Red Flags @ MindSay

So the date last night was great in my opinion. He picked me up and we went to a great sushi place for dinner. Lots of conversation and laughing. We went to play pool after that and he won 2 of the 3 games (I won one game fair and square - he definitely didn't let me win) and he drove me home - it took a bit longer than usual cos of the snow and the fact that he had to drive at 20 km/h. Nice goodnight kiss at the end and I had a great time.

Now today.

I'm second-guessing myself and thinking that I mis-read things, even though I technically don't think I did. No plans were made for a second date and I doubt I'll hear from him today, yet I've turned into a self-torture, second-guessing machine. I'm wondering whether I imagined the good time and whether he drove home thinking "well, thank goodness that's over cos I never want to see her again".

Arrrggghhh.

/end rant.

Okay, I have a date tonight and I have a secret. Well, it's not really a secret - this, my friends, is an internet date. Before you laugh and point and yell insulting phrases at me, my reasons for this experiment are as follows:

• It's a way to meet people - new city = meeting new people any way possible. My bookclub is filled with married women, so that's a negative!
  
• I've got nothing to lose - after my recent dating disaster where the guy had told his mother all about me before our first date and was planning my visit over the holidays and had probably named our kids, I figure this can't be worse.
  

So I went online last night, started chatting to J and ended up talking on the phone three times - once he called on the way to the gym, then on the way back and then after his shower. So that's a good time to tell if he's a complete weirdo. So far, no major red flags.

He said he'd call today and .... he did. Then he call to let me know that his errands were taking longer than planned and would I mind if we went for dinner instead of out this afternoon. I'm still okay with this - no baby naming red flags here.

His photo looks really pretty boy like which makes me a little wary - either it's not really him or he's a potential player. Or I'm just being judgemental and should slap myself.

Anyway, dinner it is and while I'm obviously not going to be all glam considering it's -10 degrees celcius and snowing like mad, I'll still look purdy.

Wish me luck and hopefully this won't be a disaster story!!

I found this website a couple of weeks ago exercisefriends.com and began to find someone in my area and someone that could walk with me. I have been talking with a lady named Carol.  We set up a time to meet today at the park near my home but sometime in the middle of the night, I got a red flag about the meeting.

First of all, near the beginning I had given her my email address, but she continued to write me in the forum setting. No problem. Then the other day when we discovered our schedules meshed to meet this morning, I had given her my cell phone, and then in a later message described my vehicle along with the fact that it advertises the name of my company.

She just replied, hope it doesn't rain, if it does, we can go have coffee.

Women have over and over said things AFTER the fact, " I had a gut feeling" I had a red flag, something was just 'off', I couldnt put my finger on it, etc. But just go and do something because they have a false sense of safety or security.

Just because this is a exercise 'site' and hopefully people of like mindedness with the goals of becoming more fit, that doesnt mean we have to throw common sense out the window.  Above all we have to be cautious.

I emailed her, apologized for the last minute of it, explained why and then said, if you are still interested, just give me a call so we can both be assured of who each other is.  If I dont get a reply, the red flag heeded well. If I do, then red flag STILL heeded.

So here are some tips for meeting someone from the internet...

1) Be aware that people may not be who they say they are on the Internet. An adult could pretend to be a child the same age as your child just to get to know your child. Sometimes they can do this over a long period of time to develop trust.
Uploaders An "uploader" is someone who wants to know all about you...what you do, where you live, what your name is, what school you go to, where you work, etc. The problem with uploaders is that they don't share anything about themselves with you. This kind of person may be out to hurt you.

Downloaders

A "downloader" is someone who tells you everything about him or herself...what they do, where they live, past relationships, childhood problems, etc. The problem with downloaders is that they don't really care about you. They're on the Internet seeking consolation...they want you to make them feel good. Sometimes they've got serious emotional problems that don't come out right at first (and which require professional help). When you don't meet their needs, they will try to hurt you (by sending a mean e-mail, or maybe something worse).

Freeloaders

A "freeloader" is someone who wants to know everything about you...or at least your password(s). Obviously, this is one person you want to stay away from! They want your information so they can use it to get stuff for free (only you get stuck with the bill).

If you're currently talking with or e-mailing someone who fits one of the above descriptions, it's best that you put an end to the relationship. Simply stop answering the e-mails. However, if that doesn't work, you may consider getting a new e-mail address or a new screen name. In the long run, you'll be glad you did. Besides, there's so many more people out there who are normal!!!

2. Exercise caution when agreeing to meet anyone in person whom you've met on the net. Before you arrange any such meeting, at least try to address the following:

* Can you verify, through a third party whom you know and trust, the true identity of this person?

* Is there a way to verify the information provided by this person?

Predators on the net thrive on the anonymity of the medium. You should find ways to positively identify your potential romantic partner before you allow a meeting. Where do they work? Can you call them at work? Where do they live and what is their telephone number?

If you choose to arrange a meeting, make it on YOUR terms:

* Meet in as public a place as possible.

* Arrange for a SAFE  CALL. One to announce your arrival there, and one  to announce your departure.  Do the first call in front of the person whom you are meeting with.

* Arrange your own transportation to and from the meeting.

* Bring a friend along for security; consider a "double-date" the first few times.

* Set your conditions for the encounter, and don't let your new friend change them.

* Stay near other people and in lighted areas throughout the meeting.

* If things go awry, can you positively identify the person to the police?

* Limit meetings to public places until you are comfortable with the other person and certain of whom they are what they want from the relationship.

The net is very much like our society. The majority are people who do their best to obey the excepted rules and behave responsibly. There are always, however, potential offenders mixed in the population. Observe the same precautions on the net you do in everyday life. Beware of the possibilities, and take appropriate steps to avoid situations you know or suspect could be dangerous.

Love and Laughter,

Dawn