Rape Case @ MindSay

That's how my brain feels. I have a lot on my mind, a lot of things I want to do, but only enough time to do very few of them. I have to prioritize. I'm going to relax a bit, then do some laundry and study my ass off for the final *ha, i originally called it a midterm :P* I have tomorrow. I'll probably look for my passport somemore, too. I called three places today that had rooms for rent. Two of the rooms were already rented and the other one is a maybe. The maybe room would be a good one to have, too. I wrote down three other numbers that I was going to call, but my mind is in an odd place now. It was much hotter than I thought outside, and I'm still not completely over my cold so now I feel very incapable of functioning for medial tasks. It's odd because I'm tired, but not sleepy tired. I'm in one of those moments when I don't know what the hell to do with myself, making me feel like I'm going insane. I stole more plastic silverwear from the Depot, though, so I think I'll just eat some yogurt and see how I feel. I wish I could do something to get rid of this feeling, though. I hate it. :(

When I was eating at the Depot today I saw my old room mate Emily. We went to her room afterwards and she gave me back my Sims2 disk, which is awesome. What I want to do is package all the families that I have on to my computer so I can get rid of all the extra custom content on my laptop that I don't use. This will free up a lot of space, and then I'm going to uninstall the game so that I have saved only the things that I want. Then I'm going to re-install it (and hopefully have the newest expansion pack to install with it by then), load my saved content, and then I'll hopefully have all that stuff back, and I have the fun of starting all over again! :D lol. I'm really hoping that it will work. I don't see any reason why I shouldn't because all the information is saved in the file. When I upload the game I just need to tell the file what its for, and then it should work. This is one of those many things that I want to do, but I really don't have time for it, lol. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow after my final.

Also, Emily said that UPD has a lead on the rape that happened here a little over a month ago. (I'm still amazed that I can now use that word in my actual entries and I've even used it in conversations a couple of times.) She said that there was a guy in McKinleyville who was harassing this girl, not sexually, but he was just being a total dick, to the point that she called the cops. Not only does he match the height, weight, build, age, and race description of the attacker, but they found clothes in his car that match the description of what the rapist was wearing, and they were made of the right fibers. Apparently he was extremely reluctant to give fingerprints or hair fibers for DNA. Whether they eventually got both, she didn't know. I'm really hoping that this isn't just another fucking rumor like the attack the next day. I just don't understand how people can be so fucking sick.

I'm so glad that I went to that workshop. The woman who put it on wants me to be at the Take Back the Night ralley tonight, but I'm not sure. At the same time, though, I'm feeling very empowered. The workshop was put on by the woman who started the Women's Justice Center in Santa Rosa, CA, about an hour and a half/two hours north of there I'm originally from. It was incredible to hear that there's an organization that works with women to make sure that what happened with my case doesn't happen to others. She passed out an e-mail that they recently got to their center for us to do some brainstorming activities on solutions. This is what it said:

"I am a bit confused after reading your information on the rape investigation process. I have never been interviewed by an investigator and it has been seven months now. I finally contacted the investigator on my case and ask him what was going on. He said that he had already spoken to the DA based on my original report and I had no case. I waited three and a half years to report and unless the man admitted to doing it outright they couldn't help me. I only reported because I leanred of another victim of the same rapist... a 17 year old girl. We filed our reports at the same time, but she withdrew hers out of fear for her own safety...

Since my rape attempt was interrupted I was able to furnish them with the names of several pepole who could verify the situation...and also several other victims names... he said he could not contact them, they had to call him first... so I've spent seven months trying to collect evidence against my attacker... as soon as I reported he began stalking me... when I reported these events to the investigator he said stalking was hard to prove... and once again I have many witnesses...

This sounds nothing like your scenario... so is your account the way it is supposed to be handled or just an ideal situation??? I just want to be able to sleep safely again... and none of this would have happened if I had just kept my mouth shut."

hmmm, SOUND FAMILIAR?! It's good to know that the way the criminal justice system treated me is the commonality and not the exception to the rule. Many laws are in place, it's just that no one is using their power to treat women right. I fucking hate our patriarichal society, and things need to fucking change. I'm tired of not having any rights and fighting for many simply because I was born a woman. Something must to be done now.

this happened last night, here on my campus...my campus, and i know exactly where that is, too...dear god...this was my safe place...i hope they find this guy, i so hope they find this guy...i need someone to talk to...god i need someone to talk to...i'm shaking...i didn't want to hear about this kind of thing...good for her, though, good for her....she did the right thing...i know she was scared, i know it...

