Rammstein @ MindSay

Dixie currently feels:

 Depressed

 

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 Currently playing:

 

- Guitar Hero III

- Sonic Adventure DX

 

 Currently listening to:

 

- Chu Chu Lovely Muni Muni Mura Mura... - Maximum The Hormone

- Morgenstern - Rammstein

- Johnny, I Hardly Knew Ya - Dropkick Murphys

 

 

 Currently reading:

 

- Whispers In The Dark

- The Yellow Block

 

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 GH3 songs played today:

 

Holiday In Cambodia (Ex), Slow Ride (Ex), Story Of My Life (Ex), Talk Dirty To Me (Ex), Avalancha (Ex), Closer (Ex)(x2), Knights Of Cydonia (Ex), Hier Kommt Alex (Ex), Reptilla (Ex), Sabotage (Ex), My Name Is Jonas (Ex), Miss Murder (Ex), Rock You Like A Hurricane (Ex), Welcome To The Jungle (H), Closer (H), Radio Song (H), Hier Kommt Alex (H) 

 

- Groupies: 6079! -

 

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 Times cried: Twice

 Wounds inflicted: None

 

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Today's song lyrics:

 

Story Of My Life - Social Distortion

 

Good times come and good times go...
I only wish the good times would last a little longer....
I think about the good times we had, and why they had to end...

So I sit at the edge of my bed...
I strum my guitar, and I sing an outlaw love song...
Wonderin' bout what you're doin' now, and when you're comin' back...

 

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I just flicked through the pages of my blog.

I like the way all the colours and pictures and smileys look together.

 

Although some say I'm black and emo, I like colours.

So I use varying colours in my blog sometimes.

 

I don't have any pictures to put on here today, so I've just used a lot of smileys.

 

 

I've become a forum whore.

I'm addicted to my own forum now.

 

All yesterday, and all this morning, whenever someone posted, I responded straightaway.

There were about four of us on there last night for about five hours.

I stayed awake until 6am talking to them all.

 

I've been out for about an hour, and I've come home to 76 thread alerts.

I have plenty to say then. :)

 

I only learnt this morning that my forum is the most popular in the entire Pokémon genre on FFN - with now 26,000 posts.

I'm happy about that.

 

 

- But depressed about everything else.

 

 

Last night, I was laid on my bed crying.

Daddy was sat on the PC - he didn't say a word to me.

 

He left without speaking to me.

He knew I was crying - I was making a lot of snuffling sounds, it wasn't difficult to tell.

 

 

...Sigh, I want to be a baby again.

 

I've just been at my aunty's.

My cousin has two children, one who is two, and one who's about a month old.

 

...Just seeing daddy holding Millie made me so sad inside.

...Daddy never hugs me anymore.

...I'm too big for him to hold me...

 

...I'm not Daddy's little girl anymore.

...Just thinking about it is making my eyes leak.

 

I cried in the car on the way home, my head pressed to the back of mam's seat.

...She's being horrible to me and all. ...Saying if I don't do stuff aorund the house I'm gonna get hurt or kicked out or something...

 

 

...Sigh, and now I don't have anybody left.

 

I'm leaving school in three weeks.

I won't have Parry anymore.

 

I don't have Emily anymore.

Reiss is ignoring me.

Rathe's disappeared off the face of the Earth...

 

 

...Yeah, now I feel like hurting again.

 

...Meh, I'll go on my forums, see if I can take my mind off things...

 

.............Sigh.

Dixie currently feels:

Bored

 

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I don't think I mentioned in a previous blog - but recently, my Bearshare decided to kill itself.

 

Ah, the great times I had with Bearshare.

The most I ever downloaded on it at once was 50 files.

 

Sometimes, when I start downloading, I can never stop.

 

I had a huge downloading fit at the start of January, and I ended up with my downloads folder filled with about 120 mp3s.

 

Although I don't end up liking all of it - I sometimes find some awesome things that I love.

I take bands I've heard of, or have heard songs before - and click the top rated stuff, so I know what I'm getting is decent.

 

Bearshare was never great for Nintendo soundtracks. It took me about 6 hours to find all 29 songs from Dancing Stage: Mario Mix.

