Ramblings @ MindSay

Hello everyone. I needed a place to plant my cyber thoughts. I will be trying to spread my word and thoughts on technology, life and the great WWW.

So, we will see where this goes and hopefully we can all enjoy. Take care.

Richard

Went out with my mom for her 50th b-day and got drunk, Came home to the man I love. Went outside and saw the lunar eclipse with him. Came back inside and snorted some K.

I don't see what the big deal about special K is. I just feel mildly sick and it's hard to pay attention to anything. I mean it's kind of fun, but there many drugs I would choose over this. But I'm glad I tried it at least. And hey, for once my fucking teeth don't hurt.

Music is really good right now. Ear candy.

I bought two dollar cigarettes. They taste like ass, but hey they were cheap so I don't mind.

I love blogging when I am on drugs. Nothing makes sense in this crazy world anymore anyway.

Reality is for people who can't handle drugs, and drugs are for people who can't handle reality.

So talk to me people.

Well I'm bored. Have been googling myself, finding old stuff I did online years ago. Quite interesting. Ella is toddling around talking to herself and eating a biscut. There is some lame old movie on tv, as there normally is in the middle of the day. Wow I type really fast! Hehe. No one will even read this, as I am completely boring, but oh well. Eventually someone will read this one day and be like "screw this, this chics boring" and then go do something interesting...

Love...
I have been faced with this topic repeatedly over the past few months, what is love to you? what do you think of love?

To be honest, im not quite sure, I know it exist and I know its something good, i know it's something I want to spread to others, but then again can you truly do that if you dont love yourself?

These lyrics from a Natalie Grant song keep coming back to me

It’s hard to stand
On shifting sand
It’s hard to shine
In the shadows of the night
You can’t be free
If you don’t reach for help
And you can’t love
If you don’t love yourself



can we possibly know what love really is if we can't accept it ourselves?
I'm learning to love myself, im learning to accept the love others offer me and i'm learning to accept the love of God...How truly amazing it is...

Love truly is a movement, it takes time. It takes courage and it takes strength but in the end you will be moved so much by it. I dont think you can truly know who you are without knowing what love is...

so i kind of rambled on there for awhile.

Today was an odd day, i had a few urges to cut and well ieven thougt of death once or twice, but dont worry they were just thoughts, i hardly ever make it through a day without having a thought or two of suicide, but they are nothing like they used to be, God has freed me from the visions of my suicide, the plans, the attempts.

Today I am free....and it feels so worth all the pain I have had to gone through and the pain I am going through now.