Reconciliation @ MindSay 
But that was Sunday; let's start from the beginning, shall we?
We had a great flight, coming and going. I have definitely gotten over my fear of flying, except when we hit some rather turbulent areas.
When we deplaned in Kentucky, there were my dear Mom and Dad, waiting for us, patiently, with arms open wide, to accept us into their home for the week, and to let us use their car. What a blessing! I think that this was one major part of making my week great; I was able to relax and come and go as I pleased while my husband visited to his heart's content. It would have been awful to be in a motel and have to traipse behind him to visit all of the people he went to see. They wanted to see me too, but I was just not up to getting up at four on Wednesday morning, and making dashing visits all the way to Tennessee and Murray Kentucky, and coming home after nine that night! And I could just pop into the office and get onto the computer, or go shower while they were doing their own thing. I did visit with them quite a bit, but they know my need for peace these days, and I did feel it in their home!
And those of you who know any of my background at all, will know that I resented my parents for most of my life, feeling that they had neglected us children for the sake of of the gospel. I have prayed long and hard about it, and know that they did their best and this was just a ploy of Satan's to keep me from being all I could be as a Christian. So, this week was especially precious to me. Mom and Dad are in their seventies, and who knows how many more times we will have together? They went out of their way to make us feel at home and to feel loved. They have prayed for me through all of my times in and out of church and depression, and I know that I may not have been where I am today, had it not been for their prayers. It was funny to see how old they are getting and their little eccentricities; having been together for almost sixty years, they are absolutely in tune with one another's needs and wants. They argue, but get over it quickly and he always tells her, still, how beautiful she is and that she is the best thing, besides, Christ, that has ever happened to him!
They still pray and read the one year Bible every day, sitting in their rockers, reminding God of their children, their friends and their world that need him. This convicted me so much that upon my return, I started right in, reading the one year Bible as well. I used to read, but haphazardly, and now I know that by this time next year, I will have read the whole word through. Shame on me for not having done so up to now! But rather late than never!
So, we went out to eat, and lazed around. Lawrence preached a great message for Dad's church ( he tried to retire but just couldn't, so is still pastoring a church in Kentucky) on Thursday night. But the highlight of the week, of course, was the wedding.
Actually, I think I will put that in another blog, in case you prefer to read in installments and comment on the two things separately.
Thank you again, for your love, support and prayers. I have now got a list and each of your names are on it and they are called in my prayers daily. It will be great to write down the testimonies as God answers my prayers.
Love
Bonnie
Photos in next blog.
I'm ready for my first full on verbal battle with my girl's teacher this week or next. I am hoping that I am able to go into the room, say my peace, forbide my girl to do something and be done with it. This is the best case sinario (sp?). The worst case sinario (sp?) is: Me going in to the room, saying my peace, forbide my girl to do something and have to go head to head with the teacher, Administrator, and both priests!
So what is my battle going to be about? Reconciliation! For you none Catholics out there that is confession! Most Catholic's first confession happens in the 3rd grade and according to most Priests it comes after the child has had their First Communion. I made a death bed promise to my Aunt Kathy to have my children baptised in the Catholic Faith. My kids were presented to my Gods for Protection and Blessings in the hospital and a year later they were baptised in my mother's religion. My mom and at times my dad (he thinks I am going on a 10 plus year fade with my spirituality at times) are pretty open about my spirituality because of the area we all were raised in. Plus my mom loves to debate the priests and nuns about the bible and how hypicritical it is! But she did ask one thing of me and I will do it for her. Please get the kids their first communion, this way if they choose to make Catholism their chosen faith when they get older it will be easier on them to get confirmation. I figured what the hell! It doesn't hurt them to learn about other religions. And being taught Catholism and going through two of their rituals is the same as going through the Lutharn Mo. Sect and American Lutheran rituals!
They are starting their First Communion Classes this Wensday evening. DeLaney isn't to happy about having to share her moment of First Communion with Coltin (she is a year behind in classes due to TX being odd and old fashion bring back the Dark Age Rituals of first communion and confirmation!) but she is happy about finally wearing my first communion dress! But I refuse! REFUSE to let my children do confession.
This was my biggest battle with my mother when I was my daughter's age, it was our biggest battle every year till the day I was confirmed! I see NO NEED to confess anything to a Priest when God is suppose to be ALL KNOWING, sees everything we do, knows why we do what we do, and forgives us as long as we ASK! The Priest is NOT a Christian's judge and jury and has no right to say some one is absolved of sin. The deal with my mother was I get confirmed to make her happy and I was confirmed in the 5th grade which is young by Normal Catholic standards (not texan or the dark age standards a lot of catholic churchs are going back to) and after that I could study and practice any religion or spirituality I wanted. I studied various religoins from that age up till I was out of my parents house and choose my the Celtic Side when I was about 18 years old. With my spirituality the Gods are knowing of what you do and why. And they judge you not on HUMAN behavor but as to why you did something! There are a lot of Grey areas that can go either way in a Moral and Ethical living person and in fact the Gods don't really judge you but treat you as a friend, lover, son, daughter, and special person and if you fucker up that is on you and not the GODS! They help when you need help and you have helped yourself!