 

Though, it was awesome for the Final Fantasy VII soundtrack.

Stupidly, I didn't download all of it, so I have about half of the soundtrack.

 

That's a game with a lot of music - the official soundtrack, apparently, is 4 discs.

The game itself is 3 discs, so.

 

 

Lmfao, that's a good suggested tag.

"downloading is fun"

 

Ah, the suggested tags never fail to amuse me. :)

 

 

Anyway, with a broken Bearshare - I needed a new downloading server.

 

On my old PC, I used WinMX - which sucked.

Then I got eDonkey - which got me a ton of viruses.

 

I got my new PC, and Adam suggested Bearshare - which I grew to love.

 

Though, I am NOT going to download Bearshare 6.

It's just a server where pedophiles trade porn videos with each other.

 

And yes - Bearshare WAS good for porn - they downloaded really fast, and I got a lot of results.

Though, I'm over that habit now. :)

 

 

So, I thought I'd take a leaf out of Emily's book and get Limewire.

A lot of files I got on Bearshare were taken from Limewire users, anyway.

 

So, after waiting several hours for it to install, a few days ago - I tried my first search.

 

Rammstein. :)

 

And, it actually found a lot of results that Bearshare didn't.

 

 

Today, I've taken the downloading fit to a new level.

 

The fastest download on Bearshare for me was 13 seconds.

Limewire is considerably slower - but multiple downloads go faster than they did on Bearshare.

 

Anyway.

 

My downloads folder now contains...

From starting totally empty...

 

It now contains:

 

 

457 files.

 

 

Yep. Tons.

 

 

I've downloaded the whole 127 track Paper Mario: TTYD soundtrack, along with the whole Hyrule Symphony album, tons of tracks from Ocarina of Time and Wind Waker...

 

Then I started downloading new tracks from bands I know of - then I downloaded all the new songs that are available to download for Guitar Hero 3 - so I can see what they sound like first...

(I added those to my Guitar Hero III soundtrack folder...)

 

THEN, I downloaded Stand By Me - great film, which has provided inspiration for mine and Emily's duo novel, Fire of Glory; notably, chapter 41 and 38.

 

Then, I downloaded some episodes of Super Mario Bros. Super Show - which I have a few volumes on DVD, but, when I get my iPod, I'd like to put some episodes on there.

 

THEN, I downloaded about 7 episodes of Little Britain - for the same reason as posted above.

 

I still have the whole Guitar Hero 2 soundtrack to get, bar a few songs - and the rest of the Guitar Hero: Rocks The 80's soundtrack to download too.

 

I got some music videos that I like - mainly Rammstein and Slipknot.

 

I also re-kindled my love of Eminem, downloaded a few of his tracks, and the Without Me video.

Damn, it's so funny. :)

 

 

I'm going to start listening to the new songs shortly, after I've got all the details sorted.

I can't stand mis-named files.

 

All my files have to be named properly - with all the details entered right.

 

I can't stand it when band names are spelt in lowercase, and the albums are entered wrongly with wrong dates, and all the rest - so I sort all that out.

(Which will also help organising my iPod, WHEN I GET ONE...)

 

Oh, and I hate it when people wrongly classify the genre of Rammstein as rock.

THEY'RE NOT ROCK!

 

They're TANZ-METALL!

Industrial Metal, if you so prefer, but, damnnnnn, they're not rock.

 

 

Two songs I've already listened to that I love, are Absolute, by Thousand Foot Krutch - though I can't stand the bit at the beginning where it sounds like a CD jumping...

 

And Sprite, by Freezepop.

It's so jumpy and happy, and the lyrics make me smile. :)

 

 

What makes a melonball bounce?
A melonball bounce?

A melonball bounce?

What makes a melonball bounce?
The ice tart taste of Sprite!

 

 

...What IS a melonball bounce?

Is it a cocktail, or?

 

 

Ah, Freezepop are weird anyway. :P

Dixie currently feels:

Bored

 

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20 lines of pointless information relating to today.

 

 

1.

I had a three hour Textiles exam. I've nearly completed my work, and I still have about seven hours left on it.

 

2.

I finished colouring two more bits of #1263 artwork.

 

3.

