so after all of the wonderful anxiety of the day i got there thinking oh yes this is guna be great im soo0o0o0o stoked....then....my night was shit. i mean, dont get me wrong, i had the world's two best dates but it just wasnt right,..and it didn't help at all that it was my senior prom and i didn't even get to dance with the one guy i really wanted to see that nite...that was the only thing that really mattered to me was being able to dance with him. Be able to be in his arms for atleast those 2 or 3 minutes. Since it's looking liek nothing is ever going to go on, it would have been nice to atleast get a dance saturday nite, i dont know, it's just the only thing i want now. but its not guna happen....i knew i was guna end up leaving heartbroken....only its not guna be so easy for me this time....i want him to care, i want him to know, i want him to be here when i get back, but i want a lot of things....and not everyone gets what they want. now i cant even go to the ball with him, i hate this style of life....the ball would have been my only other chance to be able to be with him for a few moments, in his arms, since we never get to see eachother. and i messed that one up too....i messs everything up....im just done...this time i really am...im done because i cant take it, the feeling of hopelessness.....you know, it's funny, they tell me all this stuff about how he's scared and he's not knowing what to do....and i wont be the same when i get back is the fear....its the same with me....but when i went thru this with caleb it seemed so much easier, maybe my heart IS trying to tell me something.....maybe i should just take this leap of faith, but i dont want it turning out like before....like with caleb....hard....he left for 6 months and i dealed with it....why cant i leave for 6 mos. and HIM deal with it....i waited for cubba, why cant he wait for me? if he really likes me like its been let on, and how he shows, then he could do it. I would do the same for him....egh...i dunno,...i jus wish i could have gotten that dance.....
prom