Anyway I will NOT allow my children to confess to anything! They are children and have commited NO SIN besides being children! And our Gods including the Christian God knows that when they are disrespectful to their parents that it isn't a SIN but HUMAN Behavor and children sometimes do get mouthy but that doesn't mean if they are brought up with standards, morals, and ethics that they direspect their parents on a whole!
So this will be very interesting!
Had a really good weekend. We went camping with the kids. HB was really great he did everything. Guilty conscience.
Anyway I realised that we get on so well. We have grown together so much that we share the same likes and dislikes, we almost know exactly what each other are thinking, and we know how to make each other laugh. Some people never find what we have and I’d be an idiot to throw that away over what is essentially a fantasy. And what happened was seven years ago and he has done nothing in that time to make me doubt him.
Before this weekend I was considering telling him everything. I felt like we were at a turning point, that if I got to base my decision to stay with everything on the table, then he should have the same right. But I’m a coward. I know what he would say. He would be fine, he would stay, he would be understanding but he would ask me to do exactly what I asked him to do back then. He would ask me never to speak with or contact Jaz again. Like I said, I am a coward. I’m just not prepared to do that. Partly because I still love her but more importantly because she is my best friend. I could live without her, but I don’t want to. She forces my out of my fantasy world and brings an important reality to my life. She’s very down to earth and no nonsense, and I need that.
BTW had the best surfing session this weekend. We just stopped by the side of the road at this little bay in the middle of nowhere just beyond the Lorne on the Surf Coast. Big factors were:
1) First time I’ve surfed decent, clean, small waves - perfect for practicing on.
2) First time I’ve surfed without a thick wet suit, which makes a huge difference to getting up quickly.
3) First time I’ve surfed decent waves with not a single other surfer on the water to avoid.
I’m never surfing in England again!!! 
Song of the day: P!nk - Don't let me get me.
Countdown to P!nk in Rod Laver Arena: 50 days
I did something tonight that I never thought I'd do. After two years, I actually thanked Nathan for breaking up with me while we were talking tonight. I didn't expect to talk to him, and had an overwhelming sense of doom when I started the conversation, but I'm really glad I did.
He's engaged now, to a girl he hasn't known for very long, and feeling trapped. That's how the thought of marriage makes me feel now. I know that I'm not even close to that point in my life right now, but two years ago, caught up in the moment, I was fully ready to give my life to him. Now, I can't even come close to picturing myself married. I'm having too much fun with my life, learning so much more about what I want and who I am.
It almost makes me wonder what I was thinking then, allowing myself to dream so much of marriage. It was my first relationship, and I didn't know anything about my wants and desires then. All I knew was what I was experiencing at that moment. Now, even though not all of my experiences have been the most pleasant, at least I've learned a lot more about what I want, what I won't put up with, and most importantly, who I am while I'm in a relationship. That might sound weird, but ask yourself this- do you truly like yourself when you're in a relationship, or do you know that you're insufferable to your friends and family? Do you keep doing stuff with your friends, or does your relationship consume all of your time? How does your family react to your moods while you're in a relationship?
So, I can honestly say that I've moved on. I'm capable of civil, even friendly conversation. I don't get nervous butterflies anymore, and I can really enjoy just looking back on the good times. I can look back on it and really think of what I've learned from him. Afterall, he was my first everything. He's always going to be a part of me, whether an active part or not. I guess that's how all relationships are- no matter how insignificant they may seem... that person always becomes a part of us.
On Saturday I was helping Cambrian Players move into the theatre and thought how interesting it is that in only 3 years I am now "somebody" in that group.
After hockey the night before Kevin Pollock had brought his Dorion '05 assistant with him to Robin's. I don't think Matt even knew who I was (apart from having seen me at the LUCF Banquet. I do wonder if my picture has finally been put off on the camp office wall of has-beens.) I appreciated Kevin's kind description to him of my time at Dorion, but I understand if Matt wasn't particularly impressed.
Matt had to leave early and so Kevin, Eric and I had a revealing discussion of the current state of things re. the CSSM Child Protection Policy.
When Kevin left, I thanked him for speaking kindly of my time at DBC and he assured me that I am still remembered there.
It's nice to be remembered and I suppose that each of you reading this, being currently alive, is remembered by someone. However, indirect evidence suggests that sadly some there choose to "remember" me as someone who supposedly intimidated my bosses into letting me "get my way" by stomping my feet at them.
(Let me quickly state that never at any time was this raised with me by anyone, including those responsible over me, until much later in Dr. K.'s interviews. At the time that I was supposedly controlling my bosses I was totally unaware of their perception.)
When I first read heard about this from Dr. K., I was totally surprised, but agreed to discuss it in the recommended reconciliation process, because if one party perceives something to be a problem, it needs to be discussed. Still I don't recall this at all, and I wish they'd told me at the time, but I didn't object to discussing any matter they raised. It's true that relationships had become strained, but not an unsolvable mess.
Anyway, we are all remembered different ways by different people when we are pronounced dead, either relationally or physically.
Apart from Eternity (a "Kingdom Perspective") we will all be forgotten or misremembered.
Consider: most of you are likely to end up with "loving husband and father" or "loving wife and mother" on your tombstone. Somehow that will be saying both far too little and far too much.
As I was pondering all this at Cambrian Players, one of my fellow actors asked me, "Say, what's your name again?"
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