The picture of the "happy hybrid" I promised to draw for Mrs Mac was photocopied and pinned on her wall in the library office.

 

4.

I've eaten all of nana's Oreos in the biscuit tin.

 

5.

Nana's bathmat feels like wet seaweed, and it's nice.

 

6.

I was infuriated in English by pointless threats by a pointless twat who can't insult me, because he's done no coursework, and I have, har har har. Thick cunt.

 

7.

I just used one of the "four most offensive swearwords" in my blog. Gaspz.

 

8.

I'm listening to Benzin by Rammstein. It sounds funny, because he keeps saying words that are the same in both languages; like gasoline and explosive.

 

9.

"dixie hates textiles" has come up as a suggested tag. ROFL.

 

10.

Emily should be home this week. I'm looking forward to it.

 

11.

Amy had me in fits during Textiles, imitating our teacher's walk.

 

12.

I started playing Pokémon XD again today.

 

13.

I got a 5 star ranking on Ruby on Expert level on Guitar Hero III earlier, for the first time.

 

14.

I played Heir Kommt Alex on Expert level for the first time, without playing it on Hard before, and I didn't fail.

 

15.

When Dixie says "she didn't fail", that really means she managed to finish the song, but she got a shitty 3-star ranking...

 

16.

Parry has been reading this blog, apparently. Wow, I'm going public.

 

17.

I don't like black pudding. Dad was frying it yesterday and it smelt horrible.

 

18.

I ate a packet of Original Hula Hoops earlier. The packet is on the desk beside me.

 

19.

The "lastest comment" window is a response in Finnish. - It looks like it, anyway.

 

20.

Dixie has never actually tasted TRIPE, but it doesn't look or sound nice.

 

 

...Remember children...

...Chicken legs are scary...

 

 

...CHILDREN OF THE SEA...!

Dixie currently feels:

Unimpressed

 

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I AM SO SICK OF "DIXIE CHICKS" COMING UP AS A SUGGESTED TAG.

 

They're simply terrible.

I downloaded some of their songs a while ago out of curiosity.

And I didn't like them, so.

 

 

Urgh, I can smell chicken.

And it's really... Seasoned and strange.

I don't know where the scent's coming from either.

 

...And what on EARTH is this song...

 

...ROFL, IT'S SKILLET.

 

I went on a downloading fit the other day and got loads.

More of the Guitar Hero soundtracks, more Rammstein, more everything else.

 

It's that song I mentioned I liked.

Now, if I'd waited to hear him SING... Or... ATTEMPT TO sing... Then I'd have known what it was. :)

Tee hee.

 

His singing isn't AS bad on this song.

It's still bad, though.

 

 

Mein Herz Brennt - by Rammstein; sounds like the two bands having a fight.

It's like Christian Lorenz (Rammstein's keyboardist) is having a fight with the silly cow from Skillet who plays the violin - and Till Lindemann (Rammstein's singer) has tied up this twat and gagged him, before making up his own lyrics.

 

It's great actually - and fun to imagine.

 

I've got loads of songs waiting to be listened to in my downloads folder - but they're already in the library, and they keep coming on and I'm thinking: "WTF IS THIS..."

 

I've downloaded a Pink Floyd song that's like... 13 minutes long?

 

I downloaed Iowa by Slipknot before, and that's 15 minutes.

I kept putting off listening to it - but when I did, I liked it... So maybe I should give Shine On, You Crazy Diamond a chance.

 

 

...IT KNOWS I'M TALKING ABOUT MUSIC.

DIXIE CHICKS IS STILL A SUGGESTED TAG.

 

ARGGGGGGGGH.........................

 

 

Anyway.

I have nothing better to do.

So I'm going to list my favourite Rammstein songs. Yay.

 

I'll even put a translation to the song title for those who don't listen to Rammstein or speak fluent German, tee hee.

