Registered Nurse @ MindSay 
.... around and around without any cares....
Today was my colonoscopy. E, T and I left at 1:15, only had to make 3 pit stops for me. Got to the hospital, found the Endoscopy place, checked in. Then went to the pre-procedure/ recovery. I stripped down into a gown, took everything but my socks off. They took my vitals, then a nurse came to start an IV. She hit a valve, so a different nurse came to start it, and she put this on top of my right wrist. We waited a little while longer, and that's when I started to get nervous. Finally they came to get me.
They wheeled me into the colonoscopy room, and the nurses were really nice. They told me to get comfortable on my side like how I would be sleeping. So I did, she put in the anesthesia... and I drifted. But then I could hear they're voices, and it kept hurting in certain spots. I tried to open my eyes, tried to tell them it was hurting, but I couldn't, I think they may have given me more stuff, because then I could hear E and T talking before I could open my eyes. It took a little while to open them.
After I was awake, the nurse brought me some ice water - which never tasted so good. I was so out of it. The doctor came and told me my colon looks fine, but they took some stuff to do biopsies on. I knew he came, but I had to ask my brother three times before I remembered. Then it was time to go, I made my way to the bathroom really quick. Because they filled me up with air, I've been seriously gassy, not smelly gassy - thanks god.
We went to Perkins, I got a bowl of chicken noodle soup. We drove home and I was finally awake by the time we were a half hour from Livingston. Went home, E and T left to return movies and pick up her car. Eric stopped and got me a hot fudge sundae from DQ - which was really sweet. Now, me and my raw bum are going to bed.
You know... I'm sitting here, trying to think of something clever to write for my first entry and I just realized I don't even know why I registered in the first place. Perhaps it was the pretty colours, maybe it was the excitement of having a few kilobytes of Cyberspace to call my own. Whatever it was, it's done and there's nothing I can do to change it!
I must carry on, not letting anything stand in my way! Not even that treacherous woman they call "Jade." Certainly not that beastly maiden. She thinks she can stifle my antics with her proper speech and her wooden spoon!? How dare she!? I'll show her. I'll show her all the way to the seething pits of Lucifer's Kingdom!!!
I've never held such contempt for an individual, but she really gets my blood boiling. Anyone who can't laugh at a good practical joke doesn't deserve to have lungs. Besides, it's not like her kids were electrocuted all that bad. Sure, Anthony's hair is a little frizzy now, but that boy could use some texture in his otherwise dull appearance. I'm also positive that Jeffrey quite enjoys the involuntary muscle spasms. I hear they've helped turn him into quite the class clown!
So you see, everything works out for the best. No harm done! I'm a saint and "Jade" is just an unsightly old hag.
Up the irons!
By 6th grade though, it had all changed. My childhood dreams of being a teacher or firefighter had vanished, and I didn’t know what I wanted to do anymore. While everyone talked about what they wanted to be when they were done with school—I sat there with a confused look on my face, and nothing going through my mind. I was confused…I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life…at that time was when things started to go wrong, and people I was close to started to die…
On August 26th 2003, my aunt Terry had been diagnosed with cancer. It was then that I realized that anything could happen…there was no such thing as forever…and at any time in my life, I could be gone. It was hard for me, because I was close to her, and I never wanted her to be gone. On March 28th 2004, when my sisters and I got home from school and after my dad got home from work, my aunt Lynette called and told us that Terry had died. My dad told us that she had passed away early that morning in her sleep. All I could do was deny it, but I said that she was in a better place, with no pain…and I didn’t cry at that time. I thought I had to be strong for my little sister, because she always looked up to me (and still does), so I didn’t show that I was sad, but inside I was torn apart. I was sooooo mad at God for taking her away from us—her husband and two little girls, and the rest of her family…including me. That Sunday was her wake, but since my parents didn’t make me go—I didn’t, because only wanted to remember her how she was, not what the cancer had made her look…and how the make-up that they had put on her would’ve made her look so fake. The night of her wake, I accepted the fact that she was gone out of my life physically forever…and I cried soo hard. I started writing poetry that day, and still haven’t stopped. Monday was her funeral, and even though it was the best funeral I’ve ever gone to (out of the like—15 that I’ve had to go to in the past 5 years or so)…I started crying before we even went in to sit down, and I bawled through the whole funeral. I really miss her…even now…after two years.
On August 26th 2005, when my 6 year old cousin Megan (Terry’s daughter), got diagnosed with cancer, I knew it was true…there was nothing to deny…it wasn’t just some dream that I’d suddenly wake up—she had cancer, and I could do nothing about it. I knew there was a tumor from what my mom had told me, but that day was the surgery to try taking it out…and they only got an apple-sized amount out—there was still over half of it left inside her, but they couldn’t get it out…I prayed sooooo hard that day in school that it would all be okay, and that it wouldn’t turn out to be cancer. I knew when my mom yelled, “Oh my God!!” when she was on the phone with Karen, that it was cancer. Immediately I broke down in tears…I didn’t care what my little sister thought…I was through with being the strong one…Megan was my angel—there was nothing I could do to stop the tears. I cried from 6pm to when I fell asleep, and nights after I also cried myself to sleep. I kept thinking, “How could God try taking another person from our lives?! WHY?!?!” As of now, she’s cancer-free, but there’s never any guarantee…that’s what prayers are for I guess.
When Megan was in the hospital for about 3 months, my sisters and I finally went down there with my parents to see her. It hurt me so much to see her in pain, with a silent killer taking over her body—and I think the thing that hurt me the most, was to know she had something working it’s way to kill her, and I couldn’t do anything about it. It was that night that I had really decided what I wanted to do with my life. I had decided in 8th grade that I wanted to be a nurse…RN to be exact…but that night was my final decision.
When people ask me what I want to do as a career—I can proudly say that I want to be an RN. And now, when people ask me why, being I’ve had so many people close to me die, would I want to go into that profession?? I want to give something back, I want to be the person little kids look up to and want to be someday…an inspiration. Specifically, I want to work on the Oncology Floor (cancer floor), of a Children’s Hospital, or NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit…sick babies and premature babies). Why the NICU?? I want to help save lives, be the person the child’s parents come back to visit—even after their child is out of the hospital because I offered support to them and watched over their child, and saving the lives of babies with an illness would be the best feelings in the world. Why the Oncology Floor?? When I walked down the hall, I saw all those sick kids…including my cousin…I want to give something back. And I want to be the girl people look up to and see as a role model someday….
Wow, that was long…and I don’t know where it came from either…
-Nicole Lyn-