UPD Investigating Sexual Assault

(Published on on Wednesday, April 05, 2006 - 10:19 AM)

The University Police Department is pulling out all the stops to solve a rape case reported on Tuesday night, said Interim Police Chief Tom Dewey this morning. A 19-year-old female resident student reported to Humboldt State authorities that she was the victim of a stranger attack near the University Library at about 7:40 pm on Tuesday night. The victim stated that she was retrieving items from her silver Saturn 4-door, parked at the west end of Laurel Drive near the staircase to LK Wood Boulevard, when an unknown man, wearing a ski mask and neoprene gloves, approached her from behind. The suspect reportedly brandished a knife, forced the victim into her vehicle, and sexually assaulted her. The suspect then fled on foot, and the victim drove herself to a local hospital where she sought medical attention. Arcata Police and Humboldt State University Police were called to the hospital, and immediately began an investigation, assisted by forensic specialists and Department of Justice criminalists. The victim was treated and released from the hospital.

The suspect, who remains at large, is described as being a white male adult, age unknown, about six feet tall, with a black sweatshirt, a red and black jacket, a black ski mask concealing the upper part of his face, and neoprene gloves.

“The ski mask and gloves are obviously significant clues that might trigger a witness memory,” said Chief Dewey. “Although it was raining, there was plenty of twilight around 7:40 PM, and many people walking by the victim’s silver Saturn, so we are confident that there are witnesses out there who can provide us with some recollection of unusual things they saw or heard in that area.”

Anyone with information, especially who might have been in the area at the time of the assault, is urged to come forward with any observations or information that might assist with the investigation. Information may be provided by phoning UPD at 826-5555, or sent via email to: HSUPD@humboldt.edu .

”This is one of the most serious crime reports that we have taken in a couple years,” said Chief Dewey. “Stranger attacks are extremely rare on our campus, and we are pulling out all the stops on this investigation.”

The officers working this case were veteran homicide detectives at other agencies before coming to UPD, and they are among the best investigators on the North Coast. In addition, UPD is calling on resources from the Arcata Police Department, the Department of Justice Crime Laboratory, and other agencies to assist in the investigation.

This event is a reminder to everyone at Humboldt State that no college campus is absolutely immune from criminal acts. Although violent crime is very rare at HSU, we always encourage the campus community to take reasonable precautions, said Chief Dewey. Be aware of your surroundings and report suspicious activity from a campus blue light phone. Use the buddy system, or call UPD at 826-5555 for an escort across campus. We will do everything we can to promote the safest environment here at Humboldt.

Note to editors and news directors: To arrange an interview with Tom Dewey, he may be reached at (707) 826-5555 or email at twd7001@humboldt.edu.

http://news.humboldt.edu/Article1090.phtml

What do you know, two long, emotionally charged entries in one night. These are the two letters I wrote to Nam and put in the package with the rest of his stuff. I know they're harsh, but the bottom line is this- i'm confused about how I feel about him. I know that no one who reads my blog now read it when him and I were together, so you may not understand these, but perhaps if you go to his blog, captainnemo, it will help. I guess all I ask is that you read these and the entry before it and comment if you did so I know that i wasn't wasting my time pouring my heart and soul out like i sadly usually am. Also, i didn't date the letters because I said the date in them, but to help i've posted dates above them here. Nam, on the off chance that this is one of the rare times that you read my blog, please sign into yours and talk to me about this. It would mean a lot to me with what's been going on with me recently. Lastly, for those of you who don't know, today, March 23rd, would have been me and Nam's one year and 11 month anniversery, hence how I start the second letter. It's just a big coincidence in all honesty.

March 15, 2006:

"Well, happy birthday. I know it won’t still be when you get this, but that’s when I’ve finally gotten around to writing this thing. You’re 20 now, and less of a man than you were the year before and even less of a man than the year before that. Thanx for remembering my birthday, btw. I keep remembering more and more how you’ve abandoned me, and therefore keep questioning whether I really want you back in my life, because I doubt you can ever make becoming everything you hate up to me. With that said, we have some things to work out. Here’s the deal:

 -the Pooh Bear I gave you. My cousin gave that to me for graduation. I’d told you that if we ever broke up I might want it back, and well…trust me, it’s not easy for me to ask for it back. I know it holds a lot of positive memories for you- or I hope it does- but it was originally from one of the only cousins I like on my dad’s side of the family. I hope you understand. I’m sorry, Nam.

-Black Sabbath shirt. It was “ours”. Who’s is it now?

-same with the “Resident Evil” shirt that I won. It was “ours”, but who’s is it now?