 

 

1. Rosenrot                 (Rose-red)
2. Teir                           (Animal)
3. Klavier                     (Piano)
4. Du Hast                    (You Have)
5. Reise Reise             (Arise, Arise)
6. Engel                        (Angel)
7. Ich Will                      (I Want)
8. Mein Teil                  (My Part)
9. Keine Lust               (No Desire)
10. Zwitter                      (Hermaphrodite)
11. Sonne                       (Sun)
12. Buck Dich                (Bend Over)
13. Ohne Dich                (Without You)
14. Seemann                  (Sailor)
15. Amerika                    (America)
16. Benzin                        (Petrol)
17. Links 2, 3, 4              (Left 2, 3 4)
18. Herzeleid                   (Heartache)
19. Dalai Lama
20. Du Riechst So Gut    (You Smell So Good)

 

I like Rammstein a lot.

The first song I listened to by them was Ich Will.

 

I was asked to make a CD for road trips - with songs that I liked, songs that dad liked, songs that mam liked, and songs that out friend David liked.

 

I asked what bands David liked - and mam suggested Rammstein.

I downloaded the first one on the list - which was Ich Will.

 

I put it on a CD randomly which I was taking on holiday with me to Zante.

I would skip the first 8 songs, and continuously listen to Ich Will.

 

When I came home, I downloaded Keine Lust, Ohne Dich, Du Hast, Sonne and Buck Dich.

 

(Yes, I know that the U in 'buck' should have those dots above it, but I don't know the keyboard shortcut for them.)

 

 

I did my pre-production part of my Media Studies coursework on Rammstein - researching their history, analysing their image, their lyrics - and designing new album covers for them.

 

I filled a whole A3 sketchpad in 20 hours - over the course of two days.

And I got full marks.

Not a single mark was dropped.

 

 

I've made a presentation about them for my Music coursework, which I'm yet to present.

I've put on music samples, videos with subtitles, images, lyric translations - all that stuff.

I don't know anybody in my school other than Stephen who likes Rammstein.

He's the one who suggested I download Mein Herz Brennt.

 

He randomly came up to me and asked what Zwitter meant.

He looked quite shocked when I told him - as he'd been wandering around the house singing it.

 

 

German is such a cool language.

It's easy to write - easy to say.

The only thing that annoys me are the spelling rules - as in English, we'd put the I before the E.

In German, it's the other way around.

 

See, I go out of my way to learn translations, analyse lyrics and find hidden meanings, look up band history, all that - for the bands I really like.

 

I only own one Rammstein CD - which is Reise Reise (and I listened to it for 20 hours on loop as I did my Media Studies coursework...) and I only own one T-shirt - but it's faded, as I wear it a lot.

 

It's a Sehnsucht shirt - with all six band members' faces on it, with metal objects implanted and embedded in their skin.

Very cool. :)

 

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Rammstein have had a huge impact on the style and subjects I write about in my novel, Experiment #1263: The Beginning.

There's a lot of references, as well as obvious influences.

 

Two of the scientists of the Topaz development team, and one of the Ruby development team are of German nationality.

Their names stem from the names of Rammstein's band members, and other German influences:

 

 

Hermann Lorenz --- "Lorenz" comes from "Christian Lorenz", Rammstein's keyboardist, and "Hermann" is a popular German first name.

 

Christian Gruttmann --- "Christian" comes from "Christian Lorenz", and "Grutmann" comes from "Joy Grutmann", the six-year-old girl who sang the "Schnappi, das kleine Krokodil" lyrics.

 

Rubin Schneider --- "Schneider" comes from "Christoph Schneider", Rammstein's drummer, and "Rubin" is German for "Ruby".

 

 

#1263 is later given a real name - "Rosenrot."

Obviously taken from my favourite Rammstein song.

 

The song itself is based on a story by The Brothers Grimm; which is also mentioned numerous times, as it is a story that #1263's father reads to her, and then names her after one of the characters.

 

The themes of some Rammstein songs are mentioned also.

 

Later in the story, #1263 learns to play the piano, and every time she is seen by the scientists; they proclaim "Dort am klavier, ist Rosenrot" ("There at the piano is [Rose-red]")

"Dort am klavier" is the first line of the chorus to Klavier.

 

#1263 herself never speaks a number in English - as she was taught to count by one of the German scientists, she only ever speaks numbers in that language. - This was slightly inspired by the chorus of Sonne, in which Till counts down to sunrise.

 

An act of colonic irrigation takes place at the start of the story to punish #1263 for a wrongdoing.

