Redhat @ MindSay 
birthday
RANCETTE: Thank you for joining me today, Katie.
Katie has a wide grin.
KATIE HOLMES (SOON TO BE CRUISE): No problem.
R: I can't believe you're so pregnant.
KH(STBC): I know. It seems like just the other day I got pregnant....
R: That's nice. Now, I've heard the latest reports where you have accompanied Tom your fiance on interviews ... and you're just smiling throughout the whole interview, even when Tom talks about his past abuse.
Katie just sits there smiling.
R (CONT'D): So I was wondering, are you brainwashed?
KH(STBC): You know, some people might think that, but I am the happiest girl in the world. I have a mansion I share with the best actor in the world, I have my own sonogram machine, and pretty soon I'm going to have a cute baby.
R: But you didn't answer my question, Katie. Are you BRAINWASHED?
KH(STBC): Even if I am brainwashed, which I'm NOT, who could ask for anything more?
R: I heard reports that you are going to name the baby "D'Ellen" after Ellen Degeneres?
KH(STBC): WHAT!? Oh, no, see Ellen and us came up with a scheme. We told the press we had come up with a name, but that was fake. We're really going to name it....
Katie has been smiling throughout the interview, up until this point.
KH(STBC) (CON'TD): OH MY GOSH. MOTHERF*@#!!!!!!!!
R: What's going on!?!?!?!?
KH(STBC): I'm going into labor. Oh my MOTHERF*@#ing #@$*%#$~!!!!!!!!
R: Katie, I heard you want to partake in the Silent Birth method. That means when you're in labor, you have to keep noise to a minimum and no cursing.
KH(STBC): *@#$ @#$@#****@#$@*** *@#$*@*#$*@*#*@#*$*@#*!!!!!!!!!
The baby is born. It has two heads.
R: What are you going to name it??!
KH(STBC): I heard Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are considering adoption. I don't wanna baby with two heads. They can have this baby.
R: You mean you couldn't tell the baby had two heads from the sonogram machine?
Katie bursts into tears and dangles the baby over the window ledge. She's on the front cover on the L.A. Times the next morning. Ashton & Demi adopt the baby and name the baby Karmalita & Georgianna (a name for each head). So in response to as to whether these interviews are real: Truth is stranger than fiction.
RANCETTE: It is the year 2060 and I'm joined by an 80 year old Katie Holmes. Katie, how many times have you been married, and how long did your marriage to Tom Cruise last?
KATIE: We never got married. Once Lindsay Lohan turned eighteen, he was knocking on her door.
R: Lindsay Lohan had been of age for quite awhile, but it took Tom Cruise a few years to realize that.
K: She had some issues to work out. Like her anorexia. And it took some time to convert her to his faith and stuff.
R: So you only had that one child with Tom Cruise.
K: Yes, her name is Suri. She turns 53 very soon.
R: And your other other husbands?
K: I tried going back to Chris Klein for awhile. That didn't work out, especially for my publicity. So I met & married Brandon Routh, Superman, but divorced him after he became just another Mark Hamill, a one hit wonder. The guy from Star Wars.
R: Uh, yes, I know. So talk about your last film, "Miercoles, Wednesday."
K: Oh my, that was thirty years ago. I must have been fifty. How young I was then!
R: You played the mother?
K: That was supposed to be my "All About Eve", but instead it was my "Light/Dark."
R: Oh, Julia Roberts' last film?
K: Yes.
R: That didn't do well, yes, but she acted right up until her death. While "Miercoles" was a whole thirty years ago and ended your career.
K: I guess you're right. I'm a failure. No I'm not! I still get fan letters from my Dawson Creek days. Now that they're showing re-runs.
R: About how many fan letters do you get a week?
K: Three, or four, I mean FIFTY! Yes, some weeks I get two hundred, but usually fifty a week. I can barely keep up at my age.
R: Well, thank you Katie for another interview.
Note: I think I may have done this one already a long time ago, but what the hell, I'll do it again now.
1. Have you ever been searched by the cops? Nope
2. Do you close your eyes on roller coaster? I don't usually go on roller coasters. =P
3. When's the last time you've been sleigh riding? Never been.
4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone? That depends. If it's a big enough bed, I definitely wouldn't mind the company. But if it's just a one-person bed, then no. I have to have my space. =P
5. Do you believe in ghosts? In a sense, yes.
6. Do you consider yourself creative? Indeed.
7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife? Don't know, don't really care.
8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie? Angelina for looks, Jennifer for personality.
9. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics? Not really, no.
10. Do you know how to play poker? Nope.
11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? I've probably come close, but not recently. I gave up that habit long ago.
14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run the red-light? You're assuming that I'd actually drive in the middle of the night.
15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? Don't we all?
16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees? Indifferent.
17. Have you ever Ice Skated? Nope.
18. How often do you remember your dreams? Fairly often.
19.When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? It may have been the Great Cucumber Duel.
20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles? "Hey Jude", "Yellow Submarine", "Something", "Octopus' Garden", and "Hard Day's Night"
22. Do you believe in love at first sight? Not exactly.
23. Do you know who Ba-Ba-Booey is? Not a clue.
24. Do you always wear your seat belt? Yes.
25. What talent do you wish you had? I wish I could draw.
26. Do you like Sushi? No.
27. Have you ever narrowly avoided a ? A what?
28. What do you wear to bed? Either a big t-shirt, a nightgown, or some pajamas.
29. Have you ever been caught stealing? By my mother, after the fact.
30. Does size matter? Not really, unless it's too big.
31. Do you truly anyone? Huh?
32. Rock and Roll or Rap? Depends on my mood.
33. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be? Umm...I guess Johnny Depp.
34. Do you know anyone in jail? Nope.
35. Have you ever sang in front of the mirror like your favorite singer? Not really like my favorite singer. I just sing.
36. Do you know how to play chess? Yes.
37. What food do you find disgusting? Various cooked veggies.
38. Did you ever play, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours" ? I plead the fifth. =P
39. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back? Nothing I wouldn't say to their face.
40. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew? Yes.
41. Have you ever been punched in the face? Not outside of karate.
42. When was the last time you threw up from drinking? I haven't yet. *knock on wood*
- hypnagogic: Blubberwocky
- wendyinchicago: "The Story of O"
- rraspberry: Who or what is Gus Openshaw?
- redhat: Check Out Gus Openshaw
- snuggs: gus has a lot of 'splaining to do.....
- edr: WHales, Pirates, arms dealers, and stuff
Honorable mentions:
- bardsinister: Of Whales and Will Shakespeare
- bloggermouth: Gus Openshaw's Whale Killing Journal
- housecalls: Gus Openshaw Addiction
- labsnabys: A Whale-Killing Journal to beat all others
- leibniz: breaking the silence
- princessr9: The Man!
- trilliann: can't keep my mind off of you
- wakefield: Gus Openshaw's Whale-Killing Journal
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