Well that’s all I remember for now. Oh wait:

 -the “Resident Evil” poster. You gave it to me, and then I gave it to you for when you were in college to think of me. Seeing as how you don’t need it anymore, I was wondering if I could have it back. You said you were going to over the summer, anyway, and you never did. I’m sorry.

Now I’m aware that all of these things, (except for the Black Sabbath shirt) are probably in your house in San Jose, and since your spring break will probably be over by the time you get this, it’s fine if none of these things come back to me until you’re out of school in June. I’ll probably write you another letter then since I don’t think you’re going to start talking to me again any time soon. I really do still miss and care about you; I wouldn’t be so angry if I didn’t. In all seriousness I wish the best for you and all of your life’s endeavors.

I’ll never forget you,

Jennifer"

March 23, 2006:

"It’s the 23^rd now, and I’m finally getting around to sending this. Not because of anything special, that’s just a coincidence. Basically, I’ve been on the brink of suicide for the past week. I think the only reason I’m not dead now is because this guy who is absolutely amazing in bed called me up, so I got to have sex with him again and it made me feel good about myself. That’s right- my self-esteem is so low again I have to have sex in order to feel attractive. It’s amazing what happens to you when all of your emotional support abandons you. Anna’s moved on with her life and never calls, and you, you just hate me for some reason. It’s always my fault. And I’ve been suicidal because I have no one now, and this is what’s going on: The woman from Juvenile Probation called my house in Santa Clara and left a message there against my wishes again. I still have a chance to gain Restitution, but any other money I want I’ll have to seek civilly. As much as I want to, I don’t have the financial or mental support to do so. Also, after the amount I requested, I was told that I have to submit it in writing. This means now I get to go through my calendars, see things I don’t want to see, and that’s right, I have no one to help me through the process. And here’s the best part. I found out what his sentencing was- six months probation, with no jail time, no registering as a sex offender, no special counseling. That’s it. And Erin and Brian have decided they want no part in this. You know how angry Brian was, and you know that he was telling me to have the faggot bastard killed when I just wanted him maimed & disfigured for the rest of his life, so he’d be on the outside how I am on the inside. I really feel abandoned by you, most of all, because you gave up. I know I did a lot of shit because of my disorder, but I guess you never loved me like you said you did or else you would have stuck through. People now don’t understand how crazy I am unless they read about how we used to be, & that you won’t even talk to me anymore…I don’t know. I know you have more important things to do, so go do them. I doubt you even read both of these. After all, you never read the e-mails I send. It hurts a lot. You may not give a fuck about me, but I can’t let go of you. Like I said in the other letter in here, I wouldn’t be hurting so badly if I didn’t. People tell me that either you do still care about me somewhere and lied about not loving me anymore, or you lied when we were together about how much you loved me then. Which is it? I seriously want to know. If you’re not going to even talk to me about normal things, then you might as well answer whatever questions I have. I feel freer now to really get angry with you and tell you how fucked up I am because you’re not around anymore, but I’m scared. I’m scared you’ll forget the good times we had if you haven’t already. I’ve sent you a few things I saw online that I thought you would like. I never heard back from you. Like I said before, I doubt you’ll read these things. It’s just that so much has been happening. Just two weeks ago I had to talk to my WS professor about some of the upcoming readings and how I can’t handle them and why. She is the first person that ever told me that I’m entitled to get help, that not being able to watch “Law and Order” isn’t a short coming in my strength, but a way that society brutalizes victims. Not even you did that. And sadly, I need you now, even though you started sounding more and more like my dad and my ex combined. But maybe I need that. Maybe I need to be verbally abused and yelled at and spoken to in a condescending tone and treated like I was nothing more than an ignorant, stupid and naïve little girl that is made denser simply because she is female. Maybe it helps me place blame. Every guy I’ve ever cared about that supposedly felt the same way has done it, starting with my dad. I know that girls usually get stuck with guys who are just like their fathers, but I thought I broke that curse when I got together with you. The longer you were in San Diego, the more fate proved me wrong. I do remember that day you took me to Monterey in August and I am eternally grateful for that. No one else in this universe would have done that, and through me, you have seen the ugliest aspects of the human psyche in front of your own eyes and in someone you loved, someone you knew was great as long as she didn’t trigger. What’s sad is I know no one will ever stay as long as you did ever again.

Forever Thankful,

Jennifer Ruiz"

Please be nice about this. I really wish that some of you had been around when we'd been dating, then perhaps you'd understand better. I really am confused and I'm not sure what I want from him at all. :(