The phrase "Buck Dich, Zwolf-Dreiundsechzig" ("Bend over Twelve-Sixty-Three") - of course, is inspired by the lyrics and theme of Buck Dich.

 

The song Mutter is themed around a person who was not born via natural childbirth - does not have a navel, or a mother, and is constantly searching for one.

This is the same as #1263's situation, as she was created as an experimental hybrid, and also didn't have a true mother, wasn't given birth to and doesn't have a navel.

 

See?

Very influencial indeed. :)

 

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What annoys me, is how prejudiced and ignorant people are.

When they learn that Rammstein are German, they automatically assume they're Nazis and Hitler supporters.

 

The only cool thing about Hitler - is that he was German, had a cool moustache, and knew what he wanted. Other than that, he was a downright prick who caused far too many deaths which could have been avoided if he'd just been dealt with sooner.

 

But as I say - it's only because of their nationality that Rammstein are accused of that.

If they were Russian, they'd be accused of being communists.

Or would they?

 

How often do you hear people accusing t.A.T.u of being communists?

 

Hm, exactly.

 

Get your head out of your arses, you stereotyping idiots.

If you look deep into Rammstein's lyrics, they're highly spiritual, intelligent and whimsical. Most are very thought provoking too - dealing with matters that no English band would ever dare to sing about.

 

Rammstein must be applauded for their efforts.

 

Ich liebe Rammstein.

Heil Rammstein. :)

 

Dixie currently feels:

 

Exiled.

 

 

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My name is Rachael Emily Smith.

Though, some know me by my online publishing name: Dixie Astrid Stonehall.

The only similarity beteween the two names is the last inital.

 

I am sixteen years old.

I will turn seventeen in September, 2008.

 

I am in year 11 at Gillbrook College.

It is named college, but it's actually a secondary school.

I will be going to Middlesbrough College in September of 2008 to take four A-levels. (English language, English literature, Media Studies and Photography.)

 

For my GCSE option choices, I chose:

• Art & Design Textiles (Hate it.)
• Media Studies (Love it.)
• Geography (Neither love or hate it.)
• Music (It's alright.)

 

I also take:

 

• English language
• English literature
• Mathematics
• Mathematics statistics
• Science (Year 10 course I completed)
• Additional Science (Year 11 course I'm currently doing)
• Applied ICT

 

School is only a minor part of my life.

I spend my lunchtime breaks in the school library. I also stay there after school.

 

When I come home, I like to listen to music.

My favourite band is Rammstein. I like their melodies, as well as their highly emotive lyrics. Till Lindemann and Christian Lorenz are also very attractive men.

 

But saying that, I don't like men.

I sometimes get called names and insults because of my sexuality.

I don't mind. It is up to me.

 

I have blonde hair that extends past my shoulders. I grew a fringe to hide my forehead, because I don't like it.

I have green eyes, and I am short sighted - so I wear glasses for reading long distances.

They are currently balanced on my head, because I can see what I am typing without them.

 

I am overweight and I am small.

I sometimes get called names because I am fat.

I get very sad inside sometimes. But I still like to eat chocolate and cake because they make me feel happy.

 

I am 5"0.

I cannot reach top shelves without standing on chairs or climbing up worktops.

I sometimes feel afraid when I am perched on the kitchen worktop - for I sometimes feel the black and white tiled flooring is inhaling me inwards to its depths.

My head would smash rather easily if I were to fall.

 

I have small hands and I wear size six shoes.

I don't know anybody who has smaller hands than I do.

This makes me sad when I am playing on Guitar Hero III, Expert level, and I miss a chord because my fingers are too short to reach all five fret buttons.

 

I have been informed that I suffer from depression.

Sometimes, if I have had a bad day - I come home and listen to sad songs, like Bother, by Stone Sour; or Ghost of a Rose, by Blackmore's Night.

 

If I am feeling very pained inside, I have a friend who helps me with my problems.

My friend is a black stapler remover. I sometimes cut my arms with it.

Sometimes I draw blood, sometimes I don't.

Sometimes I cry, sometimes I don't.

 

I began mutilating in year 8, which was 2005.

I have used my stapler remover from the first time, up until the present day.

