and checks not being accepted and me spending money i thougth I had but I didn't etc
j (5:24:10 PM): it is not a lack of overall money
j (5:24:18 PM): but a lack of accessible money at a given point in time
fuzzycookie1 (5:24:37 PM): ah
fuzzycookie1 (5:25:10 PM): i'm glad that's gotten worked out
j (5:25:20 PM): me 2 me2... heh
fuzzycookie1 (5:25:20 PM): what else r u up to this semester? have u found n e other musicals to be in?
fuzzycookie1 (5:25:23 PM): hehe
j (5:25:36 PM): yes actually, I am in a production of "Oliver"
fuzzycookie1 (5:25:42 PM): oooo
j (5:25:44 PM): March 22nd I believe is opening night
fuzzycookie1 (5:25:52 PM): is it @ CR again?
j (5:26:12 PM): I dunno where we are performing, but I am thinking no
j (5:26:21 PM): the last one was there, not trhu CR tho
j (5:26:30 PM): and this one is def not trhu CR either heh
fuzzycookie1 (5:26:33 PM): lol
fuzzycookie1 (5:26:38 PM): who's this one thro?
j (5:26:51 PM): another production company in town
j (5:26:58 PM): dunno name off hand
j (5:27:24 PM): n e ways, I have to be a goin', have a good nite!
fuzzycookie1 (5:27:32 PM): what r ur plans for tonight
j (5:27:49 PM): going to addriene's because my friend ramone is in town!
fuzzycookie1 (5:27:57 PM): oh cool!
j (5:27:57 PM): we having dinner, and then after that I dunno
j (5:28:00 PM): we shall c
fuzzycookie1 (5:28:01 PM): well
fuzzycookie1 (5:28:08 PM): we're throwing me a bday party
fuzzycookie1 (5:28:12 PM): u guys can come if u want, lol
j (5:28:21 PM): oo rly? tonite?
fuzzycookie1 (5:28:26 PM): yep yep
j (5:28:32 PM): good times :-D
fuzzycookie1 (5:28:34 PM): @ josh n gabby's, not sure what time, tho
j (5:28:35 PM): happy b-day agn
fuzzycookie1 (5:28:39 PM): hehe, thanx
j (5:28:42 PM): o ok
j (5:28:46 PM): not ur place
fuzzycookie1 (5:28:49 PM): i'll let u know just incase
fuzzycookie1 (5:28:50 PM): well
fuzzycookie1 (5:29:00 PM): it would be at my place except there's drama w/ my roomie :/
j (5:29:08 PM): ic :-\
j (5:29:14 PM): welp, let me kno, send me an im
fuzzycookie1 (5:29:19 PM): but gabby knows u n she said i can invite whoever i want, lol
j (5:29:19 PM): I will try to show for a bit, we shall c
fuzzycookie1 (5:29:37 PM): kk, i'll text u or something, lol
j (5:29:41 PM): all right
j (5:29:46 PM): welp I am off!
j (5:29:47 PM): cyas
fuzzycookie1 (5:29:48 PM): kk
fuzzycookie1 (5:29:49 PM): have fun!
fuzzycookie1 (5:29:50 PM): later!
j signed off at 5:29:58 PM.
now, i don't expect him to show up if we really get this party off the ground like we want to. but just the fact that he said he might even tho i don't think he will fills me with so much joy that i hate him for it, lol. so what i didn't get to ask him about laundary or if he's seen Squeakers blow himself? he said he might come to my party even for a little bit! he didn't totally snub it n say he was busy, he actually said he might! (n again, i don't actually expect him to, lol) but speaking of parties, i need to pee n get over there cuz i told Gabby i'd be there by 7:00pm n its 6:31pm as i type this now! sorry that i haven't gone thro my inbox, but i will! i hope ur all well! <3
i feel like proving everyone wrong right now...everyone.
everyone whos said somthing that im not able to do
everyone whos told me that im going to get fat one day or another
everyone whos told me i cant keep a good relationship [[wich is probably true]]
im not even good enough for people to like me anymore...but once i am. fuck them. its too late. im not going to be treated like a piece of meat. or a product in a magazine. all i want is to be okay with myself...wich im obviously not. i dont repsect myself at all... i have no real friends.
or maybe i'll just...show everyone what they expect...i'll become a raging alcoholic whore. ending myself up in a jail cell. like my dada. just like him...raging alcoholic crack head.
i just cut myself...its the only thing i CAN think of to make the pain go away...the mental pain.
why am i so friken GULLIBLE?!
why do i only have two buddies....??
not friends..buddies. people i can hang out with.
friends are people that you can trust...people who wont go flirting with your ex boyfriend...people who respect what you say...people who dont go around making fun of you...
i wish i had one of those.
but i dont. tuff.
rejection is a bitch.
in my case, bastard.
for the first time i was completely rejected. feels like shit if you ask me.
"no just that was stven asking u out not me he was on the comp he siad that he was on his but he was on mien and he ask u out on my thing and when i found out i punched him really hard and so im sorry but i dont whant to go out with u and im sorry that it is like cuz of seven "
I DIDNT ASK HIM OUT!
i dont ask guys out
i ussually say yes...and
rarely reject them.
hey..like..i wonder why he doesnt want to go out with me..ohh! OHH! i know! I KNOW! its because im a ugly fat bitch who cant keep a positive thought in her fucking twisted mind.
im going to take THE LONGEST break from relationships...
seriously, i've had a different boyfriend every month..its sad. its...dissapointing. i change guys like i change clothes. now theres no one for me to like....................................................................................damnit. oh well. "i dont like anyone anymore..." thats my answer to.."so, who do you like?" because its true...no one is worthy of my.."love" and...im not worth it for them either....my high standards...there high standards. it just wouldnt work.
i died my hair black.
maybe if i totally turned emo on everyone.
they'd see what im capapble of.
Like my lips have dried up,
so has my hope,
slightly annoying,
but I just can't find the energy or effort
to do something about it
I know I should force myself,
just like with other things,
All of this can compare,
except the importance
chapped lips are a constant reminder, of
what I should do, irritated, but I
question whether it's worth it,
to fix the problem
but of course, missing you
is a much bigger conflict,
than dry lips, and that can
be solved way easier, than
trying to regain the confidence, to try and
talk to you again,
remembering how I seemed rejected,
and was ignored, in my previous attempts,
to make you understand just how much
I hate, you not being
in my life, anymore.
J: thx :D
fuzzycookie1: i wish i could give you a special present like you did me ;)
J: heh, s'ok
J: thx for the birthday wish :)
fuzzycookie1: np :)
fuzzycookie1: good night
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