Rational @ MindSay

Only two brief weeks it was, but I achieved more than my fair share of drama and angst, and came out of it all with absolutely nothing... except a dose of humility and some life lessons. Here be the lessons:

1) 17 year old girls are immature. OK, that's a little unfair - 17 year old girls CAN be very immature, and it is always worth considering this before embarking on any kind of relationship with one.

2) You can try to be as rational about a relationship as you want, and spend hours analysing it - and still be completely wrong about it.

3) Pay no attention if a girl drops hints. Don't believe something to be fact unless she comes right out and says it to you. If that happens, still be skeptical.

4) Words and expressions are often meaningless, and if the speaker/writer seems young and immature, take such words with a grain of salt.

5) If it's obvious that there's no chemistry between you and the girl after the first couple of meetings, don't bother pursuing it any further. She's not going to change overnight.

What really frustrates me about this whole affair is that I was able to misread the situation the way I did. True, Aimee seemed to drop plenty of hints that she was interested in me, and when she changed her relationship status on her internet profile from 'single' to 'in a relationship' just six days after we had kissed in the cinema, I don't know what else I was supposed to think. It was more a combination of things: it was clear she thought she was in a relationship with someone, and the way she talked to me at times made it seem very likely, even from an objective point of view, that I was that 'someone'.

Of course, it was something of a farcical situation. Although she is a very attractive girl, and we had a couple of good outings in the first week, I realised very early on that I felt nothing for her whatsoever. So, I didn't feel terribly upset last Tuesday night when she told me that she had slept with her ex-boyfriend the day before - indeed, it was more of a relief, as it stopped me from having to break the news of my own feelings to her.

What did hurt me was when I found out later that night that she was not interested in me anyway, and was seeing someone else. Even so, and taking my own feelings into account, why should I have cared anyway?

I think it was the fact that I thought she was interested in me. I've never actually had a girl like me that way before, I don't think, and well, it gave me an ego boost. Kind of made me feel a little bit better about myself. This whole thing came at a time, too, when I was at a very low point. So to have that all taken away was a little hard to accept.

But, life goes on. I haven't really lost anything... all I can do is chalk it up as one more false dawn, and fortunately I did not invest too many emotions or feelings in the whole thing, as I have unfortunately done in the past in similar situations.

As for Aimee, I don't have any hard feelings towards her - why should I? If she was at fault at all, it was due to her immaturity, and maturity is something that comes with time... she's not to blame for her lack of it. And, I was hardly the innocent victim, anyway - perhaps I treated the whole situation somewhat immaturely myself.

There is always the possibility of something else, though - what if she WAS initially interested in me, but after she got to know me, she lost interest? Or, maybe, more positively, she came to the same conclusion I did and realised it wasn't going to work out after a few days? Who knows?

At the moment, I just want to forget about it. I kind of humiliated myself, really, but that is nothing new. While it would be nice to have learnt something from this, all I really hope is, when something good does eventually happen, I won't have become so cynical and disillusioned that I can't even enjoy it.

Modern society owes itself to the people of ancient Greece. Sir Isaac Newton once said that if he had seen further it is because he stood on the shoulders of giants. He was, at least, in part referring to the ancient Greeks. It was these early thinkers that would eventually give birth to the age of reason we call the Renaissance. It was an era of new ideas that would forever change the world.

Many of these were religious in nature. Religion was forced to take a look at itself as the result of Martin Luther and the Protestant Reformation. Not only that but there were new scientific discoveries that seemed to prove the church wrong and people were becoming impatient with the old way of things. The point was finally made by a man named Boethius that so far as we are able to join faith with reason. According to men like him, we were made in Gods image to be rational beings because that‘s what God is.

As for me, I have come to view science as mans way of understanding the natural things of God. It’s not an accident that all the great men of science such as Galileo, Newton and Einstein all believed in God. There is no better Theory of Everything than to believe in a Creator. I think if you try to be reasonable, down to Earth and realistic you will find that God is too. People are the ones being fanatical about their religion, not God.

Thanks to Caroline, I just came up with my first blog entry here. I wasn't sure what I wanted to put into this blog. At my Live Journal I had to 'be a certain way' to match the 'image' I put forth on the various groups I belong to, therefore, I had to limit myself and my true thoughts. Here, why not be myself for a change?

I have this philosophy on limitations one sets upon his or herself to 'blend into society in which they live'. Taking all of these psychology, anthropology, and socialogy courses in college got me to analalyzing in a major way the nature/nurture issue that makes us who we are today. It also made me wonder how much of the 'nurture' aspect is too much. Yes, it does have some uses in growth and development on us all. For example, as children we are taught 'to do unto others as you would have done unto you', to not hurt others ("Don't hit your sister!"), to not hurt yourself, and things of this nature. But, when is it too much? Do we really want to envoke into our children our own bigatry or ideals on world issues? Do we really want to teach our children racism? Do we really want to teach our children that 'when you grow up, you marry and have children of your own'? It isn't just the parents I'm talking about. It's society as a whole.  Society has these ideals that are 'acceptable' and 'not acceptable'. People are judged daily for how they live their life, what they do for a living, how much money they earn, and who they associate themselves with.

In romantic relationships it gets worse. Who's to say two people can't really fall in love when they first meet, get married a week later, and be completely happy for the rest of their lives? We, as close minded, rational people, can't accept that as a possibility. Instead we look for ways to attack it with rational thoughts of, "Oh, you don't even know each other. Give it time." Give it time for what? To find faults in the other person and look for reasons to not have a 'go' at happiness? Why enter into a relationship at all if you're going to have that negative aspect on it from the start.  To me, rationalism is a form of cowardice with severe negative connotations. To be perfectly  honest, it's that 'rationalism' that won't make that relationship I mentioned above as an example work. You'll end up anulled within the month.

I'm not saying that rationalism is completely evil or something to be avoided. I don't think that it was meant as a 'censor to life'. I believe it was developed with good intentions by the first human being to walk this earth to put 'order into what he was feeling'. Humans, after all, simply HAVE to understand everything they encounter and if they don't they destroy it.  It's human nature. For better or worse, that's what we are. We must 'label' what we encounter and scream 'herectic' to those who don't believe in those labels as we pile more fire wood onto their pyre.

Now, I can understand why society spits on rapists and murderers and thieves (Even though the biggest thieves of all are probably the richest people in this country). They are hurting others. But, I also believe a man or woman is entitled to feel or act however they choose so long as it doesn't hurt or mentally damage another human being (I'm talking about children, mostly, with this last part as children are the ones who learn the fastest and are the most impressionable. But, it's certainly not limited to just children).

That's all for now. I may or may not have more thoughts later on this. And I may or may not share them if I do. But, it's something.