Sometimes I would like to stop.

 

I do not mind. I can continue my life sadly with scars on my left arm.

 

I am right handed.

I am part of the 90% of the human population who uses tools in their right hand.

 

My left thumb is more agile than my right. 

This is because I use my left thumb for operating the control stick on my games consoles.

 

Because my hands are so small, I can fit my fist into my mouth.

I am not double-jointed anywhere in my body.

If I rub my nose hard from side to side, I can make it click.

 

I do not have many friends in school. 

I like to sit by myself and not speak.

I sometimes feel very isolated.

 

I do not register with other people of my age.

Most people in my tutor group are all in hetrosexual relationships, and many have had illegal sexual intercourse.

Most of them are invited to parties, where they consume alcohol.

Everybody but me is a part of a small group of select friends.

 

When I sit alone, I observe their behavior.

Humans disgust me, but I am often facinated by some of the topics that they discuss.

 

If I could change ten things about my life, these are what I would choose:

 

1. I wish I could be happy.
2. I wish I could be accepted by other people.
3. I wish I could be content with myself.
4. I wish I could be left alone without fearing being insulted or attacked.
5. I wish I could be attractive.
6. I wish I had a talent.
7. I wish I didn't suffer from all of my mental and physical aliments.
8. I wish somebody would love me.
9. I wish I could learn to see the good things.
10. I wish I could smile.

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My blog seems rather emo, doesn't it?

I dislike emo.

 

I don't like the music.

All the songs are repeatitive, and the singers are talentless.

 

I don't like the fashion.

I am fat, and I do not like to wear tight clothes.

My hair is blonde, and I would not like it to be black.

My fringe is straight, and I would not like it to be cut diagonally so I cannot see out of one eye.

 

I don't like the culture.

I don't like hanging about infront of the Middlesbrough art gallery.

I don't like sitting in Starbucks drinking coffee. (Ick, coffee.)

I don't like attending gigs, festivals, or being social.

 

I may be an insolated, anti-social self-harmer - but I would not consider myself to be an emo.

I have a friend who is emo. I like her. She is pretty.

I don't like it when people who aren't emo are called emo by mean people.

Emo could be used as a downgrading statement, but for all of those who want to be an emo - they can do what they please.

 

I was never one to interfere with anybody's life.

 

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Here is a photo of a girl I know:

 

 

 

 

Her name is Emily.

I like her a lot.

 

Reasons why I like this photo:

 

• I took myself with the print screen button whilst Emily was on webcam for me. I like to talk to her with webcams. I like to see her emotions when she reads what I type to her.

 

• She has just finished laughing and was still smiling. I like it when I make her laugh and smile. I also feel like smiling when I see her smiling.

 

• She is wearing a shirt I sent her for her birthday. My uncle customised it for her. We have sent each other presents. I like to get mail. Mail makes me smile. Just to see Emily wearing something I sent her makes me feel special.

 

• She hadn't brushed her hair, and it looks very strange and cool. I like to have long hair, but some of my female friends have short or shoulder-length hair, and it looks very nice on them all.

 

• I have this photo in the back of my school planner. When the mean people have made me feel sad, I turn to the back page and look at my photo. It is actually the second print out - I ate the first one when I was hyper-active. The printer ink melted in my mouth and made my tongue green.

 

Reasons why I like Emily:

 

• Emily can listen. There are very few people I feel comfortable talking to. I like to tell Emily my feelings. This makes me feel very secure and accepted.

 

• Emily can understand. When I discuss upsetting matters with her, I know that she can comprehend exactly how I feel. This makes me feel safe.

 

• Emily is accepting. No matter how I act towards her, even if I'm mean when I'm in a bad mood - Emily can brush off anything meaningless I say. This makes me feel trusted.

 

• Emily is interesting. We often hold very stimulating and interesting conversations. When I am bored, Emily can find a way to make me entertained. This makes me feel valued.

 

• Emily trusts me. Whenever Emily is upset, or she needs somebody to confide in, she comes to me with her problems and I try my best to help. This makes me feel essential.

 

• Emily loves me. Emily can see past all of my faults and like me for who I am. There is nobody else in the world who can do that for me.

That makes me feel very special.